Last Spring, I entered into a pact with the local squirrels: I would give them peanuts and treats from my kitchen, and they would leave my garden alone. As the year unfolded, though, the pact became more of a protection racket that the squirrel mafia abandoned as soon as my pumpkins started to grow. They murdered all five of the best ones — and the little fuckers did it just a few bites in each one, just enough to let the mold and bullshit get in there and ruin them — leaving me with only one (a really fantastic, 28 pounder I still can’t bring myself to carve). Then they ate all the leaves off my parsley and cilantro, before I made an arrangement with the local Cooper’s Hawk, who is the guy you call when the Squirrel Mafia is getting out of hand.
That’s a lot of background to set this up:
My sister texted me earlier today and asked me if I was celebrating squirrel appreciation day with extra peanuts.
“I am now,” I replied, and there was much rejoicing (up in the oak tree).
This was funny to me, because even earlier today, before I knew that squirrel appreciation day was not only a thing but was also upon us today, I shared this photo on Bluesky:

I’m not sure who that is but it could be Cruise Director Julie or Alex P Keaton based on their size (yes, we have named several squirrels in the neighborhood and that isn’t weird at all why are you looking at me that way) but I am sure that they are enjoying what’s left of a very small late season pumpkin that came up after the rest of the vine had died off.
I mean, I could have put it inside to finish ripening, and it would have been ADORABLE as a little jack-o-lantern (which we can make whenever we want to, don’t let Big Halloween tell you when and how you can enjoy the spooky season). I could have done that. But I knew I’d get more joy if I set it out and waited for a picture like this to happen.
Which I didn’t intend to post on a day I didn’t know existed, but sometimes a plan just comes together.
So, uh … a happy squirrel appreciation day to all who celebrate! Get out there an appreciate some squirrels!
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i want to say i read this on my wii u (can’t comment on there though 😕😕😕)
Thank you!!! Needed this today with Mr Tr… mmmmm don’t want to say the name.
But I don’t know if I should look at the news in the next 4 years
I love squirrels they are my power animal. Let the ruin of squirrel begin.
Oh Wil don’t you realize that in order to appease the squirrel mafia one must realize that everything in your yard is theirs? Mine have actually been kind to me lately but will knock things off tables occasionally. They do offer a myriad of photo opportunities though. Love the little buggers.
Squirrels here are happy with whatever drops from the bird feeders (thank you squirrel guards) but the rabbit mafia is a constant battle. The local hawks and owls have dropped the ball on their end so I’ve seen as many as ten squirrels at a time enjoying the feast below the feeders.
Lol, that was a cool story and a great pic.
Similar experience here (Northeastern PA.) ! Our squirrels (Bob, Jerry, Bob Jr., – yes, I’ve named them too lol) were pretty good about respecting the garden….but then apparently my treats weren’t enough. To be fair, I had insane success with pumpkins – about 50 of them in a 1/4 acre backyard!!! (about 40 pie, about 10 jack – and learned a really valuable lesson about pumpkins taking over everything else – only a few peppers and an equally out of control cherry tomato plant survived). So, after cooking 30 pie pumpkins (I now have 20+ jars of frozen puree), and carving only 1 jack, left the rest for the squirrel mafia to fully enjoy – and yep, they did! I highly doubt that that generous offer (plus the continuing supply of goodies in their feeder) will keep them away from whatever I do this planting season, but I’m a sucker for their cuteness 🙂
Hi Robyn me too ! I just love squirrels . I love that they benefit our environment by storing nuts and seeds which some when left behind grow into trees .
If we can name the waterfowl on our little pond across the street (Scooter, Heronimus, and Greta), you can certainly name your rodent “family”!
According to our chonky backyard squirrels, every day is squirrel appreciation day. The chonkiest one has been named “Squirrelly Dan” and comes up to the back door, looking cute, to let me know when a refill is required. Okay, really it’s a demand. Our Cooper’s Hawk ignores the squirrels – they are too chonky – and hunts the visiting pigeons instead.
I have a city friend who is naming the squirrels in their local park and feeding them acorns from elsewhere in the park. They frequently will snub the acorns in favor of french fries from the local concession stand at the park.
Thank you! Today was a day when I really needed something to think about other than… Our dog appreciates squirrels all the time! All I have to do is say the word squirrel and she starts looking around. She doesn’t bark at them, doesn’t lunge, she just loves to look. OK, if they dart up a tree while we are out walking she does try to join them.
Ahahahahha … always love your wit and humor.
Get your squirrel on today!
My primary squirrel friend, Bob, says hi. I don’t give him any pumpkins to eat though, just corn and peanuts. I would say he’s happy for the feeder today, with the unusual snow, but he’s gotten quite…round…and probably wouldn’t mind staying somewhere warm today.
You have no idea (well, maybe you do) just how badly I needed the outright laughter this post brought. Thank you! And a Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day to you all 🙂
My daughter attends Marshall University in Huntington WV. The squirrel population on campus is not only tame, they have become quite insistent about their expectations, as members of the Mafia are wont to do. My daughter has requested that we send her a large quantity of nuts; she’s decided that when spring arrives, she is going to attempt to train a cadre of these entitled squirrels to pull her mobility scooter around the campus like some sort of Appalachian chariot, thus saving on charging time…
I fear this will end with your daughter’s all-squirrel army taking over downtown Huntington WV.
I love it. (And the names of the squirrels.)
I needed this post today more than you know.
That is hilarious, Wil!!! And with squirrels (and rabbits) nothing is sacred, there is no negotiating with them. “We are the squirrels…we will add the biological distinctiveness of your garden produce to our tummies. Thank you for servicing us”
You are not the only one to name your squirrels. We have a family of 5 (used to be 6, but the local Red Tailed Hawk was hungry), and my 8 year old daughter and I have named them all. I can never tell who is who, but she can. Don’t ask me how.
I have spent the last 4 years in a love/hate relationship with the squirrels. I offered them their own feeder to keep them away from my bird feeder and away from our tomatoes. Yet, they never keep up their end of only using their feeder. Oh well.
Never knew there was a squirrel appreciation day. Since we just had a snow storm yesterday, and after reading about squirrel appreciation day, I’ll leave them some extra food tomorrow.
Our cats would be excited to appreciate some squirrels, but being 5 stories up, they just don’t get to see them. However, crow and bird appreciation is rampant in our household
I freaking love this, and I really needed it because it’s hard to put the demise of our democracy out of my mind. Thanks!
That’s a great story! Thanks for sharing ~
We have a squirrel in our yard who we just lovingly call Squirrel Friend. Is it always the same one? I’m honestly not sure. But my kiddos love feeding him/her/them.
Loving that photo!
Squirrels here get walnuts, if the birds don’t get them first. Since they’ve chewed through a few clothes lines, and more than a few potted vegetables, I might try that pact thing next time. Any tips on getting the (very small) dogs on board with the chasing thing? Could be a pact-breaker.
My 6lb (chihuahua) hellhound has only chased the squirrels once…when they scampered across the porch steps right near my feet (i.e, breaking the protective bubble around mom lol).
My husband bought those little baby pumpkins at the store on year for our Halloween decorations. We didn’t know squirrels liked them. He worked up one morning and said something is eating our pumpkins. So I was looking outside and caught the little devil in mid munch. They have no shame.
It is definitely not weird to name the squirrels. My mom had two that used to visit her back porch and knock on the sliding glass door to ask for peanuts. One was a red squirrel and the other a grey squirrel. She named them Willie and Julio.
I do appreciate my yard full of squirrels. They may be pesky, but they are so entertaining!
What is that ungodly lawn ornament with a leaf for a head, though?
– A fellow weirdo that wonders
That guy looks squirrelly.
squirrels are so underappriciated, thank you for being an ally
I don’t feed squirrels, but I walk in my neighborhood every day and sometimes I go to local parks. I am frequently followed by squirrels who are apparently being fed by some other middle aged white lady and I am constantly telling them, “no, nooooo, sorry man, I got nothin for you!”
Tom Lehrer was prescient! (at 1:45) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY&ab_channel=TheTomLehrerWisdomChannel
PS For the record (what record?), I do not advocate the actual advice in this song be carried out. Just let the local coyotes and red-tailed hawks go to town. The circle o’ life!
I could send you some Chipmunks if you need them.
So you’re saying today is a perfect day to re-watch Mark Rober’s squirrel maze videos?
There’s a part of me that wonders if that backyard is still standing.
Also it is National Hugging Day…so go hug a squirrel.
Hysterical AND educational. Exactly why I subscribed haha. Also a little nuts! 😉
Hiyo! Loved the post on FB, so I am back – too! Have missed the Radio Free Burrito…a whole lot. I will keep coming back, if you will. <3
Smile! 😉😂😂😂
If you do a quick search on “squirrel university monument” you’ll find an interesting little memorial to a squirrel that gave its life to award a two day break from classes after gnawing through a power line of some sort.
It was, of course, a posthumous award 😉
The squirrels and I argue in the front yard. I weed my garden and they scream at me for weeding near their tree. Little fucking brats, and they destroyed my rainbow gem corn one year. So I love watching them try to get the bird feeders(all are anti squirrel feeders). I grin evilly from my cup of tea.
Thank you for posting this wonderful picture ! Squirrels used to give my dad so much joy when he looked out the window while in hospice before he passed . Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day .
What a delightful reason to smile today, thank you. I was feeling rather crap about the USA political situation, much rather think about squirrel mafia and your pumpkins 🧡 -MO from Australia
Squirrels are jerks… 🤪 They love to tease my dog. My poor pup gets in trouble for trying to eat squirrels. It’s a bad cycle.
You named a squirrel Cruise Director Julie? Did you also name one…Gopher?
Hi Wil – could you perhaps change out the peanuts for a harder nut? (recent science article – https://www.sciencenews.org/article/hand-feed-red-squirrels-changed-skulls )
Reading your blog for the first time. I had no idea that I would be participating on such an auspicious day. Here’s to the squirrels in our lives.
That’s some major squirrelitude! <3 Love it! Thanks for sharing.
“And there was much rejoicing.” All I heard in my head was squirrels going “Yyyyyaaaaaayyyyy.”
Thank you for this! Love squirrels too!
This is awesome! My grandma had a squirrel that lived in her rhododendrons that we named Charlie. Our current dog insists that all squirrels in the neighborhood are named Snack, so they know where they are on the food chain.