drink beer, insert coin

Friday night, I took my wife out for beers and video games. It seemed like a perfect way to end a not-so-perfect week.

We started with Ms. Pac-Man. I love Ms. Pac-Man, because the very first time I played it, I got to the pretzel level. About ten years ago, I played the hyper-speed version of it at a campground in San Diego, where I’d gone on vacation with my family and a few friends. Though I was 25 — wait. I can’t possibly have been 25, because I didn’t know Anne, yet.  That means that this actually happened over ten years ago, maybe when I was 22. This thought is simultaneously awesome (I’ve known my wife for over a decade) and tragic (goddamn am I getting old.)

So I was 22, and we were playing a "winner stays, loser pays" as-hoc tourney. I took down every single opponent — child or adult — who challenged me. The only serious competition I got was from a 14 or 15 year-old girl, who was quite skilled at a game that was older than her than I was. I recall edging her out by a few thousand points, mostly because I got lucky and nailed a pear on my last man.

My most recent game, however, was a disaster for me. I didn’t even break 3000 points, while Anne cleared the first three boards on her first man, on her way to a 17000 point score. It turns out that Guinness, while certainly delicious and filled with the cure for what ails you, slows down your reaction time.

After Ms. Pac-Man, we moved over to Centipede, which is one of my all-time favorite games. If I compiled a top ten list, it would be on the first cut, though I’m not sure if it would make the final one. I resist making this list because it’s like trying to choose which child you love the most.

I destroyed Anne on Centipede, which throws into question my earlier statement that Guinness slows down reaction times. Centipede is significantly faster and more harried than Ms. Pac-Man, but I fell into a zone the moment the game started, and my wife just couldn’t catch up. I may have distracted her while she played, though, by telling her the story of the time I was 10 or 11 and a couple in their mid-20s let me finish out their game on the cocktail machine at Shakeys, because their pizza and mojos were ready before they were done. I loved that Shakeys in the early 80s, because in addition to Centipede, it had Vanguard, Asteroids, Battlezone, a submarine game whose name I can’t recall, Mr. Do! and usually one good pinball machine.

Our last game was Donkey Kong Junior. I played it like crazy at my Aunt Val’s house when it first came out, because my cousin had a Nintendo machine and a few ROM sets he could swap out, for most of the first generation Nintendo games. We played them all, but Donkey Kong Junior was my favorite. Popeye had a great story but was way too hard, Mario Brothers was really only fun with two players, and Punch Out!! required some sort of feat I never purchased when I was a low-level Human Geekling. This leaves Donkey Kong, of course, which I’ll forever associate with the bowling alley where I first played it. It was fun, to be sure, but even today I can rarely make it to the cement factory level.

Donkey Kong Junior, though, had fantastic sound, beautiful graphics, and the added fun of turning the tables on the protagonist we all knew and loved when he went by the nom-de-jeu "Jumpman." The sound of the little monkey’s feet when he walked, the music, and the colors all came together in a perfect storm of awesome, and though I’ve been playing that game for a quarter of a century, it still fills me with joy to drop in a quarter and see if I can rescue my papa.

My wife, though? Not so much. For reasons she refuses to divulge, she never played it, and has no desire to learn from the likes of me. So I played Donkey Kong Junior, alone, while she watched and pretended to be impressed. Hey, I waited 25 years to impress a girl with my DKJ skills, so I’ll take it, even if she was faking it.

There’s a lesson there, ladies: we don’t care if you’re faking it or not, even when we’re playing video games.

Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

47 thoughts on “drink beer, insert coin”

  1. That Sub Game was called “Sea Wolf”. I remember that one, It sat all lonely in a corner of my local Arcade Circa 1980. It had a periscope you looked through.

  3. Did you ever get into Pole Position?
    BTW, Toy Soldiers was just on. Caught you in between fire updates. We are smoked out in Newport. Hope you can breath up there.

  4. While I’m here and we’re reminiscing. I fondly remember “Defender”.
    Got really good at saving all those space cadets free falling from the sky, and putting them gently on the ground to score max points.
    YES!

  5. I may have distracted her while she played, though, by telling her the story of the time I was 10 or 11 and a couple in their mid-20s let me finish out their game on the cocktail machine at Shakeys, because their pizza and mojos were ready before they were done.

    That settles it. If you’re ever to be a character on Heroes, your super-power would have to be the ability to (in the middle of a tense action scene no less!) paralyze your opponent with witty anecdotes before reducing them to fragile emotional wreck for the win.

  7. Hey Wil-
    First-time commenter, short-term reader: just wanted to say hey, raise my hand and admit that I had the biggest crush on you when I was eleven, and now after reading your blogs, give you a million Awesome Geek Points for your unashamed nerdosity. I love seeing people pwn other people at video games. Heh, try being a girl and doing it…it’s sooooo much sweeter.
    The trick to Punch-Out!! is that every boxer has the same pattern every time…and watch their facial expressions. Very, very closely. I can get as far as Super Macho Man before being shamed in the eyes of the 8-bit community. 🙂
    Give it another shot; it’s only the best game ever. GREAT therapy, too!

  8. Wow, this takes me back. When I was wee, my mom and I would go to the local pizza place, where she would proceed to destroy everyone in the neighborhood with her Ms. Pac Man skills. All the teenagers would watch her with awe. It was so freaking cool, and I was so proud. Me, I would play but was never very good at that one.
    Now, Tetris on the other hand…

  10. That sounds like so much fun!
    DKJ skills? Definitely impressive! I never quite did get the hang of that one.
    I’m a pinball girl myself because that’s what was available in the early 80’s at the place I hung out.
    Sorry you had a bad week – but I can totally relate. After all, misery loves company. Just know you weren’t alone!

  11. I dont even want to THINK about what Ill be remembering 10 years from now, when Im 35.
    10 years ago, when I was 15ish, I was cycling through Wolf3D and Doom (I had FINALLY gotten ahold of the full non-shareware versions), and Doom 2, started the Duke 3D series and was kinda playing another one called Blake-something-or-other.
    Oddly enough, earlier today I played Return to Castle Wolfenstein, and not five minutes ago finished another couple of rounds of Wolf 3D.
    At the time, the only arcade game I was ever any good at was Area 51. Memorizing zombie placement helped. I was pissed as hell when they upped it from .25 to .50

  12. I’ve taken up with a new lady, and while we were driving to lunch yesterday she mentioned that she heard Guns ‘N Roses on the oldies station.
    I was apoplectic.

  14. Wait, there’s someplace in LA where you can drink beer and play video games?
    It wasn’t barcade, was it? I would love to go out and drink and play video games, but barcade’s a little… hipstery. If you’ve got somewhere else though, I’m all ears.

  16. Joust, Star Castle and Excitebike. Good times, good times.
    Hey, just saw your CSI appearance on Spike TV as the crazy homeless guy…nice.

  18. A few years back I was playing the vintage arcade games (set for free play!!) at Disney Quest in Orlando, FL — Asteroids, Dig Dug, DK, DKJ, Elevator Action, Gorf, etc etc.
    While perusing the games I came upon a woman in her early/mid 40’s playing Defender — and playing it fairly well! Even though my wife was somewhere in the building, I literally stopped in my tracks & geek-lusted for this 40-plus-year-old woman getting her groove on saving the humanoids [1]. I must have watched her play for like 2-3 minutes wondering if I should coyly flirt with her or at least say *something* witty to the only woman I have ever seen take on those mutated sons of humanoids. But alas, her husband arrived to intrude upon *our* moment & I chickened out before I could challenge her to a two-player game.
    Boy, I wanted to make out/it with her. Her husband probably never even played arcade games. Stupid jock.
    [1] http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Chamber/4749/savehuman.wav

  19. I’ve discovered that beer+guitar hero = wife rocks harder than I do. Although, lately it’s being happening when I’m still sober, i may need to start drinking during the day…

  22. Talk about reliving the good old days. There was an arcade at the local mall I used to hang out at back when I was in my late teens/early 20s. Zaxxon, Missile Command, Galaga…those were some really great times.

  23. It was all about Duck Hunt at the roller rink for me. At the arcade I kind of flitted around from game to game and never got good at any of them.
    “I may have distracted her while she played, though, by telling her the story of the time I was 10 or 11 and a couple in their mid-20s let me finish out their game on the cocktail machine at Shakeys, because their pizza and mojos were ready before they were done.”
    I recall a time when I was 12 or so and I was playing Mario Bros. at Pizza Hut. A couple of boys my age were watching me play and told me I was “pretty good.” I was extremely happy when one of them let me finish his game because his pizza was ready. 🙂 Those were good times.

  24. Ahhhh….Shakey’s Pizza. Centipede, Ms Pac Man, and Galaga. Asteroids wasn’t bad either. Frogger was definitely good times. Damn…we ARE old!

  25. Asteroids was my poison, followed by Ms. Pac Man and Galaga, sometimes Zaxxon if I was feeling particularly masochistic. Then I would hit up the Star Trek (TOS) and Addams Family pinball machines and call it an afternoon.
    I played Sea Wolf once, but it wasn’t worth the extra quarter.
    Our local arcade also had a Star Wars game, it was one of those huge things you sat inside and it was like you were in an X-wing trying to destroy the Death Star. The game itself wasn’t nearly as cool as it looked or sounded, but I only ever got to play it once b/c the lines to play it were always really long.

  27. Okay, confession time, not a big gamer. I played, sure, but not a whole lot, and usually just when I was hanging with other gamers. My favorite game was Zelda. I love Zelda. And Shakey’s, too. Shakey’s was so dark you could hardly see the pizza and they had these cool steins and an awesome fire pit in the middle of the room. My favorite place to eat out as a kid. Haven’t seen one in years. Wonder if they’re still around?

  28. I totally remember all of those old games! Especially Asteroids, Mario, and Punch Out! My Dad, brother and I used to be really competitive at Punch Out! None of us could beat Mike Tyson, though. Although I am not a big gamer like I used to be, I still pull out my Game Boy (original model, with the case and accessories you can’t use anymore) and play a round of Donkey Kong or Mario 2. It’s nice to remember stuff like that.
    p.s. Believe it or not, I had centipede on my old cell phone, and I got pretty good at it! Ms. Pac Man, not so much. I suck at that game.

  29. Ms. Pac-Man is my favorite game of all time! No question, no hesitation. I remember riding my bike to the 7-11 to play as a kid.
    The only place around here that still had a machine is now closed. 🙁 If I knew of a location to play it and drink beer, my daughter might not get that college fund…

  30. We have no arcades like that here in Vancouver anymore. Its sad because the arcade is where we would always end up when we first started dating, battling it out on a Funhouse pinball or a game of galaga.
    …so that’s the excuse my husband uses for the small arcade (if you call ~14 games small) he has made in our basement. He says the collection is all my fault because I bought the first one around 1994 in my first year of university – Centepede (my fav!) for $75. A good use of student loan money, don’t you think?!!
    Now we have the Centipede, Ms. Pac Man (with a speed-up chip), Frogger, Donkey Kong (cocktail), Stargate, Track and Field, Hyper Sports, Joust, Tron, Capcom bowling, Toobin’, Mini Golf (for the Pac Man cabinet it is in), and 2 older “no name” cocktails that we got cheap. The Centipede needs a cap kit (monitor funny) and the Tron is in parts right now but everything else is playable.
    We also had a Space Duel and a Star Wars Cockpit that we recently sold…there is only so much room in the basement (or “Man Cave” as my husband and friends call it! It also has a jukebox, old pop machine, darts, poker tables and a foosball table. Sigh!) It is fun to go down there and play a marathon of DK or Ms. Pac Man without having to worry about the quarters! I would still like a Galaga and maybe a Twilight Zone Pin. Something else will have to go then! 😉
    BTW, if you think we’d have to be rich…not the case…almost all were between $75 (Centepede, DK, Hyper Sports and Mini Golf) and $200. The most expensive was the SW Cockpit ($500) and we ended up selling it for much, MUCH more. Craigslist, baby!

  31. Ah, the good old days. 😉
    I liked Joust and a couple of the classic “run around and munch stuff” games, but my all-time favorite was Armor Attack.
    The one where you drive around in a jeep shooting tanks and dodging the insanely fast helicopter.
    The only game I ever got good enough at that people would pay for me to play co-op with them so they could survive long enough to get in some serious practice time.
    A buddy and I sat down and played for over an hour on a single quarter each … my pinnacle of “nerdosity” as someone else put it.
    But my hand and wrist hurt for two days after that. But it was a good hurt.
    Now, Wii Sports is threatening to bring back that good hurt – boxing is a major workout.

  32. When I started playing, in tiny table consoles for two players, all we had was “Space Invaders” and “Asteroids”. Later, in high school and when I was away in college, the arcade games I liked most (besides “Pac-Man” and “Ms. Pac-Man”) had a sci-fi feel to them — I was always killing something or shooting at something. Did not like “Donkey Kong” and absolutely hated “Q-bert”! The only time I diverted from my misson to rid the universe of aggressive aliens was when I played “Joust”.

  33. Yeah, I know that. I spent several hours in high school watching my boyfriend play Mortal Kombat and pretending to be impressed. At first, I couldn’t believe he actually thought I cared, but finally realized that I was just a status symbol in the arcade. Sigh…the things we do to keep our men.

  34. LOL Reading this post just reminds me so much of myself. In that I’m constantly associating certain people, places and events in my life to their historical significance from my past. It drives my wife crazy at times. Reading you is like listening to my inner voice. Guess I’m gonna have to go buy your books huh?

  35. LOL Reading this post just reminds me so much of myself. In that I’m constantly associating certain people, places and events in my life to their historical significance from my past. It drives my wife crazy at times. Reading you is like listening to my inner voice. Guess I’m gonna have to go buy your books huh?

  36. Where I live, the arcades have all gone – and it is sad really. They were great places to dispose of a pocket-full of quarters. I wasn’t a Pac Man/DK fan – they weren’t for me. I loved the side scrollers – Double Dragon, Contra – even Gauntlet (except when Death started to chase you in the upper levels).
    I just bought a new XB 360 – it comes complete with Guitar Hero II, so I will be able to appreciate your hard work trying to beat your kids on Expert. It won’t beat the smell nor the noise of a good quality Arcade – but with surround sound – I can at least give it a good old try.
    I’m very jealous there’s a vintage arcade for you so near by – so many memories…good times. Good times.

  37. Brings back memories when I had an atari and I always used to play my two older sisters….well me being the little shit that I am…was..well still am sometimes….I’d play this baseball game with them.. I forget what it was called.. All I remember is that when I was down…I’d hold the joystick down swing the bat…and I’d instantly hit a home run. They never understood how I’d always when. If I told them today it still might be a little earth shattering….My wife is not a gamer at all. The best I can do is tetris.. and that gets boring after a while 🙂

  42. Congratulations on being able to see Eddie Izzard!
    You have not lived until you’ve heard him do the “Darth Vader in line at the Death Star cafeteria” sketch. Tip–have an empty bladder and do not drink beverage during the bit.

  43. As I get older and a bit more aware of the world, I’ve come to realize that, for most normal people, this would be an incredibly boring discussion. I’m glad that I don’t know very many normal people.

  45. Apologies if someone has already mentioned this, but 44 comments was just too many to read.
    The submarine game you mentioned, would that be ‘Seaquest’?
    I have an old atari 2600 that I bought off ebay a few years back and one of my fave games to play is Seaquest. Dive down, rescue scuba divers, avoid the enemy subs and the sharks, resurface and deliver the divers.
    I can play it for hours. Must go find my Atari….now I want to play.

  46. Have you heard the backstory behind Ms Pacman?
    I listened to a presentation by the former president of General Computer Corporation about the development of Ms Pacman. It is really interesting.

  47. The last segment of the post reminded me of an episode of the clerks cartoon where the one in the cap went to a high school reunion and nearly ended up mkaing out with a former crush, only to spot the arcade booth he used to play in the store room and plugged it in, intent on beating his old high score and thus, losing the girl. Sadly my first arcade game was probably WWF: Superstars when I was 8. We were fortunatee enough to have an Amstrad home computer with tapes of classics like Legend of kage and Dizzy

Comments are closed.

Related Posts

Recent Posts