The familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee woke me a few minutes after Anne got up. I was still half-asleep when I walked into the kitchen and said, “Is there coffee?”
“There is totally coffee,” she said.
I filled my new favorite mug with Peet’s French Roast. It’s a cheesy looking thing that says “Crabby ’till I get my coffee” with a picture of a frowny crab holding a mug of coffee in each claw. It came from Cannery Row, of course.
“Are you crabby ’till you get your coffee?” she said.
“Uh-huh.” I said, as I wiped sleep from my eyes and took my first sip. I kissed the back of her neck and said, “But I’m not crabby now.”
I’ll spare you the rest of how sickeningly cute we were at each other, but if you’ve ever been stupid in love with someone, you probably know what I mean.
The kids ate breakfast, and Anne took them to school. When she got back, she said, “You want to take the girls to the park?”
Ferris has a limited vocabulary, but I’m convinced that she knows the phrase “take the girls” because whenever she hears it, she runs to the cabinet where we keep their leashes, and kicks the door.
“Yeah. That will be fun.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were running around with other dogs while we watched like proud parents.
“I love the way dogs play just like little kids,” I said.
Ferris ran over, dropped a dirty tennis ball at my feet, and looked up at me. Riley sat next to her, trembling with excitement.
“Did you want me to throw the ball for you?” I said.
Riley jumped up and ran in a little circle. Ferris barked.
“Okay,” I said, and threw it as far as I could.
The dogs chased it at full speed, right through a big mud puddle.
“I guess I’m taking my car to the carwash today,” I said.
Anne looked at me. “How are you doing this morning?” she said.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re still dwelling on that stupid Entertainment Weekly thing,” she said. Not a question.
My left eye began to twitch. It’s been doing that for about a week, and I really wish it would stop.
“Yeah.”
“I know that it sucks, but you’re wasting a lot of energy on a few words.”
Riley got to the ball before Ferris, but kicked it across the grass. Ferris darted to the side, and picked it up.
“You know how they said I ‘endlessly lament’ in my book?”
“Yeah.”
“I used some linux tools to grep my manuscript last night. I wrote ‘I used to be an actor’ six times. That’s 48 words out of a manuscript of over 84000 words. That’s like point oh oh oh two three eight something something. It’s hardly ‘endlessly.'”
“Oh my god,” she said. “You are such a nerd.”
Ferris dropped the ball back at my feet, and took off before I could bend over to pick it up. Riley followed her, right through the mud puddle.
“It’s just that –”
Anne put her hand on my shoulder, and turned me to face her.
“You have to let this go. You know what the truth is, and so does everyone who reads your website.”
“But it sucks.”
“Let it go, Wil.”
I drew a deep breath, frowned, and rubbed my hands down my face. Ferris picked up the ball, and started to run back.
“I know. It’s just not as easy as I wish it would be.”
“I know. But if you dwell on it, you’re going to start whining,” she said. “You’re dangerously close to whining right now.”
Those were the magic words. She was right, and I knew it. I did not want to become a whiner. Somehow, I had to just let it go, learn something from it and just move on.
“You’re totally right.”
When Ferris was about fifteen feet away from us, she suddenly dropped the ball, and ran after a beautiful golden retriever. Riley scooped up the ball, brought it back to us, and lay down at our feet.
“Are you tired?” Anne said to Riley, in the overly-happy ‘I’m talking to the dog’ voice.
“Did you play too hard?” I said, in the same voice.
Riley rolled onto her back, and stretched out as far as she could. She was covered in mud.
Anne and I laughed, and I scratched the only part of her belly that wasn’t muddy.
“We are such geeks,” I said. Across the grass, Ferris and the Retriever were playing an excited game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you.
I looked up at Anne. “When we get home, I’m going to write in my blog. I’m going to thank everyone for their support, and see if I can pick up a lesson from this. If I can, I’ll write about that also . . . but that will be the end of it.”
After a few minutes, Riley got up, and joined the game of you-chase-me-then-I’ll-chase-you, with an emphasis on the you-chase-me part.
While I watched the dogs run around, I marked how lucky and happy I am. “I have fantstic kids. I have a wife who loves me as much as I love her, and I was able to spend my Monday morning at the park with my dogs. I’ve got the freedom to write what I want, when I want, and I have the privilege of sharing these things with a wonderful audience who choose to give me a little bit of their time.
So fuck what some jackasssays, who doesn’t know me, and who didn’t make an effort to find out what I or my book was about. Yeah, the truth is important to me, but just like I can’t please everyone, I also can’t expect everyone to live an honest and honorable life, either. The world is filled with jerks, and probability just says that sooner or later I’m going to run into one of them.
If I spend all sorts of time dwelling on one person who was an idiot, it’s disrespectful to all the thousands of people who have been kind . . . not to mention a huge waste of energy.
There’s another reason the Entertainment Weekly thing hurt: so far, the mainstream media have ignored me and my book, and it has felt like a real rejection. But there’s something I had forgotten: Real People have not done either of those things. Real People have taken the Journey with me, on the website and in the book, and those people get it. If the mainstream is too busy with Paris Hilton, or just doesn’t *want* to get it, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Who did I write this book for? The mainstream media? Hollywood? Critics? Or did I write it for Real People? Did I write it for myself? The answer is easy. Just look at who the book is dedicated to. It’s not ‘The Media.”
I know that it’s risky to be totally honest, because some people view that as weakness, and attack. But the unexamined life is not worth living, right? If I’m not totally honest with myself, how will I ever learn and grow? Should I stop examining my life now, because I wrote a book about it?
Well, right now I need to examine my life, and I need to be totally honest with myself. I have to own up to something: I *did* hope that my book would get noticed by the Industry. I hoped that it would get noticed by critics, and I hoped that The Media would pay attention . . . but all that happened after it was published. When I wrote it, I hoped that my story would be amusing, interesting, and maybe even inspiring to people.
And you know what? That’s exactly what Real People tell me when they read my book: they were amused, interested, and occasionaly inspired.
What a myopic fucking fool I’ve been! What a stupid, stupid jerkass! I was so worried about impressing The Cool Kids, I forgot who I am, and why I do this. And even worse, I disrespected — even if unintentionally — the very people who have been with me on The Journey all along. It’s not some stupid magazine that owes *me* an apology; it’s *me* who owes all those Real People an apology.”
I turned to Anne. “I know what I’m going to write when we get home.”
“Good,” she said. “Just let it go.”
“I just did.”
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Wil, you rock as a writer. Don’t let some two-bit corporate gossip rag make you live your life in fear, for “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived” (from the movie Strictly Ballroom).
Besides which, you know what they say about publicity…it doesn’t matter what they say about you, as long as they spell your name right.
If I ever run into the guy that wrote that quote, I’ll make sure and kick him in the balls for you. In the meantime, rock rock on!
Is ‘Jerkass’ a real word?
Rock on Ordinary People, rock on!
Will,
Don’t go listen to what ew has to say cause about 90% of the time their reviews are biased anyway. I’ve sold over 6 copies of your book at my store and i tell people this this a great book about hollywood life but is really a book about what its like to be a human with flaws……
You touch thousands of lives everyday with your blog dont let what ew say get you down cause wht matters most is that we know that your a great writer and a terrific actor…keep up the good work and dont let this bother you.
Wow, I entered something earlier and I cannot believe the response after me. Do you realize the power you have? Not only in words, but in people. I know that most of us are going to complain to EW about that arse that wrote about you. Now if your power can be focus to something positive like taking that fuck’s job… I knew that you were widely popular but this is amazing. Never worry about other people. You are very well liked, whether it be some crazy fan that writes you constantly like a school girl in love or your bestfriend that is always there for you. You are an excellent writer, and already have a fan-base that is always eager for something new by you. You already have more then some of us dare to dream of. Enjoy it, and screw the world if they don’t agree. *hugs*
Hi Wil,
I’m glad to read that you got over things. Man, did you invent the words “self-reflexion” ? As many people said before me, you have fans among “real” people. And, even better, they are all over this plannet ! Jeez, that must be so f-king cool ! I have read posting from australia, england etc. And i’m this simple dutch guy from holland 🙂
O yeah, thanks for the apology that was never needed imho.
Take care dude, keep writing, keep staying yourself and keep on rocking \m/
Leon
“Mainstream” is such a transient thing. Better you aim for your own goal. Satisfy yourself. That in itself has the germ of true longevity, of greatness, and of being human.
Ever notice how the cool kids you went to school with now have 3 failed relationships, 12 children (one called “Bubba” who doesn’t talk much, but has a predeliction for quite shocking violence), lives in a 2 bedroom rented apartment and still uses the same slang you were starting to think a bit stupid when you were 16? Notice how the nerds all have attractive partners, still like to talk about the cool AD&D marathon when they were 15, and really enjoy their kids?
REALITY CHECK!
You know, I’m glad you made some realizations, and Good luck with that, but did you really have closure?
That all sounded really good, and it was heartfelt and well written of course, but it really doesn’t change anything does it?
No, I don’t think you should harp on it. And by all means don’t get whiney. But if you still have feelings, don’t bottle them up!
Put them to good use somewhere! Be creative! Make something physical that represents that negative energy those bastards gave you, but show you took that energy and put it into something positive!
THEN, have real closure. If I’m wrong, it’s general advice from a stranger, let it apply where it may. As a fan, I simply wish only to give something constructive and practical, because I too am not afraid to be honest – no matter how unpleasant the truth may be.
Best of luck Wil! Try not to set your expectation so high next time, and keep a positive attitude. 🙂
Good for you Wil!
Your wife sounds too cool for words!
You are a very sensitive guy Wil, which is very cool — but remember to protect yourself from pricks like that:)
Take care Wil 🙂
ChrisL
Well done.
Lis in Aus 🙂
Hell yeah, Wil. I was hoping you would realize that it just doesn’t matter. Stupid EW rag. Like I want to hear any more about the Hilton sisters? Ugh.
Wil:
You aren’t remembered for doing what is expected of you.
Atul
Bangalore, India
I’m a lurker for a few months now and never commented before. But now I’m going to.
I was outraged by the stuff they said about you, so I’m one of many (I hope) that mailed “EWWWWWWWW”. May that garbage come back to him in threefold. *nods*
Anyway, your wife is very wise. Buy her some roses. XD
Love, Lisette.
Vitamin B helps with eye twitches ..
sounds like you have a cool family 🙂 My first week of visiting here .. I shall return.
I would say you have the support of many and that is good to know. Be comforted that his review has made up my mind to go out and buy the book. And if you every happend to be in Sydney, Australia, I will get you to sign it to prove it. You are right to write for the Real People. Just don’t forget that one of those people is yourself. You have chosen a path to write about the things that matter to you and in this crazy world we all need to be reminded of what is real. Some of us like myself have it a little bit tougher than some, but somehow we have maitained a prespective of what is important. And it is people like yourself that have the courage to put yourself out there on the line that give the rest of us hope. And that is an important thing. Thanks!
Hey wil,
You know, I have NEVER read Entertainment Weekly but, I check your site everyday to see if you wrote some touching moment about your wife and kids…..that should tell you something about the kind of image you are projecting…and it’s not a endless lamenter! Who’s to say that the hack that wrote the review isn’t CONSTANTLY COMPLAINING about everything that comes his way. Plus…those of us who write and don’t get published who KILL for someone to say nasty things about our PUBLISHED book!! 🙂
George W. Bush…
Told me to put this thing here.
I am you and what I see is me
Thank you, Wil. You inspire, you entertain, and are wonderfully real. We all appreciate it. Please don’t forget that again!
It takes a strong man to be able to rise above what the popular media think of them. Considering the state of media right now.. like you said, more interested in Paris Hilton and all. They’re there for sensationalism. And they’re not worth it. Well done 🙂
Just remember Wil no matter what anyone says, any day you can get up and enjoy the day and your love ones, it is a good day!! There are far, far to many people who take those simple things for granted and only realize what they have missed once its gone.
Ordinary Man Says:
Entertainment Weak-ly is still lame.
What a friggin’ geek. You grepped your manuscript to prove a point? OMFGWTFBBQ. I can’t believe someone would do that. That’s too friggin’ nerdy. I can’t stand it.
You’re so totally my hero. 😀
Dude! It’s a *tabloid*! That’s what they *do*! Consider the sourse, man–consider the source.
I like how both you and your wife use the word “totally” in completely different situtations. It’s like you’re some magic 80’s couple or something.
Preview my post, man–preview my post.
Hi Wil and all!
Well, just my 20 agoroth. I really enjoyed reading this entry. It was funny, entertaining and touching. I’m glad WW has moved on after the Entertainment Weekly critique.
Generally, as a fellow writer, I recently came to think that a writer should first and foremost write things he’d like to read or see written, and only later direct them to the public at large. If you have a book that you enjoy, chances are that many people you’ll care about will enjoy it as well. On the other hand, we can see many books that are written directly for public consumption (from mass-produced teen books to computer books series covering most popular technologies). These books rarely have any substantial value, and most people with half-a-mind don’t like them.
As for the apology – I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s OK to feel bad about a bad review. It’s perfectly human to do so.
I can’t remember the last time I have read an Entertainment Weekly. I can tell you this much though, your website is set at my homepage and I know that I am not the only one, so what does that tell you?
Silly rabbit. You’ll always have us.
It’s funny that you feel like you need to apologize to anyone at all.
We all act like jerks sometimes. My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our 5th child. He’s a week old today. Everytime I act like a jerk I think about my wife and children. What kind of example have I set for them. Do they think I’m a jerk? Am I still their hero? What’s important is that you respect those you love. Admitting you’re a jerk is one way to show that respect.
Thanks for opening your life to us and letting us get close. You only let those you love this close. I’m sure you love your fans and we love you too.
Now fuggedaboutit and move on!
Right on, Wil. I read this post before the other so I expected the Entertainment Weekly post to be a serious criticism of your book. When I read the blurb I just laughed. That blurb wasn’t about your book–that was some anonymous nobody attacking a somebody because attacks have entertainment value–like David Spade on the “Hollywood Minute.” Ignore it–it just means you’re big time. 🙂
Glad to hear you got that trash-fest of a magazine out of your mind. Everyone here knows you rock. *That’s* the important thing. 😀
I’m glad you write about your dogs. I miss having a dog.
Hi Wil,
I’ve never understood why there are so many jerks in this world just out to hurt people. I’ve been reading your book and think it’s great! I always thought I wanted to be an actor and thought it was all glamourous and cool. Your book showed me the true side of Hollywood and how hard it is to make it. Your personal life seems to parallel mine in so many ways. I also want to say how brave it is of you to publish your personal life for everyone to read. I have journals of my life I’ve kept since I was 13 (19 years worth) that I would like to blog, but do not have the guts.
Thanks for being an inspiration. And the hell with all those jerks who say otherwise. They definetly DO NOT get it.
Wil –
Hey, listen, you’re only human. If you told us you didn’t care about stuff that people wrote, we’d know you were lying and mock you mercilessly because of it – ’cause that’s what family does.
Anyone would have been at least a little hurt and annoyed. No sense pretending (to yourself, your family or your readers) otherwise. I think the best thing is to give yourself some time to acknowledge the fact that it bothered you, vent about it, exorcise it, and then move on. Which is what you’re doing.
Well done.
How quickly things are forgotten. September 11th came and went and Wil took notice of it by complaining about be called a whiner and his dogs.
It’s a shame.
Easy there Jim. People deal in different ways. I live in DC and 9/11 was and is all around me. I was really grateful that it wasn’t here too.
Well, Jim, it’s not any one persons responsibility to remember (or chose not to remember) 9/11 in a way that’s acceptable to you, or any other person. Since I highly doubt you spent that entire day with him, I fail to see how you can say with any authority that Wil didn’t “take notice” of it. I would imagine this blog represents only a small portion of his life in full.
As a writer (potential author) myself, I often stare at the keys wondering if what I’m writing has a purpose.
The passage you wrote in italics is exactly what I needed to see to keep going. Thank you for the inspiration.
I think it is human nature to long for, even strive for, recognition and respect for one’s accomplishments from those who have not yet given it. I don’t consider that urge mutually incompatible with appreciating support from those who have always, or often, supported our efforts. I also didn’t see your hope that something good might come out of E.W. and disappointment that they were true to form as disrespectful or dismissive of those individuals who have enjoyed your work and do offer your their support in your professional and personal life.
Frankly, I do think that writer behaved unprofessionally, and perhaps the magazine (or more correctly, whichever editor should have caught it) erred by printing an inappropriate review – not so much in content (“I didn’t like it”) but in form and language. Pointing out the unprofessional nature of the review does not make you a jerkass – I am confident that if it were no more lauding (but less vicious in language and tone) you would not have dwelled as long, nor felt the level of outrage you expressed earlier.
You’re a reasonable, caring, and thoughtful guy – not Job nor the Lamb of God. You should not be expected by some in the media to take on the sins of the world, yet clearly some (like that reviewer) try to put you in that position. It isn’t whining to recognize that is wrong, and I think the fact that you’ve resurfaced after hitting the depths of “WTF?!?’ and have chosen to not put any more energy into that black hole shows a lot more of your personal character than that stupid review. I think we all (I know I have) have had our moments of pissing in the wind – I, for one, relate…no apology was necessary. The hallmark of your blog, the reason why I read it, is the genuineness – you were genuinely hurt by the review, and you expressed that hurt clearly and concisely…what other could I, or any other regular reader, have expected of you?
You know who you are. Anne and your kids know who you are. You already know that is what’s really important – so (put in the most delicate way possible, of course) … Fuck ’em.
[good gawd damn I’m wordy]
Post 187 I believe….
Yeah Wil just let it go. They got mentioned in two of your blog entries…you shouldn’t talk about them anymore.
Bryan
grep -i “I used to be an actor” manuscript.txt | wc -l > /dev/null
🙂
Hey Wil,
I’m not one to give you advice on letting things go because I am one to hold grudges against people who have verbally abused me in my life. I was abused for 7 years and forgetting these people took me a long time. Did I forgive them. Not necessarily but I don’t have to see them anymore and I am a stong and intelligent and beautiful person and screw those who don’t like me.
Good lesson learned here. Let it go.
Shrug it off.
Walk away.
You have all the love and support you need from us.
As a member of the mainstream media, I apologize for the fact that a number of us have our heads firmly planted up our gluteus maximus. Some of us have read your book, and certainly do not share the views of the Entertainment Weekly character assassin that seems to have cracked your shell. Kudos to you for this blog this morning. That took guts, and a fair portion of wisdom. Recognize that while some of us may conveniently edit out the fact that you are human, holding you to a higher standard than that to which we hold ourselves, you are wise to recognize the gift of this audience you have captivated through something as simple as this blog. There is a fundamental shift occuring in what we all define as mainstream media. Guys like you are pioneers. How many web people do you think use RSS to follow your headlines above those of Reuters? Not insignificant. Any wonder that so many of us in the mainstream media even are turning to blogs for our own digital soap box? It is, perhaps, the most unequivocably authentic form of news, current events, and shaping of public opinion based on what counts: a system of trust building and barn raising. You do both just fine. Listen to your wife. She’s a pretty smart gal.
It’s hard as hell to let things go sometimes – I’m personally unable to let go of certain things family members did at different points in my life.
Still, there’s no reason to keep them. They clog up the works. And who needs more clutter? It’s like compiling the source for lynx but requiring X-Free86 as a dependency. I think you’re a good enough Geek to debug your own code… 😉
You’re much much more than “just an actor” or “just a geek”. Every human is. They, and you, need to remember that. Any creator of the universe would not spend time creating so many individuals without purpose – that’a a lot extra work and do you think any creator of the universe would put that much extra work into something pointless? “I don’t think so Tim.”
I personally see the creator of the universe – male, female, Christian, Pagan, etc. – as the ultimate Geek. I mean how many other beings get to hack their own universe! 😉
FWIW – I’m a bad guy here and haven’t read your books yet. Sorry. I keep getting bogged down in stuff to do and my wife keeps me from going to the bookstore otherwise I tend to spend too much money there. *grin*
Sorry, much rambling. The coffee here at work has hit.
Last night on Family Guy, Peter ran out of toilet paper, so he used an issue of Entertainment Weakly. As a WWDN fan, I applauded.
Havent gotten the book yet. Need to.
I will say this though. The entry was a good one, and…Im not sure if ‘inspired’ is the right word Im looking for, but it did hit a chord.
Thanks 🙂
For YKW or anybody else who needs a sounding board for his/her obsession with Wil Wheaton, I suggest going to the Refugee Camp forum at chatter.monkeylaw.net. The poor site needs the traffic anyway, and you can make impotent pronouncements about how superior you are to Wil Wheaton to your heart’s content. No need to derail this comments page further, and you might get some of the attention for which you’re starving.
Sorry Wil.
Sorry, I meant .org, not .net.
Screw EW, Wil. Like they count, anyway. Who needs EW when you have the greatest praise of all – Regular Folks. That’s what we are, and that’s the fanbase you’ve acquired. Know what? Forget acquired. Let’s try a better word… Earned.
I finished JAG not long after my comment the other day. Now I’m SURE the EW ass didn’t read it, because his review was most certainly NOT the way I was left feeling when I finished it.
So, like I said. Screw EW. They just don’t know.
But we do… WIL WHEATON ROCKS! \m/
I’ve been around since the geocities site and I’m still here. I like that you post when you’re angry, before you’ve had a chance to rehash and analyze what you think you really feel. It’s that sort of emotion that keeps me here, which can include whining but who doesn’t. I long lost the desire to put anything more than jibberish on my blog – it’s a talent just to be still readable and entertaining after all this time.
Oh and I’m kind of poor and planning my wedding so I really hadn’t gotten a book yet – you can thank EW’s bad press for a sale.
And when you have a signing in the Bay Area, I will be in line to have you sign both books and how inspiring you are.