Sadtimes

One of my old spacesuits is being auctioned off on eBay. I’m not sure why, but it makes me feel a little sad.
I’m sitting here, about to write a little entry about it, when my phone rings. It’s a friend of mine, asking me if I’m going to the Star Trek X screening.
“Yeah, on Wednesday,” I tell him.
“No, it’s tonight,” he tells me.
“Tonight? At Paramount?”
“No, it’s in Westwood, tonight,” he tells me, “I just talked with Marina about it.”
Oh no.
That feeling I have gotten so many times before, when I was the only cast member not asked up on stage at the 25th anniversary party, when I was the only cast member not recognized at the screening of “All Good Things…” begins to well up. I feel a little sick.
He wouldn’t do this to me, right? Not now, not after the conversations we had when I was working on the movie, not since the phone call informing me of the cut. This must be a mistake. Past is the past, right? We’re cool now. There is no way he’d exclude me from this.
But he did.
He did it to me again.
I want to cry.
I tell my friend that I have to go, and hang up the phone.
I sit there alone and cold in the kitchen. I can hear Ryan watching Sabrina The Teenage Witch in the living room.
I can’t believe this is happening to me. When Rick told me that my scenes were cut, he assured me that I’d still be invited to the premiere, and that he’d see me there. I was excited to see all my friends again, and share in those moments with them. Be a part of what will really be the final mission.
It turns out that the screening I was invited to will be at Paramount on Wednesday, and pretty much anyone who works at Paramount can attend. It’s not the premiere, and none of the cast are going. There’s really nothing special about it.
I seriously, desperately hope that this was just an oversight. I desperately hope that this is totally out of Rick’s hands, and that he’ll tell me that he’s sorry if it ever comes up. I desperately hope this isn’t personal. I want so badly to believe that it isn’t. It sucks to be overlooked, but it sucks less than if I’d been intentionally not invited.
It sure fits a pattern though, huh?
I just — I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to feel anymore.
But I’ll go with hurt for now.
Really, really fucking hurt.

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533 thoughts on “Sadtimes”

That pathetic backstabing fucking bastard.
If Gene Roddenberry (God rest his soul) had the power I’m quite sure Berman would have an unplesant experience with a lightning bolt somewhere in the vicinity of his ass.
I would say that bolt would be up Rick’s ass but that space is being currently occupied by his head.
Thanks again Rick (Who needs a story when we have detox gel) Berman, you shameless, clueless, soulless fuck.
You rule Wheaton. You rule like Gandalf, Aragorn, Frodo, Gimil, and Legolas combined.
Fuck the fucking fucks
Sean Wardwell
Boulder Colorado

Damn Wil, I don’t really know what to say. You’d think that after saving the Enterprise (and letting the show go on), oh, 5 or 6 times, they would treat you a little more seriously. For what it’s worth, you were one of my favorites on the show; I was then the age that Wes was supposed to be.
So hold your head high, and say “Screw you Berman”. I know it hurts now, but what does it matter in the long run? The execs at Trek may have snubbed you, but you have bigger and better things coming. Beyond that, you have a family who loves you and fans like myself who will stand by you no matter what kinds of shit meet that fan.

That’s a crying shame he has to be this way. You deserve to be there as much as anyone else on the cast.
I’m really sorry.

Sorry that happened, Wil. It really does blow.
It would be nice if one of your castmates with some juice (and impaired follicles for instance) chewed his ass over this.

You know Wil, if there’s one thing I have learned in my 32 years on this earth, it is that Karma exists. Not in a spooky hari-krisna way, but in the way that if you do something bad, then some serious jooo-joooooo will boomerang right around and bite you in the ass. Well, I think that Berman is ripe for that.
Jake, I love it!! So cool! If Wil makes it into a t-shirt I will fair dinkum buy the sucker and parade it around at a convention.
I also really agree with what Clara wrote – call Spiner, go as his guest, and act real cool. Yeah, ICE cool. GO. If you bump into Berman, say “Hi”, smile, turn and walk away as the class act you really are.

Jeez. That really sucks. I’m sorry that you feel left out (again). I don’t know what to say. The only things I can say are cheesy and sappy, but true: take comfort that your family is there for you when you need to cry and vent, and so are your devoted monkeys. Screw Berman. Like you said, you enjoyed the fun times with your ST:TNG family, and you’ll always have those special times.
We’re here for you. *HUGS*

That’s awful kiddo, but before you feel too badly, remember there have been a lot of times where you thought you’d been snubbed or left out, and it turned out to be a misunderstanding.
I’m not saying this is one of those times, but it could be. It’d still suck to miss the one that the cast attends, but … well … at least it wouldn’t be deliberate.
Although, I completely agree with those who’ve said, “JUST FRICKING GO!” Go to the damn thing TONIGHT!!!
Then again, the Rocky-Road ice cream in bed could potentially be a delightful alternative. (Get your minds out of the gutter, people. :-))

I don’t know what to tell you, or what to say. I do know you’re not the only one who’s felt like this. Right now, I’m feeling similar, for reasons of my own. I really don’t know if you even read all these comments your posts gets. I know you probably don’t even have time. If I’m making you feel worse, I’m sorry. That’s not my intention. Because you shared this with us, I’m going to share with you a post I made tonight in my own journal. This post is actually friendlocked in my journal, but with me anyway, sometimes it helps knowing I’m not the only one who’s feeling like this. Feeling alone and left out is the worst thing in the world, and something I’m very familiar with. I’m so sorry this is happening.
==========
Some days it gets really hard. I’ve toyed at the idea of abandoning my current LJ, paying for a new one, setting it all back up again, keeping information to a minimum, locking all my posts, and not carrying over old friends to the new one.
Changing my email addresses. Not answering any ones I recognize.
Just dropping out of virtual space, wiping the slate clean, starting over. Cutting all ties. It’s so easy to believe that it would really make things easier for everyone else. Cybernetic suicide.
I don’t even know if I really believe in friendship anymore, at least, nothing that lasts. I want to. I try to. But deep down there’s a tension, a preparation for a strike, a blow. Anywhere. Everywhere.
More than that, I hate myself for it. I hate the fact that I *still* hurt. I hate the utter conviction I have that I’m not missed, that my absence has left people overjoyed and fixed everything.
No, this isn’t brought on by a recent post or any emails I’ve sent. I’ve been thinking this for a few days now. I’ve been feeling this for a long time. That temptation to just disappear. Cut ties. Make it easier on everyone. After all, how long before other people thing I’ll never have a life worth living, worth caring about?
And it’s not even fair of me to think like this. I cannot stress hard enough how angry I am — at *myself* — that this still ties me in knots. That I can’t let go. That I can’t stop missing who I thought people were, what I thought they were. Love is a close cousin to hate, and it’s a struggle every day to keep that from consuming me.
It’s not fair of me, and I know this. It’s not fair to everyone else.
But I’m really tired of reaching out. I’m tired of being crucified for mistakes — especially mistakes which have been apparently catalogued, backlogged, and then referred to in vague ammunition and never defined, or tossed out as a “…and let me tell you what else I think is wrong with you” manner, old hurts that were never addressed, allowed to fester.
Am I really that evil, that despicable? Or is it like sanity? If you have to ask if you’re insane, then you’re not? I don’t know. I don’t have *any* answers anymore. I do think I’m defective as a human. Maybe if I cut all my ties, disappeared from every corner of the world – real and cybernetic – and just started over fresh, I can have a second chance. Starting over. A chance to be somebody else who’s not defective.
All I really want for Christmas is to stop hurting.

I know I don’t know you, Wil, but I feel like I do after reading WWDN since I discovered it a few months ago. And I have to say, I feel like someone has dissed a friend of mine. That sucks. You were just as much a part of TNG as any of the other cast members. Wesley was a big reason why I connected so much to the show, and I know a lot of others feel the same way. Just remember that even if they’re excluding you, you’ve touched the hearts and minds of a lot of fans who will always include you in the Star Trek legacy.

You deserve so much better Wil.
Hugs.

That sucks!
All your monkeys still love you though and we’d never exclude you from anything!

It’s so easy for us all to give you advice, Wil, and you seem to be going through really tough times lately. But we haven’t lived the life that Wil Wheaton has, so we really aren’t fully qualified to tell you what to do. You’re the best man for the job there.
In any case, I just wanted to say that I hope things work out. And that I agree with most of what the people here have said about Trek slowly fading into the past.
I tend to think Berman’s at fault for it; the fans liked Trek because it was different and special, and Berman’s steered the course right away from the specialness. Would you want to be held in such esteem by someone who’s such a lowlife?
You’ve got specialness in you already, and your own particular brand of coolness. There’ll be a light at the end of the tunnel. Talent like yours will out.

Dear Wil,
Some times the universe tries to tell you to move on, some times it screams at you to move on. The longer you give your self worth, identity or life energy to TNG, the more painful it will become. Please take this event as a giant kick in the ass from the universe to grow beyond the Wil Wheaton you were on Trek and fully become the Wil Wheaton of today. Everytime you let go, you have glimpses of how great your true life can be, let those be your motivations not the dried up platitudes and kiss ass promises of shallow money grubbing hollywood types. Live your real life Wil and the universe will act in kind. Trust me.
:)kp

Oh, and by the way, it takes a big man to go online and share that story and your feelings about it. A much bigger man than Rick Berman.

What an utter and complete bastard. I don’t think I can say this enough.
Wil, you deserve alot better than the crap they are giving you.
I’m so sorry.

When I go see the movie, maybe i’ll scream out “WHERE’S WESLEY CRUSHER???!” in protest of what happened.
Regardless of Rick Berman, I think you are the cats meow Wil 🙂

Wow.. What a god damned bastard. Sucks beyond all belief when people you think you trust do this to you. Sometimes, of course, it’s all just a mistake on their part; and oversight. But when it happens intentionally.. and you confront them about it.. Aye aye aye, that’s not a feeling one wishes to experience everyday.
Hope you go/did go. Make him explain. Be ultra-attentive on his body language, tone of voice, use of language, etc. Y’know what I mean 🙂

To cheer you up, a piece of poetry, paraphrased:
Rick Berman, you m****f****, you’re gonna pay, You are the one who is the b***-licker. We’re gonna f*** your mothers while you watch and cry like little b******. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Paramount f**** who are making that movie, we’re gonna make ’em eat our s***, then s*** out our s***, then eat their s*** which is made up of our s*** that we made ’em eat. Then you’re all f****** next.
-Jay & Silent Bob
(It’s so much funnier bleeped, isn’t it?)

Just one little suggestion, Wil, if I may: Get yourself a copy of Yanni’s most recent CD, “If I Could Tell You.” It was recorded some time after his breakup with actress Linda Evans, and its music was unavoidably shaped to some extent by the emotions he felt in the aftermath. While I’m sure it would be a change from what you normally listen to, sometimes change is good, both musically and emotionally. Listening to Yanni’s music on this particular CD might–just might–help you to begin picking up the pieces and moving on after this injury you’ve suffered.
Peace, my friend, and take care! God bless!
Sincerely,
Tom Nichol

Damn, man! That just fucking sucks! I feel kinda bad about intisapating this movie now… But I gotsta see it. I’ve been a big TNG fan my intier life. I was brought up around it, sense my Mom is a big fan as well. Shit like this just makes me want to vomit. It sadens me to see how a member of the “Star Trek family” is treated this way. I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, but it’s true. Someone needs to put Rick in check. >:(

I’m not going to rub in the I’m sorry. I really am, but I personally hate people bringing it up over and over again. my friend, who has never even seen TNG (poor girl right?) well, I make her read your comments, and she read this one, and she said tell him “I love him.” I thought I would share. and to tell you the truth, I only started watching when you were on the show, the other episodes it took me a while to get into. I hope the rest of the week is better than today.

I’ve got three words for you, Wil:
Bob. In. Iowa.
How many celebrities do you know who would go out of their way to personally help one single fan? Not many.
And how many celebrities do you know who could inspire dozens upon dozens of strangers around the world to do the same? Even fewer.
You are an amazing person, Wil. I have thought this since I first saw TNG in it’s first run. I think it even more now. You are warm, kind, honest, bloody hilarious, REAL … and powerful. Yes, powerful. C’mon, we love you for a REASON.
It hurts like a bitch, but you’re not alone. And so long as you stay as cool as you are, you never will be. Anne and the boys are damn lucky. 🙂
Like my friend Julie said (after I directed her this way): you seem like the kind of guy you’d wanna just hang out with. You bring the DVDs and the M&Ms (peanut, please), I’ll bring the PS2 and the Kettle Corn. Party at Bonnie’s house!!

There’s the part of me that really hopes that it was an oversight, but I’m inclined to believe that it was RFB being what so many posters before me have described with great zeal. I cannae blame them for their strong words one bit. As a young person who has only been into ST since September, it’s been disheartening to know that this franchise I’ve come to love is ruled by a man like RFB. I, too, hope that the rest of the cast finds out and becomes pro-active in some way or another.
Take care, Wil. We’ve got your back.

Man does that suck.
Real sorry about that, Wil.
But what I really hate is that he lied to you to make you feel better.
I hate it when people do that.
You should make a book out of your blog. Really.

I get the feeling that tonight, somewhere in the universe, there’s a metaphysical being looking at Rick Berman’s Bad Karma counter, and as the numbers start blurring as they climb higher, the being is bugging it’s eyes out and saying “Holy shit!”

I can’t believe there’d ever come a day when I’d write something with the express purpose of making Wil Wheaton feel better. But … how do I make this not sound cheesy … One of the really cool things about this blog is it’s a place for creative people to share triumphs and disappointments and all those weird idiosyncrasies that make us creative. Providing this place is truly a gift, so thank you. I

Completely fucked. If you want a pick me up, Film Threat (http://www.filmthreat.com) has Berman and the franchise on this year’s “Frigid 50” list. I’d be hurt, too, but at least you’re not on a sinking ship.

Wil. Wil. Wil.
Mojo. Mojo. Mojo.

Hey Wil,
Totally fucked up for two reasons:
1) You were in the movie, albiet cut out and was told you would be invited to the premiere…which is the damn premiere, not a lot screening!
2) I was invited to the Mann Chinese premiere tonight (dont know if that was the fancy schmancy actor one but when I drove home, there was a helluva line of suits out there) and I wasnt in the movie. I’m glad I did’nt go, bastards!
M.I.S.
np: my fiancee playing his damn guitar in my ear

I say we send Wil the Mojo.
Mojo mojo mojo.

Wil,
I am really, really sorry to hear about this. A lot of times we really want to believe that people are inherently good, and care about us, and won’t screw us over. And then they do it again, and we try to suck it up, and rationalize it, and stay cool with them, because hey! you don’t want to look like a jerk, right?
Sounds like you aren’t a jerk, you’re just getting jerked around. I’m sorry that you have been passed over, excluded once again. You seem like a really great guy and you’ve worked hard. You *do* deserve better.
-Dan

Hey Wil,
Download a couple of dozen geo-caches and go find ’em.

Shit happens. All i know is you need to look at this and know that you are AN AMAZING PERSON, and that THEY ARE MISSING OUT, NOT YOU. It all happens for a reason and Karma will catch up to them. You have to look at your life, your kids, your wife, YOUR NEW LAWN and realize that you are so far above this. Yeah it hurts, but its such a temporary thing. You know that you can move past this and that you have so much more going on in your life than this stupid premiere. SERIOUSLY WIL! Sometimes you find out the hard way who your real “friends” are and who the people are that really care about you. As much as it sucks, know that you are better off than they are. You are doing what makes you happy, you decided not to be “that guy” remember!? There have been so many times something like this has happened to me (granted it has nothing to do with being famous or what not) but you just have to know that maybe its best for you. No matter what kind of shit you got for being “Wil Wheaton, the guy people loved to hate” you have to know there are just as many people out there who still support you. I am 23 yrs old, i was like 9 when i had a crush on you and im still here! Isnt that what matters the most? FUCK PEOPLE LIKE THAT, YOU DONT NEED IT. WIL WHEATON IS BETTER THAN THAT. Use this night to be with your wife and kids, read a book, write some more, stare at your lawn. It all happens for a reason. Dont let something like this get you down, there are more important things in life than a premiere.
Lisa Marie

Wil,
I have seen, in the theater, mostly opening weekend, every Star Trek movie out to date.
I am so disappointed in how they have treated you that I have no desire to even see this film.
I will be boycotting this movie (although, I may download it for the net and watch it).
I also own all the Trek movies, in one format or another (many in both). I wont be buying this one.
Everyone save your movie dolor and go see Two Tower twice!
Eric
P.S. mojo mojo mojo

Man, I feel so bad for you Wil. I can imagine how shitty I would feel in your situation. I guess that the best thing to do is know that there are bigger and more important things in your life like your family. I know that I’m not really the one to be giving advice, not being in your position and all, but that’s the best that I can do. I can see how it would be easy to think that Berman “masterminded” this all, but try not to make conclusions and let’s hope that this is all just a coincidence. I can’t think of any reason why he wouldn’t want you at the premiere so it might just be that he had a lot on his mind. Also, even though you know none of us personally, I think, we do care about what happens to you from getting to know you in your daily writings. Your main source of support is still your family, but know that a lot of people out here are sending you Mojo. Sorry that this has sort of rambled on, but it just hit me how bad I would feel if I were in your position and I hope we have done a good job in consoling you.

Wil, I’m sorry.
If you scroll up a little bit you’ll find a Bob. In. Iowa. post by Bonnie. If you read these responses (and I hope that you do), go back, read that sucker again, and consider it from me too. I have come to hold the opinion that Berman is a quality example of a misleading fuckhead. But none of that matters, Wil, because I believe you’re better than his kind. What have they got? A TV show? Good for them. You’ve got a wonderful wife, and a love that most dream of. You’ve got kids who love you and look up to you, even though they’re not of your blood. You’ve got a devoted fanbase – not Wesley’s..YOURS! We’re in it for you, man. You’ve taken the time to let us get to know you, and we’re all going to tell you the same: You’re better. Don’t worry. If you’re not at their premier, it’s their – sorry – loss.
Hurt now, but not for long. You’re onto better things. 🙂

Damnit, sorry I posted twice.

Wow.
I just finished dinner (yummy enchiladas!) and checked in here, to see what’s up.
Boy, 84 comments, and all of the support from you guys is really kind, and wonderful, and very much appreciated.
Thank you, everybody 🙂

Wil.
The other night my friends Brett and Rob and I cooked ourselves a 7-course meal at Rob’s house. We watched First Contact, and Brett, who is a Trekkie to the core, was raving about his excitement over Nemesis. I gave my usual response, which is “Nemesis will suck because Wesley was cut from it.”
That applies to the premiere, as well, which will suck because you weren’t invited.
Oh, Wil, go play with Ryan and eat chocolate ice cream. I know that won’t help so much, but at least it’s a start, right? People fucking suck. Remember your family and your monkeys love you. Man, I am so pissed I could run out there and lay the smack down on that guy.
One time a couple of months ago I had this stalker, and my best guy friend’s roommate Eddie, who fights in the UFC, offered to kick his ass for me. Eddie will go kick Rick’s ass for you if we ask him. Want to?
Your angry but stil-loving-you little monkey,
Angie

Hey, I left out an L in “still-loving-you.” Kind of like I meant to say “Stil loving Wil”…ok, ok, not funny. Sorry.

Wil, I can’t believe that they would do that to you. I cannot imagine how much they hurt you. The worst part is they probably don’t even realize it. You can’t let them keep getting to you like this. Sacrily enough not everyone that watched Star Trek hated you. Well I didn’t anyway. It may have a lot to do with the fact that I was 10 yrs old and had a crush on you, but that’s entirily besides the point. You keep moving on to bigger and better things. Don’t let them hold you back.

Man, I was happy to hear you would be going. I was genuinely happy toleanr that you were going to hang out with the rest of the cast despite being cut. I was happy to learn that Rick said you would be going to the event. I was excited for you. I checked your site today to hoping to hear more good news, especially after reading about the Polar Express audition earlier today. What a shock it was to learn that you got snubbed again. I was really hoping to hear all about your experiences with the premiere. I’m very sorry. I could say it doesn’t matter, but I know it mattered to you. All I can say is it’s beyond your control, and you have a ton of fans, loving family, and friends. The experience just makes you a wiser man.

arg. verrrrrrrry tempted to go walk down to westwood and start a “where the hell is my wil wheaton????” riot. it would be the perfect finals distraction. hmm. is there a westwood/ucla contingent to the posse? it’s been awhile since we’ve had some mischief over here…
rick berman is the devil’s skid marks.

UHM…..WOW. So much has already been said.
There’s really nothing more to say but what
you wrote on a recent autograph for me: “ROCK!”
Wil, you got it, you’ll NEVER lose it, and
SCREW those other losers who don’t recognize
it!!! I love you, man! But, you know that
already. 🙂
Just CONTINUE to hold your gorgeous head up high,
and dag blast it!! HUG FERRIS!!! That will make
you feel better. Lotsa lotsa love to you, mah bud.

Go with the crying, bud. That’ll work. It’s natural to feel hurt, but you know better than most that’s how showbiz works; lies, shallowness, and no integrity. Too bad none of the others bothered to let you know either. At this point, you might as well wait a few months for the DVD. This has to be exacerbated by the fact it follows on the heels of the audition disappoinment. Not a good week so far. It’s gotta get better.

Geez Wil, that’s a tough break. Seriously, I don’t understand how Hollywood can have such a corrupting effect on people. The cursed place seems to remove common decency from whomever comes in contact with it. Well, instead of lamenting over your exclusion from the premiere, be glad that you’ll be bringing all this joy to your fans/friends this Christmas season with your autographed 8×10’s. I know I’m looking forward to mine with great anticipation.
All the best,
Charles

Wil
I’m really sorry to hear what’s happened. Do call up your friends in Star Trek when you can; I’m guessing it might help you feel less isolated. And you must know by now how many people appreciate you and what you do.
Lots of love
William