casual cruelty

Someone looked at a post I wrote on my blog about taking some time and making an effort to go out and look at the stars, and decided to do this.

It’s just tiny words, and if I were in a different place, emotionally, I’d delete it and move on. But because of where I am emotionally, it stung. I’m sure this person doesn’t see me as a fellow human, who is struggling with profoundly painful grief and loss, who doesn’t deserve to be treated with such casual cruelty.

I’m sure this person is young, is likely suffering in his own way (because everybody is going through something), and is trying to make himself feel better by being hurtful and cruel to someone he views as a safe target.

Look, I’m happy to take this, if it means that a real person in this guy’s life doesn’t become the target of his cruelty, but I’d rather not take it at all. I’d rather that this person stopped before they decided to be so casually cruel.

This person won’t get the public attention they crave (hence the pixelizing), and I doubt that they’ll even see this post, because they probably don’t spend much time away from 4chan and the toxic subreddits, because that’s where this person finds others who are as miserable and cruel as he is.

But I do hope that he matures, develops empathy, and when he has a choice about how he’s going to treat someone in the future, he chooses kindness instead of this sort of thing.

Life is incredibly short, and there’s so much pain and cruelty out there. Do your best to not be part of that.

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140 thoughts on “casual cruelty”

  1. I think it’s telling how someone can deflect their personal situation on you, turn it around, as if it were your problem. It seems that this person has a problem with empathy, and with what appears to be projection. I suppose that they figure you should care about them enough to value their shitty opinion on how you are handling things, given that they have no clue about your situation.

    Wil, fuck that person. They are a complete asshole, through and through.

  3. Hi Wil. Don’t know if you have any English followers bit ignore him!! He’s just a small minded idiot. Always enjoyable to hear what you’re up to – keep on doing it!

  4. Can you imagine being stuck in a personality so negative ? And can’t find anything more original to say? He is not worth the pixels he abuses. Be well, Will, and thank you for your notes.

  5. It’s hard to understand how this type of trolling has become a thing these days. I see it a lot. My wife and I are going through the Star Trek: Next Generation again and your character is one of our favorites. We have a son about the same age as your character and the positive impact is huge. Thank you so much for that.

  6. I’m so sorry someone chose my post to reply THAT to. You’ve been a big part of my life over the years (unbeknownst to you) that my wife refers to you as “your good friend, Wil Wheaton”). I think I speak for everyone here that we love and support you in all you do.

  7. Not sure why you would dignify that troll with a post; he has issues that he can only deal with by insulting people. You have to be able to see these posts for what they are: meaningless noise. That’s what’s great and also the problem with the Internet; it gives a voice to everyone, even those who have nothing meaningful to say.
    If the same stranger insulting you on the street for no reason other than the fact that you are there, you’d probably be upset, but not hurt… Obviously a random idiot. And you would ignore him. Same online.

      3. I know that your posts make my world better and I’m sure the rest of your followers also feel the same. Thank you for putting your perspective out there, for sharing your joys and your struggles. You are probably right, that this commenter is young and will hopefully mature out of this phase of heartless cruelty.

        But that doesn’t excuse it and it doesn’t make it less hurtful. I hope that the sting of that cruelty is softened by the knowledge that you are appreciated, that the good you put out into the world is heard and necessary and that your work in film and print are rewatched and reread and really loved. I think you sharing your thoughts on this is important, and yes, you could ignore it, but putting your thoughts and kindness out there, in response to this makes the internet a tiny percentage more kind. And that IS important.

        The realness of you and your dialogue here makes a difference – it’s making the rest of us a little less alone in our own struggles, even as you face your struggles. So, thank you, for your bravery.

      4. There is a global diaspora of people who ignore or absorb hurtful, negative stuff regularly, and I imagine 99% of wwdn followers are among them. I agree that pressing ignore is often the right call, but I also believe that at times, defending the spirit of goodness and decency, is not only uplifting, but a gift and breath of support to others who wonder sometimes why they bother. Thank you.

  8. I just want to say that I hear you. I’m not going to tell you not to let it get to you, because I get it: it’s hard to get that sort of treatment and it really does hurt. I don’t want to dismiss that.

    But I do want to let you know that for every bit of garbage like that, there are at least ten of us who truly care about and appreciate you. So please keep on keeping on, and I sincerely hope that things get better for you.

  9. I admire you greatly, Wil. You went through the fire baptsim of child acting, shared your life after this, and have spread kindness and patience on whatever forum I have encountered you on.

    it takes tremendous courage to live in this way, like the rock with the water running by. your courage has emboldened me, and made me less ashamed of my own depression and Anxiety. I wish you well, always. you deserve all good things. Laura

  10. I agree that what you said above is the best way to deal with casual cruelty. It actually helps me to get over stuff like that when I make it clear to myself that the beef the person has is actually with himself and not with me. It works almost like a repellant. Of course it takes longer when I’m down, but understanding always helps overcoming.

  11. Wil, I am so sorry that you, too, are at the end of this toxicity. Just know that you are a huge inspiration to myself and so many others. KBO (Keep buggering on).

  12. This anonymous (so brave!//) person is really only revealing things about himself; namely, that he is a jealous, insecure, rage-bot.

  14. Hey Wil! I’m sorry this happened to you. I used to have a blog about anxiety and depression and I got loads of feedback and support and it was good. And then someone flamed me – they made comments about my integrity, honesty and even made some remarks about my sexual conduct. None of it was true – and, in fact, most of what was written suggested that the person didn’t know me at all. It didn’t matter – it triggered a pretty severe depression and made me fearful of going back to writing. I shut my blog down and now work strictly with a pen and a journal. The internet allows bullies to lash out anonymously and with impunity. And that sucks because it means some of us are fearful of participating in the conversation. Keep writing – you’re doing what I can’t.

  15. The old Celestron telescope I bought with lawn mowing money in 8th grade sits idle way too much but I regularly try to look up at the vastness of space with my own eyes and allow myself to be amazed. Good for the soul!

  16. One of my goals in life is to keep my asshole side – we all have one – to myself as much as possible. The last thing any of us really need to be doing is to inflict that on other people. I hope this commenter eventually realizes that they’re not helping anybody, especially themselves, by flaunting their asshole side this way.

    I wish I could send my parents’ therapy greyhound for a visit with you and Anne, you’d both adore her. She’s just about the best antidote to the shit life can throw at people that I know of – my kitty friend is wonderful, and your pets are too, but Melody is uniquely gifted.

  17. I must say that I admire the way you handled it. I don’t know that I would have been able to do as well. Kudos for seeing the other side of it.

  18. Thanks, Wil. This made me cry. I suffer from GAD, PTSD, panic, and a bit of the lovely OCD that always seems to come with those other things. I am shy and a bit introverted, but I sing, so I’ve been on display since I was 14. I’m 56 now. I don’t spend much time on stage anymore, maybe only 1 or 2 nights a week, since I’m now a full time pro tarot card reader, but reading cards is still a very public position.
    I get so hurt by these casually cruel(Are you still crazy?, Stop rearranging the stuff on your desk!, Don’t be so sensitive!) remarks all the time and I just suck it up. This made me cry because you made me feel normal and ok when it hurts, and NOT like a whiny baby. Thank you for sharing this strength that you don’t know you give to all of us! <3

  19. The internet is just so full of this now. It’s fashionable to be angry and hateful all the time. It’s very discouraging, and I’m sorry that you’re a constant target for it. You’re a good person, and you’ve touched so many lives in such a positive way.

  20. It is what I call, Adult Middle School Syndrome. Yes kids can be cruel, wanting in empathy and just plain Lord of The Flies-ish. However for some reason a few adults have de-evolved to be bullies without borders (aka many middle schoolers). We (adults) cannot not engage. All we can do is mute, delete, remove and move on. Wil Wheaton is an endangered species, a celebrity who converses with his fans and reads their posts. Be warned bullies without borders, soon there will be no one interesting to bully online. Being alone in our reality AND virtual reality will suck bigtime.

  21. Oh, lawdy, it’s time for some mea-culpas.

    Let me preface things by saying that you’re a woot of a stout fellow. Just sayin’.

    Second, the “whiny little bitch” phrase has become trite, making it more “snark” than “troll”. Sign of a lazy person with a weak imagination. But not nasty. Good “nasty” takes talent! And a flensing knife. None there, moving on.

    Third, I, too, am rewatching ST:TNG from the start (thanks, Amazon Prime!). The kindness of years has let me see your character (both acting and scripting) in a more balanced and favorable light, as a valuable and enjoyable addition to the cast. I wish I could delete my posts to “alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die”, but Google has immortalized Usenet, and I am powerless against it. No way will I reveal the email address I used at the time.

    Fourth, … Damn, I forgot where I was heading with this. The moment spent finding my old posts derailed my train of thought. Oh, look! Shiny!

    Finally, I suspect you weren’t in a great place when that comment landed. I know such states, when “snark” can become “ice pick to the eye”. You’ve rolled well, but I think there may be one more roll to do: Forgiveness. Both for yourself and that commenter. I wish I could bottle and sell the gentle benefits of seeking a state of forgiveness. All I know is I’d be even more of an asshole (than I already am) without it. I’d be sad and alone without it. And I’d lose my best-ever lever against depression. (S’truth!)

    I’ve said some snarky things about you (and to you, if you read Usenet). Re-reading them has made me glad I’ve grown a bit since then. But I still find myself having to forgive myself for typing such things in the first place. I hope you’ll forgive me too.

  23. I gave you a card this weekend. Read the cover over and over again if you need to… because you are a freaking magical unicorn dammit, and screw that guy.

    PS: the saucer section of my Enterprise lantern has been resized to be more proportional to the rest, because I can’t just leave these things alone.:D

  24. The anonymity of the internet breeds this kind of casual contempt. Some folks don’t see those on the receiving end of their comments as real people. Sending you HUGS

  25. Wil, I’m sorry this hurt you. Honestly, you’re still too kind-hearted. I don’t care whether this person is going through a phase, and I don’t think that the problem is a lack of empathy on his part. It’s even simpler: Someone needs to teach that person some common courtesy. He’d profit from that just as anyone else. What he (and many others) need to learn is that you don’t relieve your own suffering by striking out at scapegoats.

  26. Yeesh. That fellow is in a bad place. Thanks for your post, Wil, and your positive words. You add to the world. Well done.

  28. It’s easy to toss off rude comments, and some people are too emotionally immature to realize the pain they can cause. Keep on keepin’ on, Wil! I don’t know if the grief and loss you refer to are new, or what they are, but remember there are many, many people out here who care about you, and about what you say, unlike this probably lonely and bitter person.

  30. Have you ever listened to “Welcome to Night Vale” and the associated podcast, “Conversations with People who Hate Me”? (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls2mTKcBjrI ). I think you’d enjoy them both. Anyway, I’m sorry this person decided to put you through that. It says everything about -them- and nothing about -you-. Also, whatever they typed on their screen — they were the first to read it 😉

  31. I don’t understand why someone would say something like that and I am sorry it was aimed at you. I find it sad that people don’t see actors, actresses, musicians, writers, etc. as real people with real feelings. I just hope you remember that for every one person that can be hurtful there are a dozen that are supporting you.

  34. As far as I’m concerned, Wil, you are one of the best people on the planet. That would be true even if you did start whining! Don’t stop, don’t give up, don’t shut up. Thrive. I hope some day to meet you. (I just started listening to The Consuming Fire. Yay!)

  36. I’ve just returned home from holidays to find my copy of The Happiest Days of Our Lives waiting for me in the post. It truly was a bonus to return home to! I am sorry to hear people are so crap to you online – I, for one, have been a fan of yours for over 25 years, and hope you continue to blog and share with your fans. Best wishes from Australia.

  38. Listen, I think some of us need to realize that there are just irredeemable people on this planet and we need to stop trying to “reach” them, to fix them, to sway them. In the Civil War and WWII, we fought these people to the bitterest of ends. I don’t mean we disagreed. I mean we FOUGHT them. Not with harsh words, sarcasm, or tweets. The person who wrote that is not worth the effort. He’s your enemy. Period.

    We see what is happening with growing fascism. We’re on the battlefield whether we prefer it or not. Love does not conquer all. That person hates you because of racism, misogyny, and xenophobia.

    I’m not going to bother with a laundry list of fascist trends, daily atrocities. Those who care and are coherent already know. Those who don’t know by now, never will. They took that reporter apart with a bone saw. Can the people who did that be reasoned with? Can we find common ground with such people? With their apologists, their shills?

    No.

  39. As in, don’t be a dick? I like that idea. I think I’ll make it a guiding principle. 😉
    As for the bully, and this is advice approved by my therapist: wish them to the in a horrible accident involving themselves and a pole is a gorge and then let it go.

  40. Even if you don’t have a particularly resilient set of emotional armor that one ought to ping right off you because of how funny it is – “whiney little bitch”? Who is this sad person?? Pull a Sarah Silverman and start asking him questions about his childhood. It’s him you ought to feel bad for, trolling celebrities on the internet who are baring their hearts. What a life. virtual hug

  41. Unfortunately, this is only the second meanest thing I’ve heard today. (and it was a good day – went walking in the sunshine with the wife & dog – found a clean copy of Alhambra on the dusty back shelves of the FLGS. Uwe Rosenberg’s new game that I pre-ordered arrived in the mail and it is GROOVY. (Spring Garden)

    Anyway

    Some kid in Portland (which used to be such a cute little edge city when I moved here in the 90’s, but is now smells like piss and is full of odious little nitwits who say they’re fighting fascism but have begun to resemble what they’re fighting) But I digress, some vicious little pinhead came up behind a middle-aged lady at a crosswalk and told her he wanted to walk across the street and asked why she was in his way. She said something like: “Because I obey traffic signals”. So he starts getting closer to her and she edges away from him and he says something like: “I’m not like your husband – I’m not going to beat you”. She replies, “I’m not married”. so he switches to something like: “OK then, I’m not going to beat you like your boyfriend.” But he’s getting close to her and you can see in her eyes she’s getting bothered so she says something like: “Try something you little shit.” He keeps at it making comments to try to get under her skin and figure out what kind of significant other she has so he can start digging at her. She says: “Look – I lost my husband in 9/11, OK?” and she points to her hat which says “FDNY” or “NYPD” or something – the video wasn’t high quality enough – I couldn’t see which, but anyway, her husband was a first responder of some kind. So he starts in on her about how he’s glad her husband is dead and how evil he probably was….

    I mean… WTF? It’s bad enough to be mean online, but what kind of maggot gets together with his boys and goes around browbeating middle-aged widows on the street? My friends and I were rough around the edges when we were that age, but we would NEVER have done anything like that. We were a pack of little idiots to be sure, but when we inconvenienced people we didn’t know, we’d all mumble apologies and calm down till they were out of sight, because we weren’t sociopaths – we were just good ‘ol standard garden-variety idiots trying to come to terms with puberty and the pressures of youth.

    Anyway – sorry you had to deal with a punk. Hey, at least his spelling and grammar were comprehensible. Lol. That’s more than one might expect of his ilk. He might have well have verbally shat out something unintelligible like: “Your a wierdo / looser.” It probably won’t save him from a life of quiet desperation hiding behind his huge sticky keyboard, but at least he’ll be able to fill his paperwork out properly when he winds up on the dole.

    You rock man. Chin up & keep kicking ass!

  42. The fact is that the mind can only think of one thing at a time. It also has to be trained to ignore and discount the evil because we all have an iner deamon that is too happy to say to us – “See? they see it too – you ARE just a piece of shit not worth breathing!” Every morning I sit up i my bed and look for people in facebook to encourage to CHOOSE the light side of the force. I have fought my way back from strokes, am crippled, and hurt all the time so I encourage people to chose other things = to ruthlessly flush the toxic down the toilet with the rest of the asswipe and come be with people that love and respect them…and only each one of us can make that choice for ourselves! Hugs Will! Thanks for always choosing to be the Hero amougst Heroes , every day when it is HARD!

  44. Having read WWDN from the early days and seen your high points and your low points, I admire your honesty and that you keep moving forward no matter what. Sadly, Adult Middle School syndrome (which includes poor impulse control) is being modeled at our highest levels, so not surprised by something like this.

    I’m reminded that some people just have too much free time on their hands and are afraid to relate to people as people. It’s safer to interact with some hunk of text on a screen.

  45. Hey Wil, you are an amazing man and well loved by many. Thank you for not letting the words of a troll completely outweigh the words of those who care about you. <3

  46. Wil, you are made of pure awesome.

    We’ve never met. But your blog, your acting, and your writing have made my world a better place.
    Thank you for being so honest and fearless about your life.
    Thank you for fighting the stigma of mental illness.

    You’ve also really brought light and humor into my life.

    TableTop has introduced me to tons of games I never would have heard about otherwise and helped me meet a group of geeky friends to hang out with.

    Your D&D games with the guys from Penny Arcade made me laugh like a dying hyena when I listened to them while working.

    Never under estimate the absolute force of good you are in this world. I’m a middle aged lady in Florida whose life has been touched by your work.

    And, not to make this awkward, but Wesley was my first fictional character crush when I was 8. It was so nice to see a smart kid portrayed on an “adult” show.

    I’m so sorry this twatwaffle decided to try to ruin your day.
    We all know we shouldn’t let those things get to us, that we should brush them off. But we’re human. Attack us and we’ll bleed.

    After years of working customer service jobs, I try to remember that I only have to deal with that jerk for one brief moment in my life.
    But they are stuck with themselves 24/7 with no hope of escape. Everywhere they go, there’s a jerk ruining everyone’s good time.

  47. There you go being the man I expect you to be. Taking the high road and hoping for positive things for this negative person. I so respect you, Wil. Thanks for what you do for all of us.

  48. In 1996 I went to the last full display of the AIDS quilt in Washington DC. There must’ve been more than 100,000 people there , Lending support and love to those who were suffering. There were also 4 protesters with hateful signs along the March way… while we were significantly greater in number it was still hurtful that someone could be so damning in the face of a terrible disease . We didn’t let that stop us , and nor should you let a troll stop you from the good work you do here. Like one lady said who is there with her three children , there are more of us who are compassionate than there are trolls in this world. I hope this encourages you.

  49. Big Hugs. Your Geekdom loves you! <3 When the monsters whisper in your ear, remember that YOU are the LIGHT in Someone Else’s Darkness.

  50. Usually when I read comments like that myself, my first instinct is Sargon’s Law – whenever an ideologue makes a character judgement about someone they are debating with, that character judgement is true about themselves. Don’t worry about this guy, really.

    1. Will, I saw you on the Great American Read last night representing for The Lord of Rings. You were, as always, a delight! Thank you for speaking so eloquently about one of my favorite books.

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