Advice to my 12 year-old self

I read at Slashdot a great question: “What advice would you give your 12 year-old self?”
Here’s mine:


Dear 12 year-old self,
Your life is about to be forever changed. You don’t know it now, but in three years, you’re going to be in millions of households world-wide.
Everywhere you go, people are going to scream at you that they hate you. Listen to this advice, 12 year-old self, because I know that nobody else is going to give it to you: whatever you do, don’t listen to them, and let don’t let them define your sense of self-worth. It’s going to hurt, a lot, and it will go on for years. You won’t understand it, and you’ll try really hard to convince them otherwise, but they will not listen . . . because they’re just as insecure and confused as you are right now. You’re going to want to quit the show, but if you do, you’ll be 30 before you stop regretting it. Trust me on this one.
Stay on that show until it’s over, and when you’re older, you’ll realize that for every person who screamed “I hate you,” there is another who was quietly inspired by something you did. It all balances out, kid.
You are never going to be cool, no matter how hard you try, so save yourself the agony of trying to fit in. You end up marrying a real hottie who loves your inner geek.

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170 thoughts on “Advice to my 12 year-old self”

  2. Interesting. I had kind of thought about this myself but it’s even neater to here what a celebrity would say to himself before he becomes a celebrity.

  5. Wow another rambling about how it sucked to have people confuse you with wesley crusher.
    Care to post something fresh, Wil?

  6. How wonderfully and painfully poignant.
    Hindsight is always 20/20… but one has to wonder: Would you have really listened, let alone followed, such advice as a twelve-year-old?

  8. Brilliant! Love it.
    Am thinking of composing my own letter-to-12-year-old-self. First sentence will be: You WILL grown into the nose. I promise.

  10. I saw that question on slashdot earlier…thought it very profound.
    I’d have so much to tell my 12 year old self…not sure where to begin.

  11. I saw that question on slashdot earlier…thought it very profound.
    I’d have so much to tell my 12 year old self…not sure where to begin.

  12. Nice to see you caught this one, too, Wil. I thought it was a neat question, and I haven’t ever seen so many responses to a /. post. Some are actually quite insightful.
    I think this would be some good advice for you. Too bad folks like Merari seemed to miss the point.

  15. Yes, but would you have met and married the hot chick if you had stayed on the show? Perhaps her acceptance of you is your reward for being hurt and confused as a young man.

  16. I sure don’t agree with SOOO much of your views, Wil (of late anyway). Mostly because I beleive we’ve had absolutely differing upbringings. However, pain is pain and I recognise this trait from as far away as here. Perhaps I’ll see other traits of similarity in time.
    I found your posting with much sincere heart. I’m a fan of Wesley, for sure. And am awaiting his return to the ST fold. But I’ve also been known to be a fan of your ‘funny’. You once thought you lost it. I would enjoy seeing more of it as well when you’re up to it. Selfishly speaking.
    For now, thanks for sharing what you’d tell your 12 year old self. I think most of us would say the same — even without a TV series… 😉
    Cheers! And chin up!
    PS: Troll boy: I hear that Circuit City is in great need of your calibur of character. Seriously, give it a rest already. C’mon, sport. Whataya say? I’ll buy you a cookie.
    -Peace!

  18. Great advice Wil, but you now have the distinct advantage of 20/20 hindsight. All you can do is what you think is best for you at the time – so no regrets.

  19. But if you actually got that letter when you was a 12 year old, would you be a happly married man now?
    Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

  21. Yeah, but what 12 year old would be smart enough to listen to some geeky 30 year old?
    Peace, dude.

  23. I read the same article at /. and frankly I’ve wondered if it would matter. Considering where I grew up, the exposure (or lack thereof) to various concepts, I think trying to explain some things that would be useful wouldn’t be possible. The oft quoted “like explaining color to a blind person” phrase comes to mind (with the usual caveats).
    In another sense, I think this is what a lot of people do, or at least try to do. How many folks when you were 12 had advice? I ran into a lot, personally. How much made sense at the time, or were so Zen-like that the initial response was “well, of course” without realizing the depth of the statement? Aside from the malicious, EVERYone tries to give advice to kids. “I was there. Trust me, do this… don’t do that… think about this… don’t worry about that…”
    There are some things that simply have to be experienced to be completely understood.

  24. Wil:
    Very nice, especially the part about the other people being insecure. YOU are SO Right,
    People tend to lash out at others based on internal problems.
    TJ

  26. “…when you’re older, you’ll realize that for every person who screamed “I hate you,” there is another who was quietly inspired by something you did.” Me being one of the latter. Thank you.
    Now this is a topic I can blog about.

  27. Gosh. I wish I knew you when you were 12 and that I was 12 at the same time.
    Because I sure would have loved to have been able to tell you that.
    But I’ve been a fan since before I was 12. No matter how mean people can be and have been to you, and to me, there are those nice people out there.
    Its nice to know, isn’t it?
    Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. ;D

  28. Yeah, and then your 12-year-old self would say yeah-yeah, roll his eyes, and walk away.
    I would tell myself to pay attention to my mom, spend more time with her, and not be such a brat.

  29. All right, I was one of those people who hated Wesley Crusher, and I certainly wasn’t thrilled with your appearance on “The Weakest Link.” But that was a cool thing to write and to be able to understand, even at this late date. Peace and good luck.

  30. I feel really sorry for Suzanne the 12 year old, she was one unhappy young girl. But without the mistakes I made when I was young I wouldn’t be the same person I am here today.
    and people are right…who would listen as a 12 year old… and who would run up stairs and slam the doors in a sulk because no-one understands!!!
    *grins*

  31. That was really sweet Wil! I think I’ll quote you on some of that stuff. Thanks for making my day!

  32. I’m always wondering when the dorks will finally figure out that, one day, they’ll get a hotter chick than even the star quarterback coulda gotten in high school. The world would be a much more relaxed place if they would figure this out sooner. Geesh.

  33. I totally agree with John–get over the whole Star Trek thing. My goodness I would hope at the age of 30 you would have moved on!

  34. Wil… I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with you on this one.
    I think you’re an amazingly cool guy, and you have some great insights in the reality of *being,* and the simple fact is that you are the sum of your experiences *and how you DEALT with them.*
    You are who you are because of your mistakes, too. And who you are is pretty damned cool. I wouldn’t change a thing.
    F.

  35. Very Personal.
    Questions like this are always interesting.
    Would we tell them to make our lives easier or theirs? By doing so, do we wish that the course of our lives would run differently?
    If the answer is the second point then I wouldnt do it.
    The choices we have made in our lives have led us to this point. To alter those choices would change our our existence so much that we would lose all we have gained, including that which we hold dearest.
    I realise that i have no real right to say this, nor am i so arrogant as to suggest you or anyone else take this to heart.
    I would tell my twelve year-old self nothing.
    I would look at him and reflect on how far i have come, how much i have learned and all that i have gained and lost as a result of my personal journey and see in him the person i am proud to be now.
    We all make what we consider to be mistakes, but to dwell on them is to be dominated by them.
    I would however let him in on the hottie-lovin’. A growing boy needs something to aim for.
    To the future-mobile!!! Away!!!!

  36. I think that if I were going to leave myself a note, I’d probably give myself a reading list of children’s and young-adult books I only discovered after age 25, plus a few of the more fun-loving self-help books and some creativity guides. I don’t know what I would have thought of them then, but I suspect that I would have trusted them a lot more than a bunch of advice by someone whose experiences and meditations thereon I wasn’t capable of really understanding. I think that books that suggested that I wasn’t alone in being an oddball and guides that bridged the gap between wishing and doing would have been absolute treasure then.
    With everything else, there seems to be a combination of hearing it from everyone else over and over again until what you’ve heard finally synchs up with your experience. Adults gave me plenty of advice, but I had to run my own experiences past my own filters to really be able to make the necessary connections. A thought provoking question, but not really one that I could answer in the spirit in which it was asked.

  37. Hey it’s your sis! I just wanted to let you know how amazing and, even though it’s over-used these days, PROFOUND this entry is. I’m so happy and excited for you with all the great stuff you’ve got going right now. Now, look to the future, what would your 60 year old self say to your 30 year old self? I’m really proud of you! Thanks for always opening your heart on this website. You always touch me!

  38. Fucking handbag.
    Can’t you mean people hold your tongue? You’re not Wil. You didn’t spend a chunk of your childhood on a TV show. Thanks, though my childhood could be considered a bit more normal than that, my young childhood as it was had a big fucking influence on my life.
    You jerks irritate me! You’ve irritated me since the time I was in school with the fact that you can’t not judge people for who they are. Something’s gotta be nitpicked at, someone has some flaw worse than your own, in your eyes, and you do have to make them oh-so-painfully aware of it. Don’t go telling someone to not write about something in their own damn journal. Its their journal, and just because you can read it doesn’t give you the right to be rude.
    Do us a favor and would you please shut up?
    And I’m sorry for going off in your journal like that, Wil, but their giving us a nice little point in which I think your post observed. People are jerks wherever you go, whatever you do.

  39. PS. In about 18 years they’re going to ask you and your buddy Feldman to star in a sequel called “Stand By Me, Too” with Joaquin Phoenix playing the part of River’s little brother. The plot centers around the 3 of you heading to Australia to find Vern who lost some money. There’s a kangaroo involved. Just say NO.
    Oh, you might want to pass up “Python” while you’re at it.
    Oh, and stay clear of PAX.
    Man, and I forgot another thing……

  40. Hmm interesting question considering that was the worst year of my life. I guess I would keep it simple and say ‘Hang in there kid it gets better starting next year’.

  42. Wow. Funny how we have the answers now. I probably wouldn’t have listened to my 12 year old self. Very nice though, and your sister commented too. Cool.

  43. I guess we all have some regrets, no matter that we keep telling ourselves not to have regrets…. In my case, it was being too focused on the future and having too definite a plan as to what I was going to become. But what happens when you get slammed over the head with the fact that your lifelong goal is totally not the right thing for you? Then what do you do? That’s what I’m trying to figure out right now. Somedays it’s depressing but other days, it’s completely liberating.
    What’s my point? If I could write a letter to my twelve year old self, I’d write: “Someday you’ll grow up and you’ll ask yourself: what do you really enjoy doing? And you won’t have a clue. But trying to figure it out, late though you’ll be, will reveal more about yourself than you ever thought was there. And you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life.”
    Sounds kinda melodramatic, I know. But much as it’s exciting to be at a crossroads in my life right now, I think it would have been easier had I not pigeon-holed myself so early on.
    Just my $0.02.
    Em

  44. I’ve long suspected that younger actors, even 15 yr old actors, live in a much different world. Theirs is not the world of the very young “isn’t s/he cyoooot” actor, nor is it the world of the older actor who is, in theory at least, somewhat of an adult.
    And actors are a different breed to begin with. Not worse or better than others, just different. We all have our differences, it is, as the cliche says, what makes the world go ’round.
    There is no way of knowing what would have happened had you stayed with the series. Would you have met your wife? Turned to writing? Become so enamored with computers?
    Personally, as I approach 40, I think, “if I only knew at {12,18,25,etc} what I knew now…” and I realize two things:
    1) Every day is full of choices, we make them and they make us. Changing the past might have prevented some of the bad things that has happened to my life, but there’s no guarantee that things would have turned out better.
    2) Until I was 30, I was sure I knew everything. I wouldn’t have listened to any advice from my future-self. And now as I approach 40 I know that I knew nothing then, I know nothing now, and I all I can do is try to keep learning.
    Sorry if I sound like an exploded fortune-cookie factory. Your note made me feel pseudophilisophical.

  47. In about 3 years you’ll meet a girl named Jenn. Do not talk to this girl. Avoid all contact with her. Yes, you may like her now but she’s not worth it. Crazy broad. You’ll meet someone better, trust me.

  48. Your post made me really think what would I say to myself at twelve if I could, after much thought I don’t know. I agree with someone earlier who said things happen in our lives for a reason, the previous journey that we have lived has brought us to where we are, mistakes and all. We can’t go back and change, I was burned when I was a child,as a kid, I would have given ANYTHING to take that back, but as an adult, I now realize that has made me the person I am today. Life is a journey, I am enjoying where it takes me. My two cents.

  49. Hi Wil,
    This is certainly an intersting thought. Me I would be caught between telling my 2 year old self not to make certain choises in life, but that leaves me wondering what sort of person I would be if I had gotton that advice at 12.
    The sort of advice I would give myself can only be appriciated by a adult looking back at life retrospectivly. So I wonder would this be a good thing? If it stoped all my negativity in life, it would be great but what if the advice backed fired and things were worse for me now than they all ready are.
    I really don’t know what I would do, would you really change your past to change your future?
    It’s an unbelievable deep thought. Although I do love the idea that I can go back in time and make my life all better, rather than the s**t I call a life now. Actually I would do just about anything to make my life better.
    If I knew it would change my life for the better I would say
    Dear 12 year old self
    If you only do these few things, your life will change for the better in such a way that you won’t recognise yourself. Fight the education system more, and get the testing done at 12, and make more of a deal about the bullying ‘cos kid you don’t cope with it.
    Your Older Self
    Spike
    01.21 GMT
    22.02.03

  50. Dear 12 year old self –
    Keep making your own decisions and keeping your own counsel. Just do the best you can. You’re doing just fine.
    Your 33 year old self

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