The familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee woke me a few minutes after Anne got up. I was still half-asleep when I walked into the kitchen and said, “Is there coffee?”
“There is totally coffee,” she said.
I filled my new favorite mug with Peet’s French Roast. It’s a cheesy looking thing that says “Crabby ’till I get my coffee” with a picture of a frowny crab holding a mug of coffee in each claw. It came from Cannery Row, of course.
“Are you crabby ’till you get your coffee?” she said.
“Uh-huh.” I said, as I wiped sleep from my eyes and took my first sip. I kissed the back of her neck and said, “But I’m not crabby now.”
I’ll spare you the rest of how sickeningly cute we were at each other, but if you’ve ever been stupid in love with someone, you probably know what I mean.
The kids ate breakfast, and Anne took them to school. When she got back, she said, “You want to take the girls to the park?”
Ferris has a limited vocabulary, but I’m convinced that she knows the phrase “take the girls” because whenever she hears it, she runs to the cabinet where we keep their leashes, and kicks the door.
“Yeah. That will be fun.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were running around with other dogs while we watched like proud parents.
“I love the way dogs play just like little kids,” I said.
Ferris ran over, dropped a dirty tennis ball at my feet, and looked up at me. Riley sat next to her, trembling with excitement.
“Did you want me to throw the ball for you?” I said.
Riley jumped up and ran in a little circle. Ferris barked.
“Okay,” I said, and threw it as far as I could.
The dogs chased it at full speed, right through a big mud puddle.
“I guess I’m taking my car to the carwash today,” I said.
Anne looked at me. “How are you doing this morning?” she said.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re still dwelling on that stupid Entertainment Weekly thing,” she said. Not a question.
My left eye began to twitch. It’s been doing that for about a week, and I really wish it would stop.
“Yeah.”
“I know that it sucks, but you’re wasting a lot of energy on a few words.”
Riley got to the ball before Ferris, but kicked it across the grass. Ferris darted to the side, and picked it up.
“You know how they said I ‘endlessly lament’ in my book?”
“Yeah.”
“I used some linux tools to grep my manuscript last night. I wrote ‘I used to be an actor’ six times. That’s 48 words out of a manuscript of over 84000 words. That’s like point oh oh oh two three eight something something. It’s hardly ‘endlessly.'”
“Oh my god,” she said. “You are such a nerd.”
Ferris dropped the ball back at my feet, and took off before I could bend over to pick it up. Riley followed her, right through the mud puddle.
“It’s just that –”
Anne put her hand on my shoulder, and turned me to face her.
“You have to let this go. You know what the truth is, and so does everyone who reads your website.”
“But it sucks.”
“Let it go, Wil.”
I drew a deep breath, frowned, and rubbed my hands down my face. Ferris picked up the ball, and started to run back.
“I know. It’s just not as easy as I wish it would be.”
“I know. But if you dwell on it, you’re going to start whining,” she said. “You’re dangerously close to whining right now.”
Those were the magic words. She was right, and I knew it. I did not want to become a whiner. Somehow, I had to just let it go, learn something from it and just move on.
“You’re totally right.”
When Ferris was about fifteen feet away from us, she suddenly dropped the ball, and ran after a beautiful golden retriever. Riley scooped up the ball, brought it back to us, and lay down at our feet.
“Are you tired?” Anne said to Riley, in the overly-happy ‘I’m talking to the dog’ voice.
“Did you play too hard?” I said, in the same voice.
Riley rolled onto her back, and stretched out as far as she could. She was covered in mud.
Anne and I laughed, and I scratched the only part of her belly that wasn’t muddy.
“We are such geeks,” I said. Across the grass, Ferris and the Retriever were playing an excited game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you.
I looked up at Anne. “When we get home, I’m going to write in my blog. I’m going to thank everyone for their support, and see if I can pick up a lesson from this. If I can, I’ll write about that also . . . but that will be the end of it.”
After a few minutes, Riley got up, and joined the game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you, with an emphasis on the you-chase-me part.
While I watched the dogs run around, I marked how lucky and happy I am. “I have fantstic kids. I have a wife who loves me as much as I love her, and I was able to spend my Monday morning at the park with my dogs. I’ve got the freedom to write what I want, when I want, and I have the privilege of sharing these things with a wonderful audience who choose to give me a little bit of their time.
So fuck what some jackasssays, who doesn’t know me, and who didn’t make an effort to find out what I or my book was about. Yeah, the truth is important to me, but just like I can’t please everyone, I also can’t expect everyone to live an honest and honorable life, either. The world is filled with jerks, and probability just says that sooner or later I’m going to run into one of them.
If I spend all sorts of time dwelling on one person who was an idiot, it’s disrespectful to all the thousands of people who have been kind . . . not to mention a huge waste of energy.
There’s another reason the Entertainment Weekly thing hurt: so far, the mainstream media have ignored me and my book, and it has felt like a real rejection. But there’s something I had forgotten: Real People have not done either of those things. Real People have taken the Journey with me, on the website and in the book, and those people get it. If the mainstream is too busy with Paris Hilton, or just doesn’t *want* to get it, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Who did I write this book for? The mainstream media? Hollywood? Critics? Or did I write it for Real People? Did I write it for myself? The answer is easy. Just look at who the book is dedicated to. It’s not ‘The Media.”
I know that it’s risky to be totally honest, because some people view that as weakness, and attack. But the unexamined life is not worth living, right? If I’m not totally honest with myself, how will I ever learn and grow? Should I stop examining my life now, because I wrote a book about it?
Well, right now I need to examine my life, and I need to be totally honest with myself. I have to own up to something: I *did* hope that my book would get noticed by the Industry. I hoped that it would get noticed by critics, and I hoped that The Media would pay attention . . . but all that happened after it was published. When I wrote it, I hoped that my story would be amusing, interesting, and maybe even inspiring to people.
And you know what? That’s exactly what Real People tell me when they read my book: they were amused, interested, and occasionaly inspired.
What a myopic fucking fool I’ve been! What a stupid, stupid jerkass! I was so worried about impressing The Cool Kids, I forgot who I am, and why I do this. And even worse, I disrespected — even if unintentionally — the very people who have been with me on The Journey all along. It’s not some stupid magazine that owes *me* an apology; it’s *me* who owes all those Real People an apology.”
I turned to Anne. “I know what I’m going to write when we get home.”
“Good,” she said. “Just let it go.”
“I just did.”
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Good for you to let it go.
So, did you bathe the dog too?
Hey Wil, screw them and live your life.
I’m going to go get a copy of your book.
It’s a beautiful day in Ohio…I’m not an author, I’m not rich…I don’t have any title…but I’ve got dogs…friends…and a car that gets me around (most of the time) and I tell you what…it’s not raining
Fuckin’ A dood. Fuckin’ A.
I know how you feel, I have a hard time letting that stuff go. I want to write Entertainment
Weak-ly and bitch, as soon as I can find their stupid address. Have you looked them up online? There’s a few not so positive items. Its called a “rag” by more than one listing. Don’t worry, the people who read and get you ARE the cool people. (find and post their address so we can innundate them with letters) 😉
Very cool.
Take Anne and the kids out tonight and enjoy YOUR LIFE and don’t worry about the media morons.
hang in there dude! [_]
This is why I read your blog and not EW.
Wil, you’re an incredibly talented guy in all kinds of ways–thanks for sharing your talent, and your life, with us Real People!
Oh, and apology accepted. I personally didn’t need one, but accepted anyway, since you were gracious enough to offer it.
p.s. Anne, you SO rock–you’re the kind of woman who gives the rest of us a good name!
Take care, all!
Syd
Good to hear you’ve gotten through this. You know what’s important, and a lot of people will never learn. Plus the eye twitch thing sucks.
Apology not necessary.
There’s always the critic out there that fails to mention you in a review, or sums up your 6 weeks of memorization, blocking, character studies, choreography, costuming, anxiety, and performance in a single word: adequate.
Water off a ducks back, otherwise you find yourself believing what they say.
Screw ’em. Enjoy what you do, enjoy the people that tell you they enjoy what you do.
Hell, I can be honest. I never really got into ST:TNG, but you’re way cooler than I ever thought you would be. I enjoy what you’re doing now.
Congrats!
Thanks, Wil. For the apology to us, tho’ it’s not needed. We will forgive you well nigh anything. It’s just so awesome for us Real People to get to have a glimpse into your life. Unfiltered and honest. We love you and don’t ever forget it!
Now go wash the dogs. 🙂
Way2Go. We all need a good dose of Let It Go. There’s too little time in our lives as it is to waste on others who don’t deserve a second of it.
ah, The sweet sweet feeling of letting go and falling into a shimmering place free of… Entertainment Weekly.
I’m glad you found peace again, Wil. But don’t worry about being “a fool.” We love you because you’re a real person, and real people get hurt. You handled things beautifully.
Amy
Glad to hear you’re feeling better, Wil. There will always be some petty jerks out there that will make you feel horrible, if you let them.
I love this sentence: “The world is filled with jerks, and probability just says that sooner or later I’m going to run into one of them.”
Absolutely.
I love reading your site. You have a great writing style, and stories that everyone (actors, non-actors, parents, geeks…) can relate to. Keep your chin up. Your fans love you and always will. I’m really looking forward to finally getting my hands on a copy of Just A Geek. :o) *hugs*
Way to go Wil… your book is one of the best I’ve read in a long time.
Keep up the good work and ignore the critics :^)
That’s the Wil we know. Glad to have you back to your usual charming self! The Goddess of Justice and Vengeance is proud of you, as are your other posse members. I need to head over to the store page and buy me a “Wil’s Posse” t-shirt. I wonder how many people around here will recognize it.
Hugs,
Aylaleia – Goddess of Justice and Vengeance
Hey Wil, No apology needed. I love reading YOUR site and YOUR books and I’m pretty sure that’s how most of us Real People feel. Rock on.
Wil, we, the Real People, will keep reading your blog whether or not The Media ever get it. Keep writing. We’ll be here.
Thanks for the post. Thanks for the love.
Back at ya man!
And my oh my how I “heart” your family. Anne, you totally rock.
Good For you,
Because the people at Entertainment weekly are NOT the cool kids, they are the want-a-be cool kids, the ones who all ways just hovered around looking for scraps and taking whatever the cool kids would give them, thats why they can strike out and be so mean, that is all they know, because its what was done to them.
I’m gonna let you in on a secret… you think the mainstream media is the ‘cool kid’? Nope. YOU are the ‘cool kid’. Come on, do you think we would read your books and check out your blog if we thought you sucked? How many times have people commented that they want you to do a book signing in their city? How many AWESOME authors have recognized your writing ability? And I guess getting your picture with porn stars doesn’t hurt the ego, either. :)-
You don’t do drugs, you don’t smoke (cigars don’t count), you’re not an alcoholic, you’ve never been to prison (at least, that I know of), you have a family, you have friends, you’re able to do something you love… Dude! YOU ARE COOL!!!
:,)
It’s a Kodak moment…
Good for you, Wil. Don’t let it get to you.
Neil (Gaimain) said (in the Penguicon panel “Blogs as Fiction”) that one’s faith in the thoroughness and truth in media survives right up to the point that you see something that you’ve been closely involved with reported on. Having been through that myself, it’s astonishing how completely assanine the things people will write. And I only experienced ignorance and sloppy journalism; it sounds like you had somebody who was deliberately trying to pump themselves up by dumping on you. Whew!
The Real People will stand by, and continue to read. Please continue to write; you are always are an inspiration.
standing by…
Craig STeffen
As usual, you rock.
Great attitude Wil! It bothers me a little that some people will read EW and judge the book by that insipid bit but perhaps it’s for the best that people who read EW are NOT going to buy your book.
Well spoken, Wil. I’ve said it before in one of the million e-mails you probably would have answered if you had a roomful of clones: your website, your writing, and the way you live your life in general are inspirational to me.
Welcome back.
Stace
Atta boy, Wil! The biggest irony would be if you found out who drew that charicature of you, then use him to illustrate your next book!
Well, I suppose you could release your own sex tape to Main Stream Media
It’s better to be a has-been, then a never-was.
-Jackie Coogan
How annoying is it that we have to keep learning the same lessons over and over again, in slightly different ways, every three weeks?
Smiling in sympathy…
Good on ya Wil.
Letting things go is a very tough lesson to learn. 🙂
Wil, like many others who said earlier, chin up. Your book sales is an indication of what the truth is. Your blog readership stats show that we are still here for you regardless of what some idiot said. Hold your head high, Wil and keep on writing the way you do. You have maintained your integrity in all that you do way better than some idiot person that shoots hurtful arrows at everyone. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be reading your blog everyday.
Okay, now go wash the dogs and clean up the car. ;^)
I feel with you… I find it just as hard to get over when someone doesn’t like me, and sometimes I try to impress the wrong people. I know how hard it is, and how much harder it must be for you, considering that you have made yourself vulnerable in front of so many people by being honest, and because it is on such a large scale.
But it takes A LOT of guts to do that, to stand up for yourself and be yourself, and this whole post has been an inspiration to me once again.
You can be lucky to have such a wise, supportive wife who helps you to become a better human being, and you have been given a great gift for being able to view yourself in such an honest light!
Thanks for that post, Wil!
Next thing you should publish is “Wil Wheaton’s Chicken Soup for the Soul”. 😉
Darn it! I can’t even type my name right. :^P
About the eyelid twitching…it’s most likely due to stress. My eyelid twitched for over a week before I realized it was stress induced. Perhaps the twitching will end since you have identified what was eating at you. :^)
Trust us Uncle Willy – some of us ARE cool kids and we read your blog NOT Entertainment Weakly.
I love my life – crazy mixed up thing that it is. There’s nothing better than knowing who you are and having family/friends/dogs&cats that will always love and support you. You’ve got a blessed life!
Keep up the great writing Wil!
Hey will,
I have always believed that if someone has a problem with me, it is their problem, not mine. Sometimes they can be cruel because of their problem, but if I make it my problem, then I am now the one with the problem and it is my fault.
I think it is way cool that you are able to just let go and not make other people’s problems yours. Who cares what other people who don’t really matter think. Just focus on those who you really do care about (your family, friends, and of course “Real People”). Don’t worry about impressing anyone. You don’t have to because you are already totally cool. I think that those who really matter in your life would agree. Anyone who wouldn’t agree, well, that’s their problem isn’t it.
This whole EW thing has reminded me I haven’t got round to the buying the book yet, so I’ve just ordered it from Messrs Amazon.
No such thing as bad publicity…
Honesty is a good thing. So is letting go.
I’m glad EW won’t get the best of you in the end.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
I’m sorry, but one of us has to break this to you.
“I used to be an actor” is six words. If it was in your book six times, then that’s 36 not 48.
Much *LOVE* Man,Much *LOVE*!
Yes, good for you and all of that. Now to the real point of my message….I spent about 30 seconds trying to figure out what a “jackasssays” was. I kept thinking, man, do I need to brush up on my cursing or what? I’ve never heard anyone called a jackasssays before! Then I got it (the typo), and really felt like a jackasssays.
Don’t care what others think, its so much more fun that way. I appreciate the lessons and writings you share with us. (your readers)
Sometimes what you create won’t interest all the people you’ve created it for. Sometimes what you create just isn’t very good. Sometimes it’s both.
Either you suck it up and get back on the horse, or you don’t.
Was writing the book worthwhile? Did you enjoy it? Did you get paid? Did what you invested result in a reasonable payoff?
And, in the final analysis, do any of these questions matter to anyone but you?
I’m really glad to read this post. I’m happy for what Anne said, but even happier that you understood, and are letting go.
Go you! You’ve touched so many people, and that’s not something anyone – even the (questionably) Cool Kids – can take away.
All the best to you and yours.
Wil, that was deep. I hope you really mean it. If you tend to slide and feel disappointment again with the EW shithead or the “Industry”, just reread what you wrote because it’s very inspiring.
Even if you feel you don’t care to hear it right now, I want to say one thing. I don’t understand why you are not noticed much more by the industry? I (and many others obviously) think you are extremely talented, interesting, entertaining, and, of course, good looking. Personally, (*exasperated sigh*) I can’t comprehend Hollywood standards. So many of these “Hollywood types” are so awful. And here you are….with real talent.
You have a wonderful life, it seems, we’re all glad for you that you aren’t letting any career disappointments get you down. Screw the media, do it for us 🙂 You truly are an inspiration.
You just let it go and I just one-click ordered your book on Amazon. Sorry it took me so long.
Very nicely said Wil. And your wife is one
smart cookie.
I am the happy owner Of Just a Geek.
I can’t wait to read it.
*smiles*
Perspective is everything. Glad to hear yours is back in a better place now.
Wil, you rock. Your words (in blog and JAG) remind me to spend a moment thinking about how I can be a better person and appreciate what I have. When I get overwhelmed by annoying work stuff (which has been happening too much lately), your posts are a breath of fresh air and I felt the same as I read JAG.