As most of you know, I deactivated my Twitter account earlier this month. It had been a long time coming, for a whole host of reasons, but Twitter’s decision to be the only social network that gives Alex Jones a platform to spew hate, hurt innocent people, and incite violence was the final straw for me. But I haven’t regretted leaving for even one second. Having that endless stream of hate and anger and negativity in my pocket wasn’t good for me (and I don’t think it’s good for anyone, to be honest).
I was on Twitter from just about the very beginning. I think I’m in the first couple thousand accounts. I remember when it was a smallish group of people who wanted to have fun, make jokes, share information and tips on stuff that was interesting, and oh so many pictures of our pets. It was awesome.
It started to get toxic slowly at first, then all at once, starting with the misogynist dipshits who were behing the gate-which-shall-not-be-named. That was clearly a turning point for Twitter, and it never really recovered from it. I watched, in real time, as the site I loved turned into a right wing talk radio shouting match that made YouTube comments and CSPAN call-ins seem scholarly. We tried for a couple of years to fight back, to encourage Twitter to take a stand against bad actors (HA HA LIKE ME BECAUSE I AM A BAD ACTOR RIGHT YOU GOT ME HA HA HA). Twitter doesn’t care about how its users are affected by themselves, though. Twitter cares about growth and staying on the good side of President Shitler’s tantrums.
I mean, honestly, the most lucid and concise indictment I can give Twitter is: it’s the service that Donald Trump uses to communicate with and incite his cultists.
Anyway, enough about how terrible Twitter is. We all know how terrible it is. That’s never going to change, by the way.I know some very good people who are working on making Twitter better, but I honestly don’t think they can overcome the institutional inertia that has allowed it to get to the point its at now. It may get incrementally better, but the fundamental problem of random, mostly-anonymous people being terrible isn’t going to change, because that’s not a Twitter problem. That’s a humanity — and specifically a social media — problem.
I thought that if I left Twitter, I could find a new social network that would give it some competition (Twitter’s monopoly on the social space is a big reason it can ignore people who are abused and harassed, while punishing people for reporting their attackers), so I fired up this account I made at Mastodon a long time ago.
I thought I’d find something different. I thought I’d find a smaller community that was more like Twitter was way back in 2008 or 2009. Cat pictures! Jokes! Links to interesting things that we found in the backwaters of the internet! Interaction with friends we just haven’t met, yet! What I found was … not that.
I found a harsh reality that I’m still trying to process: thousands of people who don’t know me, who have never interacted with me, who internalized a series of lies about me, who were never willing to give me a chance. I was harassed from the minute I made my account, and though I expected the “shut up wesley”s and “go fuck yourself”s to taper off after a day or so, it never did. And even though I never broke any rules on the server I joined (Mastodon is individual “instances” which is like a server, which connects to the “federated timeline”, which is what all the other servers are), one of its admins told me they were suspending my account, because they got 60 (!) reports overnight about my account, and they didn’t want to deal with the drama.
I respect and support that person’s decision, because it’s a private server and it’s run with their time, energy, attention, and (presumably) money. I don’t agree with it at all, and I think it’s deeply unfair, as well as rewarding abuse of a reporting system that’s meant to protect users, but it’s their site and it’s their rules, and I can’t say I blame them. The people going after me were pretty awful, and I can only imagine that an admin would get fed up with them, too.
I want to share the message I posted there when I left (Twitter is called ‘birdsite’ on Mastodon):
I have been notified by an Admin here that they are getting 60 reports a day about my account. As far as I can tell, I’m not breaking any rules, and I’ve done my best to be a good person here. But this admin is going to suspend my account.
It’s the Admin’s instance, so I fully support their choice to eliminate a source of frustration, but something to consider: a person who is doing nothing wrong can be run off one instance by a mob from another instance. That seems … not cool. 1/x
But it’s been made very, very clear to me that I am not welcome in the Fediverse, and I hear you. I hoped to find an alternative to the birdsite where I could find the same fun community that existed over there in the beginning, and it’s clear to me that I won’t be finding that. Before I leave, I want to just make something very clear, because I’ve spent most of my life being yelled at by people who don’t know me at all, and I want the record to be clear. 2/x
During GamerGate, I was dogpiled and mobbed and brigaded and attacked by thousands of accounts. I started using a blocklist that was supposed to help stop that. I did not know that the blocklist I signed up for also had a lot of trans women on it. When I found out, I did everything I could to remove those women from the list I shared. When there were still innocents on the list, I stopped sharing the list entirely. Despite this, a mob has decided that I’m anti-trans. 3/x
This lie that I am anti-trans, or anti-LGBQ, is deeply hurtful to me (I know it’s nothing like the pain LGBTQ people deal with every day, as they simply try to *exist* in a world that treats them so badly, but it is still hurtful in its own way to me). I just want to make it extremely clear: that is a lie, and the people spreading it are misinformed.
So I’m leaving the Fediverse, which has treated me with more cruelty, vitriol, hatred, and contempt than than anyone on the birdsite ever did. 4/x
Anyway, take your victory lap and collect your prizes. You’ve made it clear that I’m not welcome here, and even though I disagree with the action this Admin is taking (banning me when I didn’t break any rules doesn’t seem right), I respect and support the Admin’s decision to run their instance the way they see fit.
Please do your very best to be kind to each other. The world is a terrible place right now, and that’s largely because it is what we make it.
Bye.
6/end
This isn’t limited to Mastodon.cloud (the worst attacks and dogpiling came from a few other instances before the instance I was on became awful) and it isn’t limited to Twitter.com. I see this in the online space all the time now: mobs of people, acting in bad faith, can make people they don’t know and will likely never meet miserable, or even try to ruin their lives and careers (look at what they did to James Gunn). And those mobs’ bad behaviors are continually rewarded, because it’s honestly easier to just give them what they want. We are ceding the social space to bad people, because they have the most time, the least morals and ethics, and are skilled at relentlessly attacking and harassing their targets. It only takes few seconds for one person to type “fuck off” and hit send. That person probably doesn’t care and doesn’t think about how their one grain of sand quickly becomes a dune, with another person buried beneath it. That’s a huge problem that seems to be baked into social media, and I tried to mitigate it with a blocklist that I never intended to be problematic, but ultimately was. (And for what it’s worth, the part of me that wants to apologize to the people who ended up on it by mistake is overwhelmed by the part of me who was attacked really viciously by a lot of those people and feels like maybe blocking them wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.)
At the end of the day, I’m lucky and privileged as fuck. I can sign off from a website (or multiple websites), and go live my life with my amazing family and our dogs. I’m not a marginalized person who has to fight every moment of every day, just to live my life. So I’m keeping that in mind and keeping that perspective in my heart. Yes, the accusations and the big lie that took hold in remarkably short time about me is hurtful. Yes, it’s upsetting to know that there are a lot of people out there who have decided to take time out of their lives to actively hate me, without knowing anything about me other than a story they were told by someone else who doesn’t know me. But I can sign off and get away from it, so I will. And I will be grateful that I can.
Buuuuuuuuuut … I’m done with social media. Maybe I just don’t fit into whatever the social media world is. I mean, the people who are all over the various Mastodon instances made it really clear that I wasn’t welcome there (with a handful of notable, joyful, exceptions, mostly related to my first baby steps into painting), and it seems as if I was just unwelcome because … I’m me? I guess? Like, I know that I’m not a transphobe, but holy shit that lie just won’t die, and right now as I am writing this, someone at Mastodon is telling me that I am, because people said so, and I should apologize to them. I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that, when it happens over and over and over again? “You’ve been lied to about me. Please give me a chance” just doesn’t seem like a viable way forward with people who are, for whatever reason, very, very angry. And these people seem to have an idea of me in their head that doesn’t fit with the idea of myself that I have in my head. It’s honestly caused me to rethink a lot of stuff. Like, am I really the terrible person they say I am? I don’t think I am, but I’m doing my best to listen, and when I say, “please stop yelling at me and let’s have a conversation that I can grow from” I get yelled at for “tone policing” and honestly I just get exhausted and throw up my hands. Maybe I’m not this person they tell me I am, but I represent that person in their heads, and they treat me accordingly? This is one of those times when my mental illness makes it very hard for me to know what’s objective reality and what’s just in my head.
But I don’t deserve to be treated so terribly by so many random people, so I’m not going to put myself in a place where I am subjected to it all day long. As the saying goes, I’m too old for this shit. What we used to call microblogging isn’t worth the headache for me. I’m gonna focus my time and my energy on the things that I love, that make me happy, that support my family.
Please do your best to be kind, and make an effort to make the world less terrible. Thanks for listening.
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I love the picture of Marlowe, but I hate that you have had jerks ruin what should have been a fun time with a few laughs. I as well have left the “birdsite” for the same reason. I went so far as to use a name that doesn’t indicate gender but I have had nasty sexist abuse, name-calling, and childish harassment for daring to express an unpopular opinion. For daring to be a woman playing video games.
I enjoy your blog and I love your work. I respect you very much for your honesty about this as well as other issues you have in your life. I hope you stick around Facebook and the other places you hang out.
Thanks!
I have a dream of a sea monkey world where nice people can hang out together and pretend this shit isn’t happening. Of course it will never happen – and probably shouldn’t – but it’s a nice thought.
Social media is an awful place, at this blog at least we all love and support you! I would suggest patreon, I have heard everyone who uses it feels really supported and connected by their patrons. And I mean, who would pay someone monthly just to come in and flame them? Its a great gatekeeper.
I think you are making the right decision, it isn’t worth being on social media for a lot of people, you should focus on what is healthy for you! Hope you feel better and less disappointed in the bad people that roam the internet! They really aren’t worth the neurons that fire to register them.
Are you on WordPress.com or .org? If you are .org you can create your own social media site with BuddyPress…you do have to have your own hosting account though rather than using a website builder like Wix…We have a great one over here in the UK I have used since 2006… Heart Internet… have a look into it and if you need help just ask 🙂 although I am sure you know all about it but it is just an idea 🙂
With twitter I use Tweetdeck where you can have columns with different lists showing…I never read my actual timeline… I have one for music, showbiz, travel, info etc… means I can filter out all the crap!
Hugs
I’m just reading Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier at the moment and salut you to your action. The reasons may be others and I am really sorry about that, but maybe it’s for the best. I’m thinking about it too.
I’m so sad to hear you’ve been given such grief over merely existing somewhere! What a mess. I follow you on Instagram and I love seeing your paintings 🙂
Now you know what every person you’ve ever accused of being a “nazi” feels like. Now you know how much hate there is on the left, and how much is a reflection of the hatred YOU created, fostered. You helped create this mess, Mastodon was a mirror reflecting your own intolerance back at you.
You can’t even get past that. Look at this post. “President Shitler”, attacking Alex Jones while complaining about the treatment of James Gunn.
You are not a good person, despite how many sycophants here are lining up to tell you that. If you were a good person, you would practice what you preach, and not attack others constantly. You wouldn’t have thrown your temper tantrum and left Twitter under the DEMAND that they act with hostility against someone else. Literally what you are crying happened to you right now. “I didn’t break their rules but they ganged up on me, WHY DIDN’T ALEX JONES GET REMOVED WHEN WE GANGED UP ON HIM?”
Take this time to self reflect, Mr. Wheaton. Take this time to realize just how you treat others. Take this time to realize that this is the world not others, but YOU created, and what action YOU PERSONALLY should take to try to walk back from it.
You are the one who is not a good person……..
social-media has died.
there are a few civilised pockets left but the majority is anti-social-media now, fueled by few bottom feeders, pathological beings which spill hate at anything they dislike and a cohort of mindless yes-sayers. Extremism of any kind is dangerous and decent human beings get wiped out in-between.
I completely understand your position on social media and I’m sorry people are dicks. The small happy places I’ve found on the internet are all Facebook groups right now. And Facebook is very committed to protecting and supporting Groups, FWIW. Maybe you will find the happy place again, but if not, enjoy real life! 🙂
I’ll be honest with you: when I was watching the teenage Wesley on TV (I’m about five years younger than you), I considered him goofy, and mildly irritating, and that – fed with comments from the outside – turned me against the person behind that character.
You turned out great. I’m happy to see you succeed, and want you to have a happy life. I’m sad to see you go, but you do you.
I thing you got it right, btw. We DO work against ourselves here, even if maybe not all of us.
Should you ever want to return to the FediVerse, I’d recommend you to do so on your own instance (friendsofwilw.social? 😉 it’s rather easy, there are even automated hosters where you can just click an instance). On this instance, the admin can simply ignore any reports on you completely, letting them scream into the void. Instances that don’t want to read you collectively they can block your instance and thus self-censor themselves, who cares.
Your voice would do the world good in a larger context.
But – you do you 🙂
Peace and – life long and prosper!
count
Wil was the first celebrity I ever ‘followed’ online. Way back in ’96, one of the first things I discovered on this crazy Internet thing was that the actor who played the cool kid from TNG (Wes grew up on the bridge of a Galaxy Class Enterprise, you guys!) was posting interesting stuff about his life. It was probably the first time I realised that celebrities were also people and could be relatable on a personal level. For me, he has always been the prototypical ‘positive personality on the internet.’ Not because he only posted happy things that polished up his life, but because he was honest and kind. Wil is a great role model online and has definitely had a positive effect on my life and countless others. It makes me sad that the Internet of ’96 is so different from what it is today. There was so much more room for the ‘Wils’ of the Internet then. Even if they are being diluted by the proverbial ‘dicks,’ I feel certain they are still out there. Perhaps the Internet just needs a better model for letting them connect. Either way, I have always appreciated Wil (a human being I do not know and have never met) and I’m glad he has positively influenced my life.
Hey Wil, you’re one of the good guys, don’t ever doubt yourself. The world truly is a terrible place right now and the hate spewing forth from social media is overtaking us all. Take care, you don’t owe any of us anything. xx
Social media lies…
Don’t pay it any attention.
Except for right now… it’s not lying right now…
Don’t pay it any attention, except for right now when I tell you not to listen to that other social media that’s lying…
I really appreciate the work you do and I’ve really enjoyed following you on Facebook.
I hope we all find a better way to do this social thing… both the real world stuff and the digital (which is also still real) world stuff…
waves And take good care… 🙂
Really sorry Wil , I’ve always thought you are super cool because your not like those fools. You actually care about how you interact with people and that really matters in this world ,especially right now. Take it from a 42y/o combat medic ,people suck. Right after I got overseas I knew the world is a terrible place. That’s why I seek out people like you, people that care. Hang in there, I know you’ll do what’s best .
Your friend Always, Troy .
Thank you for posting , glad to hear from you, Please do not pay attention to the small minded people that do not know what they are talking about. They are so easily drawn into the cesspool of haters. I don’t dislike them , Feel sorry for them . They can’t think for themselves.
You keep being you . Love reading your blogs !
What an atrocious situation. I know that even from what I see on even my limited social media circus, it’s easy to think the world is sliding into a pile of something Marlow might emit at the end of a good walk. Certainly the last few years have revealed the breadth of extreme vileness that has seemingly lurked beneath us all the time we thought the world was getting better. But I know dozens of great people, and I choose to hope that their children are going to fix this mess one way or another. Good luck Wil, and your blog will always be a safe place to post whatever you like!
Sad to hear that, but i don’t wonder too much.
I think that most of social media is just fucked up. In the beginning the smart people used it, but now, as it has become a thing for the masses, especially the not so smart, simple minded people who seem theirelfs in anonymity out there are the majority or at least the ones who talk the loudest (which they most probably don’t do in real life, at least most of them anyways).
Just leave it. Life the real life. And when it comes to work, which may include posting a cool video on youtube for example, ignore the comments as far as possible. Ahh, and don’t ever stop bloggin 🙂 The old skool way of social media.
Like said from others here, social media is a awfull place to be nowadays. And the social is only left in the name. Just call it mass media, which allways comes with such flavours.
Will, I only know you through your work and your posts but the picture that I get is of a decent guy that I would like to have a beer with some day. Nothing that I have ever seen from you deserves criticism (and yes, I am including Star Trek where you did a very decent job with the character). I will look forward to seeing you post here and I will continue to enjoy your work, especially your voice artist work which I consider to be gifted.
Thank you for being a voice of reason in a world where that is a rarity.
Of all the filters on all the social media sites, there is 1 fundamental one missing from them all!
A morals filter!
People believe they can write what the hell they like without consequence.
Sorry you go through so much shit.
Sorry people take the easy option and deactivate 1 account instead of 60.
But most of all, I’m sorry we don’t have a social media site that has a morals filter, where people can’t just post shite without consequence!
Left wing extremists are just as toxic as right wing extremists, and the worst part is that they are damn hypocritical about it. No one has a right to be rude. It doesn’t matter how shitty the world seems to treats you or people like you, or what minority you are a part of, none of that gives a person the right to be so damn rude to an individual, especially when they have done nothing to you!
Perhaps Discord could be better. You’d just have to find one that fits you.
Please try not to let the abundance of arseholes distract you from everyone who appreciates you. I know how difficult that can be, especially when arseholes are some of the loudest people out there. Perhaps we should take this as a call to arms to flood the internet with loud love.
I am always amazed when I read such stories. This is exactly why I have reduced my online interactions to my private FB account and the friends linked to it + instagram, which is not that bad, at least the accounts I am following do not seem to be the target of such hate.
I am really sorry for you. I have been reading your blog for about 2 years and you sound to me like a pretty decent person, the kind I wish there were more into this world, the kind I like to have around me in my private life.
I think you are right to preserve yourself.
I have lost friends because of words that were not pronounced in the real word (facebook, text messages) and I now keep one thing in mind: what’s truly real is what happens in the real world out there: meeting new people, having conversations without end with friends, taking care of my loved ones. If the trolls want to make the internet an awful place, just remind them that without said internet, most of the time, they are just a bunch if frustrated and unassuming people that would not b able to utter a single world IRL.
Thanks for all your words, you’re definitely a voice to be heard so please do not stop talking/writing.
Wil,
Firstly I must admit I don’t follow you on Twitter (well I do but I don’t really read Twitter, too much life to live etc). I have however followed this blog since the early days. Initially it was because I was intrigued by the real Wil, as my only experience of you was from a persona portrayed in ST:TNG. But I then read your blog (and your autobiography) and felt a connection, well as much as you can have with someone you don’t personally know via text on a computer screen.
Like you, I had married a lady with children from a previous marriage – so I was suddenly (well ish) a father. Like you, I have an interest in techy stuff (I am an Engineer) – although I have never understood the fascination with Apple stuff. 🙂
Like you, I had a great love of poker – indeed I played in many of your home games on Pokerstars.
Over the years, some of these connections have varied or changed. Others have been created. I suffered a breakdown, due to the pressures from work and working away from my family (2 further children had joined the horde by then) but managed to get through it with the loving support of my wife. My love of poker waned but I still very occasionally play. I then lost my wife to the cruelness that is Cancer and suffered another bout of depression, which this time I made it through with the support from the counselling services of our local hospice. Then I was fortunate enough to find another woman that was willing to share their life with me….and gained another child. We get married next year. I am still a techy though. 🙂
During this time, I have continued to enjoy your creative output. Especially this blog but also Tabletop (much loved in our house and has introduced my family to gaming, we were playing Carcassonne and Zombie Dice on holiday in Spain last month) and your guest appearances in The Big Bang Theory. I hope that getting away from the shit-storm that Social Media seems to be, will give you more time to work on the creative things that give you the most joy. Hopefully this will include this blog but I am looking forward to your novel.
So to close this rather long comment, I thought I would close with a recent conversation I had with my youngest daughter. She is 16 now (where did that time go!!!) and has never seen ST:TNG or Stand By Me (even with constant nudges from myself) but is a fan of Big Bang and an avid viewer of Tabletop:
Me: “Wil Wheaton and Mark Hamill are both in the last episode of this season’s Big Bang. Look he has posted a picture of them together”.
Shows daughter picture from this blog
Daughter: “GREAT! I love Wil Wheaton!”
Will, I have been going to SDCC for 15 years. When people ask me about my favorite experiences over the years, one involving you is always in my top 3. Several years ago, I was lucky enough to not only be in Hall H for the Con Man panel, but up front so I could actually see everyone. It would have been good enough to land in top 3 just for the moment when we all spontaneously serenaded you with Stand By Me. However, the moment that still moves me, the reason it stays with me is the beautiful marriage proposal that happened on stage. When the crew member in question proposed to his boyfriend, you happened to be standing right behind them. Your face crumbled into teas of honest joy. It was a beautiful moment and unforgettable. I don’t know you. Just another fan of the King of the Nerds. But I saw everything I needed to know about the kind of human being you are that day because I saw the love on your face. It’s incredibly sad that we are in this place where people do not make decisions based on facts. They do not make decisions based on what they actually see and hear. They make decisions based on mob mentality and I become more frightened every day.
My daughter is turning 12 next month, and because she needs it now for school, she is getting a cell phone and service. I have managed to keep her off social media thus far. The single scariest thing to navigate these days, as a parent, is allowing my children to use social media and keep them safe from the bile.
Maybe instead of trying to fit in with what exists, it should time for a new platform. And maybe the King of the Nerds shoulld lead us to a new frontier.
To be honest, you were the third person I followed on twitter.
I consider myself a quiet fan. One who sits in the back and is grateful to be in the same room. I worry none of my opinions matter. I see the room burn with rage and look for an exit I can hold open for anyone who needs out.
Social media is not a place for the good to thrive. It’s strange, how many people I admire get shouted down by social media.
But, if I think about it, it shouldn’t surprise me. The people I don’t admire in real life, thrive in social settings I would never attend. It doesn’t surprise me that once they got a foothold in social media platforms, I felt less comfortable.
I hope that you don’t mind a few of us, happy to be the room, follow you these brighter places.
Doesn’t matter who you are, no one should be treated like a dick. Sorry you had a rough time there.
For what it’s worth, I hadn’t heard about any of this and just did a shallow dive through the Mastodon and Twitter dramas. It sounds really painful and unpleasant and I’m sorry you had to go through it (although yes, many many other people endure far far worse, far more regularly … that’s a tragic given).
Whatever deeper levels of stuff might be going on there, I am unaware of them and I think your words here were good words. People need to think more, and hate less.
Love your work, sir. Go chase joy with your family.
The impression in general I’m getting as a transgender Mastodon user myself (who was never on Twitter and missed earlier drama) comes to: the people most incensed are the ones who refuse to move on from a few sticking points in Wil’s past and won’t move forward unless he publicly apologizes for them. And then still want him to leave.
I don’t think Wil always traverses the fire particularly gracefully, but I think largely he shouldn’t have to. The only reason this is even an issue is because he’s a celebrity. Being a celebrity means no one ever forgets your mistakes and lets you grow as a person without harassment.
I have friends on masto on both sides of the discourse and honestly the people saying “passing judgement on someone and harassing them isn’t ok” sound more reasonable in this case than the mindless, no effort, calling for blood dogpiling I’m seeing from other users. The best arguments I’ve seen for that side consist of a fear of celebrity being handled differently than the average user, and a fear of a culture shift, but honestly in pushing those fears, they have actually brought both of those things to reality.
Yes the level of toxicity has risen. I am sorry beyond words for all those that it has stifled, and even more sorry for those of us left trying to offset the muck.
No you don’t know me and I have never been lucky enough to meet you in person. But I have followed you on Twitter since I first logged in and thus found your blog and realized what a warm and sensitive person was behind the character I didn’t like on STNG. I have bought your books and will continue to be a fan wherever it is that you choose to appear.
Stay cool, Wil, and know that your sense of humor and perspective are always missed when they are withdrawn.
I’m a single human. I know your face because you are the actor that plays a role in a tv show I have watched in my youth. I did not know you as a person. But I like what you have shared with the world. From what you shared you would not outstand as one of my RL friends, just one of many.
It has hurt me what had been written on Mastodon in the near past. It hurts that those speaking loud and unreflected are seen as ‘normal’. Please take this as whistle to let you know – you are not alone. Move on. Others are out.
Should we ever meet somewhere, I owe you a beer.
Will I watched throughout the night and day as the mob chased you off from instance to instance making sure no server would be safe for you.
Seems toxicity has nothing to do with corporations profiting off our data. Communal spaces can bewill be juts as vile.
Maybe a decentralized and not a federated web is the better approach. Don’t rely on Twitter or Mastodon to curate community.
Build it from your own blog, use #IndieWeb tool to curate your own space.
Nobody kicks you from your own server.
I’m sorry that you had these bad experiences. I’ve made some really lovely friends through twitter, supportive, fun, kind people (who share pictures of our pets). I’m sorry your high profile attracted the other sort.
I’ve been following you for more than a decade. I love your writing and your blogging (Memories of the future is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read).
I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so much social media trash. I just wanted to take a moment to throw some positivity your way:
YOU
ARE
AWESOME
!!!
🙂
I hope that your sheltering yourself from social media toxicity doesn’t impact your continuing to share your talents on your blog, radio free burrito, or any of your other projects (can’t wait for the next TV Crimes), but I understand and support you if that’s part of the deal. Your mental health comes first.
To me, your legacy will always be one of positivity and a neverending crusade to make our world (and particularly the internet) better. You deserve better than you’re getting and I wish I could be half a charitable and a tenth as graceful as you were I in your position.
I hope you find peace, and I hope that we can deserve you again someday.
PS this has no bearing on anything except to be amusing, but I just realized that when I read The Martian, I read it in your voice, not Matt Damon’s. Weird. Thought that might make you smile.
Wil, you can’t want to be an ally and not listen to the people you’re trying to be an ally of. You have to listen. When you start getting defensive about something you have done wrong, all of us LGBTQ+ people just see another straight “ally” trying to talk down to us, minimize our problems, and protect themselves from thinking they could’ve ever done wrong.
When you turn the people you’re trying to be an ally of into an enemy because they called you out for unhelpful things, you’ve ceased being an ally. We need allies. We don’t need allies like that.
Open your ears, and your mind, to the idea that maybe, just maybe, the people who are suffering are right, and understand more about it than you do, and most importantly it’s OKAY to make a mistake, learn from it, apologize, correct it, and be an ally again.
“most importantly it’s OKAY to make a mistake, learn from it, apologize, correct it, and be an ally again.”
Apparently that is exactly what he tried to do, at least according to what he describes in the post up there…
Apparently, it’s not good enough.
No – it isn’t.
I don’t have any proof that you didn’t try to unblock the trans people that block list blocked. I don’t disbelieve you either. And I don’t disbelieve that you stopped sharing it.
But you didn’t really do much else, did you? In my carousing, there are a lot of posts on here about how much your feelings have been hurt, but nothing about wholly disavowing Randi Harper’s anti-trans positions and personal feuds that made it into her own block list. Nothing that tells the industry people you know, many of whom ended up adopting such block lists, to stop using Harper’s list. Twitter can be truly awful, but it’s also a networking site for people who try to find work in various industries. This list helps to make it harder for trans people to find work in those industries.
And crowing about how your feelings have been hurt to an audience of people who have spent most of their lives being abused in one way or another, and a not-insignificant portion of it fearing for their lives (justifiably so – trans people are murdered at an incredibly high rate, an the Trump era has only increased the danger for LGBTQ+ people) is an incredibly bad look. Some people played juvenile pranks on you on a social media platform. Some people threw vitriol at you. I don’t blame you for shutting down your accounts. But this blog post? The LGBTQ+ crowd is assembling the world’s tiniest orchestra for you.
I don’t think you’re anti-LGBTQ. But you’re not a good ally, precisely because, as I said before, you’re not listening.
As an LGBTQ+ person, don’t presume to speak for me. I have zero issue with what Wil’s done or how he’s done it and he’s an ally I’m glad to have. Whatever “crowd” your running with, it’s not monolithic, and your setting Wil up in a no-win situation like this is tiresome.
It’s no big surprise to anyone that the LGBTQ+ community is not monolithic. But your implication that my statements are somehow invalid because it isn’t is just as silly as if I had actually come in here and claimed to be speaking for the entirety of it (which, I didn’t – I just assumed Wil would be smart enough to realize that the LGBTQ+ community is just as varied a group of people as any other).
And this isn’t a no-win situation. People have already asked him to do certain things that he just won’t do. And none of them are hard, or require very much of him at all.
Fuck off.
No thanks.
This cat blog I blog for has #TRT: Tummy Rub Tuesdays! If you’re looking for oodles of cute cat pics. LOL 🙂 https://katzenworld.co.uk/2018/08/28/happy-trt-tummy-rub-tuesday-week-213/
I am really, really sorry this happened to you. It was harassment and dogpiling, plain and simple.
I wrote a long thread about this:
https://organizing.social/web/statuses/100633312356041487
I totally understand why you’d be done with social media, but just to let you know you ARE welcome on the fediverse, and you are welcome on organizing.social (where I’m the admin).
I cannot believe the response from people and the harassment; that is not the fediverse I know and have come to love, but I also know can be reactive and cruel. I did a lot of reading (your blog, etc), trying to avoid the cesspool that is the internet. I care tremendously about trans people and horrible violence and harassment they face. Your response and actions are not those of a transphobe and I appreciate your response and actions you’ve since taken.
This is really sad situation. Just know that we will grow as a community and do better.
Especially given the anxiety / etc you suffer from, I’m really fucking sorry that that was your experience.
Take care,
– Chris
I don’t really have words except to say I feel sad and angry about how you have been treated. When I stumbled upon your blog years ago I was delighted by the mixture of advice about tech ( I’d never heard of ad blockers until you wrote about them), stories about family, dogs, candor about depression, and sci fi. If I saw you at a con I feel like I could overcome my shyness enough to say “hello” because of your blog. I hope that you don’t disappear entirely- I’d miss your writing. Best, Sonya
I really liked seeing your paintings on mastodon.cloud; sorry that the experience was so awful.
Much love. I’ve started following your blog, and I hope you keep at that painting.
The deep-seated anger in our culture seems to only be growing and social media allows the angry to spew that poison on whomever they choose. It is awful and I’m sorry you were the target (again).
I got rid of everything but my WordPress blog, and I’m happier for it. As a non-famous person I found the shouting and the negativity overwhelming, and I know it was amplified enormously for you.
I want you to know that a lot of your posts were really helpful to me, especially the ones about rebooting your life, and I’m rooting for you and wishing you the best.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. It sucks. Thank you for sharing your experience, I can imagine it wasn’t easy.
Wil, have you ever considered just taking your accounts private? Theoretically you could keep up with friends and heroes without having to deal with the fucknuggets at all. Or does Twitter etc still let people DM and @ you if you’re private? Honestly that wouldn’t surprise me…
I remember back in the day when you had the soapbox and we had pretty interesting discussions about spirituality and philosophy. I always found you to be kind and thoughtful, and I still see that in you. Take care of yourself and do what fills you with joy. 😊
I am so disappointed that this has happened to you. You do not deserve it. I hope that you’ll still write this blog, I hope that you’ll still be in Instagram…but it sounds like not. Maybe your podcast will still come out, now and again? I don’t make it to cons, so I don’t have a way to hear what’s on your mind otherwise. But that is me being selfish. As much as I hate the phrase, you do you! And keep loving life and that family that means so much to you. Oh, and I love the painting! Be well.
Man! That’s a bummer. Been there done that. My own family atacked me during the 2016 elections , on a daily basis, just because I did not agree with their politics (my own brother viciously; one of my nieces unfriended me), long time friends stopped talking to me (even my childhood best friend). And to ad injury to insult, my own depression (I also suffer on a crhoronic basis) kicked in as a result from
Yes, social media is a terrible three hedeaded monster, but you know what? I learned to cope, by not giving a fuck, just like my parents taught me.
So my advice to you is this: the less you give a fuck, the happier youi’ll be. Hang in ther brother, you ain’t alone.
I Like you.
Have a nice day.
Oh Wil, I just want to hug you. I am so sorry and I selfishly hope you’ll drop us an occasional post here. In an effort to spread a joyful little corner of the web, I’m a new member of a group on FB which prides itself on lifting each other up. It’s a private group so that probably accounts for our success at keeping out the trolls. If you have any interest first check out epbot.com. The FB group came together when fans of epbot wanted a place to “meet” each other. It. Is. Awesome. And Wheaton’s rule is in force. I’ll be over here sending good juju to you.
D’oh! Now how am I going to send you the occasional puppy photo?? Stay well. We’ll see you around here.
Join us on https://micro.blog It is turning out nicely and I’ve yet to see any vitriol.
I, too, have stepped away from social network sites. Twitter, especially, has become less a chirpy twittering arena and more a place for the carnivorous shrieking of buzzards. Can’t be doing with that. Life’s too short. I think they could all, for the most part, be renamed anti-social sites. I sometimes do a ‘stealth fly-by’ across Facebook, to private message a young family member or close, trusted friend with birthday wishes, things of that sort. Many friends and family members live on Facebook in a healthy social sense, and there are – carefully selected and private – writing groups to which I belong and where I might pop-in to ask a question or congratulate a newly-published author. But that’s it. I blog, occasionally, and reblog useful writing stuff.
What you share here is always resonant, pertinent, and incredibly important in this current climate of mob-rule across the social network sites. Thank you for what you do and say and are, and everything you allow us to be witness to. Thank you for trusting us. Much love to you, dear Wil, and to your lovely family and dogs xx
I’m really sorry about what you’ve experienced. I’ve personally enjoyed your twitter feed (in the past, obviously), and I regret that this is one more sane voice lost to Twitter. My feed isn’t so toxic, but for me that’s easy, as I’m mostly unknown. I suppose it’s a weird sort of validation, that people think you’re important enough to throw things at, but I’m just as glad I don’t get that. Good luck going forward, and I’ll look for your thoughts here.