Seven Things I Did To Reboot My Life

Photo Credit Tony Case on Flickr

About twenty years ago, I had a portable spa in the back yard of my first house. One day, the heater stopped working, so I called a repairman to come out and look at it. He told me that there would be an $85 charge no matter what, and I told him that was okay. When he got to my house, he opened up the access panel where the heater, pump, and filter lived. He looked inside, then looked back at me.

“Did you try pushing the reset button?” He asked.

“Um. No,” I said.

He pushed the reset button, and the heater came back to life.

“That’ll be $85,” he said. I paid him.

This post is about realizing that I was sitting in cold water, and not doing anything to turn the heater back on. This post is about how I hit the reset button.

I had this epiphany at the beginning of September: This thing that I’m doing? This series of choices I make every day? It isn’t working. I don’t like the way I feel, I don’t like the way I look, I don’t like the things I’m doing. Things need to change.

So I took a long, hard, serious look at myself, and concluded that some things needed to change.

  • Drink less beer.
  • Read more (and Reddit does not count as reading).
  • Write more.
  • Watch more movies.
  • Get better sleep.
  • Eat better food.
  • Exercise more.

All of these things are interconnected in ways that are probably obvious and non-obvious, and by making a commitment to do my best to accomplish these things, I’ve been able to do a soft reboot of my life.

The hardest part of this was not drink less beer, which surprised me. The hardest part has been writing more. The easiest part of this has been exercise more, which also surprised me. I thought watching more movies would be easy, but it turns out that time is not a renewable resource, nor can time be stretched out in any real way that lets me get, say, four hours of movie into an hour of linear time.

In fact, if I’m being honest with myself (and I have to be, because being honest with myself is the only way this is going to work; I’m making major life changes here, remember), all of these things are hard to a certain degree, and that’s okay, because everything worth doing is hard.

So let’s go down this list and talk about each thing a little bit:

Drink less beer.

I love beer. I mean, I really love it. I brew it, I write about it, I design recipes of my own, and I’ve structured entire meals around what food will pair with the beer I want to drink. The thing about beer, though, is that it’s really easy to just keep on drinking it until it’s all gone or your brain goes, “um, hey, man, ithinkthat … imean … I mean, sorry, hold on. I th- think that youvehadneough.” Excessive drinking isn’t just tough on my liver (which has been a fucking CHAMP for years), it’s also tough on my brain because of my Depression. It’s tough on my heart, too, it turns out, because alcohol the carbohydrates are metabolized as sugar* which drives up insulin which makes my cholesterol go up which is bad for my heart thanks a lot genetics.

So I just made a commitment to drink less, drink more responsibly, and keep the intoxicating effects of the beers I love to a minimum. The first two weeks of this were really tough because I was habitually drinking two or three beers a night, but once I got used to it and broke the habit, it became as easy as I think it’s going to get (and that varies from day to day).

Read more. Write more.

These go together more closely than any other things on this list. Stephen King says that writers who don’t make time to read aren’t going to make time to write and holy shit is that exactly, perfectly true. I need to read so that my imagination is inspired. I need to read so I get an artistic and creative hunger that can only be fed by writing. I need to read so that I feel challenged to scrape ideas out of my skull and turn them into words and images. I need to read because if I don’t, I’m not going to make time to write, and even though I’ve had a lot of success recently as an actor and host and Guy On The Internet, all of those things are ultimately in the hands of others. I became a writer ten years ago because I not only loved it, but because it was a way for me to express myself creatively in a way that ultimately gave me control over my own destiny and my own life.

I struggled as an actor for years (it’s all in my book, Just A Geek! You should buy it!) and I was doomed to a future as a Former Child Star with occasional, humiliating, soul-crushing reality TV gigs if I was lucky. But I made a choice about twelve years ago to stop chasing the big film career I always felt I deserved (and maybe would have had, if I’d made different choices and had better advisers when I was younger) and start telling stories. By writing those stories and embracing the love I’d always had for creative writing, I made a second act in my life (take that, F. Scott Fitzgerald!).

Now this could sound like I’m complaining, or ungrateful, but I promise that isn’t the case. I am totally aware that a combination of hard work, privilege, and luck have all come together for me and put me in a very good place. But I worry about things. A lot. When the night is darkest, and it seems like the sun may never rise, I worry about how long I can sustain this life. I worry about what will happen when the people who choose to hire actors decide that they don’t want to hire me any more. I worry about how I’ll support and provide for my family, and on and on and on.

I am profoundly and completely grateful for the success I had and continue to have, because of the hard work I did in those years. I’m so lucky and grateful for the things I’ve been able to do on TV, and I’m really proud of the things I’ve created for Geek & Sundry. But even Tabletop and Titansgrave aren’t mine the same way a story I wrote is. In fact, the show I did with my name in the title was probably the least “mine” of anything I’ve ever done, and that didn’t feel particularly good at the end of the day.

But writing and storytelling always feels good. It’s truly mine, whether it’s awesome or shit, and nobody can take it away from me. For all of this year and most of last year, I hardly wrote anything of consequence. A few blogs, a couple of columns, and some small creative things that were always well received by the audience, sure, but never consistently and never in a way that fed the creative hunger that constantly makes my stomach growl. Going all the way back to last August, I swore that I’d take more time away from other things to focus on writing and taking the pages and pages of story ideas I have in my little notebook and turning them into actual stories. The thing is, when I took that time off, my health and mana were so depleted, I couldn’t find it in myself to do the work. Every few months, I’d take a week or two off, and instead of writing like I wanted to, I’d play video games and do nothing else, because I was just so goddamn tired. Then I would look up, realize a couple of weeks had passed, I hadn’t done anything, and I needed to get back to “real” work. I would feel frustrated and empty, and the whole cycle would start all over again.

I’ve been reading this book called The War of Art. It gets a little churchy at points, but I can skip over that and focus on the stuff that helps me: identifying all the barriers we create to give us the excuses we crave to not create. It turns out that if I were as good at sitting down and writing as I am at coming up with all the reasons I just can’t do it today, I’d have written ten novels this year.

So a big part of this Life Reset I’m doing is being honest with myself about why I want to write, why I need to write, and why I keep making excuses for not doing it. I won’t go into it, because it’s either too personal or too boring, but if you’re reading this and starting to have the glimmer of an epiphany about your own creative process, maybe pick up this book and check it out. It’s been very helpful for me.

Yesterday, I wrote over 3000 words. I only stopped because it was time to leave for a hockey game (there’s that privilege again), and I felt so goddamn good about myself when I walked out my door. I couldn’t wait to get back to work today, and I’m having so much fun writing this story, it may not even be fair to call it work.

Reading is an important component of this entire process for me, and making time to nourish my creative side has made a big and positive difference. Whether it’s comic books, magazine articles, fiction or non-fiction, I’m reading every day, and finding inspiration in everything I read.

Watch more movies.

Thanks to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Video, and a billion movie channels, we have access to more movies than we can ever watch, and that is amazing. Watching movies is, for me, similar to reading books. It’s part homework (as an actor and writer) and part inspiration. I have the opportunity to make short films with Nerdist and Geek & Sundry, so watching movies — good movies, not disposable trash — just makes sense. It also engages my brain in creative and intellectual ways that are important. I need to watch things and feel like I can do that, too, or feel like if that thing got made, there’s no reason I couldn’t make one of my own things. Hell, in this room where I am right now, I have everything I need to take some sort of simple creative idea and turn it into a movie. So why not? Why not watch movies as varied as the true classics (Sunset Boulevard, Chinatown) to the weird 70s experimental (The Trip, Scorpio Rising) to the epic blockbusters (Star Wars, Jaws) and get inspired by them? This is something that I need to do, because sitting in my office all day and looking at the Internet isn’t making me happier, more creative, more productive, or more inspired.

Related: listen to more podcasts like Lore, You Must Remember This, The Memory Palace, Welcome to Night Vale, The Black Tapes, and Unfictional. Those all inspire me to learn more, focus on pacing and storytelling and narrative, and make me want to be a more interesting person.

Get better sleep.

Maybe this is a strange one, but hear me out: for months — most of this year, in fact, now that I think of it — I haven’t slept well. I’ve had the hardest time, ever, falling asleep and staying asleep. I’ve had nightmares that terrify me from the moment I finally fall asleep, well into the following day as they haunt my memories. I’ve lived with the constant dread of waking up in a panic attack, and then waking up in a panic attack. It’s been terrible, and has contributed tremendously to my inability to get motivated, my reliance on alcohol to relax and go to sleep at night, and a general feeling of exhaustion, laziness, pessimism, and futility. I talked with my psychiatrist about it, and we tried sleep medication, which only made my body feel tired, while my brain was still racing along at the speed of terror. After several different attempts and failures, we tried changing up my brain meds, and about six weeks ago, I finally started feeling like a human again. I won’t go into the deep science of it, but we think I just had too much of some chemicals in my brain, and not enough of others. And it turns out that drinking alcohol to help you go to sleep does not result in good sleep, but does result in feeling like shit when you wake up.

So by committing to getting better sleep, I have changed up my evening and nighttime routines. I eat earlier, I drink less, I read more, and I’ve been able to slowly adjust my circadian rhythm from wanting to sleep at 2am to wanting to sleep around 11pm. I’ve used some great apps on my Droid to help me monitor things and determine what patterns work best for me, and while it’s still a work in progress — this entire thing is a work in progress, actually — it’s definitely getting better. When I don’t have nightmares all goddamn night, I’m more rested when I wake up. When I’m rested, I feel better in every aspect of my being. When I feel better, I am more creative and more willing to allow myself to take the risk of feeling good about myself.

Isn’t that strange? It’s a thing that I do, that I’ve done for my whole life: I don’t want to take the risk of feeling good about myself, because I’m afraid that I’ll get complacent, or arrogant, or someone will discover the Truth that my Depression tells me: I’m not that great and I don’t deserve to feel good about myself. I’m reading another book, called Trapped in the Mirror, that’s really helping me get through that, though.

So I take the risk of feeling good about myself, and more often than not, I actually do feel good about myself.

Eat better.

We all say we’re going to do this, and we always make excuses for why we don’t. Now I’ve been very lucky. My whole life, I’ve been able to stay at a healthy weight and body type without much effort … then I turned 40. In the last couple of years, I gained almost 30 pounds, my cholesterol went through the roof, and my whole body began to hurt, all the time.

There’s no excuse or rationalizing, here. I just wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasn’t eating right. I wasn’t getting good nutrition. I wasn’t thinking of food as fuel and nutrients. I wasn’t making an effort to be smart about this, because I didn’t particularly care about myself. I didn’t really like myself, I didn’t feel like I could do anything about getting tubby and slow and out of shape, because I was just getting older and that’s the way it was.

That’s all bullshit. Here’s the thing, and this is pretty much the whole reason I made a choice almost three months ago to hit this reset button and really get my life together: I didn’t like myself. I didn’t care about myself. There’s a bit more to it, but that’s the two things that exist the most clearly and form the root of the last few years of my life. In fact, it took my wife, who is the most important person in my whole universe, telling me, “I feel like you don’t care about having a long life together with me, because you don’t care about taking care of yourself.”

Well, that was ridiculous. Of course I cared about having a long life with her! Of course I cared … didn’t I?

I cared about her, and I cared about our kids, but I didn’t really care about myself. And my Depression was doing a really good job of making sure that I didn’t really think about my choices and my actions affected the people I love and care about the most in this world. That was what made me look up, take my head out of the darkness, and commit to doing all of these things.

It turns out that eating well, consistently, isn’t as easy as just eating what I want, when I want. It turns out that it’s really hard to break out of bad habits, but it also turns out that, once I made the commitment to do that, I started feeling better almost immediately. I got an app that makes it easy to track my nutrition, calories, and exercise, and in a very short amount of time, I lost almost all the weight I’d gained. I’d still like to lose five more pounds, and that five pounds is really keen on sticking around, but it’s slowly coming off, it’s staying off, and it feels great. Also, having a digital scale that lets me track precisely how much I just pooped is probably the pinnacle of technology in the 21st century.

And a super bonus that comes with this? My body doesn’t hurt like it did, because I’m not schlepping around extra weight. My joints are healthy, my muscles are stronger, and my skeleton is just in better shape, and that leads me into the last part of this.

Exercise regulary.

My son, Nolan, is a personal trainer. He’s in phenomenal shape, looks like Thor (for reals), and trains both me and his mom. So I should be in great shape, right?

Well, if I’d stuck to a good diet, taken better care of myself, and felt like I actually deserved to feel good about myself, then yes. But as we’ve seen, that just wasn’t happening. I worked out a couple of times a week, I did good, hard workouts, but then I’d feel sore and tired and wasn’t getting the results I wanted (mostly due to poor diet) and I’d come up with reasons not to do it. Then I’d make the mistake of seeing myself in the mirror when I got out of the shower, and I’d really hate myself.

I think that lifting weights and doing inside stuff just isn’t for me. I get bored easily, and I don’t fully participate in the workouts. But I love running. I used to run marathons and 5Ks all the time, and my entire self felt amazing when I did. So why not give running a try again? The excuses wrote themselves.

I was working on Con Man with Sean Astin. Sean told me about the Ironman Triathlon he was training for, and I complained that I couldn’t run anymore, because my body always hurt. Sean talked to me about the diet aspect of it, and then suggested that I use a method of mixing running with walking to work myself back into shape.

So I bought an app called Zombies, Run 5K for my phone. It uses recording and all the various sensors in my phone to let me imagine that I’m a runner in the zombie apocalypse. While I am being trained by a doctor, I listen to my music (Taylor Swift and Tove Lo accompany me on most of my runs) and a story unfolds in my ears. I’m three weeks into the training, and while it’s starting to ramp up from challenging to difficult, it feels great. I look forward to every run, I challenge myself to go as hard and as long as I can (that’s what she said) and the benefits to my self-esteem, my physical and mental health, and overall quality of life are incredible. If I was looking to quantify the value of this, it would probably be like spending five bucks to get ten thousand dollars of awesome. (Does that make sense? I’ve been writing this for a long time and the words are starting to get blurry on the screen).

I deserve to be happy. I deserve to feel good about myself. I can do the work that I need to do to accomplish these things.

If I tried to do just one of these things, and I stayed committed to it, I’d probably feel better about myself. Doing all of them together isn’t necessarily easier, but it isn’t necessarily harder, either. Every one of these things supports the other in a sparkling geometric structure of awesome that is making my life significantly and consistently better.

I just did a word count on this, and I’m at nearly 3500 words. I didn’t intend to write this much, and I suspect that most people will tl;dr it, but I’m glad that I spent the time thinking about these things and writing them down like this. I’m sure I’ll revisit this, rewrite it, and revise it, but I’m going to publish it now without a lot of editing. This is raw, and I feel like it’s supposed to be.

* Note: I got the science on this wrong. Per a comment: “In case it matters, consider the inaccuracy of your thoughts about alcohol and what it does to your body. See the Oracle of Wikipedia for details. It’s not the ALCOHOL that hurts your circulatory system (I have the same hypertriglyeridemia genetics problem BTW). It’s the simple carbohydrates that become sugars alkalize immediately. That is, it’s the carb filled beer not the ALCOHOL in it that causes the problem. I’m not a carb hater or fad dieter. But I do believe in studying science and trying to understand reasons for why I need to change my behaviors. That helps with motivations. After all: who would argue with scientific facts?”

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489 thoughts on “Seven Things I Did To Reboot My Life”

    2. Yes, it does. You experience the world/life through another. It’s honest. It’s helpful. All of these things have great value. It definitely counts.

  2. I have been using this great planner called the Passion Planner for the last 10 months to help me reset my life. It helps me stay focused on my goals and harness my creative side. I think you might love it! It started as a kickstarter campaign and it is amazing. Google it!!

  3. Hey. I have hit the age where you need to put a bit more effort into these things as well. Whilst easy for a week or so the hardest thing is making it the new you and not a new temporary you. I found a Fitbit helped (no I don’t work for them). Monitors your sleep, food and excercise. Get a few pals with them and it gamifys (that’s a word, right?) it as well which helps.

  5. I truly love this article. It’s very inspiring and from someone who suffers from depression a real leg up. I don’t wish this on anyone but it’s nice to know you’re not alone

    1. Agreed Shelly. I wouldn’t wish the dark days of depression on anyone. But it’s nice knowing someone understands.

  6. Thank you for this article–there’s a lot of food for thought here!

    Can I offer a recommendation for bedtime reading? Michael Palin’s diaries from the Monty Python years are fun and soothing and very relaxing. Although they sometimes give me very silly dreams!

  7. To preface: Ever since I saw you mention on twitter that you thought of yourself as the internet’s nerdy (awesome) uncle I have referred to you in my mind as Uncle Wil. Now that’s outta the way, Thanks for this article Uncle Wil; it is awesome

  8. This is one of your best posts. You’re so brave to talk about your difficulties with depression! As someone who also struggles with it, thank you for talking so openly about it. Reading this post in particular, made me feel like I’m not alone in my struggles.

    I’m a chronic procrastinator for the same reasons you mentioned, and I’ve found out the same thing you did, that we have to push through our fears and insecurities and create, because we feel alive when we do so. I’ve also started exercising, and I’m feeling great. Some years ago, I stopped eating fast and processed food, and though I’m far from eating healthily, just from eating more vegetables, cutting on food filled with chemicals, it has improved my life a lot.

    Thanks for sharing all of this and for everything you wrote about over the years. You’ve helped me a lot and I’m sure a lot of people all over the world.

  9. What are the other apps you refer to, especially the ones for sleep and nutrition? From your comments, I’m not the only one whom would like to know… you mentioned the running one by name, why wouldn’t you be able to let your readers know what other ones you’ve found useful, especially, as I wrote, several others have asked also…?

  10. Thank you for the generosity of sharing this wonderful thought-provoking article. I took notes as I read, and that’s because the honesty pours forth from it. I can’t wait to check out some of the pod casts, and “Trapped in the Mirror.” I’ve always felt that life is a constant challenge toward self-improvement, so I get excited to read about others who feel the same, so thank you for this. Asa a writer, perhaps you’d like to check out https://www.chillingtalesfordarknights.com/ and even submit a story if you’ve a mind to! Very talented bunch, and I’m fortunate to work with them on occasion.

  11. I really loved the post, Wil. I’m 49 and currently recovering from a pretty severe relapse of depression. I’ve had problems with it since I was a teenager. This time, however, I found out that it wasn’t just a mental relapse, it took my physical health with it. So there I was, obese, diabetic and depressed. Commence reboot! Your post helped a lot and has given me some ideas for my own reboot. I’m dieting and down 20 lbs, and still losing. Blood sugar is coming down as a consequence. Exercise is a slow and easy buildup but is helping with depression and fitness. And I’m writing daily, for the first time in years. Thanks for the inspiration. It helps to hear about other people’s battles.

  13. Thanks for this post! It hit home in quite a few ways. I am, and I rarely use this word without a heavy dose of sarcasm, inspired.

    Inspired by your story, your determination, and your results.

    Good work Stay at it. If you look behind you when you’re running, you might see a haggard fat man sweating and trying to keep up.

  14. I’m just going to steal you list. Except, I drink wine more than beer, and I’m not cutting that back. I live close to the Michigan Lakeshore where wine is life. The rest of the list will work though. Thanks for making my list for me!

  15. Thank you so much for this, Wil. I did read all 3500words because I am basically at the same point in my life (well, I’m at the beginning of your article). I have set some goals but in reading this, I have realized that I should use broader goals, because ultimately they will affect the micro ones. In every case, thank you for posting, it was very helpful and most especially recommending Trapped in The Mirror – that paragraph hit me hard, sobering and yet comforting.
    I hope you are doing well, and keep on!

  16. You have such a wonderful family and support system in place to help you meet your goals if you want to make them happen. Deep down I hope you know how absolutely blessed you are to even be able to acknowledge that you need to and then press that reset button. I have something similar unpublished, but written, yet my life is an unyielding barrage of button-blockers. Wishing you all the best to keep pushing forward.

  18. Wow, thank you Will! I’ve been feeling the same way. Trying to hold down a day job, raise a kid, create a web series, work on documentary films, act for peanuts in anything I can get…it’s all great but exhausting. My diet turned to junk food and my sleep, well….what sleep? Everything hurts. It’s obvious that habits formed in our 20s aren’t going to work anymore! Thank you for your inspiration. REBOOT TIME!

  22. It’s interesting that you mentioned Stephen King. Your writing reminds me of him (That’s a compliment). Thank you for the heartfelt and candid account of your personal struggles. Being a longtime TNG fan, I look tonyou as a bit of an icon. It is encouraging that an icon can still be entirely human. I too am human and I’m glad someone else has similar feelings about the process of life.

  23. Thanks for this, Wil. I usually hate it when people say ‘it feels good to know I’m not the only one’ when they hear of someone going through something similar. I feel like, so what if others are going through the same thing I am? They can’t fix it for me, and it doesn’t make me feel one iota better. Knowing that others go through the same thing (or just similar) doesn’t fix my problems. But this time, for the first time, it made sense to me why people say that. I think it is more that knowing others who are not just going through the same thing, but being successful helping themselves get better, gives us hope that we can too. It’s just easier and quicker to write it the other way. Yet it doesn’t convey the same meaning IMO. You help others with your writing, not only yourself. That’s a win-win. 🙂

  24. Thanks for writing this- I’m a bit older than you and struggled with depression for a long time. About a year ago, I decided to stop eating wheat to see what would happen and, among other effects, the depression is gone! I’m not saying this will work for everyone; it’s simply that sometimes, the ‘smallest’ things can affect how we think and feel. I decided I need to come up with my own list of ways to reboot. Thanks.

  26. I am really glad I read this. Forgive my but I have always dismissed you as “that kid from Star Trek NG who does TV shows from time to time”. I forget that people don’t stay as kids and that you must obviously be a “real” person, not the virtual person of my imaginings. The reasons I am glad I read this are that, at 65, I am also rebooting my life. I am spending a year in Thailand to see if it is a place I want to retire. Because my doctor recommended it, I am reading “Eat to Live” and changing my diet considerably. It helps that I am in such a new and different environment because it would be almost impossible to continue eating as I had been. Now I eat a LOT of fresh fruit and vegetables along with eating much less meat. I’ve lost weight and feel better already. My health issues are not the same as yours but I am not free from them and as I age, they will probably increase more than they decrease. The other reason I am glad I read this is that I now see you differently and with considerable respect. Thanks.

  28. Will…. just one comment – “After all: who would argue with scientific facts?” Just exactly what political climate have you been living in?

    Great article, btw.

  30. Glad you found something that worked for you, Wil. I’m pushing 40 and see no way out at all, so more power to you.

  31. Props man. Bold, raw, honest. You’re a multi-dimensional dude that I, and many many others, relate to. Thank you for sharing who you are and the journey you’re on. I started on the “Bulletproof” (Dave Asprey) eating plan a few months ago and I feel awesome. Weight loss, energy gain, no hunger, pain reduction – but I still crave beer. Damn beer. Back to eating – I had no idea that so many issues with your body after 40 are as a result of your gut and how we’ve mis-treated it for 39.99999 years. Gut gut gut. This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a blog post – and I think I’m #twohundredandninetysomething so I’m not sure it’ll ever be read. So I’m gonna stop typing. But thank you. Thank you. Jeff

  32. I had the zombie run app when I was trying to train for a 10k years ago…

    What are the other apps you use?

    Time for a change and you’ve just inspired it! Tho instead of write more I will draw more.

  33. I so get the life re-set, as I’m also in the middle of it myself. Last year I turned 50 (I was watching you in Star Trek as I used to get ready to go out to clubs in my 20s), and decided that since I was in good health (at least according to my last physical and follow-up colonoscopy), that I had 20-25 ‘good’ years left to explore the world. So I’ve slowly been moving my income sources online (so I can do that anywhere), moving to a cheaper place so I can live off of investment income without destroying my retirement savings, and then renting out THAT place temporarily so I can move to South American for 90 days. By myself. And trying to re-learn my college Spanish of 30 years ago on Duolingo (with which I am quite impressed so far, btw). The idea is not just to to re-set how I look at the world and my place in it, but to explore as much of this planet (at least those portions which are relatively safe to visit) before our species screws it up with our foot dragging on climate change. I’ll admit: this shit is HARD. But that’s what makes it worth doing, si?

  34. Will — My partner of 38 years (Marty) has dealt with panic, stress, and depression-related problems for most of his life. Something that has helped him immensely, in the last few years, is a technique called mindfulness. Mindful breathing, mindful walking, etc. One of the best teachers is a man named Thich Nhat Hanh. Check into some of his books and lectures. There’s a lot of his stuff available online, free of charge.

    1. P.S.: Whoops! Sorry to have misspelled your name. I noticed it as soon as I posted the above … WIL!

  36. I’m secretly glad that I’m not the only person who has weighed themselves to see how much they just pood out. 🙂

    1. Wil.I have been recovering from depression since my diagnosis in 2004. Did meds and therapy for some time; til I felt I had the tools to confront the depression on my own and took 3 years to get off the meds. Did fine for awhile, but clinical depression is a sneaky bastard. My reboot came with losing everything and moving from the grey drizzle of Portland, Oregon to Tucson, Arizona. I also got hit (about 5 years ago) with the American triple header: Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. Like you, I picked up the exercise, diet, and – most importantly – the self-care. In order to get off the statins and 5 other drugs I have started researching and using supplements and am now off the Western meds and everything is controlled by the supplements.

      Anyway, depression is something you can recover from … check out http://myasha.org/you-can-recover/ … just a small project I have been working on.

      Congrats on the reboot!

  39. This is a great post; probably one of your best, Wil. I hit a similar point about a month ago. I’d just gotten married and was in a great place emotionally… I mean, I was damn blissful. But, I felt awful physically. It took about 2 weeks for me to figure it (mostly) out and it was a lot of what you listed above. I was exercising and not half-assing it (I was enjoying it) but I was not eating or sleeping well and I was drinking way way too much. Plus, the stress of pre-wedding and work nonsense had built up to the point where I was an anxious ball of jitters who drank to sleep and then dreamt of the shitshow of her life. I’ve pulled back on the drinking, which was hard when we got great booze as wedding gifts… and started making sure I am eating better and earlier. It turns out that getting enough sleep is my hang-up. I get up so early for work and my hubs comes home late; it’s been difficult to get meaningful time together AND get to sleep at a decent hour. I am working on it though. Seeing posts like this one keeps helps keep me motivated when the going gets tough. Thanks Wil.

  40. I really enjoyed this blog entry; a lot of it home strongly to me. I won’t go into it all, but I have a question/suggestion for you: have you been checked for sleep apnea? That can cause a lot of nightmares and feeling tired all day. If you haven’t, you might want to look into it. Getting a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea really turned my life around!

  41. I would also add that those who want to write more or to learn more about writing – check out Brandon Sanderson. Besides being into all the things (he’s an author of fantasy novels, has an RPG, a comic etc.). He’s also a professor where he teaches classes on writing! He’s got a podcast called Writing Excuses and many lectures from the university where he teaches can be found on youtube :). I had the good fortune to meet him a couple weeks ago and the guy is really engaging and entertaining! I highly recommend dropping in on his book tour (happening now) should you get the chance.

  42. Being someone who has suffered from depression since I was a teenager, and whose mothers idea of helping me was saying, “You don’t have anything to be depressed about!”, I thank you for writing this. I am 30 now and working with my doctor to find the right meds, but obviously medication will not entirely solve the problem. I have been struggling for years now, and something needs to change. A reboot sounds absolutely fantastic, and like it’s exactly what I’ve been needing. I have been inspired recently to see so many well known people, yourself being one of them, coming forward to speak honestly about their struggles with depression. We don’t all have a great support system, so it is nice to know that we are not alone. I am doing everything I can to reduce the stigma of mental illness in my own little circle of the world, by no longer remaining silent. People should be made aware that it’s not just school shooters and people in institutions that suffer, but their own friends and family as well. I know that it was probably very cathartic for you to post this article, but looking through the comments it is clear that you have put something into the world that will greatly help other people. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Wil.

  43. What an amazing post – thanks for putting it up “as is”. I’m in the same sort of place, and slowly making the changes that I need to make to reboot my life as well. Sleep in particular has always been a huge issue; while I picked up the FitBit to remind me walk more, I actually use the sleep monitoring portion most consistently. Having downtime and reminding myself that I need to sleep more regularly has made a huge difference to my mood and to my sense of wellbeing. Thanks for the reminder that it’s not always going to be easy, but it’s always going to be worth it.

  44. Great article Wil. Thank you for sharing the things that worked and didn’t work for you. I’m going through the ‘reset’ too. The thing to remember is that a lot of people need to hit their reset button, but refuse to do so because it requires work and commitment. Stay true to yourself, we love you!

  46. I stumbled on this blog because a Facebook friend with much respected smarts shared wilwheaton.com What a revelation. You’re a phenomenal writer. This piece is great, the honesty is super refreshing. I’m a former performer, sometime writer, single mom, bad sleeper, too much wine lover and full time worrier. So I recognize a LOT of myself in this particular one. Great work. Thanks for the inspiration.

  47. This is my first visit to the site; glad I did so!

    So many people reboot their lives, their careers, the franchise, that it seems like nothing new ever comes up. But it’s not bad. The impulse to create, coupled with an urge to re-invent something old, can result in something wonderful.

    Not that you asked Wil, but, if you, by chance, haven’t seen the movie “How to Train your Dragon” please do so. You won’t find a better movie to cheer you up and restore some faith in human goodness. Yes, it’s a movie and entirely fake, but just like Star Trek if shows how embracing change and diversity can make the world a better place.

  48. Fantastic write up. I’ve made excuses for years on why I can’t write but I think about writing all the time. Plus I’ve noticed in recent months my sleep has gone way downhill. I’ve had some pretty abrupt life changes in that time, but I actually wonder if it’s a sign I should be writing. I’m basically awake, right? So write. Anyway, thanks for article. I’m having similar revelations and it makes me feel a little less broken.
    Jake

  49. Great article; it’s all about discovering and — more importantly — prioritizing what really matters to you. That said, I’m mostly commenting because …. Zombies Run FTW! Been using it for > 3 years now, and it’s the only thing that keeps me motivated to run regularly. Love that game and so delighted you discovered it.

  50. I just read every one of those nearly 3500 words, and am really glad you didn’t give them away for free. You really do deserve to get paid for them.

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