The familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee woke me a few minutes after Anne got up. I was still half-asleep when I walked into the kitchen and said, “Is there coffee?”
“There is totally coffee,” she said.
I filled my new favorite mug with Peet’s French Roast. It’s a cheesy looking thing that says “Crabby ’till I get my coffee” with a picture of a frowny crab holding a mug of coffee in each claw. It came from Cannery Row, of course.
“Are you crabby ’till you get your coffee?” she said.
“Uh-huh.” I said, as I wiped sleep from my eyes and took my first sip. I kissed the back of her neck and said, “But I’m not crabby now.”
I’ll spare you the rest of how sickeningly cute we were at each other, but if you’ve ever been stupid in love with someone, you probably know what I mean.
The kids ate breakfast, and Anne took them to school. When she got back, she said, “You want to take the girls to the park?”
Ferris has a limited vocabulary, but I’m convinced that she knows the phrase “take the girls” because whenever she hears it, she runs to the cabinet where we keep their leashes, and kicks the door.
“Yeah. That will be fun.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were running around with other dogs while we watched like proud parents.
“I love the way dogs play just like little kids,” I said.
Ferris ran over, dropped a dirty tennis ball at my feet, and looked up at me. Riley sat next to her, trembling with excitement.
“Did you want me to throw the ball for you?” I said.
Riley jumped up and ran in a little circle. Ferris barked.
“Okay,” I said, and threw it as far as I could.
The dogs chased it at full speed, right through a big mud puddle.
“I guess I’m taking my car to the carwash today,” I said.
Anne looked at me. “How are you doing this morning?” she said.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re still dwelling on that stupid Entertainment Weekly thing,” she said. Not a question.
My left eye began to twitch. It’s been doing that for about a week, and I really wish it would stop.
“Yeah.”
“I know that it sucks, but you’re wasting a lot of energy on a few words.”
Riley got to the ball before Ferris, but kicked it across the grass. Ferris darted to the side, and picked it up.
“You know how they said I ‘endlessly lament’ in my book?”
“Yeah.”
“I used some linux tools to grep my manuscript last night. I wrote ‘I used to be an actor’ six times. That’s 48 words out of a manuscript of over 84000 words. That’s like point oh oh oh two three eight something something. It’s hardly ‘endlessly.'”
“Oh my god,” she said. “You are such a nerd.”
Ferris dropped the ball back at my feet, and took off before I could bend over to pick it up. Riley followed her, right through the mud puddle.
“It’s just that –”
Anne put her hand on my shoulder, and turned me to face her.
“You have to let this go. You know what the truth is, and so does everyone who reads your website.”
“But it sucks.”
“Let it go, Wil.”
I drew a deep breath, frowned, and rubbed my hands down my face. Ferris picked up the ball, and started to run back.
“I know. It’s just not as easy as I wish it would be.”
“I know. But if you dwell on it, you’re going to start whining,” she said. “You’re dangerously close to whining right now.”
Those were the magic words. She was right, and I knew it. I did not want to become a whiner. Somehow, I had to just let it go, learn something from it and just move on.
“You’re totally right.”
When Ferris was about fifteen feet away from us, she suddenly dropped the ball, and ran after a beautiful golden retriever. Riley scooped up the ball, brought it back to us, and lay down at our feet.
“Are you tired?” Anne said to Riley, in the overly-happy ‘I’m talking to the dog’ voice.
“Did you play too hard?” I said, in the same voice.
Riley rolled onto her back, and stretched out as far as she could. She was covered in mud.
Anne and I laughed, and I scratched the only part of her belly that wasn’t muddy.
“We are such geeks,” I said. Across the grass, Ferris and the Retriever were playing an excited game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you.
I looked up at Anne. “When we get home, I’m going to write in my blog. I’m going to thank everyone for their support, and see if I can pick up a lesson from this. If I can, I’ll write about that also . . . but that will be the end of it.”
After a few minutes, Riley got up, and joined the game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you, with an emphasis on the you-chase-me part.
While I watched the dogs run around, I marked how lucky and happy I am. “I have fantstic kids. I have a wife who loves me as much as I love her, and I was able to spend my Monday morning at the park with my dogs. I’ve got the freedom to write what I want, when I want, and I have the privilege of sharing these things with a wonderful audience who choose to give me a little bit of their time.
So fuck what some jackasssays, who doesn’t know me, and who didn’t make an effort to find out what I or my book was about. Yeah, the truth is important to me, but just like I can’t please everyone, I also can’t expect everyone to live an honest and honorable life, either. The world is filled with jerks, and probability just says that sooner or later I’m going to run into one of them.
If I spend all sorts of time dwelling on one person who was an idiot, it’s disrespectful to all the thousands of people who have been kind . . . not to mention a huge waste of energy.
There’s another reason the Entertainment Weekly thing hurt: so far, the mainstream media have ignored me and my book, and it has felt like a real rejection. But there’s something I had forgotten: Real People have not done either of those things. Real People have taken the Journey with me, on the website and in the book, and those people get it. If the mainstream is too busy with Paris Hilton, or just doesn’t *want* to get it, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Who did I write this book for? The mainstream media? Hollywood? Critics? Or did I write it for Real People? Did I write it for myself? The answer is easy. Just look at who the book is dedicated to. It’s not ‘The Media.”
I know that it’s risky to be totally honest, because some people view that as weakness, and attack. But the unexamined life is not worth living, right? If I’m not totally honest with myself, how will I ever learn and grow? Should I stop examining my life now, because I wrote a book about it?
Well, right now I need to examine my life, and I need to be totally honest with myself. I have to own up to something: I *did* hope that my book would get noticed by the Industry. I hoped that it would get noticed by critics, and I hoped that The Media would pay attention . . . but all that happened after it was published. When I wrote it, I hoped that my story would be amusing, interesting, and maybe even inspiring to people.
And you know what? That’s exactly what Real People tell me when they read my book: they were amused, interested, and occasionaly inspired.
What a myopic fucking fool I’ve been! What a stupid, stupid jerkass! I was so worried about impressing The Cool Kids, I forgot who I am, and why I do this. And even worse, I disrespected — even if unintentionally — the very people who have been with me on The Journey all along. It’s not some stupid magazine that owes *me* an apology; it’s *me* who owes all those Real People an apology.”
I turned to Anne. “I know what I’m going to write when we get home.”
“Good,” she said. “Just let it go.”
“I just did.”
Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
“”Whiner of the Week”
“In his blog-cum-memoir Just a Geek, the former Star Trek, TNG cast member, now 32, fills 260 pages endlessly lamenting, “I used to be an actor when I was a kid.””
The guy is an idiot. No, I haven’t read the book yet. But I read the web site and that’s NOT NOT NOT you at all.
Did a google search for “fantastic”, “funny”, “well written” (paired with “Just a Geek” “Review”) and saw a lot of good reviews.
Way to go!
😀
How I love what you just posted! Biggest dose of integrity I’ve gotten all day. (week?)
You can’t be lucky all the time, but when you are it sure facilitates the moments of clarity, huh? 🙂
All the best!
Lest you forget who you are again: You’re one of the good guys.
E.
You should never be discouraged by critics- especially those writing for an entertainment magazine rather than a literary one. But even literary critics can be unfair and dishonest. I can’t tell you how often I have come across misquoted or plain incorrect information in reviews or text analysis because the critic never bothered to read the primary source at all.
As Joseph Campbell said: “Follow your bliss!” You can’t go wrong. 🙂
And wear your “panning” with pride- you’re in good literary company there- James Joyce comes to mind right now: ULYSSES was banned in the USA for years. See? It could be worse.
Best of luck to you! I enjoy the website and look forward to reading the books.
VZ
Feelin’ the love in the room.
No apology needed here my angry brotha’.
Fuck them anyway. Fuck them in their stupid asses.
/jayandsilentbobmoment
Seriously, a good number of us have been reading your blog for a couple years now…and anything EW says isn’t worth shit compared to the awesomeness that has gone down here. You’re better than them, you’re better than the mainstream, and you deserve what you’ve got so far, and what you’ll have in the future.
You don’t need to apoligize Wil.
Just be true to who you are and the rest will fall into place. I promise.
Good for you Wil!
You are the better man for it
You are a Fortunate one. To have all that you do, AND to know it and appreciate it. Your wife is a wonderful compliment to keep you balanced and on the right track. Such a lucky man.
that’s the way! Don’t let the bastards get you down. Besides, the fucknut who founded EW is just jealous that you get a much larger audience at your website then he does at his. Fuck Jeff Jarvis. He’s just a prick anyway.
Wil,
“Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness.” John Wayne. Apology accepted ‘though I was not offended.
I just put my 97 year old mother in bed, my cat is on the front porch watching the raccoons eat table scraps, I am glued to the Weather Channel hoping Hurricane Ivan will go away. Say a prayer for us. Please.
Freeman 🙂
Here
Love ya, kool guy. 🙂
Wil,
Once again you’ve reached into my throat and grabbed my heart. As someone very much like you in every regard minus the two boys and the celebrity star-trek-standbyme thingie, you have allowed me to remember who is important and who we want to make happy in life.
Real People are what it is all about. Real People who don’t drive H2s or stay up all night watching Wife Swap or some other garbage that only pollutes our minds. Real People who want nothing more than to be happy and to make the people around us happy as well. Yeah, it sounds like an R.E.M. song, and that kind of sucks too (Green was their last good album IMHO), but it really is the case. Because when you get down to it, if you keep those people around you happy, and they let you know their happy, then that makes you feel better than you’ve ever felt before. So once again, thank you for making me smile once again, and for remembering the meaning of life.
Rock on Wil Wheaton, and fuq the glitter man.
-cw
Wil, you are a gentleman and scholar. And a damn fine writer. You don’t owe anyone an apology but it was very sweet of you to do so, anyway.
A fan from the beginning,
Tracey
Real People, eh? Like Byron Allen and Peter Billingsly? There’s something to make you feel better. What the hell ever happened to him?
P.S. My copy of JAG is on it’s way from Amazon at this very moment. w00t!
Hurray for you, Wil! And no need to apologize. I think we’re all just happy to hear that you got out of that blah mood.
Anne…*Standing Ovation* You totally ROCK!!!
Hey Wil, don’t ever let the bastards get you down. You need EW like a fish needs a bicycle.
Wow, Wil – that is very well put. Even your journal posts are well written!
I’d probably still be sulking, lol.
*SNIFF*
no, really
*SNIFF*
I should let out all that negative energy, and I’ll go get your book.
But if anyone is looking for EW’s address, to complain, just use superpages.com and look in LA, CA 😉
I’ve always been a fan, and now more than ever. Screw those dirty rotten scoundrels who read 1 paragraph and claim they read the whole book. These are the same people who would say the earth is a square if someone gave them enough money and gave them an old science book.
Love the blog!
9/13/2004
Dear Wil,
People who think they know everything will always try to put you down. It’s good to let it go. I found your web site by accident. It was a happy accident. One of my happiest pictures from my childhood was sitting and watching ST:TNG with my dad. I was always happy to see you on there. I could relate to you, being a kid too. Now, I am a mom. The wonderful thing is that your a parent too, so the stories your share I understand. Your an amazing writer! I read “Just A Geek” in one sitting. I will be getting “Dancing Barefoot” soon enough.
P.S. I love ThinkGeek
Many Good Wishes,
Angi Dudas
I’m glad you’ve let it go. I’m very annoyed though – I’ve been reading EW since issue #1 and have always enjoyed it. I’ve never seen them this unfair! Add me to the list of people who sent a letter. Their email address, btw, is [email protected]. Fax number is 212-467-1223. Street address is 1675 Broadway, New York, NY 10019. Happy writing!
As strange as this may sound, there was something in this blog that parallels with what goes on in my household every day. It’s about the dogs. All my two girlie doggies hear is “do you want to GO…” and they go nuts in a similar way as when you said “take the girls”. That was cool.
Thanks for letting us into your head. The journey has been an interesting adventure. We, the “common man” have a tendency to put the actors and athletes of our country on a high pedestal and think that they have it all. It’s comforting to know in an odd sort of way, that you’re just like everyone else on the planet struggling to make it through another day.
hang in there!
I’m curious. When Dancing Barefoot was published you were shocked by how many copies you sold and then O’Reilly picks it and Just A Geek up and your expectations change so drastically? Don’t get me wrong, I love your writing and picked up both books in the first few days. But I don’t get how your expectations would have changed so much. Think of it this way, listen to most ‘mainstream radio’ and what you hear is crap. It just shows that you’re not for everyone, what’s for everyone sucks! 🙂
This is why we read your blog, this is why we buy your books.
I’m so happy for you!! It’s great when you can finally release such negativity. I was a huge fan of yours from ST:TNG. 🙂 I just found your blog last week, and I’m so happy that I did. I’ll going to pick up a copy of your new book next week. I know that I’ll love it – I can already tell that you are a great writer. You are very talented – don’t listen to those people at EW.”There is no stimulus like that which comes from the consciousness of knowing that others believe in us” – Orison Sweet Marden
Will, you said it brother! You’re way too classy a guy and way too good a writer to get caught up with that nonsense. As for that two-bit reviewer: you know what they say, those who can, write. Those who can’t write… become critics. Keep being you!
-Chris
Good for you Wil. Who needs to be liked by those people anyway? They weren’t really that cool in high school, and they aren’t much better now. It takes the better man to forgive and forget. I enjoy reading your website everyday. I don’t need Entertainment Weekly to tell me if your book is good, I already know it’s going to be. Can’t wait to pick up my copy.
It really comes down to this:
You are a f-ing great author, man, in both your blog and your books. You are a great author because you let it all hang out and show us how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, and you aren’t afraid of letting us see the real you. I think that you’re the kind of person that could just have a seat with your fans and kick back a brew, and it would be like we already knew who you are because you are an author without fear. You have a gift for writing, and I hope you never ever lose sight of that.
Face it: You’re just good people. You know it. We know it. Done.
Good to hear that your not leting the man keep you down Wil!
I don’t think you owe anyone an apology. That book is your baby – it’s a little piece of yourself – and why wouldn’t you want everyone (mainstream media or not) to like it? I think it’s probably harder because you wrote the book about yourself and not some fictional character. So they slam the book, it’s personal. It’s like it’s you they’re slamming.
If it were me, I would have taken EW’s remarks very personally, so I certainly can’t fault you for doing it. I hope it helps to take the edge off the sting though, that so many of your readers are behind you. And that so many of us really were touched by your book.
I think when someone writes so honestly about their feelings and about their personal journey, it’s really low to insult them for it. I didn’t think the book was whiny – and I really respect your courage for putting yourself out there.
Maggie
Hey Will.
You’re always cool in my book! Screw EW. What do they know anyway?
Good for you. You shouldn’t care what some stupid person writes about you, because there will always be pepole that love you.
Okay, at the risk of disembowelment, I actually like EW, and I’m not going to cancel my subscription…anyone still here? Anyone?
Take a moment and think about the sheer number of people who do read the magazine…Okay, done?
That’s a lot of people. People who may not have heard about JAG. I’ll bet there are more than a few readers who decided to check JAG out. It was publicity in a widely read magazine! Granted it was snarky, snooty and sarcastic publicity, but publicity in a widely read magazine!!
By the way, I thought about buying the book on eBay or Amazon and saving a few bucks. But, I was in Borders and saw it. I paid (gulp) Full Cover Price…I never pay full cover price. I had to have it. I felt like Madame Medusa, but instead of the devil’s eye it was “I’ve got to have Wil Wheaton’s book.” Sadly, I read it too quickly. I will have to go back and savor it.
Also, Anne is amazingly insightful. You are a lucky man there Mr. Wheaton. I’m glad you are making your peace.
You rock, Wil! You are very blessed with Anne, the kids, the dogs, your whole life! I’m glad you can move past this. You deserve better then those jerks anyway. The only opinion that matters to you, should be that of yourself, your wife, your kids, and your dogs. Of course, you know all of us here have wonderful opinions of you, your work, and your books. Your rock, Wil! So, smile, and rock on! 🙂 We love ya man!
Wil,
I haven’t read your book yet, but this blog was amazing. Truely the best writing I have read in the short time I have been visiting WWdN. I look forward to reading your book. I trust it has some of the same honest, real writing you have expressed today. (I just took a time out from writing to give my 9 year old son a big hug and kiss goodnight)
I hope to someday shake your hand.
Remember this. Someday you will be back on the top of the heap; stay real.
I take that back. You are on top. You have the love and support of a loving wife, good kids, dogs, family etc. You have everything that is important in life. You are probably the envy of many rich and currently popular actors.
So, when you make it big in the world’s eyes, Stay Real.
Cheers,
Val
Damn it Wil! I love this blog entry….I’ve been trying to let things go for years and I understand how difficult “letting it go” is; try letting go of abusive siblings….sometimes death seems to be the only way of separating me from that misery (that’s not a cry for help). I’ve had to put there behinds in the past and move on with my behind. Peace be with you!
Taylor
Hey Wil
It is the people that matter, the media often forget that. We ordered 5 of your books for people on our Xmas list, and you can thank EW for that. I wrote them a letter, cancelled my subscription and went to Amazon and ordered the books. Why not spend the money on your book, instead of a Rag Mag. I told them the same thing.
Keep it up Wil, the people who care about you, are the only ones that matter.
My brother, it is SO cool that you are who you are. It is even cooler that I got to meet you and your wonderful wife and see the kind of awesome people you are in person. For that reason alone I feel blessed and you should realize that you touch people in many ways. Whether it be in your writing, at conventions (where I met you and Anne in Tulsa) or just on the street. You are a shining spirit Mr. Wheaton and you shouldn’t let some rag-writing, non-entity dictate your feelings. You TOUCH people my friend. The hundreds and hundreds of reponses and replies should prove that to you. People LOVE you and they LOVE you for WHO YOU ARE, not what some idiot writes in some rag for his paltry paycheck. You touch people and you speak to them on their wavelength and believe me, that ain’t easy to do. For that alone, you should be proud.
You family loves you Wil. Your kids love you. Your wife loves you. Your fans love you.
And WE LOVE YOU!
You keep true to your heart and keep on doing that thing that you do. I am honored to be along for the ride and am happy to keep on truckin’ with you for as long as you’ll have me.
Thank you Wil and take care.
🙂 *Hugs* We Love You Too. 🙂
My left eye began to twitch. It’s been doing that for about a week, and I really wish it would stop.
…
LOR?!?!
Hey Wil,
Don’t worry about what some jackass says in the magazine. Your a great writer. Your great because you are honest. Anybody who has read your stuff before knows this. I loved both the books and the blog. Keep up the great work.
Everyone has one, but for some strange reason some people keep trying to wear their’s on top. Don’t know if it’s a fashion statement or if they can’t bend far enough to insert their head the other way, or what.
The only reviewers who you have even a decent shot of knowing they’ve consumed the entire thing is a movie reviewer. With books and games, you can forget it. Captain Conundrum there obviously skimmed chapter 1, and then maybe opened a few other pages and then put it down and wrote that comma-choked piece of dreck.
There are many things you may or may not be, but a former ANYTHING is not one of them. You are what you are – a geek in training, a husband, a father, an actor, and a writer.
And since mangled Latin seems to be coming back into style, I’ll join in with a resounding:
Non-Illegitimi Carborundum!
Wil:
This afternoon I took a break to hit the treadmill in the gym that is located in my building. Next to the treadmill was an abandoned copy of Entertainment Weekly. As my 30 minute walk was coming to an end, I arrived at the book review section and saw the “review” about which you recently wrote. When I read your earlier “rat fucked” blog entry, I assumed that you had merely quoted from the “review.” But, in fact, I was surprised to see that you had reprinted it in its entirety.
The “review” is simply mean-spirited and wrong. I bought your book and read it several weeks ago. [And afterward, as is my custom, I sold it back to Powells, which is one of the benefits of working in downtown Portland–and which is what one does with books bought at Powells.] Just a Geek is obviously not 200+ pages of whinning. It’s a candid self-examination. It’s well-written. It’s often funny. And for those of us who just happen to like a little Star Trek now and then, it offers some interesting tid-bits.
So, anyway, I do not see that the “review” offered anything worthwhile to the magazine, to the world, to Hollywood, to blogkind . . . . It was just nasty. High school nasty. Stick in the eye nasty.
Your efforts deserved better. And I think you are owed an apology.
i have little interest in making you feel better, but…..
i love star trek, i never bought your book, i read your blog cuz i like your taste in topics, etc……..
…..i think u totally nailed it in your italicized text. some people need to tear others down. would u feel better if they hadn’t written ANYTHING about u in e.w.?? you will probably never be a world famous blogger and probably never live down your childhood acting career…..move on…..sounds to me like, as a “real person” you are on the right track. write what has meaning for you now to the people who want to read it….there is no point (to me) in having the ambition to be liked by either the media or the people who structure their lives by what the media reports….
you are cool, not a nerd. and in the world you move within, you know it and they know it.
You know what? You’re awesome.
The reason why I keep coming back is because practically every time I do, I learn something new. So what if it’s about a flop and I don’t really care what a flop is, it’s still knowledge, right? 🙂
Thanks, Teach!
I’m a bit late replying to this episode, but here is my story: many years ago, I put all of my energy and creative powers into making a product that I thought would be appreciated by its audience, and would make people happy. Once it was released, it got great reviews and bad reviews, and everything in between. A mentor told me at the time that you read the bad reviews so that next time when you create something, you can knowingly piss those people off instead of doing it by mistake.
On the other hand, the one person I really wanted to comment on my project, the one whose opinion I valued most, took me by surprise. He reviewed it in a very public way, and instead of criticizing it, he simply took a few hundred words to insult and ridicule me. That tirade hurt me a lot more than I was prepared for, and (you might be able to tell) I still have issues with it. But my mentor told me the thing that got me through it: the people who have nothing to say will speak the loudest, but they also bring the most attention to you and your work. Plus you don’t have to actually listen to them once you identify them.
So I would say you should be angry (done), dwell on it (done), and then plan to send your next book straight to EW for a preview and some easy press. If you didn’t get upset by their foolish review, you wouldn’t be human. If you don’t learn from the experience, you wouldn’t be smart.
In examining your life, as the wise man does, being sensitive to the judgments of others may reveal to you that you are not yet done defining yourself.
When we know who we are with a rock solid sureness, then we are defined and know what the truth is about humility.
Humility is an attribute that let’s us know exactly where we fit in the scheme of things. Not too high, and definitely not too low.
When self-serving arrogance pushes us up out of our natural position, then hopefully the true balance in all things will step in and push us back down. Karma, eh?
When self-pity pushes us down in self-esteem out of our natural position, then the true balance in all things hopefully will step in and nudge us back to where we belong.
Keeping open to these voices is the hard part.