Things every person should have:
- A nemesis.
- An evil twin.
- A secret headquarters.
- An escape hatch.
- A partner in crime.
- A secret identity.
What else?
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155 thoughts on “Things every person should have”
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That’s right, Sharks. not ficking Sea Bass! Throw me a bone people.
1. A large screen TV with a camera to make you demands on.
2. A planned community for your workers to live in.
3. A health plan for you AND your life partner.
4. Tom Landry’s Hat.
5. The Dallas Cowboys, NOT the Denver Broncos.
i triple the Minion idea.
Also, a cat!
Everybody know the evil twin has a goatee.
A super snazzy get-away vehicle.
Oh, and a beautiful woman with “huge tracks of land” and a skin tight body suit.
Astroglide.
Yeah, I went there.
3rd vote for a towel.
Remember folks, the 25th of May is official Towel Day.
A harem of buxom women
Red Shirts.
And my all time favourite – CHOCOLATE!
A Captain Picard doll with a pull string that says “Shut up Wesley”.
a. I love all the comments.
2. One would totally need a bitchin’ car. Perhaps, a BATMOBILE!?
Have you seen the picture at the top? From the Wheaton perspective the mirror universe twin must be clean-shaven. I leave it up the to reader to figure out which is the “evil-twin.” 😉
Hey new Big Bang Theory title: The Wheaton Perspective.
A computer with a sardonic wit…and an attitude.
No no no. Never have a partner in crime. They’ll become a liability. Always commit your crimes alone. Trust me on this (or maybe not, given my knowledge of crime committing). 🙂
I still argue that a goatee is the sign of an evil twin. Clean shaven or with a full beard is good.
How do you collate a burrito?
* A witty retort
* A go-to song for karaoke
* An embarrassing childhood nickname (such as Moon Pie)
* A pet to demand attention when you’ve spent too much time at the computer
In ST:TOS episode “Mirror, Mirror” the only non-evil person in the mirror universe was Spock–the only guy with the goatee. Just sayin.
OK, Parallel universe clean shaven Wil, however an evil twin in the same universe has to have a goatee…
Good Grief, I feel like I am channeling the comic book guy.
Very carefully. 🙂
A kindred spirit.
Cool Sunglasses….
And that’s bad why? 😉
Maybe that should read “someone to blame…”
🙂
Your right, it is good to talk geek with other geeks.
1. Crush your enemies
2. See the driven before you
3. Hear the lamentations of their women.
Your choice of…
A: White Turkish Angora (keeps focus of one’s face)
B: Shark (for disposing of bad employees/double 0 agents)
C: Half Pony – Half Monkey Monster (for pleasing potential love interests)
Good point about the added benefit of having a backdrop for PSAs. I thought of mentioning an ascot, but it was mentioned above so I let it go. I guess a smoking jacket needs to be added, and a pipe (or a bubble pipe for non-smokers – that would actually be funny in Wil’s Shut The &#%$ Up theater service announcement: take a sip of brandy, pick up a nice pipe, and blow bubbles).
A foil. A romantic love interest. Often in the same package.
And… apparently, Twine!!
How about sharks with freakin lasers on their freakin heads?
Don’t forget the hammocks.
An unnecessarily slow and complicated way to get rid of your nemesis.
+1 on the smoking jacket
+1 on the bubble pipe
+100 on the “Shut the &#%$ up” message in the theater.
It would be AWESOME to have that play at a theater, some idiot start jabbering, and it just so happens Wil is there, he walks down to them and says “You were warned buddy, comeon, lets go” and escorts them out to wild applause.
Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks!
🙂
Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks!
🙂
You can get them at The Hammock Hut, Hammocks R Us, Put Your Butt There, and Swing Low Sweet Chariot – you know, down in the Hammock District.
But the best place is Mary Ann’s Hammocks.
Oh yeah, every one should have a Doomsday device.
Unacceptable – Laser death is too quick. One needs time to taunt the victim over loudspeakers while the shark slowly closes in.
You know who invented the hammock, 58limited?
No, that is something for you to do: find that out. Oh, and on your way out, if you want to kill somebody it would help me out a lot.
Close, not theme music, but a theme song, which should be played every time you enter a room.
There are some things you may want, but in the event you can’t have that, there are certain alternatives you may be entitled to.** Such as…
a heated kidney shaped pool,
a microwave oven–don’t watch the food cook,
a Dyna-Gym–I’ll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home,
a king-size Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum,
a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi,
real simulated Indian jewelry,
a Gucci shoetree,
a year’s supply of antibiotics,
a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
and Bob Dylan’s new unlisted phone number,
a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick,
Rosemary’s baby,
a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams,
a new Matador, a new mastodon,
a Maverick, a Mustang, a Montego,
a Merc Montclair, a Mark IV, a meteor,
a Mercedes, an MG, or a Malibu,
a Mort Moriarty, a Maserati, a Mac truck,
a Mazda, a new Monza, or a moped,
a Winnebago–Hell, a herd of Winnebago’s we’re giving ’em away,
or how about a McCulloch chainsaw,
a Las Vegas wedding,
a Mexican divorce,
a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot,
or a baby’s arm holding an apple
**if you are an American citizen
A dog in the fight, or an ace in the hole.
Skills. Nunchuck skills, bo hunting skills, computer hacking skills…
An evil laugh and charming grin
A kick-ass haircut.
A sack of rocks, tied to a length of rope. For throwing down a dark hallway, to ensure there are no traps.
*source: years of RPGing
🙂
Everyone should have a…
sense of humor
secret treasure
hidden talent
dark secret(As well as a knowledge of someone ELSE’S dark secret!)
signature color
dish they can cook with their eyes closed
cloaking device
pair of comfortable shoes
mission or purpose
(evil) minions