I am working on many things these days, one of which is just getting through the goddamn day again.
But I broke a story today while I was walking Marlowe, and it took me in an entirely unexpected direction that I’m excited to explore. I’ll probably start sketching out the puke draft tomorrow.
Every day, I feel like I should be writing something here, telling a story, or recalling something that’s happened to me, but I have no motivation, and I feel like the part of me that’s creative is mostly empty right now. I’m doing my best to refill it, starting with breaking that story I just mentioned.
But since I presumably have your attention, I thought I’d direct you to RADIO FREE BURRITO dot COM where I am doing my best to make a new podcast episode every week, to train myself in anticipation of an actual radio show that I may have the opportunity to do before the end of the year.
I will also point you to the Kindle and audiobook versions of Dead Trees Give No Shelter, because I’m supposed to keep promoting my own work.
And finally, I will present this bit of unfortunate decision making from the long long ago:
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You were a victim of 80s fashion just like the rest of us. My high school senior photos should be viewed by no one who wasn’t alive at that time. Stay busy and we will keep you company along the way.
God bless the 80’s.
(Cuz no one else will. O what a graveyard of fashion regrets….)
I hope you use the radio free burrito platform to rail against the Scalzi abominations. Seems appropriate.
(suicidal ideation warning)
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I really feel you about getting through the day. I still cry at random moments. I still am afraid; I still have nightmares. I still think idly about slitting my wrists – but only idly. It’s better than it was. Also, that bastard wins if I call it quits. I gotta get the brain under control.
Still. I have my friends, and my cats, and my city – I love where I live, and my novel I’ve been writing that may or may not have a character called Jean Spaneau as an homage (I watch that Fiasco episode every so often!), and my music, and my ability to help people.
It’s a balancing act.
I like the cut of your jib, sir.
Wil, I feel ya. Life is hard enough to manage without the world also semi falling apart around us. I’ve been depressed and full of anxiety for most of my life, but the first thing that’s actually helped me rise above it all (WAY more consistantly) is starting the ketogenic diet. Not trying to sell you anything weird (okay, maybe a little) but I genuinely want to share what has helped me in so many ways in case it could help you, too. It’s a “diet” but really it’s a lifestyle change and it just does so much for your mental clarity and emotional energy. Especially in conjuction with 20 minutes of yoga or light exercise a day. You’re a lovely human being and I hope it all gets easier and more fulfilling for you very soon. <3
I dont speak from experience, as I’m just a lowly stockman, but I hear from other artists that the secret to greatness is to work even when you don’t want to. So keep at it. I will always be listening/ watching. Wow that was way creepier than I meant it to be. 🙂
“Every day, I feel like I should be writing something here, telling a story, or recalling something that’s happened to me, but I have no motivation, and I feel like the part of me that’s creative is mostly empty right now.” Right there with you. And man, this place sucks. The room service is terrible and the pool is murky and smells like disappointment.
On the plus side, that photo is from many years ago and you don’t wear that sweater anymore.
You don’t, right? Please say you don’t wear it anymore.
may your creativity bucket runneth over. #covfefe
Also, I found this: use as necessary! Permission granted.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XMmH0MTWalU
That Jumper is positively Welsey’n in nature. (The grammar of that is hurting in by brain)
On a positive note anything written you produce can only be helpful and good. I am a child of the 80’s (Oh go the sartorial humanity) but I now associate you as much for your literary output which I love.
Keep up the good work
Haha. I had a few Cosby Sweathers.
IIRC – they would stretch out and never snap back because you couldn’t get them wet – so they all wound up looking like tents and you had to roll the wrists all the way up to your elbows just to keep them out of the way because after the cuffs stretched, they’d slip down over your hands because the sleeves were MASSIVE and the shoulders hung halfway down to the elbows.
Yes, yes… that was the style. But… What the hell were we thinking?
Now Hammer Pants, on the other hand… THERE was a timeless classic 😉
I bet you’ve stopped running. Din’ja? Amirite? How long’s it been?
I. Am. So. Angry. At the fact I apparently never added RFB to my new phone’s podcast app, because I always knew you’d come back to it someday. I’ve been listening to RFB since 2009, and just listened to the May 16th episode and holy shit, Wil, I’ve missed the shit out of this. Just about teared up because even as uncertain and out of practice you were, it felt like old times. I feel like I’m just hanging out with an old friend, listening to fun stories, deep thoughts, random tangents, silly songs. It’s so very comforting to someone who also has a stupid lying depression brain. Also, we really missed you at Phoenix Comic-Con this year… And really miss the days when it wasnt so holy freaking huge and wasn’t owned by a money grabbing jerk…. Keep getting excited and making things, Wil. I know it’s hard (good god I know it’s hard…). But the rollercoaster will start going up again soon. <3
I hear you on feeling empty. As you helped me in the not so distant past, “depression is a dick”. This also helped my nephew and a couple of my students. I wish we could just “break up, shake hands, and walk away”–I keep that in mind which helps alleviate the symptoms. I wish I had a magic wand or more magical words to make the depression lunk disappear; unfortunately, all I have is–I hear you…always love you (but in a platonic way, person to person–you’re a good person–look at how many people you’re helping just by talking about your ups and downs; thank you!).
On a better note–is your radio show going to have a particular theme or subject? I can’t use radioburrito as all of my internet programs suffer panic attacks and tell me the website is not secure–which makes them, and then me, feel insecure. I would love to listen.
I don’t think you could find a more 80s sweater than that. Very cute. 🙂
Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing a LOT of things at one time right now (from what you’ve shared publicly) and I’m sure your mind is going in ten different directions at once.
However, feel free to beat up that sweater. It looks like it’s smiling at us, and that’s creepy.
I feel similarly Wil, I hope it helps to know that we’re out there. One of the things I’m doing to help my depression is to comment on your stuff, something that is usually too hard for my social anxiety monster. We’re all doing our best, depression lies.
I bet Bill Cosby is still looking for that sweater you stole.
I haven’t touched my paints in a month. Too busy sculpting with dirt. (my garden). Every year I wait for the ground to thaw, looking out at the yard and dreaming of colours of flowers and vegetables. And when it does happen, I am overwhelmed with work. Happy work. Creativity comes in waves, or seasons. That is good, because we would burn out big time from being overworked.
I will get back to my paints soon and my knitting. BTW that is an awesome sweater. Minus the leather saddlebag shoulders and vee!
I feel like there is a problem with the link to Radio Free Burrito in this post. Chrome tosses up a security-certificate error, and it seems to go to the foundation page…
I’m getting the same thing with the link.
Weird. I’ll see if I can fix it.
I love it! I have many unfortunate sweater pictures too 🙂
Hey, just to let you know I get RFB delivered to my Zune and I have a subscription in the Zune software. I appreciate what you do, when you are able to do it. Don’t listen to the negative voices.
I’m glad you explain why things that might seem like no big thing to us, but are big thing to you. It’s a matter of scale. As a college professor, I get students who don’t follow instructions for handing in an assignment. I explain to them that it takes me 4 times long to mark something when they don’t follow instructions. They say can’t you do it for me? I say NO because then I would have to do it for 39 other students it i might take me 8 hours to mark an assignment that should only take 2 hours.
Thank God for Anne.
I almost want to see if I can knit that sweater. Maybe with that metallic green goatskin I got a few weeks ago as the trim… Hmm.
If you had that sweater today you could probably part a hipster with many dollars
I have a show tonight and all my motivation went down a dark hole yesterday afternoon and my brain is fine letting my write a Robin Hood CYOA in chat or small ficlets on tumblr, but can I revise my actual novel? Nope. Can I manage to find some editing or transcription work? Nope. Can I do anything remotely useful? Nope. I think my Depression is homesick and knows if it wears me down enough I will be forced to move back home because I will just fail out of California like a college statistics class.
I am terrified that I’m going to screw up this show tonight (HOW DOES A 20-SOMETHING SOUND LIKE A MIDDLE-AGED LADY? WHY WAS I EVEN CAST? I’M IMITATING MY MOTHER ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME I DON’T SOUND OLD ENOUGH SHE’S 62!) and it’ll take what little creativity is swirling in the bottom of my glass and drain it out.
So here’s to those of out trying to refill the creativity cups pours one out and those of ya’ll who apparently lived through the Epoch of Ugly Sweaters. I was a kid in the 90s so I survived the Time of Neon Shirts And Overalls.
Something is created and there where it wasn’t there before. Like the smile on my face (which is hard to have lately) just from your response. Thank you for that.
Be gentle with yourself. We have your hand. Be well.
Beautifully said. 🙂
Waka waka waka
We all make mistakes. My teenage years were the late 60s-early 70s and I once owned – and unironically wore – a Nehru jacket and a Mao hat. Not at the same time, mind you. I was at least partly self-aware.
Wil, I really appreciate that you’re doing RFB on a regular basis again! I can honestly say that it’s one of the few shows I listen to FIRST before any others in my podcast feed.
I bought and read Dead Trees as soon as I saw it, about a month ago. It was an excellent read.
First, yes in hindsight the sweater was an unfortunate choice. It would have been more flattering if it fit. But I, for one, had the hots for the guy in that photo in a big bad way so, you were doing something right. Second, I hope you get every job you want, including whatever radio thing may be out there for you. But I don’t live in LA and i hope I can listen to whatever it is as a podcast. I really enjoy RFB. Third, I am gonna buy your book right now. Not because I need something to read (I’ve got too much and not enough time!) and not just because I blindly want to support you (though I do). Because I suspect that I will enjoy it when I do read it, and it will give me something to look forward to reading.
Hey, that is one awesome 80’s sweater 😀 I’ll take that fashion over saggy butt-revealing pants any day. . . !
I’m in a rough place myself. Looking for motivation to blog, to crochet, to color (the creative side of me feels “meh”)… wishing I were working; frustrated that I’m not; trying not to dwell in the mentality of being so unwanted I’ll never work again, etc.
If you write it, we will read it. If you speak it, we will listen. We’re here for you. (And even though I know that the same can/could be said to me about my “stuff”, I can’t allow myself to “hear” what I’ve just said to you). Blargh.
I’m hoping for a diagnosis and relief for Anne. It’s hard, the not knowing and the pain.
The sweater screams Klingon to me.