hoo-hah

Late yesterday afternoon, Federal Express visited upon my house not the plague so many were hoping for, but the edited manuscript of my book!
That’s right, my very cool, working-for-free-because-he’s-a-great-guy editor, Andrew, finished up his notes, and I have the “red letter” version sitting right here on my desk.
Boy, are there a lot of red letters! I need to go back to college in a big way, and take a “Grammar for fscking idiots” class
Writing for the WWDN will probably be a little light for the next few days, while I focus on doing my rewrite.
OH! One last thing I forgot to mention:
Beware of hitchhiking ghosts!
Heh. Sorry.
Really, one last thing I forgot to mention:
Sitting amongst the messages in my Inbox yesterday, there was an e-mail from one of the fine editors at The Onion. In it, he told me that they’ve collected some of their favorite AV Club interviews, and put them together in a book called “Tenacity of the Cockcoach.”
He asked me if I’d inform the WWDN readers about this book, because he thought it was the sort of thing you’d all like to read . . . and he’d really like to buy himself a new boat. (Well, he didn’t say that last part, I just added it, but if you saw the e-mail, and read between the lines, you could tell.)
Putting on my best Don Corleone voice (no easy task in e-mail) I told him that I’d be happy to plug the book, if he’d do me a favor.
See, there’s this old News In Brief story from a few years ago that I just love. As a matter of fact, I think it’s the funniest one they’ve ever done. The sad thing is, I haven’t been able to find it anywhere on their website, or in any of their books. I told him that if he could help me out, I’d be ever so grateful.
I pet my cat as I typed this, by the way, just to get the right mood.
Well, about 90 minutes later, I looked at my Inbox, and sitting there was the story which brought me so much laughter so many years ago. I read it, and giggled like one of those paint-huffing kids that you see on NOVA during the pledge drive.
Holding up my end of the bargain, I now proudly pimp to the world the latest and greatest from the brilliant staff at The Onion, Tenacity of the Cockroach!
Also, knowing that the world needs laughter, I present the story that I loved so much, hoping that my new best friends at The Onion don’t sue me:

Shit Parking Ticket Fuck
FUCKIN

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135 thoughts on “hoo-hah”

  2. Some how i dont think anyone will mind.
    Most of us want you to finish the thing so we can read it.
    Editors are mean arent they.

  5. Yeah!!! Awesome news! I can’t wait to see the finished product!
    Mojo mojo mojo (maybe it’ll make the process go faster *grin*)

  6. Ok so….I just won “The Last Prostitute” & “December” on ebay yesterday, im so freaking excited. The Last Prostitute is such a good movie, i havent seen it in years.
    Anywho to this book. I dont read…i mean…i can, but im very picky about books. I dont think i have read a book since high school and that was about 6 yrs ago. I am really really looking forward to your book Wil. I have never in my life been so anxious to read a book. EVER! Good luck with the “red letters” and cant wait for the finished goods!
    Lisa Marie

  7. LoL… I’m in college, and an English major to boot, and trust me, grammar is one of those things that eludes damn near everyone…

  8. Oh yeah and one more thing, i love how in your “Watch” section you have “Toy Soldiers” as the movie. THAT MOVIE ROCKS! I own it, and i cried when you…well i wont say it for the few that havent seen it. Its one of my favorite movies of all time.
    Ok im done, i promise.
    Lisa Marie

  9. Hey, sometimes we wait for days for a Blog entry. So what’s wrong with a few days of intense typing for the HMIC?
    This monkey finds it inspring. Gonna go type now.

  10. hoo-hah, Is that your impression of Pacino? Not bad. Here’s mine: Hey F**k you, okay mane?
    Bring on the book!

  11. Oh, I should add,
    Don’t let some editor’s version of English Grammar screw up the voice of your work.
    The writer is the artist, man, and if, for example, “Best. Thing. Ever.” aren’t complete English Grammar Sentences, who gives a rat?
    So use your editor’s notes as a guideline, not as a Gospel. (You knew that, didn’tcha?)

  12. Congratulations, you’re another step closer to publishing. “Writing for the WWDN will probably be a little light for the next few days.” Just a few days? It must not be so bad after all. Surely we’ll be seeing your book in the first quarter of 2003?
    Someone once told me that a good way to edit is to read your writing out loud. Even though written English is different than spoken English, when reading, most people are actually speaking the words in their mind. You know, some folks actually move their lips (which really slows down your reading speed). So if it doesn’t sound right, it doesn’t read right.
    Good luck! Sending you positive energy ~~~~~>!

  14. Aww…Poor Pimp Daddy Wil!!
    He finally gets the “bloodied” up draft back. From yet another English major about to take a walk down that long aisle (go me!) to another writer (go you!), let me tell you now, editors will never be happy with your final product. Even when you’ve done all you can and you’ve changed everything they’ve told you to change, there will always be something else…
    I just HAVE to know (because this is the way my weird, copyediting/proofreading mind works), did they give you a list of the actual copyediting/proofreaders marks so that you could translate what they were telling you? Do you know what a # means? Oh forget it…pass it here…I’ll help you translate…

  16. I watched you get your ass shot off in Toy Soldiers last night. Love the Soprano’s accent. Why didn’t you just shoot that guy?? You had a perfect shot!

  19. yay, manuscripts! hurrah!
    so, presumably, wil, the reason they called you and asked you to plug their book to us is that your interview might be one of the “favorites” that’s going into their book? or is that just wishful thinking?

  20. Congrats on getting to the next step in the book. Since your an almost published writter now, you want to write a 15 page paper for me on the Roman Empire? *Looks up with hope in her eyes* C’mon, you know you want to.

  21. Wil, your right, that is absolutley hilarious. Well worth pimpin’. Please accept my thanks on the day of your of your getting back the red letter version of your book. And may your first book be a masculine book.
    “Grammar for fscking idiots 1101” I took that last semester..it sucks.
    Good luck with the book…hear from ya later.

  22. I’m so glad they used the pseudonym “Dave Shore” when they wrote that article, so that no one would know the name was actually “BURNS!”
    What? Oh, Jesus Fuck, I’ve let the cat out of the bag!

  24. Wil’s happy again! Yay!!!
    Laughing my fscking ass off, by the fscking way, at that fscking funny piece of fsck, shst dsmn fsck
    🙂

  25. Very descriptive…are you in the Onion book or do we fall head over heels knowing the book contains an interview with Pauly Shore…ha!

  26. Dood that was funny 🙂
    enjoyed much 🙂
    I agree with Jake. You must come to Seattle to promote your book! big old book tour for wil!!!!

  27. I just might have to buy the Onion book. And alot of other things from that website. Loved the story, made me laugh at work. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing!
    Tiana

  29. i’d like to hear dan rather recite that copy!…that’s the real news man…that’s the kind of language we need to hear more of in presidential press conferences…come to think of it…it’s already there if you read between the lines.

  32. Good luck getting your book revised! Grammer has always been one of those concepts that has eluded me. Can’t wait til it comes out!

  33. The Toy Soldiers link–I bought that a couple of weeks ago (enjoyed the movie very much, by the way), and recognized the ensemble in the first few scenes as the same one from the “embarassing 80’s shot” that was making the rounds a few months ago.
    So, just curious, dude, why take the hit for that photo? I mean, it’s a promo shot, right, and you’re in costume? There’s gotta be a way to say “Sure I’m a geek and proud of it, but that particular photo is not evidence of my general geekitude, because it’s a promo shot for a movie–not my real clothes.” Or words to that effect.

  35. This is easy. Wait until you have to decide which picture of yourself to place on the book cover. I’m sure the good people at Fark would lend you a hand in deciding.

  37. Oi Shpeaks goodd Ingerlish Oize duz….
    I dont think many right thinking people (who are sick and tired of being told by right thinking people etc) will notice the grammar unless it is on a Slack-jawed-yokel level….It’s not..Is it..?
    *watches belief system crumble*
    Anyway, Anticipation Much?
    I think…yes

  38. quote: “I pet my cat as I typed this, by the way, just to get the right mood.”
    So does that mean you’re stroking your pussy? 😉 😉
    (ducks and runs)

  40. Wow.. Wil’s pimping worked 🙂 I ordered a copy of the onion book.. I got it from buy.com though, since it was only $10 with free shipping..
    Should be a cool coffee-table book 🙂
    Thx Wil!

  42. I just laughed my ass off at that Onion article. Just today I actually got a parking ticket when I left my car for 10 min! It was just too relevant. heh heh
    Can’t wait to read the book Wil! Good luck with the revisions.

  43. Oh god. I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. I remember when I first read this I was in class and couldn’t stop laughing. I had to get up and leave. FUNNY!

  44. Mr. Wheaton, I’d just like to reiterate that YOU RAWK.
    I mean, it’s not enough that you were on TNG, and in some cool movies, but now you’re all grown up, a real responsible human being not holding up liquor stores like some other former child actors we could mention…
    But you’re also a great writer, you’re into frikkin’ OINGO BOINGO, and now you’re quoting from the frikkin’ HAUNTED MANSION.
    Did I mention that you rawk? I said that. OK.

  45. Hay Will,
    Glad to see that you didn’t disappoint all us monkey’s today.
    I read your message before you added the additional stuff and was a little concearned…
    I hoped that you were not sitting at your computer playing games feeling sorry for yourself…
    You, “unlike the ASS HOLE i shall not mention” have earned the respect of the entire “Geek” community. You have earned that because of the type of person you are…
    Sorry, but in regards to that whole thing from earlier this week… “If you can’t change it, you can’t control it, the only thing left is to FUCK IT!!!”
    By the way do you really read all this SHIT???
    Let me know…

  46. ROFL…ok, I see why you laughed your butt off at the Onion article. *cackle*
    *lotsa red-marking, book-editing mojo* Good luck with the red marks and no worries on the light blog-posting!
    Oh yeah, you gonna come to Seattle to promote it when it finally hits the shelves?? 😉

  48. Your editor “works for free because he’s such a great guy”? I hope you mean that he’s someone you know who’s doing a line-edit job on this before the MS goes out to the publisher or something. You’re not going the vanity press route, are you, Wil?
    Yog’s law: Money flows *to* the writer. You shouldn’t have to pay anyone to publish your stuff, especially since you’ve developed a good voice and already have a reputation that could do very pretty things to your future sales numbers.
    I could rant further, but all you really need to know is here:
    http://www.sfwa.org/beware/

  49. Great news about your manuscript… My friend has a mantra – “there is no good writing, only good re-writing”. 🙂 Grammar is never anyone’s forte.
    I was reading a couple of reviews of Nemesis, and it seems that you are listed in the credits (one even said you had a ‘cameo’. Maybe some of your scenes made it in the movie after all. 🙂 I certainly hope so.

  50. Hahah, that’s a good one wil, although I think the first time I saw Herbert Kornfield was the funniest thing they’ve ever done 🙂

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