The familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee woke me a few minutes after Anne got up. I was still half-asleep when I walked into the kitchen and said, “Is there coffee?”
“There is totally coffee,” she said.
I filled my new favorite mug with Peet’s French Roast. It’s a cheesy looking thing that says “Crabby ’till I get my coffee” with a picture of a frowny crab holding a mug of coffee in each claw. It came from Cannery Row, of course.
“Are you crabby ’till you get your coffee?” she said.
“Uh-huh.” I said, as I wiped sleep from my eyes and took my first sip. I kissed the back of her neck and said, “But I’m not crabby now.”
I’ll spare you the rest of how sickeningly cute we were at each other, but if you’ve ever been stupid in love with someone, you probably know what I mean.
The kids ate breakfast, and Anne took them to school. When she got back, she said, “You want to take the girls to the park?”
Ferris has a limited vocabulary, but I’m convinced that she knows the phrase “take the girls” because whenever she hears it, she runs to the cabinet where we keep their leashes, and kicks the door.
“Yeah. That will be fun.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were running around with other dogs while we watched like proud parents.
“I love the way dogs play just like little kids,” I said.
Ferris ran over, dropped a dirty tennis ball at my feet, and looked up at me. Riley sat next to her, trembling with excitement.
“Did you want me to throw the ball for you?” I said.
Riley jumped up and ran in a little circle. Ferris barked.
“Okay,” I said, and threw it as far as I could.
The dogs chased it at full speed, right through a big mud puddle.
“I guess I’m taking my car to the carwash today,” I said.
Anne looked at me. “How are you doing this morning?” she said.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re still dwelling on that stupid Entertainment Weekly thing,” she said. Not a question.
My left eye began to twitch. It’s been doing that for about a week, and I really wish it would stop.
“Yeah.”
“I know that it sucks, but you’re wasting a lot of energy on a few words.”
Riley got to the ball before Ferris, but kicked it across the grass. Ferris darted to the side, and picked it up.
“You know how they said I ‘endlessly lament’ in my book?”
“Yeah.”
“I used some linux tools to grep my manuscript last night. I wrote ‘I used to be an actor’ six times. That’s 48 words out of a manuscript of over 84000 words. That’s like point oh oh oh two three eight something something. It’s hardly ‘endlessly.'”
“Oh my god,” she said. “You are such a nerd.”
Ferris dropped the ball back at my feet, and took off before I could bend over to pick it up. Riley followed her, right through the mud puddle.
“It’s just that –”
Anne put her hand on my shoulder, and turned me to face her.
“You have to let this go. You know what the truth is, and so does everyone who reads your website.”
“But it sucks.”
“Let it go, Wil.”
I drew a deep breath, frowned, and rubbed my hands down my face. Ferris picked up the ball, and started to run back.
“I know. It’s just not as easy as I wish it would be.”
“I know. But if you dwell on it, you’re going to start whining,” she said. “You’re dangerously close to whining right now.”
Those were the magic words. She was right, and I knew it. I did not want to become a whiner. Somehow, I had to just let it go, learn something from it and just move on.
“You’re totally right.”
When Ferris was about fifteen feet away from us, she suddenly dropped the ball, and ran after a beautiful golden retriever. Riley scooped up the ball, brought it back to us, and lay down at our feet.
“Are you tired?” Anne said to Riley, in the overly-happy ‘I’m talking to the dog’ voice.
“Did you play too hard?” I said, in the same voice.
Riley rolled onto her back, and stretched out as far as she could. She was covered in mud.
Anne and I laughed, and I scratched the only part of her belly that wasn’t muddy.
“We are such geeks,” I said. Across the grass, Ferris and the Retriever were playing an excited game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you.
I looked up at Anne. “When we get home, I’m going to write in my blog. I’m going to thank everyone for their support, and see if I can pick up a lesson from this. If I can, I’ll write about that also . . . but that will be the end of it.”
After a few minutes, Riley got up, and joined the game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you, with an emphasis on the you-chase-me part.
While I watched the dogs run around, I marked how lucky and happy I am. “I have fantstic kids. I have a wife who loves me as much as I love her, and I was able to spend my Monday morning at the park with my dogs. I’ve got the freedom to write what I want, when I want, and I have the privilege of sharing these things with a wonderful audience who choose to give me a little bit of their time.
So fuck what some jackasssays, who doesn’t know me, and who didn’t make an effort to find out what I or my book was about. Yeah, the truth is important to me, but just like I can’t please everyone, I also can’t expect everyone to live an honest and honorable life, either. The world is filled with jerks, and probability just says that sooner or later I’m going to run into one of them.
If I spend all sorts of time dwelling on one person who was an idiot, it’s disrespectful to all the thousands of people who have been kind . . . not to mention a huge waste of energy.
There’s another reason the Entertainment Weekly thing hurt: so far, the mainstream media have ignored me and my book, and it has felt like a real rejection. But there’s something I had forgotten: Real People have not done either of those things. Real People have taken the Journey with me, on the website and in the book, and those people get it. If the mainstream is too busy with Paris Hilton, or just doesn’t *want* to get it, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Who did I write this book for? The mainstream media? Hollywood? Critics? Or did I write it for Real People? Did I write it for myself? The answer is easy. Just look at who the book is dedicated to. It’s not ‘The Media.”
I know that it’s risky to be totally honest, because some people view that as weakness, and attack. But the unexamined life is not worth living, right? If I’m not totally honest with myself, how will I ever learn and grow? Should I stop examining my life now, because I wrote a book about it?
Well, right now I need to examine my life, and I need to be totally honest with myself. I have to own up to something: I *did* hope that my book would get noticed by the Industry. I hoped that it would get noticed by critics, and I hoped that The Media would pay attention . . . but all that happened after it was published. When I wrote it, I hoped that my story would be amusing, interesting, and maybe even inspiring to people.
And you know what? That’s exactly what Real People tell me when they read my book: they were amused, interested, and occasionaly inspired.
What a myopic fucking fool I’ve been! What a stupid, stupid jerkass! I was so worried about impressing The Cool Kids, I forgot who I am, and why I do this. And even worse, I disrespected — even if unintentionally — the very people who have been with me on The Journey all along. It’s not some stupid magazine that owes *me* an apology; it’s *me* who owes all those Real People an apology.”
I turned to Anne. “I know what I’m going to write when we get home.”
“Good,” she said. “Just let it go.”
“I just did.”
Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
“Yeah, the truth is important to me, but just like I can’t please everyone”
Okay. So you can’t please everyone. But you please a whole bunch of people who’ve been here reading your website, or we wouldn’t be here.
“I was so worried about impressing The Cool Kids, I forgot who I am, and why I do this.”
Except, we are the cool kids! After all, who decides what’s cool? Generally that’s decided by a majority of people. Hey! We’re people! Geeky people! And that’s cool!
Oh, and I know about the whole left-eye-twitching thing. Happens to me a lot when I’m streesed. Chances are now that you’ve let it go, the eye twitch will stop too.
Wil,
You must be a real Pink Floyd fan. This is the second time I’ve seen you use arcane Pink Floyd lyrics as the title for your posts. Way cool.
And way stupid Entertainment Weekly. You rock.
I’m glad to hear you’re over it, Wil. Life’s too short.
I’m curious to know how many people ended up writing Ent.Weekly about the review. I know I told them off on your behalf. Any idea?
Someone wise once told me, “Always know where the reviews are, but never read them. The publicity is good, but the heartache isn’t.”
When you see, them, though, it really is hard to let go…and even when you let go, it still pops into your head. That’s when you gotta remember that for every person who snorts and thinks it’s funny there are two that snort and say “I gotta check this out.” You can get rich!
I subscribed to EW once. It was for a Publisher’s Clearing House thing or something where the deal was for three subscriptions.
I read it a few times. It struck me as being the “David Spade’s Hollywood Minute” of magazines. You know, it’s tough to base a weekly magazine on a 1-minute recurring SNL sketch, but somehow they managed.
When my subscription lapsed, I didn’t even notice.
Hey Wil, as a technical writer and aspiring novelist, I know exactly what it’s like to have some uneducated dunderhead slam your work based on reading nothing more than the executive summary/cover letter. It sucks. It hurts. It produces anger and self-doubt, the most corrosive forces we humans are ever exposed to (not counting acid, of course.) I don’t blame you for hoping the industry would notice your efforts and give you some kind of validation. Hell, I’d like that too. It’s pretty disheartening to have my latest short story rejected by every publisher in the civilized world. But that doesn’t mean my story sucks or that I suck, and the real joy was in creating the story (although I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing that byline…)
For whatever it’s worth, I bought your book, I liked your book, I got the point you were making, and I think it’s pretty damn cool that you’ve gone beyond being Wesley/Gordy to being a blogger and comic.
Awesome! You are not letting the critics get you down.
I looooovee YEEeeeEwww
“I know that it’s risky to be totally honest, because some people view that as weakness, and attack.” – Wil on his writing.
“putting the “weak” in weekly” – Wil on EW’s writing.
Wil, there is always an element of fat, sweaty duplicity in everything you write whether you see it or not. Paging through this blog and parts of JAG, you write admissions of not being totally honest with yourself or your readers.
I totally agree with Anne. You do waste energy fearing negative truths in a dream state of denial and perpetuating feelings of rejection filled with candycane lies and butterscotch half truths. Your tendancy is to take your candyland audience with you and make enemies out of those who feel they must deny your cake at times in order to keep you grounded in the here and now.
You must confront it. I, like many others, have been reading since the beginning here, waiting for you to go through the real confrontation with this demon of yours.
I’m still waiting. For your sake, Wil, not mine. It was one of the first things I saw through when I got here. It was a winter sun to my dark adapted eyes, cold and blinding. Make no mistake…a treuce with this demon will change you forever.
I leave here after the latest high on the rollercoaster with a familiar “we’ll see” feeling in my gut. You can go ahead and hate like hell that I’ve said all that. But, I hate like hell that it keeps needing to be said.
I’m glad for you that you let it go, Wil. Is it OK if we don’t?
[email protected]
Very cool, Uncle Wil.
I just finished your book, and I review it as a great book !!! I don’t normally read books, unless they are tech manuals or something on computers, but I thought your book might be fun to read because I liked your acting from TNG, and I am also a geek.
Please don’t worry so much about what others think.
You have more people that like you ( yea I know, we don’t realy know you, but we feel we do) than most people meet in there entire life. Be thankfull for the love and fuck the rest.
Wil – you rock.
I’m going to get my copy of Just A Geek and hopefully Dancing Barefoot in just 25 days at Linucon.
And I’ll probably giggle like an idiot. 🙂
Wil,
I’ve read your blog for many months now, I picked up a copy of ‘Dancing Barefoot’ a few months ago, read it, loved it, related to it, but I have never commented here. But I have finally decided too after this entry. You are one of the most remarkable people I have ever come across. You inspire me. I hope to someday be atleast half the man you are. I idolize you. I love your writing, your style, and just how brutally honest and down to earth you are. There is just so much you have accomplished in your life that I can only dream to do someday. You have a beautiful wife and family, you’ve written and published two books. You lead a remarkable life. Ok, I’m going to stop before I sound like a raving fan boi (probably too late, huh?) I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of ‘Just A Geek’. If it is anything like ‘Dancing Barefoot’ I will love it.
Thanks Wil.
-cory
Outfuckingstanding Wil! You hit it on the head!
Echoes dude, Echoes…
I’ve heard of you, Wil. I’ve heard of your book and bought “Dancing Barefoot” and am going to buy this one when I get the money. Up until you mentioned it, I’d never even heard of EW. That alone must tell you something, if only that you’re worth sticking one’s head out of the sand for. 🙂
And isn’t it true that only something like 6% of Americans read books? Book readers by default aren’t mainstream…they’re the elite. And writers are their gods. Thou Art God, y’know. 🙂
Way to go, Wil.
Ya know, while I think I’d heard of Entertainment weekly (it’s on grocery checkouts with Enquirer and that lot, no?), I seek out and read your work.
I think that it’s important to really /feel/ the anger and hurt – for a while. But then you need to shrug it off and move on.
I would /love/ to see what you would do as a producer/director. You would make fascinating, atypical films.
You frickin’ rock, man.
Wil,
I swear that you have to be an INFP or ENFP –
http://typelogic.com/enfp.html
I am an INFP (http://typelogic.com/infp.html), but you seem more extraverted so that’s why I think you might be an ENFP.
I’m sure that you’ve taken these personality tests before. In case you haven’t, click the link below to find out if I’m close –
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Nice blog entry, BTW. Glad that you’re able to “Let It Go” — for some reason, I have the song from The Full Monty stuck in my head with the same title. That’s a different sort of letting go. *smile*
Best wishes,
Linda
Developing thick skin is one of the hardest things to do
“You do waste energy fearing negative truths in a dream state of denial and perpetuating feelings of rejection filled with candycane lies and butterscotch half truths. Your tendancy is to take your candyland audience with you and make enemies out of those who feel they must deny your cake at times in order to keep you grounded in the here and now.”–Y.K.W.
Jeez, man. Go have dessert; your blood sugar is way too low. If you really think that a snarky one-liner from a magazine’s book critic is meant as some sort of therapeutic service to the target, you need to get out more.
Screw the rest, hon… You are the best and we all love you. My friends have a saying that kinda fits here… “Apologizes and explinations are not needed with friends and not wanted by enemies.”
You know, there are assholes out there, but I agree with you, don’t let them get to you. You are a talented writer, and the media chooses what they think people want to see, and they are wrong. That why tv sucks!
You are inspirational, and talented and lucky. Forget those jerks. I love your website and enjoy peeking into your life, and you have a great one!
I’m so glad to hear you’re going to let this go. I haven’t read your books yet (keeping my fingers crossed for Friday), but from what I’ve read here, you’re a great writer. Don’t listen to the dicks who obviously don’t know what they’re talking about.
A good attitude, Wil.
As a (successful-in-a-smallish-way) writer myself, I know how hard it can be to read reviews that dismiss the work…especially when one puts one’s heart and soul into it.
I’m a pretty recent convert to your ‘blog, Wil, and I made a point of running out and buying your book last night, *specifically because of the nasty notice in EW*.
In related news: I elected not to send in my subscription renewal to EW.
—
I got home last night at about 9:30. I read “Just A Geek” until 10:30.
Hot damn, Wil: good stuff. Thanks!
-E
Big Hugs for Big Willie.
From everything I’ve read on your website. I wish you were my neighbor and my friend. Until you become either, I’m a big fanboy.
You are a great person. Wish you all the best.
Hey Wil
I don’t know if you will read my post or not,but I just had to comment on you and your book.I recently bought your book,I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now.I am a Real Person and I enjoy your writing and your book was GREAT!So keep up the great work man,and keep your spirits up also.
I don’t know you, but I feel I know your work very well. It speaks to me on many levels, and what it says, as best as I can articulate, is this:
We don’t need special effects. We don’t need larger-than-life heroes and heroins, villains and minions. We don’t need end-of-the-world catastrophes and Olympian gods and Keanu Reeves’ ubiquitous “Whoa!”.
Each of these things, every fictional device that has been employed throughout the history of storytelling, is nothing more than a wrench, a way to turn our screws, press our buttons and twist our cerebral cortices into absorbing what the storyteller wants us to taste/feel/hear/grok on a level that is, hopefully, a close-enough approximation of what the author/composer/artist felt. These are ways of conveying truth through ideas, feelings through scenarios and analogy, and flavor through unimportant substance.
Your work accomplishes this without device, or subterfuge, or trickery, or fabrication. It, and you, meet this very elusive goal of all art by telling the truth.
This is a gift beyond value, and those that cannot see it and realize its significance are to be pitied.
And maybe sterilized.
You wrote something that made me sit back and think. It was a simple line “Well, right now I need to examine my life, and I need to be totally honest with myself.”
So much is beginning to happen in my life again and the pain (I have rheumatoid arthritis) is growing worse again. I was beginning to think I didn’t have the courage to fight it again and try and *live* a good life. *I* need to do just what you said you were doing. Somehow, it made a difference.
I’m glad you let it go Wil. You need to keep plugging away at life too, damn the critics, and boy, are there a lot out there (including ourselves).
“I used some linux tools to grep my manuscript last night,” sounds so much like something I would say to someone and then have to spend the next hour explaining what a shell, perl, linux, computers and electricity was… lol
All in all; your fans love you Wil. And those who haven’t taken the time to know you can go “piss up a rope.” You’ve seen shit like this before, people who try and judge you without ever knowing what it’s like to be you; or what it’s like to be a geek! All of us geeks are born with thick skin, but sometimes it’s thicker than others.
Keep up the good writing and we’ll all keep up the reading! 😀
Wil stories like the one you just told us about is why we are here. Glad you understand that trying to “fit in” with them is pointless… with us your a perfect fit all the time.
Someday they will be knocking on your door and then you can decide if you wanna open it or not… either way we will be on the other side with you.
Keep being the cat we love and keep loving what you do.
Keeme
That was a really great post, Wil. Thanks for putting things in perspective. I had a similar experience recently, and your post made me feel better, as nerdy as that sounds. Even the geeks who are proud to be different let the “cool kids” make them feel inferior sometimes. It’s tough to let it go sometimes, but you and all of us readers know the truth – you’re an awesome writer. I can’t wait to read Just A Geek.
Sarah
Wil,
Something about trying to impress the cool kids…how many of us waste time with that? Man have I wasted so many precious moments over the years. Thanks for pointing that out. I just started reading your blog and I’m sure glad I did. And I will run right out and spend sum student loan money on your book! Hey a grad student’s gotta have SOME fun.
E.
P.S. Yes, it is indeed a beautiful day in Ohio! Being in the moment – it’s a good thing.
I somehow I feel I am in some small way partly responsible for all of this.
I’m sorry.
That’s the way Wil, don’t let some no-nothing asshole ruin your day or your week man. No apology needed good sir, you reacted as any of us would. And that’s the point, we are all the same here. We’re all regular guys and girls here, and your writings reflect our lives and our stories in a way that the jerk from EW could never comprehend, and that’s why we all think that you rock dude!
S
Will, This is my first visit to your site. I discovered you through the ‘Best of Blogs’ book and was very moved by your entry in August 2002 where you describe the continual pain of rejection faced by a professional actor. I am a high school theatre teacher who will be reading an excerpt from that blog to my classes tomorrow. It appears from the current entry that you are facing the same sort of rejection as a writer. Try not to let it get you down. You have a gift and obviously have a large and loyal following. Your following has just grown by one. Thanks for your inspiration. Keep up the wonderful work!
you wouldn’t have been human if you hadn’t been upset by the callous pan by EW…at least you wouldn’t have been you…you couldn’t have been honest about your life in your book if you had written the kind of book the pinhead who wrote the review was looking for…i think you came out of your funk right on schedule…but i knew you would…because now you understand what’s really important…something that reviewer would probably have a hard time grasping.
Whenever a little mud is slung your way, think of your blog’s legion of fans and their admiration surrouding you like armor.
And EW (what an appropriate acronym) can kiss our collective stanky behind-ends. Even my dentist stopped carrying that rag in his waiting room.
Wil – I read your books and enjoyed them. I never once felt like you were whinning. I related to your stories and appreciated your honest examination. Thank you. You are an inspiration to me (and, I’m sure, to many others).
Daniel from Portland, OR
For all it’s worth, I just read a rather positive review of your book a free computer magazine here in Montreal, Qc.
I haven’t picked it up yet but I’ve been checking your blog for over a year now (since your apperance on TechTV (nb. burn G4!))
Keep it up, you do yourself good.
Paul
No apology necessary, Wil. But remember to do something nice for Anne from all of us on the Posse, OK?
Do you still have the energy to read all of these comments? Man, when I first started reading your blogs there was nowhere near the amount of interest and now there is so much i can get through it all!
Well done Anne! she picked a winning horse and knows how to keep it running huh? Good girl, keep our Uncle Willy focused on what he does best and there will always be a reason for me and countless others to keep turning on this computer and get inspired enough to keep going when life kicks you in the nuts.
You have no idea how much we all have in common with you and finally we have a universal friend who is pitting himself out there so much so that we dont have to risk that part ourselves.
For that I tip my hat to you sir. Keep it coming
Caroline
London
“If you really think that a snarky one-liner from a magazine’s book critic is meant as some sort of therapeutic service to the target, you need to get out more.”
I wasn’t referring to the magazine when I wrote that. Don’t be upset with yourself for not getting what I meant. You weren’t meant to get it. It’s not even on your radar.
Can I just say that YKW is a pretentious ass?
Of course you can. I expect you all to say so.
Thanks for today’s story, Wil. I, too, need to put some things behind me that have been getting me down for quite some time now. Your courage to write about your feelings is inspiring.
So, keep up the good work — you’re having a positive influence on what appears to be a large number of people. And, hey, by the time the next Presidential election rolls around, you’ll be eligible to run (it’s been a long time since I was in civics class, but I think you have to be 35). How’d that be for a career change! 🙂
Wil, no apology is necessary. Your blog is a place for you to get out the thoughts you’re having at any particular time. You had a right to be angry about the magazine. And you did the very mature thing in listening to your wife, realizing that you’d been angry long enough, and trying to push it out of your head.
Of course you were hoping for some major and mainstream notice. Anyone who publishes a book has those hopes, no matter how much they’ll try and temper them with realistic expectations. There is no shame in having that hope.
Just know that most of us who have read your book got what you were saying.
A few comments:
I didn’t feel disrespected by your blog entry about how the EW thing hurt you. I feel *respected* that you would be willing to share that pain with me (and the rest of us WWdN readers) instead of letting Prove to Everyone gloss over it.
If you were to continue letting it bring you down, to the point where it affected your home life, then the disrespect would have been to your family. And Anne nipped that in the bud, didn’t she?
There is *nothing wrong* with wanting the mainstream media to notice, and like, your books. You may have written them for yourself, and for Anne, and maybe even a little bit for us Real People, but O’Reilly published it so they could *sell it*, as in, get people to *pay money* for it. The more attention The Media gives your book, the more copies are likely to be sold, and the more money you and O’Reilly make, and the more books by Wil Wheaton are likely to be published. Now who doesn’t want that?? (Besides some pea-brain at EW.) Just because EW trashed your book doesn’t mean that you have struck out forever with The Media. That’s one of the great things about books; they don’t have an expiration date. They can take off at any time, with a smidgen of luck and a lot of good word of mouth. I don’t think you will have any trouble with the latter, and the former will just have to come when it comes.
One last thing: that is one wise woman that you are married to (like I need to tell you that). If you are ever foolish enough to let her get away, I will track you down and slap you into the nearest wormhole.
Now, let it go and get back to your writing, buster.