do something kind for future you

this-is-the-moment
This was waiting for me on a music stand, about a year ago, when I was doing a voice over job.

I’m part of a very small, private, online group of runners who share training tips, race experiences, encouragement and advice. We’re a diverse group of men and women of all ages (I think I’m one of, if not the oldest), but we all have a common goal: stay fit, and run more.

One of the women in the group, who I will call E, introduced me to this incredible concept about a month ago that fundamentally changed my life not just as a runner, but as a human. It’s an incredibly simple concept that anyone can apply to their lives.

Ready? Here it is: Whenever you can, do something kind for Future You.

Future You is someone you love and care about. Future You is someone who you want to be happy, and you have endless opportunities to make that happen.

This concept came into my life when she said, “I really didn’t want to run this morning, but I knew that Future E would be glad that I did, so I ran for her.”

I’ve often given joking apologies to Future Wil for eating too much spicy food, or staying up too late, but I never really thought of Future Wil as someone who existed, who was a person, who was depending on Present Wil to make his life a little easier. After E put it into context the way that she did, I could see and feel Future Wil come into existence. I could remember all the times I made myself do something I didn’t want to do, or decided not to have more ice cream, or not to stay awake too late to watch just one more episode of a show, so that I was rested, or didn’t feel nauseous, and regretful.

One of the ways my mental illness expresses itself is to make me feel like nothing matters and nothing is worth doing because everything sucks and I suck and everything is awful. One of the ways I’ve learned to live with that and push back against it is to recognize that it’s not rational, and to just get through it. But now I have this new skill to use that really helps me when Depression starts doing its best to wrap a lead blanket around me: Present Wil feels like garbage, but Future Wil doesn’t have to suffer because Present Wil is suffering. Future Wil is probably going to be grateful that Past Wil did his best to make Future Wil feel better.

I guess it’s a rhetorical trick, a way of fooling myself into taking the best care of myself that I can, but it doesn’t really matter if it’s a trick, because it works for me. I have a really hard time doing things that are just for myself, because I feel like I don’t deserve it for one reason or another … but that me from the future? That guy hasn’t done anything to me, and I should do my best to do something kind for him, like eating good food, or getting enough sleep, or getting out and exercising even though I really don’t want to do it.

Of course, the tricky part is committing to this, but I’ve been having a lot of fun doing it, and I enjoy the surreal silliness that comes along with the whole thing.

Some things you can do for Future You, to get you started:

  • Make your bed. Future You is going to love going to sleep in a clean, orderly bedroom.
  • Oh, you should probably straighten up the rest of your bedroom, too. But it’s okay if you can’t! Maybe Future You will help, after Future You sees how nice it is to have the bed made, and Future Future You will love it!
  • Wash your dishes. Future You will be so glad that the sink isn’t full of dirty crap.
  • Take the stairs. Future You will feel awesome because you did something that wasn’t easy, when you didn’t have to.
  • Get that toxic person out of your life. Future You will be so grateful that she doesn’t have to deal with that jerk any more.
  • Turn off Twitter. Future You is going to be so happy that you didn’t waste time arguing with that person you don’t even know.
  • Make plans to do something fun with someone you care about. Future you will get to hang out with someone you like, and present you has something to look forward to!
  • Buy Future You a present, like a massage, or a spa day, or tickets to a movie or a concert.

You get the idea, right? It’s so simple and obvious to me now, and it feels like something that I’m sure doesn’t come as much of a revelation to the smart people out there, but my whole life I have missed totally obvious things that were right in front of my face. Maybe some of you missed it too, and now you may feel like doing something kind for Future You.

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59 thoughts on “do something kind for future you”

  1. Present Me wishes Past Me had watched less Netflix/read less and slept more. Sometimes it is hard to know what will make Future Me happier – being well rested, or having finished experiencing this story.

  2. that’s fantastic, Wil, thanks!

    Present A is heading out to a new place to meet a new group and is FREAKING OUT. But Future A may find a place to feel good about so…yeah.

    Thanks

  6. I really appreciate your blog. And Tabletop. Especially as a depressed person. So thanks for all the things.

    I too consider my Future Self, and sometimes when I have done something in particular that helps my now Present Self I thank my Past Self, as in, “Thanks Past Self, good job!” Perhaps that’s overly meta, but sometimes I’m very surprised by how forward thinking I was in the past and its nice to acknowledge that I was on top of it and thinking ahead.

  7. Future Andrea is the reason I live with a bit less money now than I want to. Present Andrea has what she needs. Future Andrea will want to retire and travel.

  9. I also joke how Future Me is going to be so mad at Present and Past Me. I definitely need to start doing things to make it easier for Future Me.

  10. Present Me is doing really well, as opposed to Past Me about a week ago. I’m trying to take note of the ways Present Me feels serene and organized and productive. That way when Future Me looks like Past Me, I know that Present Me can exist.

    It’s all Timey Wimey, but I won’t end the timeline when the Black Dog is my Companion.

  11. I do this! It is so good. Here’s the second part, that really solidifies it for me: When you notice something you did for Future you, and it makes your life easier, THANK PAST YOU.

    Hey, all these dishes are done, so I don’t have to wash a bowl for my ice cream! Thanks, Past Alyshondra!

    Oooh, this nice made bed is so lovely to slip into. Thanks, Past Alyshondra!

    My brain really likes validation – even, apparently, validation from myself. shrug It works, and I’m not messing with it.

  12. Future Cat sends heartfelt thanks to Present Wil for taking the time to write this out. Present Cat has bullies sometimes. Realizing there’s a Future Cat somewhere out there on the playground that could use some TLC might help kerp the bullies at bay. I always was a sucker for the ‘Champion of the Underdog’ award…

  14. Yes. This. So much this. I’ve been thinking about Future Me a lot recently too, and how best to ease her into helping out Distant Future Me. (Also have been thinking about AU Me but that’s a different (in)decision tree altogether.) I think a big part of becoming a Grown Up is not just realizing your impact on those around you, but your impact on your own future self.

  15. This is actually incredibly inspiring for me.
    This whole last year I feel like I am creeping and clawing my way to the summit of my depression only to be buried deeper and deeper under the weight of what feels like a mountain of crap.
    I am exhausted and burnt out, but I refuse to stop fighting it.
    Perhaps this mental shift will help me start the hike back to the top.
    Keep being awesome, Wil.

  16. I needed this! I’ve been doing something similar for my physical health (Goal: Do an Olympic-distance triathlon on my 80th birthday, 20 years from now) that keeps me pushing, but not to the point of burnout or damage. Now it seems beyond obvious to apply it to the rest of life, especially when I see current-me shoulding all over myself.

  17. I’ve been doing exactly this for a couple of years now, and it does really make a difference. (Present Me hates taking out the trash the night before the garbage guys come around, but does it because Future Me will be so glad not to have to do it right before leaving for work.) One of the key things for me, though, is that when I come across some way in which Past Me has helped Current Me, I thank her. (i.e., thanks for taking out the garbage, Past Me!) It closes the circle a little bit.

    Oddly enough I think I came up with the idea from reading Homestuck…

  18. This is an excellent reminder, thanks!

    Somewhat relatedly: at FutureMe.org (https://www.futureme.org/) you can write an email to your future self!

    I suppose journaling can serve a similar function, but there’s something kind of cool about getting an actual letter from Past You 🙂

  19. This is excellent advice! And it would have been very useful to me 10 or 20 years ago. But unfortunately, I am already Future Me. So I do the best I can without hope of future reward.

  20. Excellent advice! I am going to put this into play in my life….I am working on self love and self acceptance and this works right along with that. Thank you very much, Wil!

  21. This idea is great and I really like that the suggestions for things that I could do for Future Me were really attainable and I find myself sitting on a freshly made bed (I can’t even remember when I last changed my sheets) and a nicely tidied bedroom which feels so nice. Thinking about Future Me a bit more often sounds like a very good idea all in all as Present Me definitely doesn’t make the best decisions always.

  24. This post popped up in my reader today at a perfect time. Thank you, Wil. And take care of yourself and future you.

  25. I have always thought of future me as the guy who was going to have to do the unpleasant things on the horizon, e.g., that medical procedure you have to have at a certain age. That way, present me was able to relax and not worry about it. Unfortunately, future me always becomes present me at some point and then present me has to face the music. Doing things that will help when “future” becomes “present” are always appreciated.

  27. Hey Wil. I have an addition to this. When you get to a point where you’re angry at Past You for fucking it all up and leaving you with a giant mess, take a deep breath and remember. What’s done is done. You can’t reach through time to strangle your past self for screwing it up, and it’s not fair to punish Present You for the sins of Past You, since many times, Past You was doing the best they could. Take a deep breath and resolve instead to do what you suggest here — make things better for Future You.

    Don’t know if it helps, but this is what I’m going through — I finally found the medication that helps me finally take stock of myself, and I’m realizing that I’m so frustrated with what Past Me has done that I’m trying to take it out on myself. It doesn’t work.

    Now I’m going to go finish cleaning out my room because Future Me will like living in a cleaner space to help her get further organized.

  28. I’ve tried introducing this idea to my 8-year old. We were fighting a lot about chores, mostly of the “please put your stuff away” variety. Then one day I got tired of arguing the same point with him over and over again, and I said “You know this isn’t about doing something because I’m telling you to. It’s about not creating more work for yourself. Be nice to future you and put he shoes on the shoe rack so you don’t have to interrupt your play to do it later.”

    The funny thing is having that insight for him. I haven’t used it as much for me. I don’t think it’s a trick anyway, I think it’s a better lens for balancing your resources when you are overwhelmed. Sometimes present you doesn’t have the energy, and future you is going to have to pick up the slack, but it sure helps to decide whether you do something now that makes you feel better rather than just dodging something that seems overwhelming with anything else.

    Great post.

    1. “You want to know what else is weird? When your two year-old burns down a church WITH HIS EYES!”

  31. Well, that’s true – it is a simple concept. But it’s a GOOD simple concept.

    And, it’s an interesting way of attaching significance to the little actions, because the difficult part (for me) of doing the little things, is to assign them enough significance to say: “It isn’t going to get better till I take this little step to make it so, and the sooner I do that, the sooner it gets better and the longer I enjoy how much better it is.

    Future me would like present me to go through the closet and get rid of the clothes I haven’t worn in years. Fix the hole in the wall behind the bathroom doorknob and also fix the door-stop that broke off and allowed the door to punch a hole in the wall. Life is so busy, that unless a person has a staff of servants, that crap doesn’t get done. Stuff builds up and one day you look around and see that the carpet is dirty, your socks are holy, there’s a hole in the wall, the driveway is mossy and your hair is 3 weeks past any reasonable cutoff for: “Damn dude, you need a haircut.” Fitting those little things in to a busy day so they get done as they occur rather than accumulating and dominating a whole weekend is tough. Living with shaggy hair and moss and undone home-repair projects makes a person feel slovenly. I know this crap is a PITA to everyone, and that all of these are “first world” problems, but damn if they don’t build up, and as they build up, they create this ambient feeling of disorder that affects peace of mind. A person can never relax fully while they know they really should be doing something.

    Anyway, Thanks.

  35. I think that’s actually really good advice. It is really easy to forget that “Future You” depends on our present behavior and actions, but keeping our future selves in mind is a good way to go about things in a smarter or healthier way. Sometimes when I pull an all-nighter, I joke, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” While I might think that is a funny excuse for my unhealthy decision, I am sure that Future Taylor does not appreciate it one bit.

    Thank you for sharing E’s tip, Wil. I think Future Taylor is really going to appreciate me taking this advice.

  41. I love this! I would add that I have started making to thank Past Me for things she did that make me happier. A few months ago we went on a trip and I pushed to get the house in order before we left even though I really didn’t feel like it (mental illness sucks). When we got home after a hectic trip and the house was calm and orderly and there was nothing but unpacking to do, I was so glad I had pushed through. Thus stated the habit of thanking my past self for those hard moments. And now I can add the tool thinking through to Future Me.

  42. This is good advice! Dealing with depression/anxiety myself, I know it’s always important to have goals and things to look forward to.

    I’d add one thing though: sometimes it’s hard to know what Future You could want, appreciate or need, especially if you’re in a deep bog of depression. For those times, I ask myself “What would A Smart Person do?” It’s not just a rhetorical trick, it’s also imagination, and it is life saving!

  44. Moving to a new city at age 48, after 23 years in the same place (where we raised our kids and really put down roots), this post came at a perfect time. Present me is anxious about the move, all the “what if’s,” but there are steps Present C can take so that Future C can thrive in the new place (as tempting as it would be to hole up at home and watch Netflix instead of getting out there to make new connections).

  45. This really clicked with me and I’ve been using this since I read your post (just yesterday). Even in that short time, I have felt the positive impact. Thank you.

  47. Heh, on this theme, Wil – Future Wil will probably thank Present Wil if Present Wil kickstarts the new Zombies, Run! boardgame… 😉

  48. I used to call dealing with depression as “dancing with my dragon”. Sometimes the dragon would lead, sometimes I would. Sometimes I was take a break from the dance. Now I can choose to not dance at all but just to notice when I see his smoke or tail off in the distance.

  49. A little something for Future Wil because Future Michelle is excited to participate:

    http://campnanowrimo.org/

    Not sure if you’ve heard of it or not, but it looks interesting. And, hey, 50,000 words in a month seems easy enough, right?

    Right?!?!

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