I went to my doctor yesterday, and told him how crummy I’ve been feeling. We talked about a lot of different things, and ultimately decided that it was probably a good idea to change up my brain pills. This morning, I started something new, and I really feel a lot better. I honestly don’t care if it’s a placebo effect at this point, but the end result is the same: I don’t feel despondent, depressed, and shitty about myself.
“You are very hard on yourself,” he told me yesterday.
“I know,” I said, “I just have really high expectations that I want to meet, and with all these incredibly successful friends …” I trailed off because I felt like I was starting to feel sorry for myself.
“Being judgmental about what you make or don’t make doesn’t help you at all,” he said, “you have to do your best every day, even if your best isn’t what you want it to be.”
I knew he was right, and I knew that it was my depression getting in between me knowing that was right, and accepting that it was right. That’s one of the incredibly frustrating things about depression: I can know that the way I feel is just my brain chemicals being messed up, but whether I accept it or not, the end result is the same: I feel awful. It’s a little unfair that it doesn’t work in both directions, but after living with it for my whole life, I can tell you that depression doesn’t care about being fair; it’s really a dick that way.
My doctor said that I was very clear-eyed about my mental illness (psychologists call people like me “the identified patient”), and because I could be rational even when I was feeling irrational, he wanted me to try some cognitive therapy. “When you feel bad, when you are thinking and feeling that you’re worthless or anything like that, I want you to recognize it, and then make an effort to replace those bad feelings with good ones.
“When you are feeling bad about a job you didn’t get, think about a job that you did get, that you feel good about. When you feel bad about not finishing a story, recognize that feeling, and remember how you felt when you published something you’re proud of.”
“That sounds like something I can do,” I said, “and it sounds like it may help me break out of the cycle of depression telling me a suck, then making me feel terrible because I believe that I suck, which makes me depressed, which lets depression tell me that I suck.” I imagined a particularly ugly ouroboros wrapping itself around me.
I don’t think this means that I don’t allow myself to feel disappointment, or frustration, or any of the other emotions that I think we all need to feel to be a fully-functional human. I think this means that I don’t let my mental illness take something like feeling unsure about where a story goes next and turning it into the Very Certain And Unshakable Belief That I Am A Worthless And Stupid And Idiotic Loser Who Everyone Knows Really Sucks. Not, um, that I’ve felt like that a whole lot lately, or anything like that. Um. Right.
So.
Let’s get started, shall we? This weekend, Anne and I went to the mall to pick up some fancy pants I had tailored. While we were there, we noticed that the big old men’s clothing sale was happening, yadda yadda yadda I got three awesome suits for less than the cost of one, if they weren’t on sale.
Guys: it turns out that your beautiful wife telling you, “WOW, you look great in that suit,” is a powerful motivator for buying that suit. And two others. Because reasons.
After we were finished getting them tailored, Anne had to get on the phone to handle a bunch of #VandalEyes business, so I went into the bookstore until she was done. On my way to the Science Fiction section, I stopped to take this picture of their Tabletop game section:
While I was taking this picture, a young man cautiously approached me. “Mister … Mister Wheaton?” He said.
“That’s me!” I said.
“I love your show Tabletop! You are the reason my friends and I play games, and I’m actually here today to find something for one of them.”
I put my phone into my pocket. “That is really awesome,” I said. “The main reason I make Tabletop is to inspire other people to play games.”
He swallowed, nodded, and said, “um, would you, uh … would you help me pick out a game for my friend?”
My heart grew three sizes. “I would love to do that!”
I asked him a bunch of questions about the games they like to play together, his friend’s level of experience, and how much he wanted to spend. Ultimately, he settled on Ticket To Ride. He shook my hand, thanked me several times, and walked away, happily.
“I’m so sorry to bother you,” a voice said behind me. I turned and saw a young woman with a nametag that indicated she worked in the store.
“Yes?” I said.
“This is my section,” she said, pointing to the games, “and it’s here because of your show, Tabletop.”
My heart grew another three sizes.
“We order all the games you play on your show, and we usually sell out of whatever you’ve just played right away.”
“That’s really cool!” I said.
We talked about the games that she had in the section, and I recommended a few new ones for her, including Hive, Love Letter, and Coup.
“I’ll see if I can convince my manager to let me order those,” she said. “Anyway, I don’t want to take up any more of your time. I just wanted to thank you for your show, and for everything you do.”
“It’s my pleasure,” I said, “and it really means a lot to me that you took the time to tell me that.” I started to walk back to the Sci-Fi Books, and stopped. I turned back. “If your distributor doesn’t know what’s coming up on Tabletop — and they should, but if they don’t — please e-mail me and I’ll give you the release schedule, so you can know what to order.”
“That would be great,” she said.
“Awesome.” We shook hands, and I walked back to the Sci-Fi books. Before I could really figure out if I was going to get anything, my phone chirped in my pocket. It was Anne. She was off the phone, and didn’t want to go on a quest to find me in the store. “I’ll be right out,” I replied.
I walked past that Tabletop game section, which was absolutely huge — even bigger than the entire Sci-Fi and Fantasy book section, combined, and a little voice in my head said, “it’s okay to feel a little proud about this.” I listened to it.
…
I’m still frustrated and disappointed when I see a character on a TV show or in a film that I clearly could have played, but didn’t even get to audition for (a casting director recently told my agent that they would not even see me for a role, because “Wil Wheaton can’t play someone in his late 30s,” even though I’m 41, with two children in their 20s, and just letting me spend thirty fucking seconds in their goddamn office to see how I look now and how I interpret the role may change their mind). I’m still frustrated and disappointed that I haven’t produced any original work of fiction of any consequence in a year, and that I haven’t finished Memories of the Future Volume 2.
BUT — and it’s a big but* — instead of focusing on those things, and feeling like I’m being crushed into a singularity by a black hole of depression, I can look at the show I created and brought to life with some very talented people, that is having a very real and lasting impact on a lot of people, in a very positive way.
When I look at the writing I haven’t finished, I can look at the calendar and see all the times I was working on a video game or an audiobook or an animated show, and was on the road to promote Tabletop, and honestly accept that there just wasn’t that much time to write the things I wanted to write, because I was busy working on other things.
I can stop being so hard on myself, and I can stop judging myself, and I can stop holding myself up to standards that are so high, even the people I’m comparing myself to every day would have a hard time reaching them.
Or, at least, I can try, and I can do my best, because that’s all I can do.
*hurr hurr hurr
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Thanks for this, Wil. It’s spot on. So much easier to hear the negative…
Mr. Wheaton – thank you. For so many reasons I have wanted to not like you. Instead, I love you. You have become a wonderful adult. Sharing this experience must have been difficult. But so important and will help so many people experiencing the same thing.
Wow, Wil, I haven’t really kept up with you since ST:TNG. I’m glad to see you’re doing well, and that, even though you are living the life I think I’d like to have, you are experiencing the same frustrations as me. Forty-four, an aspiring writer with 5 kids, plenty of things I should be proud of. I’m feeling like I can get through my days now, and I hope the same for you. Your friend, Adam Cole
Hello Mr. Wheaton,
Maybe you’ll see/read this, maybe not. I hope so. I have long wanted to let you know the positive effect you’ve had on me, and this seems like as good a time as any. When I was a young teenager, my older brother started letting me watch Star Trek: TNG with him. It was a big step for us, the first that led to us having a lifelong close relationship based in geekdom. He teased me (of course, it was his job) because Wesley Crusher was my favorite character. I can look back now and wince at some of the writing, but at the time, all I cared about was this smart, awkward, teenaged character on my favorite show, who was being shown respect and acceptance by the adults around him, given privileges and responsibilities, because they gave him a chance to prove himself. It was such an important story to me, because it didn’t happen in my life. I think we gravitate to the fiction we wish we could cut and paste onto our own lives, in certain ways.
Fast-forward fifteen to twenty years. 30-something-me struggles with crippling depression and anxiety, intense introversion and truly epic self-doubt. I stayed home to raise my children, which I maintain is the most important thing I will ever do. My ego, however, was not up to the task of defending itself from the black dog of depression, the lying voices telling me I was worthless, I wasn’t making a difference, I was never going to be important. A friend of mine reintroduced me to your work – this time, your books. I consumed them voraciously. I was deeply struck by your willingness to share your struggles with the world, your frank honesty, and how your troubles mirrored my own. I now have an ebook out with Circlet Press, another coming out later this year, and a third and fourth in the works. I can say with no exaggeration that part of what kept me going was your example.
And that continues to be the case. I wanted to thank you – for Wesley Crusher, for your books, for your blog, for all your other work. For being so amazing and awesome that it makes me want to Get Excited and Make Stuff, because if Wil Wheaton can do it, then so can I. Never let those voices tell you that you aren’t making a difference. You’re one of my heroes. And I am but one voice in the crowd.
Jules
You know, this is the first time I’ve ever read your blog, mostly because I didn’t know it existed, but regardless, I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to others who have depression. And I’ve loved you since TNG, but I also realize you for the human being that you are, not just the celebrity. You’re real and down to earth and from everything I’ve ever read or seen about you, just a generally nice person. I love your role on Big Bang Theory and I love that you play yourself. Being a 43 year old mother of 2 suffering from depression, I totally get where you’re coming from and it is nice to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. =) Keep on keeping on Wil, just do you.
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been struggling with depression for a while, and you have been an inspiration for me. Tabletop in particular has renewed my interest in tabletop games, and even inspired me to start my own ezine about role playing games. I love all of your television and movie work of course, but I have to say that Tabletop has effected the most. If a person’s success can be measured by the positive impact he’s had in his life, you are far more successful than you realize. Well done sir.
Hi Wil,
I’m a long time reader and rarely comment but I just wanted to say thank you.
I’ve been a huge fan of yours ever since I was a child and saw you in Stand By Me, and have followed your journey since, buying your books and reading your blog, etc. Confession time: the only episodes of Big Bang I watch are the ones with you in them.
Anyway, the reason I wanted to say thank you is because I’ve really appreciated you sharing your mental health journey, particularly the posts you’ve shared over the last couple of weeks. I had a particularly rough 2013 which brought to light my own depression. After spending every day isolated, feeling worthless and just having no enjoyment in life at all, I finally sought help a few months ago and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I am feeling much more balanced and ‘normal’ now. The meds have been very helpful in balancing the chemicals but I also spent a few months doing cognitive behaviour therapy and it has been a real eye opener. It is still a conscious effort for me catch and challenge the negative thoughts, and sometimes I still fail and they seep through, but the therapy is fantastic for challenging the way I have felt about myself and the things I have told myself my entire life. Why CAN’T I be happy? I DO deserve good things. Maybe I’m NOT so bad at what I do. Etc. And it has helped with my anxiety too. When I start worrying about random things I ask myself ‘how likely is that to actually happen?’ etc.
I am glad to hear you are challenging your own demons, and I hope you get as much out of the therapy as I have. I truly, truly thank you for being so honest with your readers. You have a tonne of support here, and we’ll always keep watching you 🙂
All the best,
Mel
This was, no is, beautiful. Thank you Wil. I love you in the purest sense of the word. You are a hero to me and many others. Just keep being you.
Mr. Wheaton~
My husband is a huge fan of yours and sent me this specific blog post to read. I have been having a very difficult time with my depression/anxiety lately that it is prohibiting me from doing what I want to do in life. thank you for your words they help out tremendously. I still have a hard time but am coming off a 2 week major depressive episode your words help. Thank you
I have S.A.D. and this time of year, I’m usually an unfocused, tired, depressed lump on the couch. I find cognitive therapy ans a vitD light more effective than meds. I hope it works for you.
And you really should be proud. Really proud.
Wil, you mentioned the difficulty of celebrating your successes when you have such wildly successful friends. A friend of mine is starting up a new workshop to help people break free of the compulsion to compare ourselves to others. I thought I’d post it here for anyone who might be interested. I’m not financially affiliated in any way, I just think Lauren is awesome and she’s helped me in my business.
http://www.laurenbacon.com/worship-wisely/
I know this might be trite but that pep talk the doctor gave you sounded like a certain episode of the Big Bang Theory. Maybe, Sheldon should come to talk to you??? And see, the Table Top section of the book store proves you do good.
I just read this and realised how much I’m looking forward to Memories of the Future 2! But I hadn’t really thought about it because I’ve been too busy re/watching Tabletop with my girlfriend – if we’re too busy watching [awesome thing you do A] to remember how much we’re looking forward to [awesome thing you do B], then you certainly shouldn’t feel bad that you’ve been too busy *creating* A to create B. (That made sense in my head. I think.) And, mainly thanks to you, my girlfriend and I have finally started gaming together: somehow it took us a year of going out before we realised we both loved games, so thanks for pointing that out to us. I owe you one.
Well, I don’t suffer from depression but my wonderful and amazing husband does, as well as two of my very good friends. It sucks, big time. I’m so glad you have such an amazing handle on it, and are able to (at least sometimes) be able to step back and look at it logically when it’s bad. I hope that the cognitive therapy continues to work better and better for you, and the next time that you’re feeling down you can come back here to the positive comments that people are leaving that will tell you just how much you ARE appreciated and what a terrific guy we think you are. I also just have to say that I love how wonderfully open and giving you are with the folks who came up to you that you mentioned in your post, I get the feeling you’re probably like that with most people. Having been the media guest liaison for a major Midwest Sci-Fi con for the past 15 or so years, I know first hand that that isn’t always the case with folks in your line of work. It is my greatest wish for you in this relatively new year that the dingleberries at the studios get their heads out of their collective rear ends and get you in for some auditions! Hang in there!
Dear Wil – Just wanted to let you know there are a LOT of people who appreciate your show (TableTop) and your work as an actor. I know you want to achieve more – and you will.
Go boldly onward! Don’t let that dick (depression) get to you. Keep fighting. You have a great family to support you and plenty of young and old fans (I’m one of the latter) who appreciate your works in your many endeavors.
Looking forward to the next TableTop and your next appearance on either the small or silver screen!
I would have never imagined that reading your blog would help me with MY depression, but it does! Please know that you are doing a lot of good. And by the way… I absolutely love it when you are on Big Bang Theory!
This is incredible. Thank you for opening up about your experiences, The stories about the Tabletop section at the store are truly heartwarming; you and the entire Tabletop team should be proud, especially you!
Thank you for being brave enough to share your struggles with mental health. It helps others who also struggle feel less alone.
Well young Wil….I don’t know who the heck you are comparing yourself to, that make you seem to think you are not as successful…{ darn that Sir Patrick Stewart }….there are far more members of the human race who could not fill your metre….Fill the shoes You stand in; don’t try to walk in another’s. At 50, having been depressed and battling anxiety, I am sorry to hear you on in this vortex too. Don’t let it rob you of what you are by looking at others and believing you should be like them…..You are the greatest Wil there is, was, or ever Wil bw. Be good to yourself…your children, wife need you. God Bless…..
Valerie
Thank you. I needed to read this, today.
This is likely to mirror what many people have already said to you, Wil, but it bears saying: TableTop is the reason my children–ages 6 & 7–and I play many board games together. Tsuro and Zombie Dice happen to be among their favourites, and I learned the rules from your show! My son sometimes even asks to watch TableTop with me so he can find out if there are any cool new games he’d like to learn. Thank you, Wil, for providing such a great service to families everywhere.
A wise friend said this to me: “Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today.” But, “Acceptance doesn’t mean approval.” (it’s an old AA saying. This little shift helped me so much. I can accept that something is the way it is–that doesn’t mean I condone it. And if possible I can change it. Enjoyed your blog entry.
–Karen
Hi Will,
Thank you for this post. I’ve been feeling down-and-out lately, like when I had a bout of depression my sophomore year. Two years later, I’m almost ready to graduate university and I’m more than a little bewildered. So, your words here really mean a lot to me. If you can get after your depression with little positive steps, I can, too. Thank you for posting this, sir. Really. Thank you. And keep on keeping on, from one actor to another. You’re fantastic!
P.S. You’re 41? You look 27. All those casting directors are a bunch-a hoes!
Wil,
I understand your feelings in many regards. My brother makes multi-millions of dollars while I make under 100k a year. Were I to think that he is more successful than I, I would be buried in self doubt and sadness.
it took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I am successful in my own way (even if not in the same, obvious financial way that he is). I write like mad while I work IT at a school district. I have a book of short stories available for a buck on the Amazon Kindle Store (http://www.amazon.com/Graveyard-Other-Stories-Micah-Brown-ebook/dp/B00CGRQU68/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1390192374&sr=8-2&keywords=the+graveyard+and+other+stories) and I’m trying very hard to find an agent.
You have always impressed me as I grew up watching you grow up. You’ve done well and I can’t say enough about how have often been an inspiration to me, especially when I’ve been down and sought out medication for my own depression.
So thank you.
Thank you for all your various contributions. Thank you for your creativity and your sense of humor. Thank you for Table Top and for teaching me about games I had yet to learn about. Thank you for everything.
-Micah
Will, thanks for being honest with your depression. I wish you all the best with handling it!
I suggest you look into the work of Dr. Daniel Amen, the noted brain researcher. You may have seen him on PBS. There’s a lot you can do to help your brain heal and fight the depression and negative thoughts.
Debra Holland, Ph.D
Ohmygod, I love Ticket to Ride.
Great post, Wil. I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to write about something that for others can be a pretty tough topic.
Fantabulous post! I don’t suffer from the imbalance your body puts you through but this is such a great message for EVERYONE! As a writer, I sure know how the rejections and self-doubts can get you down. Thank you for our insight and honesty!
Depression Sucks. I am not sure how to word what I’m about to say, so bear with me.
I hated Wesley Crusher. With a passion.
I’m really glad that I’ve gotten to know you as Wil Wheaton. He’s a much better individual to know 🙂
After struggling for 8 years my now 16 year old son is now on medication for Depression and anxiety. Thank you for putting a honest voice out there for so that the world might understand what you and some many deal with. It’s not as simple as “getting it together” or “getting over yourself. I still don’t know how to help my son but will never give up even on the days that he wants to.
Thank you.
Wil. I gotta tell you that you are an inspiration to many and I’ve loved your writing for years. You gotta stop beating yourself up (others do that for you) and know you are respected and adored by many who love and respect you as an actor, father, and just all around great person. If I had the chance to sit with you for a few moments, you’d know what an impact you’ve made on so many peoples lives. Chin up, brother, and know we support whatever you choose to do in life and there’s some kid out there who wishes he could be half the man you are. 🙂 I’m almost always depressed due to a chronic illness but you always cheer me up with your posts and updates. I hope casting folks begin to re-examine your humor and talent and present you the opportunities you rightly deserve. You are not your past roles – you’ve grown and improved your craft and always have a fan in me. And that’s a rare thing. I wish you nothing but the best for your future, which will be bright if you keep trying hard and show the haters what you’re capable of. 🙂
Hi I’m a preschool teacher and games rock. We play them everyday. Fun!
I’m not sure you realise Wil, but you’ve had this effect all over the world. My local bookshop here in London now has a burgeoning display of Tabletop games that simply wasn’t there two years ago. I picked up Pandemic there by chance recently, which has quickly become a family favourite – I only went in to pick up Macbeth for my son’s English Literature course !
Keep up the fine work.
Will, I cannot tell you how this post is amazing. I have suffered with depression and anxiety with debilitating effects at points in my life. You are an amazing person. I adore your panels at cons where you tell youth to be themselves and be the geeks that they are. You are so inspirational. You have this way with words that touches the heart and connects with teachers, youth, and those who need to feel like they belong. I am an English teacher, graduate student in English, and looking to begin a PhD next Fall. I teach Middle School students and look for idea and people that can be inspirational role models for my underachieving students; students suffering from abuse, neglect, and depression; and students who are just finding it hard to cope in their teenage years. Please keep up the work you do. If you ever have a message for my middle school babies, I will pass it along and post it on our news program. Thank you for being the man that you are.
~Erika
Hey man i’m sorry to read you are in a depression, i think it should be very hard to be defined in a character so much that no one imagine you as a grown up actor, but let me tell you something I did learn in my life, a good advice I took from the Fight Club: “Only when we lose everything, we are free to do anything”.
You may not get big roles for the big screen, but as an actor, a lot smaller productions could be benefit from you actings skills, contacts and name. You can practically choose any play you want to act and make it in a small production, it may not be a hit, but it could be exactly the play you want to be in. If you truly make the play you love, then that play will shine and go to the next level. And if you fail, you still be remembered as part on one of the greatest sci-fi series, and for some of the best episodes of TBBT.
You already are a loved character for a lot of people, use that to be free not to pursue success (a high road to depression), but to personal realization as the actor you are.
Thanks for reading, sorry for my bad english, and the best of luck with your life!
No, you probably can’t stop being hard on yourself. Or judging yourself. Or holding yourself to ridiculous standards. But you can do your best and accept that you are doing your best. I know because this is my current task in my ongoing cognitive-behavioral therapy, something I sought out based on the blog posts you authored on this site. And that’s something you should be incredibly proud of. Your courage and candidness has helped others seek treatment and develop the courage to tell their own story.
Thanks so much for this post, Wil.
I totally see you playing a guy in his late 30’s… my husband just turned 37 and looks 20… it’s hard when people don’t “see you” in a position, job, role because they have preconceived ideas of you are or could be… Personally, I’d love to see you as father, husband or evil scientist on youTube. Can you audition for these parts for us online?
It’s always so strange to hear about other human beings who, by all circumstances, should have hearts so big it would explain why they need such absurdly large mansions.
But I get it. You’re a human, just like me and the other humans I know — you poop out of your butt, on a toilet with running water (that may or may not be gold-encrusted and/or scented with perfume) just like most of us do.
Last year, I read “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chödron, and one of the points she makes in all of her books is that suffering is both a universal human experience and a pathway through which we can cultivate compassion for one another. It’s really beautiful — far easier to empathize and identify other people as fellow humans when you can say “Well crap, I know EXACTLY how that feels, I felt that way last week / last year / am feeling that way right now”.
I get where you’re coming from, man. I learned a long time ago (10+ years) that I can’t trust what I see when I’m wearing my shit-goggles. You’ve got a lot to be proud of, and the only ruler for measurement of success you should be using is your own (and maybe your peers, because friends matter).
Love your work; I’m really fond of what you’ve been doing in the past 5 years and I hope that you can keep doing it.
Thanks, Wil. Sometimes the most important things are the hardest to remember. Also, yes, depression is a dick.
I really enjoyed your readings of “Ready Player One” and “Redshirts,” btw. I have more time to listen to books than to read them, and the quality of the performer makes a big difference.
Thank you for all your wiritings about depression. They help in ways that are truly hard to express. Watching Table Top is SO much fun. My geeky hubby and I were so excited when Chromecast came out. Now you are on our ‘big screen’ 🙂 I wish I could have you help pick out a game. :)1
Thanks for writing this. I’ve blogged about my own process of dealing with depression and anxiety, and I’ve found that some cognitive behavioral therapy (or at least, my modified version of it) has helped me quite a bit.
What helped me was reading about the “hypersensitive” personality type. I think a lot of creatives are subject to it. When someone turns down my writing, I’m overwhelmed with emotion/self loathing/hurt, even though I know I have other published work and lots of people enjoy my work. What’s helped me is noticing, yup, I get butt-hurt like that. And giving myself the time to have that immediate “I’m stung” response.
Before I let it go into the spiral suck because I’ve always sucked and I’ll never amount to anything…I remember that I’m oversensitive, and that in a few hours it won’t hurt that bad, since I’ve been through it before.
I myself am not a gamer, I have dated a few in my time. I adore your character in the Guild, but I’e also heard many a gamer friend talk about how much you inspire them. Keep up the great work!
Thanks for sharing — I need to be reminded of this.
I stumbled my way here from a link a few friends had shared on Facebook. I didn’t know what I was going to, but something about Wil Wheaton, so I thought it would be sufficient to help me procrastinate grading a bit longer. Now to back up a bit, I was first introduced to you, Mr. Wil Wheaton, in the web series The Guild and thought you were awesome. A while later, he appeared on The Big Bang theory and I was highly confused as to how he jumped from a web series to a popular show. This is when some of my fellow geeks took me aside and sat me down with some Star Trek and explained things, needless to say I felt a little silly. I still haven’t watched much Star Trek (yet), but I have become a bit of a fan. I even have a “Don’t be a dick” magnet on my fridge. With all of that, I never thought that a random link from Facebook about Wil Wheaton could mean so much to me. You see…the past few days have been a struggle. No real definitive reason, but my depression has reached a point that something needs to be done. I’ve fought it for so long, tried to ignore it, cover it up. I have a good life, I can’t be depressed right? I just need to settle in, it will get better, but it hasn’t.
Now, Mr. Wheaton, I don’t have dreams of Hollywood or anything, I’ve found, for the most part, my dream job. I graduated last May with a Master’s degree in Engineering and the job search began. I wanted to do something with teaching, but finding a job was tough with little experience and such. However, I got extremely lucky and I’m teaching at one of the best high schools in central Virginia. My kids are awesome, well most of the time. They frequently tell me I’m their favorite teacher. Being in my classroom with them is the only place I feel at home. I have some friends in the area that care, but no matter what they say, I still feel out of place, like I don’t fit in, that no one cares. At this point, the only thing giving me any sanity are my students. I’m constantly told I’m too negative and much too hard on myself, but I ignore them. But sitting here this morning, reading this post, it helps me see that I’m not alone. That someone as successful and awesome as yourself goes through the same struggles as a simple high school teacher, it helps me see that I need to do something about it and not just try to cover it up and ignore it.
Thank you.
This was really moving. It’s hard to open up this way and you’re quite brave to be able to do it. Especially to the faceless masses who can be cruel as often as kind. As someone who has mental illness issues of my own (mine are anxiety and EDNOS, but the whole “I’m being irrational but I can’t STOP” brain thing is incredibly applicable…) this was actually comforting to read. It’s easy to feel very alone or feel like you’re broken in a way that no one else is … knowing others also feel similar things is a relief. And also it makes me sad. Because NO ONE should have to feel this bad, it is a misery I wish on no other feeling being. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this. I wish you well and hope your new med continues to help.
I used to struggle with depression and anger issues. It turns out this was almost entirely due to a sensitivity to eating eggs. Once I removed the offending food from my diet, I got way better! Just wanted to share that because I tried so hard to pull myself out countless times before going off eggs and I would always slide right back again. But once the eggs were gone I was suddenly able to shine in life. Suddenly a huge obstacle to happiness was removed and it was just some stupid food.
Hey,
I’d love to throw out some mostly sincere well wishes for you. I have this sneaky suspicion that you’ve gotten quite a bit of that though. *glancing over some of the more recent comments* So I’m going to just stick to the other stuff. You’ve got a great show in Tabletop. =) And if I ever do get around to becoming a director, I’d hire you over some of the more “famous” actors out there. Seriously, reading about some of the problems so many people have had working with some of these actors really makes me wonder why bother with them at all? So they’re famous. They weren’t always that way though. I’d start out with people I generally respect. People with good attitudes toward others is a nice start to a long, fun career! But that’s my opinion. So Hi and all of that, and have a good day!
Thanks for sharing. Intelligent people with active minds tend to beat themselves up pretty good over what they feel are faults. It sounds like you now have a more clear understanding of your dilemma. I’m sure you will be fine. Not that I think you need any more motivation.
Table top got our family playing games again but there is a lot more to it than just demoing a board game. You have a very inviting personality. I have watched a few other review shows etc.. and they don’t come close. I told my wife its kind of like the feeling you get watching Mr Rogers. You just feel welcomed. I think that’s very rare.
I don’t facebook,twitter, follow any celebrities, or even watch much TV. I stumbled upon Tabletop and then your blog and its the only blog I have ever checked of an actor. It’s very insightful. I have two stepsons as well (18,16) and a two year old. I hope my stepsons have prepared me well for the two year old version of me.
I just watched both trailers on Steam for Broken Age and saw your character. Man its going to be a good game but I’ll admit, no offense to Elijah, I would have really liked to see you as the main male. I think your emotional range is far better.
Have a great new year Sir.
Dear Wil,
I have loved your work on Geek in Sundry. Like the above examples I have started playing more board games. This is utterly your fault.
Thank you.
Also I really enjoyed your work on Leverage, The Big Bang Theory and Eureka. I would like to see more of your work – even if it would take you away from Tabletop and your other projects. Should I just start sending email to the various studios?
Thanks for talking about your brain pills. I really feel stigmatized for needing brain pills, but I really just do it to myself. Instead I try to just be glad they are there since I do need them. And if someone as great as you needs them too, well then maybe I am still awesome. I was sent this link by a friend because I am going through some of this. Now I need to read the rest of your blog.
Dear Wil Wheaton,
Sorry, I actually have no idea how you prefer to be addressed.
I’ve been a fan all my life of course, but you became my hero when you met the woman who you (albeit somewhat indirectly) taught to walk. And your reaction to that story, well, for her it was nothing short of miraculous.
You are raw and honest and beautiful. That’s WHY we’re fans, that’s why we love you. I think I speak for most of geekdom when I tell you that we’re thrilled that you aren’t perfect. We love you because you’re just like us; our anxieties, our disappointments. We never have and never will expect you to be perfect. We love you because you’re one of us; and let’s face it, we’re pretty fun company. From the moment you stepped onto the stage you have worked hard to make the world a better and more fun and interesting place to be. You have inspired thousands. And you’re full of yourself. You and your fans are the same sorts of people, insecure, courageous, down about some stuff, proud of some things that others don’t even really understand.. While some stars have to have this perfect image all the time and live in fear of somehow destroying their reputation, you are honest; your “image” is the real deal. And your fans think the world of you.
By the by, if there ever is a new Star Trek series; we want you on it. I’ve always thought you would have made a great and personable chief engineer myself.
All our much love,
The Bounds Family…
You do things that make people’s lives better. A lot of people. Even if it’s just encouraging them to play. Play is grossly under-rated. (Or letting people who struggle with depression know they aren’t alone.) Regardless of ephemeral failures, that is a lofty and noble achievement.
My brother sent me this song today. I think it’s relevant. Maybe “It’s not perfect, but it’s mine” could be a little mantra for overcoming that critical voice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgsn7_hKg7A