My life reboot is going well. Though I make lots of jokes about how I’ve traded everything I liked in my life for water and exercise, I really do feel good. The changes I made to my life, which I’ve committed to maintaining, are making a positive difference in every area of my existence, and I love it.
I’m having a massive existential crisis about being an actor right now, but that’s a whole thing that I’m not going to get into in public until I’ve had more time to think about it, and talk about it with my friends who are other creative people.
But other than that whole thing, I’m happy. I’m taking good care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
So that’s why I’m not going to any conventions this year, except a single one in England this October. This means I won’t be at San Diego Comicon, including w00tstock, or HopCon.
There are probably less than one hundred people in the world who care about that, but if you’re one of them, read on and I’ll tell you why.
Last year I had a miserable time at Comicon. I didn’t enjoy w00tstock, and I just felt like I was “off” during HopCon. I felt massively anxious, uncomfortable in my own skin, and afraid of everything the whole time I was in San Diego. I did a good job of wearing the mask of a person, and I was pretty good as imitating the things that people do, so only the people who know me very well could tell that I didn’t want to be there.
GenCon was awful. I spent the entire convention having meetings with people, trying to repair the damage that someone I thought was my friend had done to me, Tabletop, and all the hard work I’d done for many years.
Every single time I saw that I had to travel for a convention, I spent the whole week hoping that something would happen so that I couldn’t go. Once I got there, I did my best to honor the people who waited to meet me, I did my best to perform well when I was on stage, and I had a few genuine moments of happiness, but I mostly felt tired and overwhelmed.
One of the things I haven’t talked about that is part of my life reboot is making more time for myself. It’s about setting limits, saying no to things even if I think they’ll be fun, and doing my work, instead of someone else’s work.
I realize that this is totally #FirstWorldCelebrityProblems, but I have to take this year off from personal appearances and conventions. I have to stay home and write. I have to find my way back to the art. I have to find my way back to being a creative person who makes stories and characters and creative things, instead of being a person who hosts stuff, does things which are transactional nonfiction, and spends lots of time on the road talking about those things.
The imperfect comparison I’ve been using is that I feel like I’m in a band. I worked really hard for a long, long time to record a record that people liked, and when I finally did, I went out on tour to support it … but I haven’t been able to write or record a new album. It’s like I’ve been on tour so long, I’m starting to resent playing the songs I used to love, and I am just tired and uninterested in doing the shows.
So this summer, I’m not going to be at a lot of the places the few of you who are reading this have gotten used to seeing me. I’m totally burned out, and it interacting with me at any of these things this summer wouldn’t be awesome for me or you.
If everything goes according to plan, I’ll spend the rest of this year writing stories, making podcasts, doing a few narrative fiction film projects, and maybe even somehow getting on-camera work as an actor. If everything goes according to plan, I’m going to create a lot of new stuff this year, and next year I’ll be excited to share it, perform it, and take it to some of the places I’m not going this year.
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HUGS Good for your for knowing what you need to do for you – that’s not always easy.
Do what you gotta do. We’ll still be here when you start doing conventions again. Your well-being comes first, not us.
I am going to HopCon for the 2nd time this year, and while I’m bummed to not get to see you and maybe say hi, self-care and your well-being are obviously more important. I am sorry to hear you didn’t enjoy it last year. Be well. xo
Hey, it’s totally understandable buddy. Hopefully we will see you again one day at Emerald City. Your panel is one of my wife and my favorites. But you do you boo boo.
Wil,
I’m glad you’re taking some time for yourself. I really hope that taking this time gives you a boost and gets you back into a space where you are happy and enjoying what you do. Thank you for giving us so much of yourself!
Good for you. Self care is the most important kind of care. We’ll be here when you get back.
“..I’m taking good care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally”
Always happy to hear this. It’s a gal I have to make a better effort to achieve. Failing miserably so far, but that’s the breaks.
“..I realize that this is totally #FirstWorldCelebrityProblems…”
They’re not. It’s a problem that many have to deal with. Yours is just in the context of a celebrity. Does not make it any less valid than the rest of us. Do what’s best for you. We will still be here.
This
As someone who has experienced burnout from a job you like, I understand the need for “me time.” My wife and I are on our second vacation ever, other than our honeymoon, and the disconnect is great. Take time for what you need. I look forward to new seasons of Tabletop and Titans Grave when they’re ready.
Keep up the good work.
I am excited for you. When you make space, let go and wait wonderful things show up.
You should take your time. Anyone can understand needing time to reset. We will all continue to support you and look forward to your upcoming projects. If you ever need hugs just let us know. 🙂
I cannot begin to fathom what it is like living in the “all watching eye” that is being a really cool celebrity. I have never had the opportunity to meet you in person but your passion for getting your life right is totally the correct motivation for anything. I for one applaud you for wanting to better yourself. As for anyone going boo-hoo he is just having #firstworldproblems – well they can get bent. Before you were ever a popular celebrity you were and still are 1 thing – A HUMAN. You owe it to yourself to be the happiest individual you can be. I hope that this year off brings you great joy and that all your projects succeed. You are truly a great individual and I wish you well in this next year. Oh yah and #BUTTS just because.
Best of luck in the coming year!
Good for you! Take care of YOU! My son has been really wanting to meet you, but we’re not going to any cons but the local ones this year. I won’t even tell him about England, I’d never hear the end of it.
Do what you need to do for you, friend! Find the joy. The rest will sort itself out from there.
Look after yourself Wil. As much as people look forward to seeing you at these things, I’m sure everyone would prefer you were at these things AND happy AND creatively fulfilled. Take all the time you need and be kind to yourself xxxxx Lisa (in UK)
You are amazing, and you do for you. We’ll be here.
I’m feeling a bit burnt out or something at the moment too. Thanks for sharing.
Wil I am a really big fan of yours and the work that you do. Tabletop has been a big influence in my social circle. I’m glad to fear that you’re taking some time for yourself. The cons will be there next year and hopefully you’ll have found your way back to enjoying them again.
So… you get to take care of yourself, spend more time with your family, feel better, be more creative, and we all get to read/watch/listen to results later? That’d be win/win, Wil!
If I could in my work I would never talk to other people, and I’m nowhere near being a celebrity 🙂 I don’t think anyone should ever be criticized for recognizing that the current way of doing things is unsustainable, and taking some time to breathe. We all need it. I look forward to reading whatever comes out of it!
Go you! Do what makes YOU happy!
Performing self care is so, so difficult and I am glad you are doing it. Bravo.
Good for you man. Anxiety can be crushing and the only way to decrease it is by making changes. Hang in there.
Good for you. It’s hard to do what’s best for yourself when being pulled in many different directions. Relax and reboot and concentrate on what really needs your attention and nurturing for awhile.
No need to apologize or justify. You do what you have to / Want to do for you and yours first and foremost.
Good for you. Truly. That must have been a hard decision, but hopefully you’ll feel relief every time you think about the travel/anxiety/interactions/performance you AREN’T having to do while feeling not up to it. I look forward to your return to RCCC at some point, that was such a joy and delightful time meeting you last year. Get excited and make things now!
Take care of you!
don’t feel bad, you do what you got to do. I had to tell one of my friends not to come this week because she was coming the day another was leaving and I knew I was going to be cranky and possibly end up hating her so i was like “I’m sorry I’m peopled out, come next month” as she’s in nashville once a month and i live 50 minutes north then i said for her to come up when Orange is the new black premieres. she was ok with it and was like if you change your mind let me know, I was scared she’d take offense and felt really bad for cancelling.She didn’t take offense
What I’m trying to say is if people actually like or respect you they’ll support your decision
Totally understandable Wil. As it happens, i’m booked to go to the ‘Destination Star Trek’ in Birmingham that you’re scheduled to be at. As much as i would like to see you there (I have booked a photoshoot), I (and i’m sure everyone else going) would rather you weren’t put under unnecessary pressure, so don’t feel like you HAVE to turn up. Jonathan Frakes has cancelled his appearances at Destination Star Trek every year so far, we didn’t mind 😀 We British are a polite people 🙂
Your mental health is important! I’m glad you’re taking time to heal. Don’t try to walk with a broken leg.
I’ve had times when I felt like that too, both at conventions and work. I think it’s a good idea to take a step back. As a teacher, each year I take time to consider if I still love it before signing my contract. It’s a wonderful job, but it consumes you while you do it. I imagine acting is the same. You do what you love, Wil Wheaton. We’ll be fine. 🙂
Dude, it’s not a celebrity problem, it’s a need-to-do-meaningful-work problem. I’m a book marketer and I’m trying to move from taking whatever work is offered (whether I like a book or not) to primarily working on book projects that excite me. For me, that’s spending a lot more time hunting for jobs with publishers who do good work and networking (never a lot of fun) to find interesting projects, and like you more saying no to work things that don’t engage me fully.
I, for one, will be excited to read/watch/listen to whatever new projects you come up with; so enjoy, go deep, and don’t feel bad about being protective of your time.
Not that you need anyone to tell you it’s okay, but it is okay that you need to make time for You. I’m a wife & mother and I love taking care of my family. But there are days that I just want to take care of me. I resent having to do things for my hubs & kids as well as myself. It doesn’t change how much I love them or want to care for them. I just feel like you said, burnt out which means I’m not giving them or myself my best.
My point is, you have to take care of You. If that means skipping Cons this year then do it! Honestly you always come across as such a passionate invested individual and that takes a huge amount of energy. Sometimes we need to take time to reflect & recharge. Better you take a little time off now so you don’t end up needing to disappear for a longer while.
Wow, sorry I rambled. It’s funny bc you’re going through some similar stuff to what I am right now, trying to transition to the next phase, get myself motivated to do what I want & need to do. It is helpful to me reading about your journey & process. Thank you for sharing & enjoy your time away from the Cons. And for what it’s worth, if acting doesn’t bring you Joy anymore, then perhaps it’s time has come & gone. I’ve learned that Life is too short, our Time too precious, to spend it forcing ourselves to do what we don’t want to. I hope you’ll give yourself permission to say No when you need to & not feel guilty about it.
You know what, I love that you take the time to share this with us but truthfully, you don’t owe us anything. I sincerely enjoy your writing, your tweets (except the hockey, even though I’m Canadian), and your performances on web, TV, audio books. Take the time you need for you, for your relationship. We’ll still be here.
I had hoped that one day we’ll get a chance to meet and have a meaningful exchange about games but that wouldn’t happen at a Con anyway. 🙂 Take care of you. 🙂
Take care of yourself first. I’ve always wondered how people were able to go to so many cons. Con celebrity guest seems to be it’s own career. It’s okay to cut back on those appearances, especially if you are miserable at them.
I just read The Oatmeal’s take on creativity and the need to inhale new and different before exhaling new and/or different. Also, there is a line in there about how peanut butter is a meal if the jar is on a plate. What you described above is something so very different and bigger than simply refreshing the creativity reservoir. It’s about shedding all the expectations of the rest of the world and relearning your expectations for yourself. I suppose the reboot has taken your quite far toward that goal.
Furthermore, when the expectations of others are set aside or just dropped, you can really give yourself permission to love the weird, exciting things that happen in your head. It’s hard for some people to understand that an airgap between me and them is necessary for me to be really happy with myself and happier with my relationship with them.
Whelp, I just made it about myself. I’ll sign off here.
I excitedly await your new stuff! Glad you are taking some me time and some creative time!
I met you at MegaCon 2013 in Orlando,Florida (Leia buns). Meeting you was the best experience in my life! It even beats going to Japan. I am so happy to know you are starting to feel better. As someone who has anxiety and other things, conventions and big events are hard for me. As a celebrity I don’t want to imagine what you have to go through everyday being surrounded by people that you don’t know very well. I grew up watching Star Trek TNG with my grandma and I still get super excited when I tell people I’ve met you. I hope all the best and I hope you feel better. my fiancé and I might be stationed in CA someday so it would be an honor to see you again at future conventions. Feel better soon!
I’ve never been to a con much to my own dismay and know one day as a wondernerd I will . I do however quietly fanoogle over people from the comfort of my arm chair through twitter facebook and blogs. Id like to express that your quibbles and bloggings, quips and most excellent musings constatly make me smile laugh and sometimes reflect , so con or no con you have a fan for life who thinks every once in a while you need to give the perverbial to the world and take care of you. Fans will always be fans and the rest well does not matter.
Cheers from Canada..
You can always come partner with me and design boardgames. I’ve never done it before and I have a goal to complete one by the end of the year. So far it’s been a great project working on something that was a hobby I loved anyway. But it’s my ‘get back my creative groove’ project since I got married, had two kids – and have another on the way – and I work professionally 50+ hours a week. For the last 10 years, there has been no me. No painting. No drawing. No writing. No creative juice. There’s just been a giant left-brain, artless, soulless bug walking around with a Keith suit on for a decade. This was the year I decided to end that bullshit. My design hours are from 10pm until 2am and it fucking sucks. But I keep at it. Go me and go Wil Wheaton.
Huh. I wonder if it is something in the zeitgeist, because a lot of other creatives and trying-to-make-time-to-be-creatives I know (myself included) are kind of going through the same kind of “time out, lemme get back to some basicst” phase right now.
Y’ain’t alone, in other words. Whatever we all end up doing at the end of it, may we all be well.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have no idea what it is like to be an actor and feel like you owe the fans something. So bizarre! I’d be a fan without the picture I have you with my daughter and I! Sending you good artistic vibes. Enjoy creating whatever it is that comes from your time and focus in this season.
We love you, Wil, no matter what. Be well.
Wil, good for you for making a pro wil decision. You need to do whatever it is you need to do to get back to your creative place. I look forward to your future creative works.
You’re really putting in the effort and it sounds like it’s paying off! Most of us wouldn’t have the strength of conviction to undertake such a transformation and to have done so well! Best wishes and stay the course!
Those of us who are your fans WANT you to take good care of YOU so you can enjoy sharing with us in your own time and way. Looking forward to seeing your new stuff and maybe you sometime down the road. Thanks for keeping us in the loop, even though you don’t have to.
Keep scrollin’; I got nothin’.
Self-care is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Take the time. Get yourself and your art back on track. I wish you all the best on your road to wellness. Travel well, Wil.
The whole situation you’re in sounds very familiar with mine a couple of years ago.
The most important lesson i learned from that period of time, is when you are saying ‘yes’ to somebody else, you are also saying ‘no’ to yourself. Time is a valuable thing, especially when you grow older.
i wish you all the best!!
You can’t be you unless you take care of you. Good for you.
Thank you. Thank you again. Also several more thank yous. I’m an introvert and in my professional life things heated up these last few years to the point where I had more obligations than I had down time. I crashed. I burned. I alienated people. I kept going. I felt absolutely horrible but it was like watching someone else. I had to Perform. And in the end my not-good mood, position, feelings…etc. Ended up attracting just that kind of person the vulnerable and burnt out don’t want to attract.
I kept going. It got weird. I didn’t just burn out – I shut down. I kept going because I didn’t know I could stop. Once I finally figured it out it was like a revelation. And I’m glad you’re helping other people come to that revelation. It’s okay to stop.