Last Spring, I entered into a pact with the local squirrels: I would give them peanuts and treats from my kitchen, and they would leave my garden alone. As the year unfolded, though, the pact became more of a protection racket that the squirrel mafia abandoned as soon as my pumpkins started to grow. They murdered all five of the best ones — and the little fuckers did it just a few bites in each one, just enough to let the mold and bullshit get in there and ruin them — leaving me with only one (a really fantastic, 28 pounder I still can’t bring myself to carve). Then they ate all the leaves off my parsley and cilantro, before I made an arrangement with the local Cooper’s Hawk, who is the guy you call when the Squirrel Mafia is getting out of hand.
That’s a lot of background to set this up:
My sister texted me earlier today and asked me if I was celebrating squirrel appreciation day with extra peanuts.
“I am now,” I replied, and there was much rejoicing (up in the oak tree).
This was funny to me, because even earlier today, before I knew that squirrel appreciation day was not only a thing but was also upon us today, I shared this photo on Bluesky:
I’m not sure who that is but it could be Cruise Director Julie or Alex P Keaton based on their size (yes, we have named several squirrels in the neighborhood and that isn’t weird at all why are you looking at me that way) but I am sure that they are enjoying what’s left of a very small late season pumpkin that came up after the rest of the vine had died off.
I mean, I could have put it inside to finish ripening, and it would have been ADORABLE as a little jack-o-lantern (which we can make whenever we want to, don’t let Big Halloween tell you when and how you can enjoy the spooky season). I could have done that. But I knew I’d get more joy if I set it out and waited for a picture like this to happen.
Which I didn’t intend to post on a day I didn’t know existed, but sometimes a plan just comes together.
So, uh … a happy squirrel appreciation day to all who celebrate! Get out there an appreciate some squirrels!
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Do not ever let anyone tell you you can’t name squirrels! We had one at our old house we saw year after year. He had a nub for a tail so of course we called that old man stumpy.
At my new house (“new” we’ve been here 11 years…) we have ferocious little red squirrels and fat brown and grey ones, but I was excited af to find our first little black squirrel move in this year (they are common further north and only recently noticed them all the way down here.) his name is Kevin and he is adorable.
Also all squirrels are apparently “he.” I’m the worst female.
Last year we had tiny pumpkins on the front porch and instead of eating them, they stole them!
<3. <3. <3.
The squirrels that live in the big trees around us mostly just chomp on our tomatoes. We live in a townhouse association and several of us have gardens in the shared area along the side of the shared yard. Perhaps they are just dividing their time among the gardens and ours has the best tomatoes? In winter they do attempt acrobatic feats to get onto the bird feeders and sometimes they succeed. I recently looked out the window while eating breakfast to see a squirrel hanging upside down on the side of the thistle feeder desperately trying to find a way to get seed out of those tiny holes while swinging back and forth!
Brought a smile to my face as I slowly wake up on Wednesday here, thanks for that! 😊
Your post made me giggle a little. Which I needed since I’ve been pretty depressed this week. Thanks for the smile.
I love everything about this post! And oh, by the way, I mane critters too. It’s such a fun component of the play exchange!
I’m a Dragon Appreciation Day person myself (16 Jan) but I do like a squirrel on occasion 💜
My husband also names “our” squirrels; he even had “Squirrel appreciation day” in his phone calendar 😊 Re: your veggie garden: we surround ours with cheap, rolled-wire fencing & hang metal cans (or whatever) around the garden to TRY to scare the squirrels away. Of course, those “squirrel mafia” guys aren’t easily intimidated, especially during a drought 🙄 unless the neighbor cats climb over into our yard. Sometimes that doesn’t even make a difference 😕 Thanks for sharing & have a blessed day.
My husband also names “our” squirrels; he even had “Squirrel appreciation day” in his phone calendar 😊 Re: your veggie garden: we surround ours with cheap, rolled-wire fencing & hang metal cans (or whatever) around the garden to TRY to scare the squirrels away. Of course, those “squirrel mafia” guys aren’t easily intimidated, especially during a drought 🙄 unless the neighbor cats climb over into our yard. Sometimes that doesn’t even make a difference 😕 Thanks for sharing & have a blessed day.
We have an Audobon recognized backyard as a bird friendly yard – takes more than we thought, but happened organically. Of all the standards to reach to get this, there was no mention of squirrel feeding. But, you have to feed the squirrels and treat them nice or they levitate to the feeders and cause havoc on what little lawn we have. Appreciate, feed and kiss the ring! They rule the yard!
I like your names for the squirrels, as well as calling them the squirrel mafia. Those guys are brilliant for getting into bird feeders, I’ll give them that.
You have squirrels and we have raccoons. I’ll trade you.
The squirrels 🐿️ in Colorado are too bougie to eat pumpkins apparently! Every year we get volunteer pumpkins from the compost we spread on the beds. They don’t touch them, even if I cut them up and put them on the feeder. However they will take one bite of every peach, apple, plum that is growing and throw the fruit to the ground.
Our band of thieves are quite crafty though. One summer we had a vole and mouse infestation so we thought we’d put out a few traps. 🪤 we caught a few but our traps were disappearing! We couldn’t figure it out. I’d buy more traps… they’d disappear. Finally I happened to look out and here is a squirrel cleverly deactivating the trap and then dragging it up the tree. The trap outweighed it by far but it managed with no problems. I thought ok.. they are eating the peanut butter and the traps should be somewhere. I looked over the back fence to find piles of eaten and destroyed traps.
So apparently the mice hired the squirrel 🐿️ mafia.
…. We are big geeks here too and huge fans of all Trek and BBT. Whenever we are mad at anyone we just yell WHEATON!!!!!!! It makes us laugh thinking of Sheldon’s face and we forget why we are mad. You are kind of like part of our family.
There is no excuse for naming “tree rats”. Or feeding them extra peanuts or pumpkins.
Except, of course, if doing so allows your bird feeders to be left unscathed so that the pretty birds can have their food.
This comment is my opinion only. My wife and daughter would disagree (which is why I am NOT telling them about Squirrel Appreciation Day). And no, I do not wish any bad things on squirrels, I just wish they would hibernate and let the birds eat in the winter months.
Wil,
I have been following you and reading basically anything you write for years. But today I have to respond. The squirrels cracked me up.
I’m a thriller author and an editor for an online and print magazine called… wait for it…
Bunker Squirrel Magazine 🤣
The squirrels are ideas that distract us and the bunker is the magazine. It’s fun and ridiculous but we have some fantastic authors. I just had to say hi and you are an amazing human being.
Cute story and photo. Thanks for sharing!
YES! I never knew there was a squirrel appreciation day – the eating machines at my house seem to think that every day is dedicated to them. I love to watch them plow through the food I put on the top fence rail outside my craft room window. If I am lazy and don’t get out there quickly enough, the little beggars sit and stare at me through the window until the guilt sets in and I trudge out and give them their daily offering.
I have one more pumpkin left from this year, too (store-bought, sadly, as I’m renting [also sadly] after the life changes this year). It’s holding up well, but I was planning to carve it soon and then roast seeds, as I’m getting low on them from the others earlier in the year. I hadn’t thought of leaving the shell out for the squirrels and rabbits. But I have now! Squirrel Appreciation Day indeed!
I have to remember my local hawk union when the squirrels pee on my window screen because I went on holiday. 😂
If you don’t name them you can’t gossip about them
Wonderful photo! Gotta love the little brats! Lol
I had no idea today was a national holiday! Thanks for the heads up, and the cute story.
As a fellow science nerd, I assume you are already aware of Mark Roper and his epic squirrel videos?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTvS9lvRxZ8
i do believe no one appreciates squirrels more than a dog or cat watching them through a house window.
My husband has named the squirrels in our neighbourhood Warrick. All of them. We know there’s more than one, but unless multiples are in our field of view at the same time, they’re all just Warrick.
For even MORE hilarity with squirrels simply trace/paint out a face on the gourd to be sacrificed with peanut butter. The squirrels will do the rest!
At some point you will have a ghoulish looking face that looks like it was created by serial killer squirrels!
I love out of season pumpkin carving. It brings my wife and I such joy.
I feed my little friend daily. They remind me that we are all related,
Mikatuye Oyasin, in the Lakota language of the Great Plains where I live.
I wish I could share pictures and videos in my comment – my coworker befriended a squirrel, it was really cute. Just picking up the nuts straight out of the bag and eating them.
I missed the whole event?!?
Your post eased the pain a bit, but I can never get that day back.😔
Hilarious! But…how do you tell the different squirrels apart? Perhaps I am not well enough acquainted with my local Squirrel mafia, but they all look quite the same to me… XD
Well, if I’m being honest and not fun, we can’t with any real certainty. But there are a few who are recognizable enough that we know that’s one’s probably Hazel, and those two are probably George and Walter, and so on.