As most of you know, I deactivated my Twitter account earlier this month. It had been a long time coming, for a whole host of reasons, but Twitter’s decision to be the only social network that gives Alex Jones a platform to spew hate, hurt innocent people, and incite violence was the final straw for me. But I haven’t regretted leaving for even one second. Having that endless stream of hate and anger and negativity in my pocket wasn’t good for me (and I don’t think it’s good for anyone, to be honest).
I was on Twitter from just about the very beginning. I think I’m in the first couple thousand accounts. I remember when it was a smallish group of people who wanted to have fun, make jokes, share information and tips on stuff that was interesting, and oh so many pictures of our pets. It was awesome.
It started to get toxic slowly at first, then all at once, starting with the misogynist dipshits who were behing the gate-which-shall-not-be-named. That was clearly a turning point for Twitter, and it never really recovered from it. I watched, in real time, as the site I loved turned into a right wing talk radio shouting match that made YouTube comments and CSPAN call-ins seem scholarly. We tried for a couple of years to fight back, to encourage Twitter to take a stand against bad actors (HA HA LIKE ME BECAUSE I AM A BAD ACTOR RIGHT YOU GOT ME HA HA HA). Twitter doesn’t care about how its users are affected by themselves, though. Twitter cares about growth and staying on the good side of President Shitler’s tantrums.
I mean, honestly, the most lucid and concise indictment I can give Twitter is: it’s the service that Donald Trump uses to communicate with and incite his cultists.
Anyway, enough about how terrible Twitter is. We all know how terrible it is. That’s never going to change, by the way.I know some very good people who are working on making Twitter better, but I honestly don’t think they can overcome the institutional inertia that has allowed it to get to the point its at now. It may get incrementally better, but the fundamental problem of random, mostly-anonymous people being terrible isn’t going to change, because that’s not a Twitter problem. That’s a humanity — and specifically a social media — problem.
I thought that if I left Twitter, I could find a new social network that would give it some competition (Twitter’s monopoly on the social space is a big reason it can ignore people who are abused and harassed, while punishing people for reporting their attackers), so I fired up this account I made at Mastodon a long time ago.
I thought I’d find something different. I thought I’d find a smaller community that was more like Twitter was way back in 2008 or 2009. Cat pictures! Jokes! Links to interesting things that we found in the backwaters of the internet! Interaction with friends we just haven’t met, yet! What I found was … not that.
I found a harsh reality that I’m still trying to process: thousands of people who don’t know me, who have never interacted with me, who internalized a series of lies about me, who were never willing to give me a chance. I was harassed from the minute I made my account, and though I expected the “shut up wesley”s and “go fuck yourself”s to taper off after a day or so, it never did. And even though I never broke any rules on the server I joined (Mastodon is individual “instances” which is like a server, which connects to the “federated timeline”, which is what all the other servers are), one of its admins told me they were suspending my account, because they got 60 (!) reports overnight about my account, and they didn’t want to deal with the drama.
I respect and support that person’s decision, because it’s a private server and it’s run with their time, energy, attention, and (presumably) money. I don’t agree with it at all, and I think it’s deeply unfair, as well as rewarding abuse of a reporting system that’s meant to protect users, but it’s their site and it’s their rules, and I can’t say I blame them. The people going after me were pretty awful, and I can only imagine that an admin would get fed up with them, too.
I want to share the message I posted there when I left (Twitter is called ‘birdsite’ on Mastodon):
I have been notified by an Admin here that they are getting 60 reports a day about my account. As far as I can tell, I’m not breaking any rules, and I’ve done my best to be a good person here. But this admin is going to suspend my account.
It’s the Admin’s instance, so I fully support their choice to eliminate a source of frustration, but something to consider: a person who is doing nothing wrong can be run off one instance by a mob from another instance. That seems … not cool. 1/x
But it’s been made very, very clear to me that I am not welcome in the Fediverse, and I hear you. I hoped to find an alternative to the birdsite where I could find the same fun community that existed over there in the beginning, and it’s clear to me that I won’t be finding that. Before I leave, I want to just make something very clear, because I’ve spent most of my life being yelled at by people who don’t know me at all, and I want the record to be clear. 2/x
During GamerGate, I was dogpiled and mobbed and brigaded and attacked by thousands of accounts. I started using a blocklist that was supposed to help stop that. I did not know that the blocklist I signed up for also had a lot of trans women on it. When I found out, I did everything I could to remove those women from the list I shared. When there were still innocents on the list, I stopped sharing the list entirely. Despite this, a mob has decided that I’m anti-trans. 3/x
This lie that I am anti-trans, or anti-LGBQ, is deeply hurtful to me (I know it’s nothing like the pain LGBTQ people deal with every day, as they simply try to *exist* in a world that treats them so badly, but it is still hurtful in its own way to me). I just want to make it extremely clear: that is a lie, and the people spreading it are misinformed.
So I’m leaving the Fediverse, which has treated me with more cruelty, vitriol, hatred, and contempt than than anyone on the birdsite ever did. 4/x
Anyway, take your victory lap and collect your prizes. You’ve made it clear that I’m not welcome here, and even though I disagree with the action this Admin is taking (banning me when I didn’t break any rules doesn’t seem right), I respect and support the Admin’s decision to run their instance the way they see fit.
Please do your very best to be kind to each other. The world is a terrible place right now, and that’s largely because it is what we make it.
Bye.
6/end
This isn’t limited to Mastodon.cloud (the worst attacks and dogpiling came from a few other instances before the instance I was on became awful) and it isn’t limited to Twitter.com. I see this in the online space all the time now: mobs of people, acting in bad faith, can make people they don’t know and will likely never meet miserable, or even try to ruin their lives and careers (look at what they did to James Gunn). And those mobs’ bad behaviors are continually rewarded, because it’s honestly easier to just give them what they want. We are ceding the social space to bad people, because they have the most time, the least morals and ethics, and are skilled at relentlessly attacking and harassing their targets. It only takes few seconds for one person to type “fuck off” and hit send. That person probably doesn’t care and doesn’t think about how their one grain of sand quickly becomes a dune, with another person buried beneath it. That’s a huge problem that seems to be baked into social media, and I tried to mitigate it with a blocklist that I never intended to be problematic, but ultimately was. (And for what it’s worth, the part of me that wants to apologize to the people who ended up on it by mistake is overwhelmed by the part of me who was attacked really viciously by a lot of those people and feels like maybe blocking them wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.)
At the end of the day, I’m lucky and privileged as fuck. I can sign off from a website (or multiple websites), and go live my life with my amazing family and our dogs. I’m not a marginalized person who has to fight every moment of every day, just to live my life. So I’m keeping that in mind and keeping that perspective in my heart. Yes, the accusations and the big lie that took hold in remarkably short time about me is hurtful. Yes, it’s upsetting to know that there are a lot of people out there who have decided to take time out of their lives to actively hate me, without knowing anything about me other than a story they were told by someone else who doesn’t know me. But I can sign off and get away from it, so I will. And I will be grateful that I can.
Buuuuuuuuuut … I’m done with social media. Maybe I just don’t fit into whatever the social media world is. I mean, the people who are all over the various Mastodon instances made it really clear that I wasn’t welcome there (with a handful of notable, joyful, exceptions, mostly related to my first baby steps into painting), and it seems as if I was just unwelcome because … I’m me? I guess? Like, I know that I’m not a transphobe, but holy shit that lie just won’t die, and right now as I am writing this, someone at Mastodon is telling me that I am, because people said so, and I should apologize to them. I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that, when it happens over and over and over again? “You’ve been lied to about me. Please give me a chance” just doesn’t seem like a viable way forward with people who are, for whatever reason, very, very angry. And these people seem to have an idea of me in their head that doesn’t fit with the idea of myself that I have in my head. It’s honestly caused me to rethink a lot of stuff. Like, am I really the terrible person they say I am? I don’t think I am, but I’m doing my best to listen, and when I say, “please stop yelling at me and let’s have a conversation that I can grow from” I get yelled at for “tone policing” and honestly I just get exhausted and throw up my hands. Maybe I’m not this person they tell me I am, but I represent that person in their heads, and they treat me accordingly? This is one of those times when my mental illness makes it very hard for me to know what’s objective reality and what’s just in my head.
But I don’t deserve to be treated so terribly by so many random people, so I’m not going to put myself in a place where I am subjected to it all day long. As the saying goes, I’m too old for this shit. What we used to call microblogging isn’t worth the headache for me. I’m gonna focus my time and my energy on the things that I love, that make me happy, that support my family.
Please do your best to be kind, and make an effort to make the world less terrible. Thanks for listening.
Comments have been closed on this post.
Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I hope you still keep posting through your blog and Facebook. You always brighten my day ot make me feel like I’m connecting with someone who feels similar ways as myself. All the best.
You do as you need to, Wil.
Take care of yourself as best you can, okay?
Wil,
You absolutely do not deserve the shit that’s been thrown at you.
From my POV, you have always been positive and you bring joy to the people around you.
I don’t fully understand the need so many seem to have to tear others down, whether it’s celebrities or minorities.
I’ve had a positive experience on CoSo…but I’m not a celebrity.
Do what you need to, refill your batteries, spend time with loved ones, create.
We’ll miss you, but it’s your life — and you are almost certainly better off without social media.
— thanks for all you give,
a transgender fan
Glad you dropped that site and focused on the positives in your life. Life is too short to spend time at places that negative. I will keep reading your thoughts here. Always liked a small group of blogs better than social media anyway.
quite a few of us tried to be polite in our responses to you over there. I feel no need to be rude to someone I’ve never met, as I’d be hurt if someone did that to me. however, when people brought up their grievances to you – particularly your association with Chris Hardwick – you ignored them and blocked them. your apology seems hollow and disingenuous to those who wanted a dialogue.
look I like you! and I’ve taken a ridiculous beating for defending you if it helps. I don’t think you’re a bad person or a bad actor or anything other than a fellow human who’s followed a different path. I just think that people were upset that their space, the place they’d built to escape twitter harassment, was infiltrated by someone they saw as an antagonist.
I have made a choice not to speak publicly about the allegations against Chris, and quite frankly, I don’t have to. It’s my choice, and I don’t owe people who don’t even know me anything, no matter how loudly they demand it.
I’m sorry you have taken shit for speaking up for me; it’s probably not worth your time to do that.
In my best Admiral Akbar voice
It’s a trap!!!
Those that try and force you to conform to their views by “just needing to explain” or forcing you to try and justify your friendships like it’s any of their Fucking business. They get to feel all self righteous every time a good person apologizes for something that isn’t needing an apology or is coerced into explaining their existence…fuck that shit.
As a gay person I was in that mode for way too long…constantly explaining what, to me, was so simple…like getting married isn’t a big deal or anyone’s business…I’ve always admired that you’re unapologetically Wil…that part of you has really inspired so many of us…find that part of you again. You’re a fucking hero to a lot of people.
hey, thank you for the response! I wasn’t expecting it and I’m thankful for it.
truth be told, all of it is just exhausting. the way to help people learn and grow isn’t to browbeat them into submission, which is a lot of what keeps happening. I’m part of a marginalized community where a lot of people think it isn’t our job to educate others. and logically, it isn’t. but for a lot of people, it takes getting to know and listen to someone from my community or another one for a light to switch on and people to change their behavior. no good comes from a dogpile or lashing out at others. I’m guilty of responding to the POTUS in that manner (because it’s easy, he sucks, and he doesn’t care.)
this has gotten so long and I apologize. but I don’t think you deserve the harassment you get. you’re not the gatekeeper of other people doing crappy things, regardless of what other people think you should be. we’re all just us, with our own highs and lows, and it drives me nuts that we’re all too busy judging each other to work together.
Hear. Hear.
How is he an antagonist? By just existing? By going there for the same reason you did? Why does he have to answer to anyone’s grievances? Would you go up to him on the street or in a bar and say hey, I hate that you’re friends with Chris Hardwick! Wow that is some entitlement you have there. It is no one’s business who his friends are and certainly no one who he doesn’t know and doesn’t have a real name or face. What a bunch of babies.
Thanks for always being so candid on this blog. It means a lot. And thanks for being you, for sharing yourself in your writing, acting, and now in your painting! It’s been fun seeing your paintings over on Instagram. People can suck sometimes, but as the 21st century’s greatest philosopher once said, “Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate.”
I’ll say here what I said there in case you didn’t see it:
go ahead and bring your body and brain to the technology and network that is Mastodon. but i’d suggest doing so anonymously for a good long while. the mainstream games culture has harmed a lot of people over the years and you symbolize it, for better or worse. try doing an Adam Savage and show up to the party as not-yourself, to avoid undue hubbub and learn the ropes of this new place which we are taking great pains to prevent from becoming another hellsite.
Mastodon (the tech, network, and primary servers) is currently wrestling with how to deal with the inevitable flood of actual-nazis, trolls, “well actuallys”, celebrities, and general spam/abuse/brigading/Discourse/etc that makes Twitter such a horrible place to be. Right now the one-size-fits-all answer is, each instance admin decides what’s best for themselves and their users, and basically bans/mutes accordingly. It’s a very rough system and (much like IRC channels’ banhammer-happiness) can leave people feeling bad. We’re working on it. But in the meantime I do suggest operating psuedonymously. Otherwise it’s much like Patrick Stewart crashing an 11-year-old’s birthday party at their house: possibly appreciated, but must be approached with extreme delicacy in order to do more good than harm.
And this kind of shit is why I hate people. I have to deal with a slightly less worse version of this every day (I work for the IRS as a faceless phone monkey. I went to college for 6 years and two degrees, and I work a shit job that shouldn’t be worked by anyone over the age of 35, maybe.) and it only reinforces in me the fact that humans are 99.6% shit and that maybe we really should wipe ourselves out and start over. Power Armor sounds good right about now.
Of course, this, along with all my other issues, explains why I’m 42, poor, single, and working said shit job.
Really miss you on Twitter, Wil, but also totally understand. Just remember there are a bunch of us out here who like and appreciate you.
I wish Twitter was a better place. I will continue to enjoy reading your blog posts here and I still maintain the idea that it’s so very simple to be a decent human. Being a dick takes a lot of effort, so I’ll never understand the logic behind people being dicks.
Thank you Wil – thank you for putting yourself out there and taking the heat for so long, even though it hurt you to do so. Thank you for bringing so many issues, like mental health and depression, to peoples’ attention and making that discussion personal. Thank you for fighting against the evils of social injustice on a regular basis – misogyny, sexism, racism, and other “isms.” Thank you for punching Nazis. You have been an important and loud voice,
standing up for people who can’t stand up for themselves, standing up for people who don’t have a voice or are routinely ignored.
No one who has spent any time getting to know you would ever think that you had any bad thoughts toward any LGBTQ. I’m gay, I have trans friends. I don’t feel slighted because you didn’t mention us enough or a couple of us were on a block list. I signed up for the block list myself! Let’s face it, some of us queens are really obnoxious. I don’t believe any religion, but I believe that being kind is heavenly and protecting the weak is divine. You have done a lot of both: kindness and protecting the weak.
I’ve watched you on Twitter since around its inception – and I have admired you for almost that length of time. I’d been a fan since ST:NG, but I was never a consistent “follower,” and I hadn’t even read your blog until after I started reading your tweets on a regular basis. Then I found out how cool you were. And then you started fighting fascists. And you talked about your personal battles more. You gained my respect and even admiration.
Life is rough to begin with and we’ve made the world a less kind place, a less thoughtful place, a more selfish place. Wil, you can’t personally take everything on all the time no matter how much you want to. You don’t need to be perfect – you can’t be; and you can’t be everything to everyone. You can’t fight all the time – you’ll wear down like an old number 2 pencil, until there’s not much of you left, and what little is left isn’t any good to anyone. I find the loud and unrelenting voices of hate are difficult to listen to and fight even when their malevolence is not directly aimed at you – and they’re impossible to reason with.
Take care of you – protect yourself and your family. Unfortunately, there’s probably not a lot that any one of us can do to make your life better – except to let you know that we’re on your side, we value you and care about you, we enjoy hearing about your life and we feel like we’re right there with you, going through it with you on some level. And if there are times when some of us can’t quite empathize well or some of us don’t have the personal references to understand – we appreciate that you feel as you do, and we appreciate that you’re sharing it with us.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us, and once again: thank you for fighting for our better nature, equity, equality, humanity and compassion. Thank you!
We met once, in Sacramento, where I handed you a dollar because I read it in your book, and you said those were special dollars. It always touched me. I always admired Wesley for being a smart kid in charge of real important things, and as a smart kid myself, I knew that dream of just wanting to be trusted by the adults. I’ve followed your mental health struggles, finding sometimes that in your words was the sliver of hope I needed in my own raging maelstrom.
We all make mistakes, and it sucks when the world won’t give you a chance to show that you’ve learned from your mistakes. Sometimes it’s simply because people have been hurt so much that they refuse to trust that people can change. It’s not fair, and it’s not right, because everything I know about you, Wil, is that you’re such a thoughtful and empathetic person — traits that serve you well in your acting, your writing, and your other attempts at creativity.
My world would be worse without you in it. Maybe that’s all we have, lanterns of kindness in a cold, angry world. But it’s a start. I don’t know if this helps.
-kat
I was already burning out on Mastodon after two weeks because I could see it becoming Twitter lite at a rapid rate, but the shit with you was incomprehensible. I may just go back to my blog and email – I liked the Internet a lot better when that is what social media was, blogs and email.
I am sorry you have had this happen. Of all the people around, you’re the last person who would deserve such treatment. I keep thinking people are getting meaner, but then I’m an old geezer and it just seems like I’m shouting “get off my lawn!” Maybe I’m not… The main reason I follow Twitter is for your and Anne’s posts. Travel hat makes my day, even if it doesn’t make yours. Anyway, thanks for being a media light for this old lady. I enjoy your Bob Ross paintings on IG. I hope you continue sharing them!
I am so sorry to hear this. I suspect my own mental well-being will have me following you in the very near future. I’m not sure how I’ll keep up with world events but I’m not entirely sure I want to.
Warm regards and blessings to you and your delightful family.
I knew you left Twitter but I had no idea about the transphobe accusation. I think I’m missing something. If people were dogpiling on you about GamerGate and you blocked them because they were being assholes and some of them happened to be trans…how exactly is that your fault and how are they “innocents”. Did I read that wrong. I read it twice. Was the block list already in existence or was it started by you. Either way how are you supposed to know someone’s identity unless they tell you. And also if it weren’t such a sad accusation it would be funny. You’re not a hater, you go out of your way to be nice to people. You accept people, I think part of your anxiety is if you feel for a nanosecond that you’ve offended someone or hurt someone’s feelings or that someone thinks the wrong thing of you. You are not transphobic. You are not anything phobic except asshole phobics! I should give up Twitter but I’m addicted still.
Really grateful for what you’ve shared of yourself. I found you on Google Plus in the days you swore you’d never create a FB profile while I was searching for an alternative to FB. That was my reintroduction to you, and rekindled my fond memories of Gordy & Wesley. I was delighted that your growth/healing was something I was aspiring towards and really appreciated your humor to boot. I find myself quoting Wheaton’s Law to myself when the arses get unruly, and have another reason to be thankful. Be good to yourself and those that love you!
Wil, I hate you went through something like that. Please, please try to think of those people as the sad, miserable, and ‘least worth your time and attention’ idiots that they are until it becomes truth.
I’ve been reading the comments from others here, and as a depression sufferer myself, I concur with the benefits of dumping social media. I’ve been happier every single day without that poison. I hope you find the same peace.
Take care.
Social media is evil. I’m sorry Mastodon turned out to be even worse than the evil bird site.
These days the only place I talk online is metafilter.com (Scalzi would probably recommend?). They have mods and I haven’t had anything go to hell over there so far. Whew.
What you’ve been put through on social media is awful. I’m so sorry you are shit on for being a decent person. I’d say I’ll miss seeing you on social media, but I’ve been avoiding it for the most part, as I’m sure many are. Take care of yourself.
I don’t know what happened. It sounds like a nightmare. People will say things online they would never say face-to-face. It’s a very cowardly and inhuman way for people to vent their frustrations and anger against the world and it’s a non-physical assault with a weapon that does long term psychological damage. I am glad you are disconnecting from an unhealthy connection. It sounds like a very destructive and negative group and I’m glad you broke away from it.
I joined Mastodon mostly because of you. It’s really sad. More and more I’m coming to the same conclusion as you are. Social media sucks.
I’m sorry Wil. I’ll greatly miss you on social media but understand why you are taking action to protect yourself. No one deserves to take that kind of abuse. It isn’t healthy. I wish you and your family well.
P.S. The next time you decide to take Radio Free Burrito for a spin maybe you could interview that new children’s author I keep seeing such nice thing about, Anne something or another. I think she lives somewhere near you. 😉
You’re absolutely right, Wil. The world is a shithole. I started a fb page about five or six years ago called Still Waiting for the Second American Civil War. I use the hashtag of that quite a lot. It’s because I firmly believe that that’s what it’s going to take to restore some sanity to this nation. I would change it to StillWaitingfortheThirdWorldWar but to me that’s fairly obvious. If there’s a Second American Civil War, as disappointing as that might be to some, there might not be a third world war.
If I were you, I’d give Patrick Stewart a call, see if there’s room for you in the upcoming ST universe, and not worry about all of this, because, frankly, and sadly, I don’t think anything you or I do is going to change it. There’s too much momentum built up already.
Wil, I don’t blame you for one second for putting down the bag of horrifying bricks that social media has devolved into. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say Facebook and Twitter will suck even harder than they already do without you, but I get it. There’s not much redeeming about scrolling through a non-stop barrage of idiocy, hate and rage every day.
For what it’s worth, I do want to tell you that your work, your writing, and your words have meant a lot to way more people than just me over the years. I can’t tell you how many times I listened to a Nerdist Podcast you did a few years back and there was a bit where you were talking about parenting, and what you were trying to instill in your kids. “Everything worth doing is hard. Have your word mean more than your signature on a contract.” That stuck.
It’s not like you’re vanishing, and I’m looking forward to many more years of nerdy goodies from you, as I’m sure everyone else is to. But I am beyond sorry that you’ve been put in a position where you feel the only viable option is to withdraw like this. Hopefully it makes your life more peaceful and happier. You’ve certainly earned that.
And that mob of faceless shitheads? Fuck’em. We, and you, know better.
I followed you through wordpress and for the life of me cannot figure out how to unfollow! Sweet mercy, do you not even hear yourself? You’re every bit as bad as those you complain about, speak of others as badly as you claim to be spoken of…crap sakes man, you’re just more of the same toxic rant that I left twitter because of!
https://subscribe.wordpress.com/
Thank you so much, Darin for trying to keep. The problem I’m having is that only wordpress.com sites show up on my subscription page. Gavitar, .org etc, aren’t listed!.
Will has every right to vent, feel, be hypocritical, or even choose kindness and respect….its his blog. I simply dont want to read it. I could get all the negativity and name & blame on FB, twatter, the news. Trying to create my blog community of mutual respect and support beyond our differences.
You’re a good egg, Wil.
Social media is performing experiments into social psychology that even the social psychologists aren’t ready for.
As much as we’d like to say that humanity has surpassed its lizard brain heydays, the fact of the matter is that it hasn’t. There are hormones, chemicals, psycho-social functions, vestigial nodes, lobes and folds in our brains that simply haven’t been evolved away. These things force us — physiologically force us — to be our worst. We know that anonymity emboldens us to act in ways that would never happen if we knew we were being observed. We know that if given a choice between being equitable towards a group of “others” or screwing them over, we will choose to screw them over almost every time — even if it ultimately ends up worse for us as well.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. No matter how bad things seem, they are always getting better and Penn and Teller have the stats to prove it. The internet IS humanity. It only follows then that it will have all of the same monsters, demons, evils and suffering that humanity does. At the same time, it will also have all of the angels, miracles, beauty, and love as well. Every sin and every virtue is born of humanity. All we can do is our best to minimize the one while cultivating the other respectively.
It’s not going to happen without a fight. It’s not going to be easy. It will be a struggle waged moment by moment and in each one of these infinitesimal time frames we must remain vigilant with a single truth ringing in our ears:
“Don’t be a dick.”
I am very sorry to see you go and I’m ashamed of those users on Mastodon (and said so). That is not what Mastodon is supposed to be. There is a lot of users scolding the dog-pile and bully behavior. You are also missed.
I’m sorry you’ve gone through this. I’ve enjoyed your work for the past 25 years, and your social media presence since I joined nine years ago. I already miss your posts over on Twitter, but I definitely understand how you feel about it. [Luckily, it’s still a relatively positive experience for me, a “nobody” with just over 100 followers.]
Please savor your life with your true friends and family, and remember that #DepressionLies.
I’ve noticed that more sensible discussions tend to happen when folks actually meet and talk face to face. (OK, not always – as we saw at Charlottesville last year.)
Writing comments on twitter or YouTube or wherever is very impersonal. Part of the problem is people can post a bomb while cloaked in anonymity – crap they would never do in public. If there was an online forum site where you could only participate in live discussions, say about politics & other incendiary issues, with a live camera feed – so you could actually see everyone making the posts and they could see you – I wonder if things would be more civil.
Bravo, Applause, Ovation! what a role model showing people how to flish toxic people down the toilet with the rest of the asswipe without a second look back. My facebook is a joy because I clean house – and people dont even have to agree with me, they simply need to be respectful. The ONLY one who can be ruthless about my line is me! Wil I am 64 years old and you have ALWAYS been a hero to me – one of many. Your family too! Kepp the eyes looking forward! One step at a time! Hugs!
Hey Wil, with what happened today I’m guessing you’re not having a great time so this seems like a good time thank you for all the good you’ve done for those of us who also struggle with mental illness. As someone who’s lived with depression for two decades and chosen to be transparent about it for most of that time I’ve found your courage and your voice to be inspiring and meaningful to me, especially when things are rough. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and I just wanted to let you know if you’ve made a difference in my life and I’m grateful for what you’ve done.
It hurts my heart every time you post about people being dicks to you on the internet. Because your writing has been so helpful and inspirational to me. I think you have a gift, and wisdom beyond your years. And I’m so grateful that you’ve shared it with an audience over the years. I just want you to know that there are people out there on the internet who love you just the way you are. Who will miss you if you disappear, but also will totally understand that you don’t owe us anything.
internet hugs
Thanks for being you. You’re awesome.
It’s definitely not you, it’s them. I often wonder why there is so much hate and contempt in this world, and then I realize it’s because a lot of people just really suck butt.
Will,
I owe you an apology. Many many years ago, I was at a Con and a guy from Paramount announced that you were leaving Next Gen. I cheered. It’s important that you know that in a room full of hundreds of trekkers, only two of us cheered, but we were vocal enough that he admonished us by telling us you portrayed Gene Roddenberry’s favorite character. It was not that I thought you had done a bad job, in fact I thought you were doing as good a job as could be done, I just didn’t like the character. But you have been great, I have really enjoyed your work on Big Bang and have been a huge fan of the various things you’ve done on the net. You dindo owe us a social media presence. You’ve done more than your fair share in trying to make the future a civilized place for people to interact. We need you and people like you, but our need does not obligate you. You do not owe us your peace of mind or your time away from from your family. So, I’m really, really sorry I cheered that day. If it matters to you, many of us will have your back whichever way you turn, whether you choose to venture back out into the wasteland of social media in the Trump cult era or not.
Would it be possible for you to run your own Mastodon instance? That would let you set your own rules and have more control.
I could, but I don’t have the time to spend administering the instance, and it’s not important enough to me to pay someone else to do it for me. And the problem of people on other instances being horrible doesn’t go away just because I run my own, unfortunately. I think the lesson I’m getting from this is that ten or so years ago, this was something I enjoyed, and it’s not enjoyable any longer, so it’s best for me to find other uses for my time.
Y’know, about 90% of the reason I’m still on twitter is I have this addictive need to make sure everybody’s still talking about toxic bullshit all the time. Because I assume that if the world were literally ending right this minute, people would probably change the subject and talk about that instead, so as long as everything’s still toxic bullshit, we’re probably not imminently going to die.
I don’t think the hourly bullshit checks are all that great for my mental health, though. I just haven’t figured out how to stop yet. Good for you for managing it.
Damn. I’m really sorry you went through that, Wil. People just can’t give this shit up, can they?
I know, for a fact – simply by reading your posts here, and seeing how you interacted with people on Twitter – that you are a good person… no… an AMAZING person. You and Anne and Ryan and Nolan and the dogs. You’re all awesome.
For what it’s worth, I can empathize, at least a bit, with what you went through. I’ve gone through something similar… not on any modern social media platform, but a discussion forum I used to be a fairly active member on, years ago. It wasn’t anything like what’s going on now, but it really sucked to get driven out of what was my main source of social interaction at the time.
What really bothers me about social media today is this pervasive attitude that people just CANNOT change their mind. Once they’ve formulated an opinion about someone or something, they can’t change it. If they do, their entire world will fall to pieces, I guess. It’s just impossible for them to step back and reconsider.
Like, what you said about the people saying your apology or explanation wasn’t good enough or sincere enough… what WOULD be good enough? I mean, what do these people actually expect? I can’t see them actually knowing what it would take. I don’t think they’ve even thought that far ahead. They can’t possibly even approach the idea that they might be wrong, so their brain is completely unable/unwilling to accept any explanation. sigh
I hear you, even though I wouldn’t touch Twitter with a 20 foot pole. I look at Facebook and wonder what the majority of the people I see posting their vitriol did before social media. There is one group I frequent because they are tightly administrated and the rules of the group are pinned at the top of the thread for everyone to see. More than one person has posted about the shear pleasure of being able to be in that group as opposed to what is faced elsewhere.
While the ugly behavior is not new, I have to admit I am a bit bewildered by the amount of growth we have seen in only a few months. It seems that the need to be hateful and ugly toward someone – usually someone that the writer has never met – out weighs simple common courtesy.
Frankly, I don’t get it. The complainers (i.e. posters of the ugly commentary) complain that they aren’t being heard, but when they are approached by someone with the intention of making an effort to listen, they refuse and complain even more. Self defeating? Yep.
For those of us who just want to have a decent conversation with another Human Being, it feels as if the options are fading away. I have to wonder what would happen if the only folks left on social media were the folks who created the ugly environment driving everyone else away. Would there become a time when the platform would implode?
As for the impressions / opinions others have of us – any of us – we have no control over that. Not fair, especially when we have no way to justify or defend ourselves.
I know for myself, I need to remove myself from the hateful and ugly as it is contagious. I think you have also discovered that yourself. It is a sad state of affairs, but a necessary one.
I think it’s horrible that you get so much grief and, frankly, I don’t understand. Going back to your time on Star Trek, I never had any problem with your character and it’s confusing to me that some people did. Now this! The Internet is great in some ways, but it’s also very toxic. I think you did the right thing getting away from all of it. The abuse is disgusting and I’m sure you have much better ways to spend your time. Just know that a lot of us appreciate you!
“yeah the blocklist was transphobic, but ‘those people’ deserved it.”
‘those people’ were trans people who you helped block from progressive and nerd circles because you promoted a transphobe.
Maybe when trans people tell you something is wrong, you should listen to them instead of crying about how you can’t possibly be transphobic. You’ll probably just delete this comment instead of thinking about it.
I don’t know how many more ways I can say this: I did not know it had a lot of trans people on the list when I began using it (and I had to use it to make Twitter bearable.) When I found out that there were a lot of trans people on the list, I publicly stated many times, that I’d take them off the list that I used, and I did that, a lot. When I found out that there were still people on the list who probably didn’t deserve to be there, I discontinued sharing the list.
And now I’m mad. I’m not fucking transphobic because I won’t jump when you tell me to to jump, and then ask you if I jumped high enough.
I met you at Planet Comicon in Kansas City like 3 years ago (?). I was carrying a bag that said “Got Equal Rights?” You asked me about it and I explained that it came from the National Equality March on Washington in 2009, and that I was studying to be a psychologist to help LGBTQ+ people like me. You were so kind, caring, and genuine with your praise of my causes that it made me cry (and incidentally forget the question I’d waited in line an hour to ask). I have told many people of your response to me that day, and you remain my favorite in many things! Try not to let the haters get you down!
All of the hugs. You, just being you, and sharing the things you create, has made my life better, has made me less afraid of my depression and anxiety, has made my life better. Thank you for everything 🙂
You carry too much of the weight of the world on your shoulders Wil 🙂
In your heart you are a good person.
I’ve been following you on and off for years and I’ve only ever seen a person who wants to do good and foster that same goodness in others.
It doesn’t matter when you don’t always get it right because you keep trying. At the end of the day all you can do when you make a mistake is say that you’re sorry, you got it wrong. And you do. I am so proud of your acts of public vulnerability. All you have to do is look through the comments on your blog to see that you’re reaching people. Listen to us. We are the ones who are resonating with you.
You are one person and one person can only do so much or be so much without making compromises to who they are.
I don’t think there is a technology capable of improving humanity on a broad scale. I believe all we can do is try to foster goodness in the interactions we have with each other individually or in small groups; little ripples of kindness. No one voice should be as loud as social media has enabled.
If you ever find yourself in Australia and want to see what things are like outside of a capital city, let me know. I’d love to tell you you’re a good person face to face.
I’m sorry about all of the Biff Tanner’s in the world.
Last year at the CCEE, I saw you again, and it was fun showing off my Mr. Canoehead costume, okay hat, 😉 but still. It was amazing bowing to you after you recognized a Dr. Demento character created from a Canadian sketch comedy group, but “You, got a gift, yes you do!”
Being asked for a photo from Jim Zub, for his brother was a little on the surreal side, and very cool!
I’m hoping Michael J. Fox will be feeling well enough to come to Calgary next Spring. If so, I will Cosplay as HIM! I think it should be easy for me to pull together a “Sack of Hammers”. 😉 When he mentioned that he had Parkinson’s, he started using that phrase more publicly, and I think that’s really inspiring.
Also I wrote something I’m kind of proud of.
It’s a “What If?” for the show The Orville. I put it on subreddit, and got a modest amount of likes, and a few replies, all of them cordial. Check it out!
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheOrville/comments/9b3yv3/is_this_to_much_meta_for_the_orville_to_handle_a/?st=JLFSGBKL&sh=42976922
Also, please thank your wife again for me. My friends daughter is loving her book, and after four days walking on those cement floors, only a massage was able to take the pain away. Thankfully, like Jesus, my friend was able to heal my pain.
I hope everything else is okay in your life. 🙂
I remember the early days of the ‘net, pre-graphical browsers where images were only available by FTP and people hung out on usenet (yes, I’m dating myself). I started hanging out on the rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5 newsgroup ’cause, hey Joe was there! It didn’t take long before the trolls started taking over, starting flame wars right and left. As much as we tried to get people to ignore the trolls, it never worked. Eventually, we had to create the rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated group, not only to prevent the trolls from taking over but also to protect Joe from story ideas (I even helped write the original Story Idea FAQ for the group). It was the saving grace for hanging out on the group. We had a great team of moderators who did their best to minimize the impact on the free exchange of ideas, but there were, inevitably a few folks who refused to play by the rules.
Unfortunately, that seems to go with the anonymous nature of the ‘net. People like to sit in their mom’s basements wearing three week old undies, and causing as much chaos as possible. They behave much worse online than they ever would in real life.
Even without the target of being a celebrity online, I have my limits, too. I find if I’m getting too stressed, that I’ll stay off of FB and Twitter and just enjoy the kitty pics on Instagram. I did have to create a “dummy” FB account that has no friends and only “likes” animal related groups because I maintain the FB account for a non-profit, low cost spay/neuter clinic and I need to monitor and post to their FB page. My presence on Twitter goes in fits and spurts. I was almost never on it before the election, but after hearing how much it had been used to spread misinformation and the fact that the Cheeto-Faced Shitgibbon in the White House loves to spend time on there, I started using it more to increase the voice of the Resistance and to troll the Tweeter-In-Chief. Being a celebrity, you are going to have a target painted on your back in a way I am unlikely to ever experience.
For years I made a point of trying to keep a low profile. Before caller ID when I got my first phone number, I discovered that having my first name published in the phone book was a magnet for obscene phone callers. So I had my listing changed to just my first initial (J) and last name so people couldn’t automatically tell what gender I was. As soon as I did, the obscene phone calls stopped. I did the same thing when I started hanging out in usenet, hiding my gender by not including my full first name (though if you took the time to read my posts, after a while, it would be pretty clear I’m female). In fact, it led to a rather funny encounter with Joe Straczynski. I met him after the first season of Babylon 5 at the Chicago Comicon. Since I knew folks online wouldn’t recognize my name, I created my own badge that had my first and last name and the email address I used online. Joe looks up from signing a book, sees my badge and says, “Oh! The “J” stands for Jan. I thought you were man!” I still get a chuckle out of that.
The fact that you’re willing to consider whether there might be some truth to what they say about you and that you’ve not only recognized that some mistakes were made but took steps to rectify it is a good sign that you’ve got your head screwed on straight. There’s nothing you can do to stop the rabid hoards who love to rip people a new one online but tend to be pretty spineless IRL. As my father used to say, “Ignore them and treat them with contempt.” They aren’t worth stressing out about.
Wil, I’m so sorry that the trolls are taking over sites other then Twit. At least with Facebook you can (sometimes) get people banned and reported, but even on FB you have to deal with idiots. Please know that other good people are leaving these toxic sites and refusing to feed the hate. You matter, Wil.
I’ll miss your posts on all the various platforms, but your health and well-being is way more important than serving content to be dissected. Before you go, I hope that you know you’ve personally inspired me through our brief interactions in meatspace and online to make art, get help with my own mental health, cook bacon, play more games, and be a better, kinder person. You are not remotely a terrible person, and the world is brighter with you in it.
I might not agree with some of the stances you take politically, but I’ve always thought you were a cool and good person. It upsets me that the hate online has yet gotten to another good soul, but in the end, maybe it was a good thing that you could walk away from it all.
Good luck!