drop down, reverse direction, increase speed

I told my wife, "You know, I haven't gotten past the first screen of Space Invaders in at least 20 years. I think I need to practice more." I thought for a second. "Train for it, I guess, is what I'm saying."

She looked at me. "Train for what?"

"Oh, um." I said, "you know, just to get better."

"Because?"

"Because I haven't gotten past the first screen in 20 years."

I have this Space Invaders T-shirt that I wear from time to time.

I don't wear it as often as I'd like, because it's filled with errors, like the score is all wrong for the number of invaders that have been shot, the shots in progress are all wrong, and … well, look, it's just nerd shit, I guess. It's still a cool shirt, and normal people can't see anything obviously wrong with it.

I had it on yesterday, when Anne and I went to the grocery store to pick stuff up for dinner, and the girl at the register commented on how much she loved to play the game when she was a kid.

Anne, Nolan, and Ryan have all told me that I should just keep my geek to myself in certain situations, but sometimes (read: all the time) I can't help myself. This was one of those times.

"Oh, yeah, I love this game," I said. "And I saw this T-shirt at Threadless.com earlier today that – " this is when she totally glazed over and got really interested in scanning our items.

"She's tuned you out! Shut up!" My brain screamed at me. Anne, polite to a fault, gently squeezed my arm.

I ignored them both. "It was so cool. It was one of these little guys," I pointed to one of the invaders on my shirt, "standing in front of several rows of these other little guys," I pointed to other invaders on my shirt as Anne tightened her grip, "and it was like he was a general, showing them the battle plan, which was a little dotted line going in this kind of 'move to the side and then drop down' direction!"

She and Anne shared a look. I couldn't tell who was more sympathetic to the other, but the message passed was clear: I am so sorry.

She totaled up our order, Anne paid her, and we walked out of the store. As the door closed behind us, I think I heard a loudspeaker say, "Clean up on register 5 … someone got Geek all over the place."

For the record, here's the shirt I was describing, which you can purchase from Threadless:

A Simple Plan - Threadless, Best T-shirts Ever

I know, right? Awesome.

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68 thoughts on “drop down, reverse direction, increase speed”

  2. I think its kinda awesome. It shows how much Anne really loves you b/c she gets you. I have an incredible husband who pulls similar maneuvers. I do the same to him when he starts talking about the law field he practices. But you know, getting all excited about what’s going to happen in the last episodes of BSG is way more interesting to random strangers than changes in the law that affect how the gov’t buys stuff.

  3. I hate that feeling. I can see people actively looking anywhere but at me. Pushing food around their plates, biting their lip. I can feel the disinterest falling all around me and I know I should shut up. But I can’t control myself. I think wait until they hear about the next part, then they will be interested.
    Before I know it I have been sitting all alone at Filippi’s Pizza Grotto with a dried out husk of a corpse sitting at my table, having died of boredom ages ago.
    Most recently when I tried to explain the awesomeness of PAX. Maybe I need some kind of shock collar.

  5. Ever been to the Redondo Fun Factory? They have a ton of old arcade games including a “Silver Anniversary” Space Invaders machine and, I shit ye not, an ORIGINAL Pong machine! Some of the units they have aren’t in particularly good repair – dodgey joysticks and such – but the Space invaders machine, while not an original classic unit, is as close to perfection as I could find in the place. I would have loved to have spent more time with it.
    I took a bunch of photos, which you can check out here if you like: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=220079&id=904565074

  7. Shoot the sides first so it takes longer for them to get to the end and drop down.
    I was never very good at the arcade version, but I flipped the score four times on the Atari 2600 version on afternoon.
    Okay… so it was on the easiest setting.
    I remember the 2600 Space Invaders had something like 127 different variants. Man, that seemed so exciting to me at first. Then I learned they were all variants of make the aliens invisible and take away the bunkers and a lot of the excitment vanished.
    I’m sure you know that the first arcade machine was released in 1972. Coincidence or fate? You be the judge.

  8. If you haven’t already seen it, you have to see the Futurama episode “Anthology of Interest II”, where they skillfully address the question “What if life was more like a video game”. (Season 4, episode 3).

  12. It could have been a coincidence (but then again, the title is why I clicked through from Twitter). I couldn’t leave the possibility that you hadn’t seen it (that would be tragic). I also couldn’t pass up the opportunity to plug Futurama to all your readers 😉

  13. I get that all the time from my wife about the characters in my stories. We’re both geeks, but she goes one way with her geekiness and I go another. Somehow we manage to meet in the middle.

  14. Hey, at least you caught on to the fact that you were losing her as you spoke. Generally, my wife has to explain to me what happened later in bed, as I’m excitedly recounting the “geek connection” I made that day.
    It’s like we NEED good partners to, I dunno, show us an x-ray of society and help us see what’s going on beneath the surface. Despite the rap it sometimes gets, marriage ain’t half bad.

  15. The same thing happened to me when a waiter asked about my Cthulhu t-shirt. I don’t think I got far past, “Well, he’s an elder god who eats souls and…hey, where are you going?” I never saw him again; good thing he’d already delivered my food!

  16. I know that feeling very well. I’m 35 and recently back in school full time working on my bachelors (or tenure). So… I’m in this American studies pop culture class. I make small talk with someone when they mention Ultraman. Obviously, I spazz out about Mazinger, Gaiking and Battle of the Planets when she gets THE LOOK.
    Chris Rock put it best when he said, “I understand.”
    I just figure they need more culture.

  17. I got lucky with a waiter at one restaurant. He saw me reading a comic book on my iPhone and went absolutely nuts telling my wife and me about his collection.

  20. I have had a Threadless Gift Certificate for 14 months now and was so conflicted on what to get. I have just placed my order for this shirt. Thanks for clearing things up for me!

  21. Yep, it’s still there. I’m British, moved to LA about a year ago, but I’ve recently started arcade-hunting with a friend. The Redondo Fun Factory is fantastic – a veritable museum of arcade history. It’s just a shame that the machines aren’t in better condition. I forgot my main arcade rule more than once – if possible, avoid using the Player One controller, as the stick is likely broken.
    Someone with the know-how needs to get down there and offer to repair their machines for them…

  23. You have no idea how happy/nostalgic you’ve made me, and when I left the South Bay for Oregon I never looked back. Still not looking back, but having fond, fond memories. Do they still have the air hockey tables? Note to self: If I ever do for some strange reason go back there, must go to Redondo Fun Factory…

  24. I work with geeks all day long and my wife is a closet geek as well so this never happens to me. I’m usually the one who has to break off and go back to work after my CTO regales me with tales of his new purchases for the 360.
    Although I was wearing a VS (super-hero card game that I played for a few years made by UDE) t-shirt with the DC Comics logo on it in the grocery store one day when the cashier looked at me and went, “Awesome, I love comics! What is your favorite?” I was so surprised I managed to grunt out something like, “Er, me too” before stumbling away. Given that I have about thirty dealer boxes of comics, a fact that I never mention to anyone usually, I probably should have been better prepared for something like that.

  26. The place was covered in Air Hockey tables – they were the first thing we saw as we entered the building! You can get in through a restaurant of some sort but they were closed when we got there.

  28. This is me every time I try to explain an awesome scene in a TV show or Movie, or some kind of video game. I can tell people aren’t interested, but I can’t help it, I’m so excited, and it’s so AWESOME, and if they would just UNDERSTAND, they would be better people!
    Or, as brandilionknits noted, when describing how much FUN PAX is, which I am doing to everyone now that tickets are on sale. Did you mention to the world that tix are on sale? Because PAX tickets are on sale.
    Side note, are you registering to be an Omeganaut this year? We could play some Jenga, I warn you though, I’m a master!

  30. Are you kidding me?? I LOVE it when people geek on me. There will never be enough of it in the world I tell ya.
    Snookms and I bought Contra for regular NES last year, and after 20 years I thought for sure I would be able to master the 30 man cheat bonus with ease. Snookms handed my ass to me on a platter up,up,down,down,left,right,left,right B, A, and start style.
    *I don’t care what people say, start is part o’ the command*
    But yeah, I feel ya. Need to practice.

  32. As I read the beginning where you mentioned the T-shirt I was thinking “oh I hope he saw that new Threadless one yesterday” and did a mini in-office squee when you started talking about it. I giggled so hard at that shirt. I showed it to my friend here in the office and she smiled and thought it was cute but looked worried about my giggling. I think I need to keep my geek in check too.

  34. Ahh, the friendly arm squeeze. How I know that one all to well. It gets worse for me because I have a friend or two down the block that occasionally come up for dinner and I’m politely reminded to keep the “geek talk” at a minimum. Otherwise the men are in one room and the ladies are in the other and the kids are running amok. 8^D
    Keep up the awesome blog. Just stumbled upon it a little while back (shame on me) and I _LOVE_ it!

  35. I have the social disorder where the more obscure a piece of Pop Culture trivia that floats through my head, the more neurotically obsessed I am with sharing it in that very moment.
    “Flo and Eddie used to sing with the Turtles, y’know, they’re ‘Happy Together’? Anyway, they actually recorded a song for a Gumby Tribute Album, ‘The Green Album.’ Jonathan Richman and Frank Sinatra Jr. are on that album too! I met Howard Kaylan (I can’t remember if he was Flo or Eddie) at an MST3K party about 15 years ago. ” This stream of social unconsciousness could be brought on by someone saying something simple like, “My Aunt Flo just got out of the hospital.” This can be a near endless cornucopia of embarrassment for my wife and kids. I’m nearly oblivious, always assuming that the world around me shares my great interest in all things inconsequential.
    But, all in all, I generally enjoy hearing people talk enthusiastically about nearly anything, even if I have no knowledge or interest in it to begin with. I find enthusiasm contagious.

  36. I geeked out about that shirt very quietly at my office yesterday, because no one within listening distance would appreciate it as much as I do. I used to rock at that game and now I can’t get past the first screen, either. I thought it would be like riding a bike or remembering all the lines to Holy Grail, easy enough to pick up again. Instead, I found out how very much I do not rock at Space Invaders in front of friends and family. Go me!
    On that note, I’m dusting off my 2600 this weekend. It needs attention and I need redemption.

  37. Man, Wil, as a geeky girl who works in retail, I really wish we had more shoppers like you. We sell Viva Adama tees at our store, and a little part of me dies inside every time someone asks, “Who?”
    Though I did once have the opposite experience as you did. Had an older gentleman attempt to impress me with his worldly & geeky knowledge backfire on him. Somehow while checking his items out, the subject of the Haldon Collider in Switzerland came up (at that point his wife actually shouted across the store at him that the “nice young lady doesn’t want to hear it” — apparently he does this often). I proceeded to have a nice discussion with him about the hack that had happened, of which he hadn’t been aware. He was a bit surprised that a wee young thing like me was able to hold up my end of a geeky conversation.

  38. That shirt, I want it.
    I never listen to that voice that implores me to be quiet and not get geek all over people. This story reminds me of the time I was asked by some guy on the bus what my pin that said, “Shut up or I’ll make you an NPC.” meant. He kind of glazed over after three minutes of me explaining the finer points of character creation and destruction but, hey, he asked. Also, I once was asked by a store clerk what my “NPC – Ask me about our swords and chainmail specials!” shirt meant. She didn’t take kindly to me getting geek all over her but she, too, brought it up first. Being geeky in public is fun.
    Cheers!

  40. interesting i should read this today…
    i came to work today in my Classic Pac-Man hoodie, and everyone had to comment on it. hello! what’s the big deal, people?! My boss actually said the words, “Melanie, you’re so cool.” i am pretty sure he was being a sarcastic ass though. :/

  41. 1) Damn you google for whatever user name it is you give me.
    2) I hope my post wasnt negative as I read it again and thought “well that just was not what I meant!”. I was more implying does your family read what you post and what reaction do they give on the inner workings of your mind that you express here. My curiosity such that my wife would care not to know how it is I perceive these same situations.

  42. Whenever I write about my family, I show them the draft first, and give them the right to tell me not to publish it.

  43. I’m the Geek as my Husband stands by, doing this uncomfortable shift back and forth between feet. This mostly happens while I’m wearing my Serenity Tee and I’m trying to explain “Space Western”.
    I also came across this a couple of weeks ago http://www.sheldonshirts.com/
    Hubby has promised me this one http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/generic/b597/?cpg=cj once I decide the other 4 I want for Mother’s Day. (One from him and each Son) Yes, it is the shirts I desire more than jewelery or flowers. It’s a bit of a ways off but worth the wait.

  44. I have Jinx’s “The Cake is a Lie” shirt, an obvious (of course) reference to Portal. I wear it often, and nobody gets it. However, a couple of weeks ago, I went to a video game convention (Carolina Games Summit) and everybody was like “Dude, Portal!” and “The cake is a lie! THE CAKE IS A LIE!”
    It was awesome.
    Referenced:
    http://www.jinx.com/men/shirts/video_games/the_cake_is_a_lie.html?catid=1&cs=19&csd=the+cake+is+a+lie
    http://www.carolinagamessummit.com/

  46. INSTEAD OF SHOOTING AT WHERE I WAS, YOU SHOULD HAVE SHOT AT WHERE I WAS GOING TO BE! BWAHAHAHAH. And so forth.
    Why aren’t there more geek appreciators out there? I’m one, I’m definitely one. Not knowledgeable enough to be a geek myself, but I appreciate the heck out of them.

  47. Well done Wil. Each day I believe you grow as a writer, the writing becomes more personal and true to who you are, it is the process of discovery that I enjoy most of all. Thanks…

  48. I totally had a moment like that at an old job. A co-worker mentioned that another painted minis. When I confronted him about it and confirmed it, forget about it. The floodgates were opened. I had just started playing DnD at that point of my life, so the giddyness of getting my dorkery out with friends and potentially “sharing” my “enthusiasm” was ridiculous.
    I really enjoyed this post. Oh wait, and all the others.

  50. Wil,
    It’s good that you can geek-out and are self-aware enough to hear that inner voice telling you to stop (for social niceties) and that you can forge ahead anyway.
    The reason this is good is that you are waaayyy ahead of the competition in the celeb department.
    What you described in your post is how many people feel and act when they meet you – you are Space Invaders to a fair sized group.
    Many celebs don’t get how that feels (at least, they act that way).
    Thank you for sharing.

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