numb

About forty minutes after I landed back in Vegas yesterday morning, my kitty Sketch had a heart attack. He was in “His Spot” on my bedroom floor, and Anne held him while he died.
He looked fine when I left, so I didn’t even scratch his chest like I always do. I just told him, “I love you, Fat Boy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Anne said that it happened so fast, it was over before she had a chance to freak out.
I had to stay in Vegas and write about the final table of the championship, so my psyche just sort of put me into shock until I got home this afternoon. Since I walked into my house, I’ve been moving between the hysterical sobbing and the weird numbness.
I think I’m going to take a few days off, meet my deadlines, and cry a whole, whole bunch.

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274 thoughts on “numb”

  1. I am so sorry for your loss, Wil. Losing two friends (I have no doubt your cats were) in such a short time must be so hard.

  2. Hi Wil,
    Been reading you for a while now, through the LiveJournal feed. Looks like you’ve not been spared much lately, first The Bear, now Sketch… Kittylove is eternal. They weren’t gods for nothing once…
    Be good to yourselves hon, you and your family… My deepest condolances and please… Hug each other often, and tightly. Hugs work.
    Love,
    Jo

  5. I’m sorry for your loss.
    Last year I lost 3 of my kitties to a coyote and I thought I’d never recover. I still miss them, but I’ve stopped breaking down in tears everytime I think of them.

  6. So sorry to hear about your wee fat boy Wil, he knew his daddy loved him and when it was time to go he just went, no fear no lingering pain. I know it doesn’t help right now. *hugs*

  7. oh wil, i’m so sorry. Take as much time as you need, and we’ll still be here when you get back. I’m sending all the monkey mojo i can muster over the atlantic for you!
    My heart goes out to you and your family.
    Take care
    Rach

  9. Oh Wil. I’m so terribly sorry. Please accept all our sincere condolences and our collective vibes and love in your time of loss. We all feel for you and have you in our hearts right now.

  12. Oh my god. Wil. I am SO SORRY! I don’t know what to say, except how sorry I am for your loss. We all got to love Sketch through your sharing him with us, and I do feel with you so much. Take all the time off you need.
    *hugs*

  13. Once again, I feel for ya Wil. Our cat just recently ran away after spending the biggest part of his and our lives with us. He had heart disease, and was instinctivly a barn cat. Not a day goes by where, after two weeks of him being gone, that I check the back door for him every morning and when I get home from work at night even though I know he’s not going to be there. Just remember that your happiness was mutual while he shared his and your life with you.

  14. I know my message will probably get lost in this sea of responses, but me and my family of cat-lovers want to offer you our deepest sympathy.

  16. Aww… That’s really horrible. You’ve lost too many kitty family members. No one should have to go through this much in so short a time. 🙁
    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  18. As someone who currently has 3 cats of his own I can tell you that I’ve felt the pain too. Your family is not alone.
    Best wishes.

  19. I’m sure Bear was waiting for Sketch at the Rainbow Bridge. Their love will be yours always.
    I hope you find some comfort in the many who are grieving for you. I am so very sorry.

  22. Don’t ever forget what great lives Sketch and Felix the Bear had with you and your family. Find your initial solace not in what they gave you… what they gave you will be so misssing for some time… find your solace in what you gave them…it’s still right there in your heart, where it has always been and will always be.

  23. Hey Wil and family,
    Hang in there guys. Even though at this time when someone says they “understand your pain” its pretty cold comfort, but in the days and weeks to come it’ll help heal the pain. We’ve all been there and some of us are going through something similar. Just remember there’s a whole swag of people you’ve never met that wish they could help and you have a family that can help.
    Take care and my thoughts are with you.
    Regards,
    Sean

  24. I’m so sorry to hear about Sketch. I know that our cats are like our kids, in a way, and possibly even closer to our hearts. I am a stepparent with no biological kids, and I had cats before I had those kids. Those cats were part of my soul like the kids have become. Losing them took a big chunk of me. (I was adopted by a cat, however, shortly after losing my first two, and he’s helping to heal me. It just takes a while.) I’ll think good thoughts for your family.

  25. I’m sorry to hear that. Losing two cats in as many months is really sad. I can’t imagine going through the same thing. My heart goes out to you.

  26. I know people sometimes wait to die until the ones they love are not there. Perhaps your precious friend knew you couldn’t take seeing him die so he waited for you to be gone.
    My sympathies and I wish you strength.

  27. My deepest sympathies for you and Anne for both Sketch and Felix, Will. I wish there were something we could say to ease your pain.
    It’s not much at the moment, but the two of you gave your kitties a loving, comfortable home, and you deserve all the praise in the world for that. In their own, feline way, your cats knew it.
    I hope in time your family will take in another homeless kitty or two. There are so many out there who need families like yours.
    Best wishes, your fans are thinking of you.

  28. aww wil…
    i don’t believe in heaven or hell, except where oupr pets are concerned. here’s to the bear and sketch, who are curled up in a sunny patch, dozing away, dreaming about the wonderful family they graced with their presence while here on earth. as a monkey who is owned by 6 cats herself, my heart breaks for you. me and my herd are thinking of you. namaste.

  29. My first cat (whom I’d found in our bushes when I was 12) died of liver failure when I was away at college.
    I cried for days until I was able to go home and visit him. I knew we’d given him the best life we could and I honestly believe that he was happy up till the end.
    Hugs help… so do memories, and you seem to have plenty of both all around you.
    *hugs*

  30. Sorry for your loss, Mr Wheaton. I’ve been reading your blog everyday keeping up to date. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  32. . . . . so so sorry Wil that your heart is hurting so much . . . oh the Fat Boys, they are so beloved . . . every day we’ve had with them – such a freakin fabulous hilarious schmooshy gift . . . oh the Fat Boys . . . I bet they all get together in heaven and play poker and meow and eat tuna and heavenly birdies . . .

  35. When my Pia Zadora died I wasn’t home.. Mom said she was asleep on the couch when she left for work.. and hadn’t moved when she came home.. I still feel guilty about not being there. She was an old girl and lived a long lazy 17 years though.. and hey.. if you have to live 17 years named after Pia Zadora.. you deserve to quietly go in your sleep.
    I’m really sorry for both of your losses..

  37. My sympathies for your loss. As his passage was quick, one can hope he was spared a great deal of pain he might have otherwise endured.
    The hardest part of choosing to be a caretaker for a shorter lived creature is the reality of their transience in our lives.
    You loved him well, Wil, miss him in his absense. He was your good friend and fine companion.

  38. I’m here to add my voice to the chorus of supportive condolences. I’ve never lost a pet with more personality than my hamster, so I can’t say I know what you’re going through. But I love my kitty to death and can’t imagine losing him. My heart goes out to you and Anne and the kids. -Jess

  42. Oh Wil, I’m so sorry for your loss. Do what you need to do; cry until you can cry no more and think of the good times with Sketch. And you know we will all be here when you come back. *hugs*

  44. wow, gives new meaning to he old saying ‘when it rains it pours’. i can’t even imagine what you’re going through now. best of luck getting through it, i’ll be thinking of you all.

  47. It’s a strange world for the new tough guys. As geeks and computer gurus we tend to see our little corner of life with a silicon bravado that is fresh and gives us comfort. It’s deserved, I think, because we take on a complex society with the power of our intellect.
    I write this here because I see you as a writer and entertainer who has a sense for that unique bravado geekdom has come to respect. In many ways, you are a hero of my people (as if geeks could be thought of as a tribe wandering the desert) in that you have made your way by force of will (pardon the pun), writing and acting the hard way, and I’m sure inspiring many others to follow your footsteps.
    But we have our needs. In my life I have found a cat named Quincy who melts my heart. He is a source of so much joy for my wife and me, in all the little ways that a cat can bring happiness. When I read about the loss of your cats – particularly this post – I felt my heart breaking as I imagined never hearing Quincy’s purr again, or feeling him climb on my legs while I try to sleep, or even just seeing him try to yawn and meow at the same time. He means more to me than just about anything, and I think I may know how you feel.
    My heart goes out to you, man. We’ll all go on with our semi-hacker lives, and our minds will soon turn to new problems to solve. But when something like this happens we’re just simple again, with neither brilliance nor bravado. And I’m sorry.
    Take care.

  48. OH NO! dammit. I just got into work & saw that news. After spending last evening with a new vet and close to $300, I am acutely tuned in to the grief/loss issues.
    There’s nothing worse than losing a companion, but cats don’t fear it, it hurts us much more!
    Please take care of yourself during this awful time. A double whammy for sure.
    I believe a loss can be an opportunity to look at some serious issues, and one day feel a whole lot more free.
    Man, the universe sure is working on you right now!
    Sending major mojo.
    Michelle

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