Last night, our dog, Riley, died. Today would have been her thirteenth birthday.
Riley had a long and wonderful life. She lived much longer than the person who locked her in a closet at a motel that was being torn down thought she would, and though she could be a huge pain in the ass, she was an important part of our family.
Riley was anxious and nervous to the point of being neurotic. She was terrified of the garden hose, had terrible arthritis in all of her joints, and was almost completely deaf. Still, she was happy these last few months, getting to sleep on a the couch whenever she wanted, or sleeping at my feet while I worked in my office. She didn’t want to play very much, but when she did I’d swear she was ten years younger. She still liked to take walks, but she was slow and stayed so close to Anne and me, she hadn’t needed a leash for almost a year.
She wasn’t crazy about Marlowe, and I think Marlowe knew it. Marlowe has so much energy, I think she sort of scared Riley, who was brittle and nervous as a result of it. But Marlowe always tried to help calm Riley down. She would lick her face and nuzzle her all the time, and she stayed out of Riley’s way the rest of the time.
Riley was the last direct connection we had to Ryan and Nolan’s childhoods. She has been part of their lives for so long, through so much and so many things, they lost a member of their family even more intensely than I did, and I have a huge IMADOG hole in my heart right now.
I want to take a second and share a moment Riley and I had several years ago, right after our dog Ferris had died. I was alone in our house because Anne was out of town, Ryan was in college, and Nolan was busy being a teenager. Ferris had died the day before, practically in my arms, in the lobby of the vet:
I saw Ferris’ empty dish last night when I fed Riley, and it unleashed an agonizing wave of sadness so overwhelming, I dropped to the floor in our living room and cried as hard and as long as I ever have in my life.
After she was finished eating, Riley came over to me and sniffed at my face. Through my tears and gasping sobs, I told her it was okay, I just missed Ferris a lot and I was sad.
She rubbed her face against my cheek and trotted into the family room. A moment later, she returned with her soggy tennis ball, which she gently put into my lap. She looked up at me, and then walked into the corner of the family room, where she picked up her rope – her favorite toy, which she brings with her to the front door whenever we come home – and brought it over to me. She set it on the ground next to me, and then laid down and put her head in my lap. I cried for a good long time, but I was comforted by Riley’s actions, even if I’m projecting my own feelings onto her. I felt like she could tell I was grieving, so she brought me the things that make her happy, before letting me cry on her until the fur on her neck was soaked with my tears. When I finally stopped, mostly because I was physically and emotionally exhausted, I felt a tiny bit better.
Riley was a pain in the ass sometimes. She was complicated, damaged, and difficult, but she was ultimately a sweet and loving member of our family.
I really miss her, and her terrible breath, and that wonderfully derpy look on her face that always said “IMADOG!”
Bye bye, piles. I love you.
A small request: if you choose to comment, please don’t post that Rainbow Bridge thing. I know you mean well, but it has always made me uncomfortable.
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I am so very sorry for the loss to your family. When I saw the news today I welled up. Riley’s goofy grin is one of my favorite things that you and Anne would share with us. I never had the chance to meet her in real life, but I will miss her face.
Riley will be well remembered, both by your family who have the physical memories of her, and by all of us who adored her grin over the internet. (HUG)
The thing about our non-human family is that they are never with us long enough. No matter how long, it’s never enough to fill us up with enough love to survive the loss unscathed. I think that’s because they give us an infinite capacity. I’m so very sorry for your family’s loss.
“It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.
And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart.
If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog,
and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
– Anonymous
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I love this.
There’s never words for these moments. Loss is one of those horrid feelings but it also shows how much you cared for the one that passed. Hold in there good sir, focus on those happy memories.
I feel for you and I’m so sorry for the pain you feel. You and Anne gave Riley a wonderful reason to trust people and were so good to her. I hope your tender feelings soon give way to sweet memories, though I know it takes a good long while and sometimes sneaks up on you even years later. She was a lucky dog.
Shit i am sorry!! In a way she was part of our lives too. So sorry for the family and yet so glad for the life she had. Xo
Losing a pet is one of the the worst kinds of hurt. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Tears for you. I have an older dog and I am terrified of that moment that is to come. I can tell it’s getting closer and I can only hope that when it arrives, I’ll have a Marlowe to be bouncy or a Riley to bring me toys.
I am so sorry for your loss. My sincere sympathies to you and your family.
Pets are our lives, our hearts, our families. My heart hurts for you and your family today as you grieve the loss of your beloved fur-baby. She will be remembered with love and joy by many and I hope that you find peace in your sadness.
One of my dogs is complicated, damaged, and difficult, but I don’t love her any less. She got a bunch more difficult when her buddy Midnight died a couple of years back and how can I blame her for that? The other two dogs are whippersnappers and not to be tolerated. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll have her, she’s starting to act old. Could be a while, or maybe not. It makes me cry to think of it, even though her passing will make our lives easier in many ways.
My condolences on Riley’s passing.
I am so sorry for your loss Wil.
People who aren’t pet owners will never know how much a part of your family a pet becomes.
I knew my wife was someone special not because my parents approved but because my dog’s first reaction was to cuddle up next to my wife (girlfriend-at-the-time). She didn’t cuddle next to ANYONE. She disliked any stranger messing with her family and despite being small was ready to take on people five times her size to protect the ones she loved. And there she was accepting my wife like she was part of the family instantly.
My parents were devastated when they had to put her to sleep. (She was really sick and suffering.) My mother had to hold her as she passed away and couldn’t stop crying.
Though we can’t get a pet (combination of allergies, space constraints – small houses stink – and tight budget), my boys enjoy going to my wife’s parents’ house and seeing their birds. Especially my oldest who has autism. He (and I) love just talking to the birds. It’s very therapeutic.
All this is a roundabout way of saying I’m sorry to hear of Riley’s passing. I always loved the IMADOG photos you posted of her. She looked like she was a great family member.
I am so very sorry. Anyone who has ever loved a dog with all their heart understands how hard it is.
Having recently been in your shoes, I share your sorrow. My deepest condolences and hopes that peace and solace find you and your family.
I remember your post about Riley grieving with you and/or helping you in her own way. :'(
Riley was obviously well-loved and taken care of, and she had a great life with and because of you. I’m very sorry for your loss. When my cat (now 16) Jasper goes, it’s really going to hurt.
Warm and healing feelings from me, Rebecca, Jasper, Pangur, and Thrice.
I’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss.
A beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul. She brought to your life as much as you brought to hers. You rescued each other.
Good pup. She loved you back. Look at that face. You can see it.
You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.
Aawww…So sorry to hear this Wil. Big hugs for you and your family. That picture showed a happy dog . Lookit that sweet Goofball smile.
I’ve lost two dogs over the years to old age and its never easy. Mine small bearded Shepard was a rescued dog She, like your Ripley,was goofy, happy,sometimes a pain in the buttocks and a dash of nuerotic but Molly never forgot us rescueing her
.
A toast to Molly and Ripley. May they chase and catch squirrels wherever they roam.
I am so sorry for your family’s loss. You gave Riley a beautiful life and showed her love and joy that she didn’t have at the beginning of her life, but she certainly had in spades at the end. The loss of a pet is one of the worst kind of hurts. It’s an all the feels kind of time. Peace be with you.
my condolences. this was heartbreaking to read. and as someone who has had to go through losing (at this counting) two beloved pets, i am with you on the “no rainbow bridge” thing. i hate that “poem.”
Pets understand our pain more than we probably know. Thanks for that beautiful story and for sharing a glimpse of your life with Riley with your fans. When Anne tweeted about Riley’s passing I felt an instant pang in my heart, thinking about how there wouldn’t be any more “IMADOG!” tweets. Wishing your family peace and a lifetime of slobbery kisses!
I haven’t felt the whole left by a pet passing yet. I cannot offer words of empathy, only sympathy. However, I know that this isn’t doing to last forever. My oldest “daughter” just turned 13 a few weeks ago, and I can really see the aging that has happened without me really realizing it. She’s almost completely deaf, her arthritis is so bad that sometimes she cannot walk without falling, and she just isn’t being herself. I cry when I think about it, like I’m doing right now. I don’t know yet what that hole feels like, but I know it hurts like hell to think about it. It won’t help to say I’m sorry or You’re in my thoughts, but I will say them anyway. If you felt as close you yours as I feel to mine I can only imagine the level of hurt that you guys are feeling. I am sorry and you are in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Riley was lucky to have found your family, and obviously that feeling is mutual. You gave her a loving and wonderful home. Thank you for sharing her derpiness with us all too. She has made me laugh on many an occasion. Hugs.
The pictures and stories you and Anne posted always made me smile… I’m going to miss Riley just from what you’ve shared, so I can only imagine how much worse the grief your family must be feeling right now is. My condolences…
No fine words here, just heartfelt sympathy. Riley was a fortunate dog to have come into such a loving and compassionate family.
Your words are hit home, cried hard after you speak of Ryan and Nolan and Riley through childhood. Iamdog, her face so true those words, can bring cheer to a day. thank for sharing Riley, her troubles, anxiety, most of her love she gave to you. Your words bring to my good memories of those furry ones I have lost and I thank you.
can’t begin to fathom your sadness Wil. my condolences to your family and my thanks for sharing with us that story.
One of their only flaws is their lifespan, but thanks to your family, Riley had a good long one. My condolences on your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for giving her a good home.
So sorry for your loss. She lived a good and loving life in your care.
Sorry for your loss
So sorry for your loss, Wil. Dogs are incredibly special, and it sounds like Riley was extra-special.
I’m’a go give my two a big hug now.
I was laying on the bed during “cuddle time” with my dog, and I was gently petting his face, around his eyes and on his snout, and he was slowly falling asleep. All of a sudden, I had the thought of “This will be exactly what I will be doing when I finally have to put him to sleep” and started bawling my eyes out. He’s 6, and with each passing year, I get more and more anxious about losing him. Time’s going far too fast, and he’s much too sweet and we are far too close, and I will be devastated when I lose him.
Sorry for your loss, Wil. It’s not fair that such amazing animals live for so short a time.
I’m sorry for your loss. A lot of people can relate to you because they too let their furbabies into their hearts. In our home the furbabies are family members that bring their own personalities to the mix. When they leave us they take a piece of our hearts. And as sad as it is we are better people because of the time we had with them. My heart breaks for you and your family just like it did when our own sweet Maggie passed.
So sad. I lost both my ancient cats this winter – one right after the other – and it was like losing children. Riley was lucky to have such a loving family.
Damnit! So sorry, dude. 🙁
you can see by the look on her face how much she was loved by the pure joy exuded. At the end of the day that is all that matters. Big hugs hon
I’m so sorry for your loss, Wil. It’s so hard to lose our kids – and those of us who parent the furry, four-footed kind know exactly how much emotion we have invested in them. My heart breaks for you, but I’m so glad that Riley had you and Anne, and a lovely, long life filled with derp and happiness. You and Anne are awesome dog parents.
We lost our best friend Charlie two years ago on Christmas day. He was a total pain in the ass, and the sweetest mini daschound I’ve ever met. All of us who have loved a dog as part of our family and suffered that loss are with you.
My condolences to you and your family. (((Wheatons)))
I am so sorry for your loss. They never really leave us, you know. Their souls wrap themselves around our hearts and stay with us forever, eventually bringing more smiles and laughs than tears.
You saved her, and she saved you. One of the big reasons I’m a fan is all the work you do for animal rescue. Allow yourself to grieve, and remember the blessings she brought to your life. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
I have never met any of your dogs – but I am in tears right now. I love dogs, probably because they respond so well to human emotions and can give you so much love.
I know that your whole family will miss her dearly. I’m sorry for your loss. But I’m also happy that she had the chance to be your and your families dog for a long time because I know that you gave her the love she deserved.
Riley looks a lot like my childhood dog Cubby, and I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to him. I lost my kitty Zack a few days before Christmas, and I had tried to give him everything I wasn’t able to give to Cubby. Zack died in my arms, on my lap, his favorite place to be, and I thought somehow it would be easier but it wasn’t. Take care and you were a great doggie dad to Riley. I was very much comforted by your love for her, and I could feel it in every derpy photo. 🙂
“Riley was a pain in the ass sometimes. She was complicated, damaged, and difficult, but she was ultimately a sweet and loving member of our family.”
You just described the most memorable members of every family. Riley was truly family. I will just wish peace and love to Riley, and all who loved her.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Wil, you are so amazing and Riley was incredibly lucky to have you. I have been through this. It just takes time…………
Exactly a year ago today, we lost our 2-year-old cat to a sudden and tragic illness. Making the choice to end his pain was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Losing a pet is heartbreaking, and we still feel Fender’s loss – it’s like a piece of the family is missing. It’s true, what they say about grief; it never goes away, but you learn to live with it. Thank you for sharing your memories of Riley with us. I’ll admit, I’ll miss her IMADOG face coming across my Twitter feed.