WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

in which wil gets no work done

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I have a theory, and it is mine. It goes like this: When I get up early in the morning and go straight to work, I produce an avalanche of words before I get tired, about nine hours later. When I get up later in the morning and go straight to work, I produce substantially fewer words, and never really feel all that motivated (unless I’m on a non-self imposed deadline) to really crank it out. When I get up early and have to do something – anything – before I go to work, I will be lucky to produce more than 100 words of any worth.

Yesterday and today support that theory. My ribs are nearly all healed, so I could finally go see the chiropractor and get the rest of me, which was knocked out of whack when I was fighting the kangaroo[1] and broke the goddamn ribs. She worked on me for an hour, and put my spine, neck, and jaw (yes, my jaw) back where nature intended them to be. For the first time in just over six weeks, I don’t have a sore back and a headache. Yay. Go me.

However, starting out my day at the doctor, then getting some stupid real life stuff done since I was already out of the house has reduced my motivation, fucos, and output to nearly zero.

307 words. That’s all I can do today, and it’s not even creative writing, it’s just this stupid blog post.

Well, there is a lesson hidden in this, I guess: When a talking bear bets you a hundred dollars and a box of wine that you can’t go three rounds with a kangaroo, just walk away, man. Just walk away.

[1] This is the official story. If you question this official story, you love the terrorists. That’s how it works in America now. You’ll just shut up if you know what’s good for you, Citizen!

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23 September, 2008 Wil

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another awesome column from geekdad → ← Criminal Minds News

46 thoughts on “in which wil gets no work done”

  1. Z says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Kangaroo got what was coming to it. That’s the story, and I’m sticking to it.
    Glad you’re feeling better..

  2. FEJ says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    I guess I love the terrorists then.

  3. VT says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Was it good wine, at least?

  4. mojo shivers says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    It’s a known fact kangaroos support The Manitoban Inquisition. No further proof is necessary to validate their nefariousness.

  5. Industrial PhD says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Rumor has it that the talking bear is the final cylon.

  6. Robyn says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Sorry, Wil, but I’m questioning it. Though I do accept that that is how America works now.
    Should I assume that by “fucos” you mean “focus”?

  7. monkeytoesy2k says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    I agree w/ you – if you get up and get right to work, it’s like you’ve got a focused plan. Otherwise, the mind races ahead to all the things still to be done, and you can’t concentrate on what needs to be done NOW.
    And I totally buy that thing about the Kangaroo. Pesky buggers.

  8. Ian says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    All hail the Computer!
    Well done, Wilwheat-O-NNN-1.

  9. GenXer says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    @Robyn Beware the wrath you may incur from the regular WWdN readers. By “fucos” he means “fucos”. I can’t seem to dig up the OP way back when that typo was intentionally left, but it stuck. So ’round here, when someone really wants to concentrate on something, one ‘fucos’es. 🙂

  10. Wil says:
    23 September, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    @Robyn: BEHOLD!

  11. Blake says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    Unknown Facts About Will #99-A: Wil actually tore The Kangaroo in half, danced barefoot in the remnants, decided it was one of the happiest days of his life and proclaimed himself “Just a Geek”. Then, to satiate any public yearnings for answers about said deceased Kangaroo, broke his own ribs, spine and jaw.

  12. Zarvok says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    Oh my, I know that feeling. I got up this morning thinking I was going to get a ton of work done. Since I was running early, I thought, maybe I’ll just take a few minutes and have one more stab at that Megaman 9 stage… Here I am, still playing.
    I have a job where no one is checking up on whether I am physically there or not. I find that the longer it takes me to leave my apartment in the morning, the less likely I am ever to get to work. Very similar to your problem, I suspect.

  13. TheLoneIguana says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    One well-thrown apple knocks a kangaroo right out. So simple a monkey could do it.

  14. ColleenS says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    I have a theory, and it is mine.
    Gotta love the MPFC.
    Sincerely
    Miss Anne Elk

  15. Alan says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    I’ve read about other writers doing their best work first thing in the morning. Some of them don’t even get out of bed. They keep their writing instruments on the nightstand and just grab them and start writing when they wake up.

  16. appleblossombeck says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Wil, I have a favorite professor who says that with writing, on some days 10 pages is just the beginning, and on other days one sentence is a full day’s work.

  17. keenahn says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    Oh Wil, sorry to burst your bubble. I came up with this theory YESTERDAY, but because of my blogging schedule it won’t go up until next week, so it’ll look like I’m copying you =(.
    But yes, 1000 words before my corn flakes, that’s my regimen =D. Then I’m free to do other, less important things, like iono, go to my job…

  18. Isisgate1 says:
    23 September, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    In the multiverse it maybe a goodthing you did nothing more than 307 words. Who knows, two Wil’s typing the exact same 310 words at the exact same time could cause a paradox that causes one Wil’s computer to explode. And if that happened in OUR universe… where would you be? Just think about it; you were three words from oblivion.
    Stupid Schroedinger.

  19. Mama Gaea says:
    23 September, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    Just found something you will LOVE. Speaking of Pixel art…
    http://drawn.ca/2008/09/23/pixel-art-animation-dot-matrix-revolution/
    would have embedded the vid, but I don’t think that works here.

  20. Mama Gaea says:
    23 September, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    Oh, WATCH FULL SCREEN for full effect and CRANK THE VOLUME! 😀

  21. Stickyfingers says:
    23 September, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    It’s been awhile since I have visited your blog. Your posts are still well thought out, but there must be something in the writers mind that helps display thoughts into words, letters, characters and symbols onto the screen in front of me. Happy Writing my friend! Keep doing the work that provides you more happy memories and feelings of fulfillment.
    P.s., you still remind me of a current, smarter, and edgier Spider Jerusalem.

  22. reudaly says:
    23 September, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    I hope you don’t mind but you so hit it on the head that I’ve quoted you. And said lovely things about you to properly credit the quote.

  23. JennyW says:
    23 September, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    I’ve had the same experience, Wil. Not with writing (though I’m sure it would apply to that if I tried to write more often), but to everything in my life that I have to get done. When I get to bed at a decent hour, I get up at a decent hour, and more gets done. Simple as that.

  24. Sandra L. says:
    23 September, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Hey Wil – totally off-topic, but I just found out about this:
    http://www.books4barack.com
    Seems like something you might be interested in.

  25. Sandra L. says:
    23 September, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    Hey Wil – totally off-topic, but I just found out about this:
    http://www.books4barack.com
    Seems like something you might be interested in.

  26. Chuck says:
    23 September, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    I learned never to mess with a kangaroo from Saturday morning cartoons. Although I will do much for free booze.
    Glad you are feeling better!

  27. Giladani says:
    23 September, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    Consider this your 8-bit reference of the day champ: You must’ve been eating at apple at the time, Kangaroos hate monkeys with apples. It’s a law.

  28. JSc says:
    23 September, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Hola Mr. Wheaton, SIR!
    If it’s any comfort, that trend is pretty bleedin’ common for many or most self-paced projects. On a good day, I’m at work by 7 a.m. and crank out a ton of “good” stuff before I head home at 6 or 8 p.m. On a bad day, I don’t get in until 8 a.m. or so, get stuck in a bunch of meetings listening to the same bleedin’ b.s. excuses for the umpteenth time in a row, and go home at 6 or 8 p.m. wondering what I accomplished.
    All that said, at least I get to play with lasers and chemistry all day…that makes up for it somewhat!
    Dr. JSc

  29. esmerel says:
    23 September, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    I feel your pain. I have TMJ, and it is flat out shocking just how much pain can be caused by your jaw being even a little out of place. I wore a splint for months (I still wear it sometimes) to get my jaw back to where it’s supposed to be. It was incredible how the temple headaches went away after a couple of weeks – just because my jaw was being used correctly. Hope yours goes quicker:)

  30. Ian Sokoliwski says:
    23 September, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    There is no Manitoba Inquisition.
    Anyone who thinks there is is on the side of the terrorists.
    And if you are on the side of the terrorists, then Hollywood has won.

  31. Danniboi says:
    24 September, 2008 at 1:23 am

    Hey, least you wrote something! Made me giggle! And now your face is fixed! Did you know it was broken in the first place?

  32. Scott Andrews says:
    24 September, 2008 at 1:32 am

    That’s exactly how it works with my writing too, but with two very young kids it’s really hard to get up and straight to the desk.
    And even when I do get there I’ve got to boot up the browser and see what’s what, and if I get sidetracked by, say, commenting on a blog post or someth… oh s**t!

  33. Overstroming says:
    24 September, 2008 at 3:24 am

    Aw Dude, a chiropractor? You skeptical friends won’t like that.
    Chiro-quack-tors are pretty good at extracting money from people in pain, in return for some popping and cracking and short term relief.
    Try a medically trained physiotherapist – it worked for me.
    check out.
    http://www.chirobase.org/01General/skeptic.html
    I hope you get back to 100%-feeling-good though, no matter how you go about it.
    O.

  34. angie k says:
    24 September, 2008 at 6:27 am

    OMG! Steamcrow Press! Well now I can’t fucos at all today. Thinking too much about how I want my own “Angie can’t fucos” print. Because it’s usually true.
    You broke your ribs in a fight with a kangaroo? Well I for one welcome our kangaroo overlords. Did I say overlords? I’m sorry, I meant protectors.
    (Glad you’re feeling better!)

  35. rackfocus says:
    24 September, 2008 at 6:48 am

    Obviously, since you are a published writer, your methods are far superior to mine. I basically lie awake at night thinking of plot, fall asleep, wake up and go through scenes in my head (like it’s a movie) but I never actually get around to writing them down…
    I’m just a Failosauris Rex.

  36. Dumb White Guy says:
    24 September, 2008 at 8:27 am

    f’n kangaroo…

  37. Jaz says:
    24 September, 2008 at 8:47 am

    My story is like yours but instead of a kangaroo it’s a .22 loaded with bird-shot inside the seat of my shorts … looooooooooooong story!
    Anyhoo! Glad to hear you feel human again. I look forward to that day myself once this dry cough vacates me (or I pass it on to someone else).

  38. Delight says:
    24 September, 2008 at 9:20 am

    Glad I’m not the only one who’s getting nothing done today. Maybe you should just crack open that box of wine…

  39. CYBRFRK says:
    24 September, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Find a distraction. When I’m writing or hacking code, and I find myself facing the Precipice of Ineptness, I take a break. Boot up the XB360, and find a slayer game in Halo3. Distraction is the key to refocus for we geeks.
    Create a new character using your special dice. Listen to Ludo and relax.

  40. clambo says:
    24 September, 2008 at 9:38 am

    You might want to spend 8 minutes listening to this NPR interview with Philip Roth from last week.
    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94619182
    “It’s a decent day, Roth judges, when he comes away with a page that’s a workable draft. Some days, he throws away all that he writes.”
    Roth has been writing for 50 years. I think on average a book a year. I hope this makes you feel better about your non-productive day.

  41. Banzai says:
    24 September, 2008 at 10:26 am

    What kind of wine?

  42. BrentMc says:
    24 September, 2008 at 10:41 am

    I’m glad you are feeling better Wil, and damn those rollerskating kangaroos!

  43. Mike Sperry says:
    24 September, 2008 at 11:39 am

    So you feel that your standard level of output should be “avalanche”? That’s a nice way to work towards a heart attack.
    Relax. Some days you’re an avalanche, some days you’re a trickle. It all averages out to awesome in the end.

  44. Mr Bromden says:
    24 September, 2008 at 5:08 pm

    Heh [1]
    That IS how it works!
    Also I can apply your “work Theroy” to school (arrg last year of HS EVER!!) although cooking other peoples lunches and then not getting tipped for it is also a bit of slam on the ol’ morale.

  45. housecat4ever says:
    24 September, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Don’t feed the kangaroos.

  46. DangerouslyGeeky says:
    25 September, 2008 at 9:52 am

    I think the getting up early and getting more writing done is a pretty common problem. Plus keeping a regular writing schedule is key. Stephen King says to set a regular writing goal for every day, be it 100 words or 100 pages and then work at it until you’ve reached it everyday, treat it like a regular job.
    I have the problem of lacking a good space to write. I get so much more done if I write longhand instead of typing, it helps the flow and helps silence the inner editor that wants to go back and rewrite every other sentence. My desk space is taken up by a giant CRT (yes I haven’t upgraded yet) so I don’t have enough space to spread out and comfortably write. So I go down to a local coffee shop every other day and spend at least 2 hours writing. Strangely I can get far more done down there than at home. Of course sometimes my laptop and the internets are a distraction.

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