My friend does this thing where he smokes some cannabis, takes a few puffs of his delta 8 vape, and watches movies that I guess are enhanced by his altered state of mind.
I know, I know, you’re like, “So what? We all have that friend, and it is me!” I hear you. The thing is, my friend writes reviews of these movies, and they are fantastic. Witness:
Lance’s Movie Joint Perhaps you think Marvel pulled off the world’s greatest film crossover event by designing a 10-year, multi-film, multi-character movie arc that would lead everyone to the same place at the same time, but I must respectfully disagree because I have seen the world greatest film crossover event and it happened in 1968. Consider that in one 90-minute film (not two 3-hour bladder contests) you get Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, Gorosaurus, Manda, King Ghidorah, Anguirus, Kumonga. and Godzilla Jr. (aka Godzooky) all in one film battling each other for world monster supremacy. And that film is Destroy All Monsters. I need to pause here and express a warning if you’re planning on smoking a doob or two and settling back with a party size bag of Doritos and a 6-pack of Coke Zero and watch this film and that warning is do not try to make sense of this film in the context of any other Toho kaiju movie because this one stands alone. Whereas in some other cinematic universes there exists a thread – however tenuous – that ties them all together through references and backstories, no such thread exists here other than “hey there are gigantic monsters on the Earth and sometimes they get pissed off.” I actually tried to piece together some kind of puzzle of all the other films leading up to this one to see how all the monsters ended up on the same island and why only Mothra needs two tiny women singing to him (her?) whereas the others act independently and do the monsters like humans or nah and why always Tokyo (though in this case they also destroy Moscow, Paris, and New York for good measure) but then I got higher and thought to myself, fuck it, nothing matters anyway. While the (SPOILERS!) costumed actors portraying this variety of monsters do their humble best to stomp all over the carefully and lovingly crafted sets of tiny buildings and real working vehicles, the real stars here are the set designer and the dubbing actors who manage somehow to be even more unbelievable (and awesome) than the monsters. Several times I had to rewind the film to re-experience a line or a look or, like, Godzilla performing some expert karate moves, and what higher praise can I give than that this film managed to overcome my brain’s fuzziness several times to provide things that were crazy awesome amazeballs? You’ll be tempted to talk over the dialog as the monsters engage in one of many, many, many scenes of Thunderbirds-like destruction, but don’t do it! The very next line uttered could be the best one yet – followed by an even better one. It struck me how much these films rely on an uneducated audience, and how much we all know about physics and space travel and gravity that we didn’t (care about) in 1968. Nothing makes much sense, but it’s all pretty and camp and awesome. [5/5 Weeds] (Currently streaming on The Criterion Channel, and you must watch the dubbed version for the full THC effect.)
So I have never been a huge fan of Kaiju movies, but I think it’s because I never saw the right ones. I saw the Matthew Broderick Godzilla, which is damn close to unwatchable, and I vaguely recall being a teenager and seeing some Kaiju movie that was all about annoying little kids singing songs at a Kaiju monster while someone talked into a wristwatch. (It is distinctly possible that my brain has invented a single movie from random bits of TV I saw on weekend afternoons when I was growing up).
But after reading Lance’s review of Destroy All Monsters, I decided that I would give this movie a chance to be my proper introduction to Kaiju … and holy shit I loved it. It was so weird and so over the top and so badly dubbed and such a goddamn delight to watch! If this is a fair and representative sample of what Kaiju movies are like, I’ve TOTALLY been missing out for, like, my entire life.
If you, like me, are new to this genre, or are curious about it, I can’t recommend Destroy All Monsters enough. It’s got a TON of exposition so you don’t have any FOMO about complext character backstories or whatever (if any) thread connects the larger Kaiju film world together. There are no children singing songs, at all, and the Kaiju do a goddamn delightful job destroying all the carefully-constructed cities they stomp around in. There are no silly breakdancing moves, and everything in it is grounded in some version of reality, so I never felt like it was insulting my intelligence by pandering to any section of the audience with dumb fan service like, oh to pick a random example out of thin air, the final season of Game of Thrones.
The big brains at SyFy wire have you covered, too, if you are like “I want to watch one of these movies, but I don’t want to risk a three dollar investment because I am a savvy consumer.” Check out this Really Big List of Ways To Watch Kaiju Movies Online, and if you partake of the wacky tobacky, get ready to enjoy a sublimely weird and totally satisfying, supremely fun 90 minutes.
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Quick question, Wil, for those of us who might attempt this feat: Were you, like Lance, baked out of your gourd when you watched DAM? Because I don’t toke, and probably won’t take up the habit just for this movie. But if you sat through it, er, unenhanced, then by golly, so can i!
I was not baked out of my gourd, and I still had a tremendously good time watching it. I may attempt it while enhanced at some point, though, because I can only imagine what that would be like.
I cannot help but thinking that this experience could only be made better but doing as above, but outside at the drive-in. I am lucky enough to live in a county where we still have an outdoor drive-in theater still operating (Actually the same on that as a nine year old I got to see Star Wars for the very first time back in ’77).
Obviously one would need a DD to get one to and from said drive-in, but as the Klingons might say, ‘It would be glorious!’.
I love it so much that you have a drive-in! There’s one in Los Angeles County that I know of, and I keep meaning to go before it inevitably turns into a swap meet.
Cannabis is strictly forbidden where I live, but fear not… this movie absolutely oozes with drinking game possibilities. All hail the Kilaak Queen!
The Godzilla movies (and the keiju-eiga genre) are staples of my childhood (and adulthood).
https://musingsofamiddleagedgeek.blog/2019/05/23/the-king-of-monsters-and-i-musings-on-the-65-year-godzilla-legacy/
I’m the same age as that movie, and it will always hold a dear place in my heart. King Kong vs Godzilla is a close second, and you should watch that next!
When I was little, once a month my Mom would have to work on Saturdays. My Dad was therefore in charge of us. Our usual Saturday routine was to sit on the couch and watch Creature Double Feature, while he peeled oranges for us to eat. It’s one of my favorite childhood memories. I love monster movies to this day, even the terrible ones.
While my mom didn’t work on Saturdays, Creature Feature time was our special time with dad too! Loved all those kaiju movies, even the shitty ones – my fav was Frankenstein Conquers the World, where some feral kid starts growing due to…radiation? Cloned from the heart of Frankenstein? I was never quite sure; the government wants to kill him but he winds up saving some villages by fighting some reptilian monster before both are sucked into the ground. Just heart-rending, in a monster movie sort of way.
Children singing? Sounds like maybe a Gamera movie or possibly an episode of Ultraman.
DAM is, for me, second only to Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975) for fever-dream absurdist delight, and you’ll swear you’re stoned if you’re not. It’s got lots of destruction, antenna helmet aliens, cyborg love, and a Colonel Sanders scientist named Muffooni or Buffoony or something. Seek it out.
Look, this is not about Kaiju, but it is relevant to your interests. I recommend you see booksmart as soon as possible. Don’t be late to this party. Wow, so fun. You would love it.
-mimi
Awesome, I see Destroy All Monsters is on the Criterion Channel, I shall watch it when I get home later. And I probably will watch it “enhanced”, as well.
well, for one more totally weird Godzilla movie, Godzilla vs the smog monster aka Godzilla vs Hedorah is not to be missed.
I was born high.
I have clear memories of a group of children singing to a giant moth. Pretty sure it was one of the Godzilla vs. Mothra movies. I don’t specifically remember a guy talking into a wrist watch, but it could easily be the same movie.
Y’know, if you wanted to try to relive the experience. Mothra.
Somebody needs to recommend Colossus. It’s a weird mashup: imagine Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis are in a low-budget indie relationship-driven film that…also somehow manages to be a giant-monster movie.
Maybe the trailer will help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqcZtz8VXXE
I do recommend Ultraman also, sound effects alone are worth it. But speciem rays are cool.
Oh sounds like you remember Giant Robo and maybe Space Giants
Me, upon seeing my favorite monster in the new movie’s trailer: SQUEALS LIKE AN 8 YEAR OLD GIRL!
Sadly, this girl never got a King Ghidorah toy to bash her much younger brother’s Rodan with.
DAM has my favorite-ever stupid monster movie line, which I won’t reveal for those who have not seen the movie… but it is literally the stupidest thing anyone ever said, (even worse than “let’s bring the giant egg back to Tokyo.”)
It was fun to read this! I knew the movie he was reviewing before I saw it named! Fabulous and entertaining film that I have not seen in many years! Growing up in a home where we loved all things science fiction and fantasy this was a favorite! Great memories!
Will – The “boy talking into his wrist watch” was Johnny Sokko. Loved that movie as a kid. Control a giant robot? Heck yeah!
See https://youtu.be/jlpVfoWLnKo
I always get my kaiju fix from Kaiju Big Battel.
I invite you to explore the wonders of Godzilla, who protects us from alien and earthly monsters with his fiery atomic love. It can be a tough love, but that’s usually due to the folly of man: https://www.facebook.com/FirstChurchOfGodzilla/
Hi Wil! Anne just told me about this blog via Twitter! I feel foolish for not knowing about it before =0 So, I just got an email for Audible that you have done the narration for AlexanderX. They claim it is “an addictive time-travel romp.” I love sci-fi. Not to pander, but one of my earliest memories is sitting in my grandmother’s kitchen watching Star Trek: TNG. Anyways, I am always very cynical about time travel in my stories. Until someone can point me in a better direction, I think that the movie Primer has handled time travel the best/most accurately/nerd-boneriest than in any other sci-fi story. In your opinion, does AlexanderX try to scientifically back its time travel romping? or is it just having fun with the concept of time travel? Also I only discovered TableTop a year and some ago and I’ve made all my friends here in China watch the entire series with me multiple times. Damn, I haven’t even covered how I only discovered D&D since living in China however many years ago and Aeofel(sp? sorry!) was awesome!
It isn’t really time travel like Primer, or even like Back to the Future. It’s about a kid who ages very slowly, so he’s actually thousands of years old, has witnessed a bunch of significant historical events, but appears to be a teenager. I’d call it Young Adult Fantasy, before I’d call it Science Fiction.
Just found your presentation at NAMI & thank you for your honesty & willinness to do that. Took courage! I am almost 70 & had years of the same before I found help in good RX and therapy. Very few people in my life know about my depression & anxiety other than close family and now, a few friends. Its difficult to explain to most people how pervasive & difficult this is to have an ordinary life; to wear a mask during the day at work or social events, until I couldn’t; or friends who are no longer friends because I dropped out of their lives or wasn’t there for them. I have learned to be kinder to myself & appreciate things that give me joy. Humor is among my saving graces & Jenny L.’s books and happy raccoon are among my favorites as well. I hope new generations will never have to experience life like that now that science has shown us brains at work, along with new medication.
Whether you want it or not, kids listen to you & your message is life saving and life affirming. I wish you well, dear Will, with good meds, good days ahead, and a contented soul.
Dale Armstrong
Hello Wil I enjoyed your review of DAM. I have been a Godzilla fan ever since I was little, and this movie is great. Also just wanted to add I enjoyed watching you in The Big bang theory. But going back to the topic this movie is in my top 5 Godzilla movies to watch.