Last night, our dog, Riley, died. Today would have been her thirteenth birthday.
Riley had a long and wonderful life. She lived much longer than the person who locked her in a closet at a motel that was being torn down thought she would, and though she could be a huge pain in the ass, she was an important part of our family.
Riley was anxious and nervous to the point of being neurotic. She was terrified of the garden hose, had terrible arthritis in all of her joints, and was almost completely deaf. Still, she was happy these last few months, getting to sleep on a the couch whenever she wanted, or sleeping at my feet while I worked in my office. She didn’t want to play very much, but when she did I’d swear she was ten years younger. She still liked to take walks, but she was slow and stayed so close to Anne and me, she hadn’t needed a leash for almost a year.
She wasn’t crazy about Marlowe, and I think Marlowe knew it. Marlowe has so much energy, I think she sort of scared Riley, who was brittle and nervous as a result of it. But Marlowe always tried to help calm Riley down. She would lick her face and nuzzle her all the time, and she stayed out of Riley’s way the rest of the time.
Riley was the last direct connection we had to Ryan and Nolan’s childhoods. She has been part of their lives for so long, through so much and so many things, they lost a member of their family even more intensely than I did, and I have a huge IMADOG hole in my heart right now.
I want to take a second and share a moment Riley and I had several years ago, right after our dog Ferris had died. I was alone in our house because Anne was out of town, Ryan was in college, and Nolan was busy being a teenager. Ferris had died the day before, practically in my arms, in the lobby of the vet:
I saw Ferris’ empty dish last night when I fed Riley, and it unleashed an agonizing wave of sadness so overwhelming, I dropped to the floor in our living room and cried as hard and as long as I ever have in my life.
After she was finished eating, Riley came over to me and sniffed at my face. Through my tears and gasping sobs, I told her it was okay, I just missed Ferris a lot and I was sad.
She rubbed her face against my cheek and trotted into the family room. A moment later, she returned with her soggy tennis ball, which she gently put into my lap. She looked up at me, and then walked into the corner of the family room, where she picked up her rope – her favorite toy, which she brings with her to the front door whenever we come home – and brought it over to me. She set it on the ground next to me, and then laid down and put her head in my lap. I cried for a good long time, but I was comforted by Riley’s actions, even if I’m projecting my own feelings onto her. I felt like she could tell I was grieving, so she brought me the things that make her happy, before letting me cry on her until the fur on her neck was soaked with my tears. When I finally stopped, mostly because I was physically and emotionally exhausted, I felt a tiny bit better.
Riley was a pain in the ass sometimes. She was complicated, damaged, and difficult, but she was ultimately a sweet and loving member of our family.
I really miss her, and her terrible breath, and that wonderfully derpy look on her face that always said “IMADOG!”
Bye bye, piles. I love you.
A small request: if you choose to comment, please don’t post that Rainbow Bridge thing. I know you mean well, but it has always made me uncomfortable.
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The loss of Riley will always be painful. I do not believe ‘Time heals all wounds’. Time dulls the pain, yes, but it’ll still be there. For something like this, however, it was worth it. Riley’s companionship was beautiful, and warm, and loving, and should never be regretted.
When I was 10 I wanted a gerbil. I thought my only chance to have a pet was something tiny in a cage, but no. My mother said ‘How about a kitten? Your uncle’s cat recently had some.’ I jumped all over this, because kittens!!
My uncle’s cat was a barn cat, solid black, who always birthed mainly Siamese point kittens, which is exactly what I found when we got to his barn – 5 kittens, 3 of which were Siamese point fluffballs, one of which tumbled into my hands shortly after looking them over.
It was love at first sight. She was tiny and bedraggled and covered in fleas, but she was beautiful. Mitsi would be my feline soul mate, the most graceful cat I’ve ever known, always by my side (or in my lap, or on my chest if I was lying down) for the 21 years of her life.
It’s been just over 10 years since I lost her. It still hurts. But it was also 21 years of a pure love I would not have had otherwise. I will never regret it, despite the loss. I might cry over that loss, but I will always remember the love, just as you will always remember Riley’s.
And they will be beautiful memories.
I, too know the loss of a good, fuzzy friend. Remember the good times and they’ll live in your heart and memories. Be well and don’t forget to take care of yourself.
I know your heartbreak. You have my condolences and a virtual hug. Rest in Peace Good Dog, your name is remembered. Sorry Wil.
Wishing you all the best
little buggers really do make us laugh and cry and scratch our heads they truly do know when we are upset that’s what I love about dogs they become part of our families.
Wishing you nothing but the fondest of memories.
I am so sorry to hear about Riley, the pain of losing a pet especially if you had them for a long time can go so deep, I still think about my boy Babe, he was a cat my wife Kendra and I got from a pet shop after some jerk family left him there, he was in our family for over 15 years, his death 2 years ago has left a hole we’ll never be able to fill and wouldn’t want to, the memories of him still make us smile and the day he died at the vet still makes me tear up. God speed Riley, you made us laugh every time we saw your IMADOG face and all of us on Twitter will miss you, no where near as much as Will and Anne will though.
Aww, I always loved the IMADOG posts. Riley had the cutest face. I’m so sorry, Wil.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard. There are no good words to say to help you but I can only hope knowing so many people are grieving with you gives you some peace.
Peace to you and your family, Wil. Those of us who have lost a beloved pet know a pain that does leave a hole in our lives. Been years since our dog passed away. Again, peace.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I cried reading your story because my Buddy is a rescue dog we’ve had for 13yrs & he’s failing in health so I know my time with him is getting short & I can’t even think of him not being with me. He’s brought me his favorite things many times since my divorce so I can relate to your story of Riley helping console you. Animals know…thank you for sharing & again so sorry for your families loss.
A dog named Milo is very much a part of my family. I expect you will miss Riley as much as you would any other member of your family. Remember the good times Wil.
The story of Riley helping you grieve Ferris…
What a special and kind dog.
I’m so sorry for your loss your memories are so precious. Her life was made better by having you in it just as your life was made better by having her in it
I don’t know how it can make anything better that I sit here with your words, tears streaming down my face. I don’t know that it even makes sense that I mourn with you, except that you shared the joy of Riley with us, and so it seems right that we share the sorrow and pain of her passing with you. My heart hurts for and with you tonight, Wil. Thank you for taking such good care of that sweet girl, and for letting her be a small part of our lives as well. Putting light around you and Anne, Ryan and Nolan. xx
I’m sorry for the grief you feel. It’s so hard to let them go, whatever the circumstance. We lost our dog two years ago and I still tear up now thinking of her. Still miss her very much. No other will ever fill that spot in my life.
Thank you for sharing the story about Riley. It’s another great example proving why dogs are so awesome. They’re always the best friend you need in any moment of your life, unconditionally. Thank you for sharing this.
My family has been there too. Sending so much love to yours.
I’m so sorry, Wil and all of the Wheatons! I know how hard it is; I had to have my sweet kitty, Snuggles to sleep a few months ago and it was so hard. I agree about the Rainbow Bridge thing;I’ve always felt uncomfortable with it,
I’m so sorry for your loss. That was a beautiful story about her.
She sounds like she was a very comforting dog even for her neurotic tendencies. I had a funky, neurotic, though loving cat once live 15 years before she passed on. I cried hard for her. Hugs to you and family.
I am sorry, Wil. I have been there in the past and will be there again in near future. I once tried bottling the pain inside. I was surprised when, several months after my cat died, I saw a picture of a cat on the front of a book and burst into tears. I did not stop crying for hours, exhaustion finally took over. I hope that you will still post IMADOG pictures every now and then; she always makes me smile.
“The Gunners Dream”
No bridges here. Losing an old soul is always difficult. The time you spent together will linger in memory as a rare gift. Tears won’t wash away the pain, but will ease the burden on your spirit. Star
I’m sorry for your (and your entire family’s) loss – you’ve lost a member of your family, and it sucks.
Your story about how Riley cared for you when Ferris died is very special. My dog, Chloe, does the same thing for me on a regular basis. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Chloe knows when I am having a bad day. She smells my face to check for tears and then refuses to leave my side until I feel better. My friends and I joke about her role as “doctor dog”, but it is that quality that makes her irreplaceable. My dog serves, for now, as a last connection to my mom who died 10 years ago. Chloe is 13 and it won’t be too long before I am where you are now. Although I don’t look forward to that day, I am glad to know that in my sorrow I won’t be alone. I hope you feel comforted by all those wishing you and your family their condolences.
Love so unconditional….it’seems a forever thing.
We still have the trashed tennis ball which our cat Pasha loved, and yes, these furry family members know just when to comfort us naked apes. I didn’the know Riley, but I love her.
Riley sounds like a good, good dog. Here’s one of my most favorite poems by Dorothy Parker, who was a life-long canine admirer.
“Verse For a Certain Dog Poem by Dorothy Parker
Such glorious faith as fills your limpid eyes,
Dear little friend of mine, I never knew.
All-innocent are you, and yet all-wise.
(For Heaven’s sake, stop worrying that shoe!)
You look about, and all you see is fair;
This mighty globe was made for you alone.
Of all the thunderous ages, you’re the heir.
(Get off the pillow with that dirty bone!)
A skeptic world you face with steady gaze;
High in young pride you hold your noble head,
Gayly you meet the rush of roaring days.
(Must you eat puppy biscuit on the bed?)
Lancelike your courage, gleaming swift and strong,
Yours the white rapture of a winged soul,
Yours is a spirit like a Mayday song.
(God help you, if you break the goldfish bowl!)
“Whatever is, is good” – your gracious creed.
You wear your joy of living like a crown.
Love lights your simplest act, your every deed.
(Drop it, I tell you- put that kitten down!)
You are God’s kindliest gift of all – a friend.
Your shining loyalty unflecked by doubt,
You ask but leave to follow to the end.
(Couldn’t you wait until I took you out?)”
So sorry for your loss.
Riley is a part of your family. Mourning her is natural and understandable and I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. You and your family are in my prayers as you mourn and learn to live a little differently.
I am sorry for your loss.
I never got to say goodbye to the Pomeranian I took care of. What I remember most about her is how happy she was when new people came by and how happy she made others.
And now I’m crying too. Thanks for sharing your experience. I empathize. Made me think of my Spotnik. I miss her every day. The pain recedes, and the good memories come to the forefront. IMADOG will certainly be missed by the followers of your blog. Such a sweet face.
I’m sorry for your loss, Wil.
Sorry Wil and family
I’m so sorry for your loss. She was a lovely girl.
I’m so sorry, Wil. I know Riley had an awesome life with you, which is proven by your story about Ferris. I lost my cat Jasper last year, and now my other cat Marge sleeps each night where he last sat. Animals are so smart and are especially tuned in to when their humans are in pain. It’s such a sign of love when they comfort their human.
Hugs!
We will miss you, Riley Wheaton.
Oh Wil I am so sorry 🙁 My kitty is 15 years old so I know this day is coming for me too. I’m sending you hugs, lots of hugs, even from a stranger, because I care for you
A wonderful tribute to a very special dog. Riley won the lottery when she went to live with your family.
I’m so sorry, Wil. We lost one of our pet rats last week. It doesn’t matter if your pet is big or small, it still hurts. I hope you are able to find some peace soon.
They find a way into a place in our hearts that non dog people will never know. And it hurts when its not filled any longer. I am sorry for your loss.
For our family, Cynthia Rylant’s book Dog Heaven has seen us through three losses…one expected, one dreaded, and one so unexpected and blindingly awful that I never hope to hear my child make that sound again. It doesn’t proselytize (which is important to us) It’s one I’ve paid forward many times…maybe it would be good for you & yours. (I’d send you my extra copy I keep on hand, but we don’t know each other well enough for addresses.)
Sorry for your loss.
She sounds like a wonderful dog.
The grief is overwhelming. Sometimes I’m ok, but just beneath the surface the waves crash and my heart is in a million pieces. I hide it well but a song or picture can send me under again. My dog Quincy passed away three months ago and not a day goes by where I don’t think about him. I think I always will. Thank you for sharing your grief. We will both be ok. Hugs to you and Anne.
I lost my ten year old pup Riley the end of January due to liver failure. He was diabetic, blind, and required a ton of care, but I never minded because he was such an awesome dog. I very much understand the what you are going through right now. I hope you find peace and healing.
I’m very sorry for your loss, Wil.
I am so sorry for your loss. Loosing a pet is never easy and they always leave a sizable hole in your heart. hugs
The relationships we develop with a dog is amazing. They become such a part of us in a uniquely special way. The fierce loyalty they give us in return for some love and affection. Thank you so much for sharing that moment with is. It just reaffirms to me how special a dog truly is…
There are never any words that make this kind of loss hurt any less. Time can lessen the pain, but the hole in your heart never goes away. I know this song isn’t your usual kind of music (folk), but I’ve found that it effectively gives a voice to everything that you’re feeling right now. If you find healing through music, give it a listen. If not, maybe skip it.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7ldOXoFWPVw
Bless your heart. I know the grief you feel. It has been some while since my love Hunter died. My grand daughter buried him in his favorite spot in the yard a few feet from where I sit when I am on the back porch. Hunter went blind when he was about eight months old and didn’t like to be far from me. Sometimes I forget and call for him to come eat and find myself holding his full dish. I wake up to let him go outside. I buy his favorite goodies, and I come home with special toys. Everyday I feel the piece of me missing to be too much and I cry. Am sending you a very big grandma hug and kisses all over your face.
So sorry for your loss, but wonderful memories.
Oh, damn. I am so, so sorry…
i don’t know what to say other than i really do know how you feel and i am so sorry. i still miss my two old dogs so much that just reading your post makes me want to cry, especially my 13 yo boy i lost two years ago. i sometimes feel our pets are the only things in our lives that ever truly give us unconditional love and don’t ask for anything in return except for us to love them back… ❤️❤️❤️