About a year ago, my Internet friend, Ross, told me about an app that some friends of his developed. It’s called Exist.io, and it aggregates all the fitness and diet and exercise and mood trackers we have in our lives, so we can get a clear overview of how our choices affect our existence.
I was primarily interested in discovering how certain habits and inconveniences affected my daily life, and Exist will let me see correlations that I wasn’t necessarily making on my own. For example, I figured that sitting in traffic (that most Los Angeles of pass times) would have a uniformly negative impact on how I felt at the end of the day. I mean, I fucking hate traffic, so I presumed more traffic would equal more bad days. But after a year, I observed that it has no measurable impact, at all.
What I did learn, though, was surprising to me. The single most consistent factor in how I feel about myself and my day, on the 5-point scale, is how productive I am. If I fuck off for a whole day, I feel shitty about myself. If I’m not being creative, or doing something that makes me feel useful, I feel shitty about myself. When I do things that are productive, like writing, or getting a lot of adulting done around the house, I feel better about myself. So my newest challenge is to figure out a way to feel worthy and good about myself, even on the days when I can’t or just choose not to be productive.
You may notice that I didn’t post here once in June. Part of that is feeling like I didn’t really have anything important to say, but a really, really big part of it is feeling like I’ve lived my life in public since 2000, and I kind of need my own personal space. It’s scary to feel that way, because I’m struggling with this sense that my acting career is over, and though I’ve written two manuscripts in the last year, neither one will be released for quite some time, so I feel like my writing career is moving much more slowly than I want. I’m afraid that, if I pull myself out of the public too much, I will immediately fade out of whatever relevance I have, my entire professional career will die, and I’ll be forgotten before the end of the year. Being middle-aged and recovering from childhood trauma is THE BEST THING AND DOESN’T SUCK AT ALL!
Krusty the Clown groan
Anyway.
Because I’ve been feeling unproductive and moderately to completely worthless, I haven’t been posting anything here (there is a LOUD and INCESSANT voice in my head that keeps telling me nobody cares about me, and nobody misses me when I don’t write here, and that voice sounds an awful lot like my dad). But I’ve been writing a little bit on my Facebook, and I answer asks almost daily on my Tumblr. A few things have come up that I feel good about, and at least one of those things feels worth sharing today.
So here’s something from Tumblr that I hope some of you find useful:
Ask: Hi! I just went 48 hours without a drink and I’m really proud of myself and wanted to tell someone. Thanks for being so open about your sobriety, it’s a big inspiration for me and I’m sure for many others.
Answer: Hey way to go! Do you plan to stay sober? If no, accept my admiration and go on with your life!
If yes, may I offer some thoughts based on my experience? A couple of big things I lived through that would have been nice to know about in advance?
The first few days weren’t the hardest for me, probably because my body was detoxing lingering alcohol-related stuff. But right around the seventh day, I started to get cravings, and it was tough for a few days there. I was on the phone with Hardwick (who was like a sponsor to me, though I didn’t to a program) almost every day, asking lots of questions, like “is this normal?” and “will this end?” The answer was yes, and sure enough about ten or so days after I had my last drink, I went for weeks without any serious craving.
Then.
Oh shit.
Then, around the fourth week, I had this day where all I wanted to do all day long was drink all the beers in the world, and I couldn’t figure out why. On that day, “one day at a time” became “one hour at a time”. I got through it with the support of Chris and Anne, but it was really challenging.
Around that time, I became aware of all these feelings and emotions and painful memories that I had been numbing with alcohol. They were like FINALLY YOU CAN DEAL WITH US! And that was a whole thing. I went to the therapist a lot around that time, and I read a lot of books that helped me understand and begin to heal the trauma I had been self medicating away.
So the two things I guess I hope you’ll take away from this are:
- It’s totally normal to have INTENSE cravings, and they will pass. I used a LOT of seltzer water, LaCroix, and the occasional caffeine-free soda to satisfy the habit I had of having a drink every night. Having those cravings doesn’t mean you’re weak or anything like that. It’s just habit and biology. After about 45 days, the cravings (which were rare and usually mild) stopped. That was, like 1200 days ago, so I am proof that the intense cravings can and will stop. Oh, but when Anne’s having a great IPA and I’m like, “Man, I wish I could have that,” I remind myself that the reason I stopped drinking was my inability to have one and stop. I’m not going back there, so I make a choice not to drink every day.
- It’s totally normal for some profound emotional things to surface, and you should expect it. You’re going to have this overwhelming clarity and perspective on your life that you didn’t have when you were drinking. If this happens to you, you may want to be prepared with a therapist appointment.
- Oh, and one last thing that I just remembered is that I kept (and keep) a private diary/journal about my experiences, where I am relentlessly honest with myself. That made a HUGE difference for me, and most of my sober friends tell me that they wish they’d done. It’s profoundly helpful to read back and see my progress, while I contextualize things that I didn’t realize were super correlated.
It’s been almost 3.5 years since I took my last drink, and I don’t regret it at all. Maybe that’s your path, or maybe it isn’t. Whatever path you choose to walk, know that these last 48 hours are a real and good and fantastic thing. I’m super happy for you and I hope that you are living your best life!
I occasionally miss having a beer, or a cocktail in a swanky speakeasy, but I do not regret, for a single second, stopping drinking. Before I quit, I was drinking two or three drinks a day, and waking up with some degree of a headache almost daily. I was getting bloated, and the self-medicating wasn’t helping me deal with the childhood trauma I was successfully avoiding. The best part of getting sober, for me, was finding the clarity and perspective that I needed to get out of some toxic relationships that were being maintained out of guilt and inertia, and to start reclaiming my sense of self, so I can find out what my dream is for myself, after spending my entire life doing what other people wanted and expected from me.
I’m in a nonzero amount of existential and emotional pain as I work through this stuff. I’m uncovering things daily that make me feel sad, or angry, or frustrated, or some combination of all three. I cry a lot for the child I was, and the childhood I missed. I spend a lot of time forgiving the teenager and twentysomething I was, knowing now that he was doing the best he could do, without the unconditional love and support a teenager needs to navigate through their world. Some days, I score 5 (great) in Exist. Other days, I hurt a lot and I score 2 or 3 (bad to okay). But I score every day, honestly, and I’ve been able to use that data to help myself heal and move toward living my best life.
I just looked at Exist, and I see that, in the last 90 days, I scored 48% of them as 5, 40% as 4, and 10% as 3. That’s really, really great to know, and though it shouldn’t be, it’s surprising. Since Friday, for some reason, I’ve been wearing the heavy lead apron of Depression and feeling like I’m drowning. It really does feel like it’s been forever, and it’s so healthy and helpful to realize that I’ve been feeling between bad and okay for only a couple of days. It’s a reminder that Depression lies, and the bad days are not forever.
If it matters, you can consider this an unpaid endorsement of Exist.io. It’s made it possible for me to use science and real, measurable data to understand myself, and it’s been a significant part of my self care routine. If your brain has anything in common with my brain (and I’m so sorry if it does), maybe it’ll be helpful for you, as well.
Happy July, everyone.
Discover more from WIL WHEATON dot NET
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
That is awesome! I am celebrating 18 months sobriety. I am at a Yoga Sobriety meeting. 🧘🏻♂️
Thank-you for sharing.
You ARE missed when you don’t post. I’m always happy when a notification appears in my inbox from your blog. I cheer you on from the other side of my device. Joy at your victories, sadness at your pain.
But I think it’s unreasonable for us to expect you to share when you need space. I want you to be as private as you need to be in order to be healthy.
Your sharing builds us all up. Tell us how we can return the favour.
I enjoy reading your posts. I personally relate to a lot of what you share you are going through. It takes a lot of strength, strength that I don’t have, to put yourself out there for the masses. I would ask that you please keep in mind that you do matter to everyone who reads these posts. Depression is the biggest bitch out there and she deserves a smack down. Keep your head up!
You have not and will not be out of relevance to me. I have admired you for a very long time but since I was lucky enough to meet you at Emerald City Comic-con a couple years ago I started following you on IG which led me to this blog. Now instead of admiring you as an actor for the work you’ve done and enjoyed the characters you’ve played l feel I have some insight on Wil the person not just Wil the actor. And I love you even more! Your open heart and honesty help me to believe I can/will be okay too. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time. I’m on a great set of meds now that have really helped and I am in therapy but still have those times when days are just bad. Healing is still new to me so reading about your experience gives me strength. Thank for for being so open. I can understand you want your privacy but when you do feel like sharing I’ll still be here to appreciate you!!
I appreciate these posts so much. My husband suffers from the type of depression and anxiety you describe, and your writing helps me to understand that I really can’t understand what he’s going through. Thank you for sharing your struggle – your honesty is a gift to all of us.
I completely agree! Wil has helped me understand HOW to best help and be there for my husband when he’s dealing with a depression episode.
Well said my digital acquaintance. You are appreciated. Your contribution to the nerd world continues to be welcome and insightful. If you ever need someone to talk to about depression I’m here. No judgements.
Pete Holmes mentioned a book by Annie Grace called This Naked Mind as being what helped him change his relationship with alcohol and go sober. He mentioned it on the Armchair Expert podcast a few months back, and it came up again onnthe ID10T podcast this week.
I gave it a read about 10 days into my latest “dry period”, in which i was planning to go a few months without for “a break”.
Well, i have given up alcohol permanently not. For various reasons, but it was that book and the way it has you analyze your relationship with alcohol vs just trying to “be strong and get through it” like i had done in dry periods in the past, that made me take the leap from “temporary/for a few months” to “yup…I’m done with alcohol”.
I felt a sense of relief after reading it. As if being done with alcohol is welcomed state, not a struggling situation.
Anyways, i highly recommend giving it a read.
Wow! I haven’t read your posts in sometime but today I’m glad I did. That bit about spending a lot of time forgiving the teen and twenty-something you were, really touched me, for I completely understand where you’re coming from and I’m no stranger to childhood trauma. Thank you for this post!
Awesome Wil, sending good thoughts your way. You are valued and I hope, rather selfishly, that one day you write a self help book based on all the spot on advice that you give on Tumblr.
You matter to me & I miss your voice when you go quiet. Obviously we do not know one another personally so you are not always in the forefront of my mind. However I’m always happy to see your posts in my inbox & I love to see your Tumblr posts in my feed. You truly do always have something good to share & I appreciate your presence in the world. This post was especially good & made me think of my husband so I forwarded it to him. Sending you strength, healing, & peace as you navigate your daily struggles. Have a nice & hopefully peaceful 4th.
someday i will hug you (fair warning) — thank you for always making me feel that i am not alone. I have been “clean” from self-harming for 4 years. (i know it isn’t drinking alcohol and i am sorry if it isn’t the same – but something i should feel prouder about for me) one minute at a time. you will always be awesome to those of us who can’t find a voice for ourselves. thank you. Be well.
you are on my mind everytime i wear the cool trek shirt i bought you designed, which is often! but yes, there are so many social media platforms to maintain, it becomes a lot..
I’m not sure if mentioning it would help you or not, but at the risk of over sharing, I have suffered from anxiety and depression. I’m an Iraqi war veteran. You have been a part of the two things that help me the most with my issues; Star trek and the Big bang theory. Thank you.
I think I understand where you are coming from. I started SSRIs again this year while querying a novel. My childhood trauma blooms into adult toxicity when I put myself “out there” too much.
I am so sorry that you weren’t allowed to be a child – loved and cherished. You may move out of the public eye as often as you need to, but you won’t be irrelevant.
The art you have made is affecting. Your book, Dancing Barefoot, changed the way I look at a lot of things in this world.
The love you poured into your boys will have relevance long after you’re gone. Purposefully giving to others the things that you did without is growth. And growth in love is worth more than anything we can ever create.
So, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you exist, Wil.
I know very well the feeling that if I don’t constantly put myself out there, everyone will forget me. It’s a tough thing to carry.
I always look forward to reading your posts, even if you’re sometimes quiet for a while in between them.
Will, you matter to me. Your voice and courage to raise that voice, make me feel normal. And that I can live with this. As someone who today is going through the anniversary of my best friend’s suicide 14 years ago because he couldn’t reconcile his sexual orientation with his faith…your words have meant more than you know.
Thanks for brightening my day.
In the words of the great Countess Marjorie “Maude” Chardin, “And this too shall pass away.”
Joshua
Belfast, Northern Ireland
Sorry if this is a repetitive question. But have you written about the childhood trauma? Do we, your readers, know what the trauma is? Will you tell us or is that a none of your business subject? By the way. You do exist. We do miss you. We do care what you are up to.
I’m not ready to go into lots of public details, but I was bullied relentlessly by my father, and my mother let it happen.
Big hug A fellow member of the club no one wants to be in, the Abusive Dad Club. We’ve all got our horror stories, but the peace I made with it is that the super-empathetic, compassionate, sensitive person I am today is precisely because of growing up in our personal Guantanamo. I can probably trace my creativity back to escaping into my imagination as well. Doesn’t make it worth it, not by a long shot, but therapy etc. have helped me to at least see the silver lining, which I’m grateful for. Now I still visit his doddering, Alzheimer’s ridden butt; he’s always loved me to his very, very limited capacity and this is my good deed to the universe. Hang in there, fellow survivor of our terrible Club.
Your ideas are always interesting and your observations help me with my challenges. Thank you. Now, print this out and put it where you can see it. Review as needed. We care.
I really, really enjoy your content here and on tumblr. Every single time I read “Depression lies”, it’s like someone has gifted me with a breath of fresh air. Your humanity and willingness to be open inspires me, and you’ve given so much to the world in so many ways. If you never produce another thing, the world will still remember you fondly (my 22 year old son and I sometimes just say “Whil Wheaton” in Family Guy voice for cheap entertainment). Thanks for sharing this step of your journey, and I hope the upcoming days are 5’s for you!
In Steven Pressfield’s book “The War of Art” he advocates for daily writing no matter what’s in the pipeline. Finish one project submit it or whatever, and immediately start the next. Basically, Writers Gotta Write.
Good on you for helping others and using the tools available to get you through life
Wil, I have so much love and appreciation for you. Although we’ve never met, your writing brings an intimacy I’ve only experienced in 12 step meetings. You are missed when you’re not posting but I’m so glad to hear that it’s about self care. I’m a childhood trauma survivor also and I’m so glad you’re here sharing this journey with me. 😘😘😘
I’m so glad you shared this, as I believe it would be very helpful to those who are trying or even more importantly needing to get sober. My cousin ended up dying way too young because he couldn’t quit drinking, and I don’t want anyone else to have to lose someone to the demons of alcoholism.
Thank you so much, Wil. Don’t disappear from here, you are missed when you aren’t posting!
I miss him so much.
Wil, you are valued and you are missed when you don’t post. I always look forward to your insights, and just want to say that I’d support your Patreon if you ever end up making one whether it’s for short fiction, essays, or whatever else you feel like creating.
Every now and again, when I feel like calling a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while about something cool going on in my life, I think “I should call Stepto!”
And then I remember.
I got to spend Memorial Day weekend at his place across the Sound from Seattle in 2017 and it was a wonderful, relaxing weekend, just hanging out, and it’s a treasured memory.
What you think, feel, and have to say matters. The choices you make for your own health and safety matter. And that you choose to share that here, really matters to me. I am aware when you’ve not posted in a while, and I’m hoping you’re working on a project, and not in a blanket fort under your desk, UNLESS that is where you choose to be. Just read the comments. You have the kindest followers. Blessed be.
I really, really do. I’m so grateful.
I care whether you are here or not but not because you are “Wil Wheaton” but because you are my friend Wil that I have gotten to know. However, I’m deep in my own pit of despair for some reason and trying to work it out. Sending sunshine and rainbows, but i don’t have much to spare.
I’m overwhelmingly grateful for having stumbled upon your blog. As a huge fan particularly in Leverage, I am so happy to read what you write every time.
It’s always good to see a post from you. I’m glad that you share your experiences, including the difficult ones, in ways that are helpful for other people going through their own difficult experiences. I hope that sharing is helpful for you too.
You deserve good things.
Well done Wil for staying clear of alcohol and taking care of your mental health. Very happy for you.
Reading this helped me immeasurably. Thank you, Wil. You’re an amazing man and sometimes I feel like you’re the experienced friend that I’ve never met but always says the right things.
I just thought you might appreciate hearing this.
I have been a fan of yours since I was a kid. You being cast as Wesley Crusher was the reason that I watched ST:TNG and it was pretty much my first ‘geeky’ interest. That show led me to other aspects of geek culture and my horribly bullied, incredibly depressed self found a community rich with people I got along with and identified with. It bolstered me and protected me when I fled an abuser with my four year old in tow. It led me to my husband of almost two decades. It introduced me to fanfiction, which is my primary creative outlet and tool for coping with chronic illness. In many ways, it saved my life- and I found it because I enjoyed your work and watched a show you were in.
A few years back, my daughter had to do a project for school on someone she admired and would want to spend a day with. She chose you. She chose you primarily because she loved Tabletop, which she watched regularly with her father, and which led to our family becoming big fans of board games… but there was more to it than that. Like me, she was badly bullied. When things were at their worst in school THAT was when she discovered Tabletop. Games you showcased ended up in our library and she would excitedly teach us and our guests how to play them. It gave her back her spark and her confidence. It made her want to go to conventions, so she could play board games with new people,,, which she did… and she made new friends. LOTS of new friends, ranging from four year olds to retirees. She talked about that in her project, but she also talked about how you are a step-father and how seeing other blended families who seemed happy and loved each other made her feel better- because we are a blended family and most kids’ media make blended families out to be broken and toxic. She talked about how from watching Tabletop she learned that it was okay to be ambitious and competitive, and even to be upset if you lost- as long as your kept perspective and remembered the rule ‘don’t be a dick’. She talked about how she saw you advocating for taking care of your mental health and speaking up in defense of women during gamergate.
She had a list of reasons as long as her arm of why she admired you and how just knowing ABOUT you made her day to day life so much better.
She’s fifteen now and still a vocal fan (despite never watching ST:TNG). She’s also an accomplished cosplayer, who has had the Batgirl of Burnside cosplay she designed and made herself at age 10/11 praised and shared by Babs Tarr and Adam Savage. Cosplay is a huge passion of hers, it is the thing that pulls her through her dark periods, and there is a good chance that she might never have found it when she needed to if it hadn’t been for falling in love with board games through watching you.
You have a wider reach than you sometimes realize, I think. So, when you are having a rough time, I hope you think of this post, because in the weird butterfly effect that is life, there is a very good chance that without you, this awesome kid wouldn’t even exist. So, thank-you.
http://www.geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=8815
Your daughter sounds like an awesome person and I’m glad to have her in the tabletop gaming family.
Thanks so much! I kinda like her 😉
This random internet stranger missed your posts. When I joined wordpress you were one of the first people I made sure to find and follow.
This is one of very few blogs I’m subscribed to via email. It’s just nice to follow along with someone’s journey to a better self.
I’m just one person on the other side of the world who DID notice you had not emailed in a while.
I did miss you. I wondered where you were, I didn’t get on other social media to find you because.. life/time…
But, I was so happy to get your email today.
I have been a fan since childhood, and now am even more a devotee since finding Wil the person online. Wil, you have created so much good in your life, whether creatively, writing, acting, narrating, politically, and generally being someone I believe is awesome.
Keep being Wil. Because I think Wil is great.
For whatever it might be worth, I had noticed your not posting. I had thought it was due to conventioning again but, now that I know the real reason, I kinda feel poopy for not checking in on my internet mental health buddy. Sorry. I will attempt to do better.
Wil, tell that little voice that you are right and it is wrong and that you have lots of other voices to back you up! You’re not a doormat or weeping willow or butterball or any of the other putdowns that result from you crying or feeling bad. I hope you have a good 4th and that you and your family enjoy a safe one!
Hi Wil,
I would like to try the Exist.io app and was wondering if you had a referral code for it. I want to hopefully get you whatever discount it is they offer when you refer someone as a way of saying thanks for sharing it with us
I’ve been tracking what I eat and my weight and stuff for my own health and the Exist.io app might help me deal with and understand some emotional patterns I am finding while I track what I eat and when I eat it.
I have days that I want to do fuck-all and repeat as necessary. I could be doing something productive but don’t. Many of the things I need to do are big jobs. I have to take off my car bumper and left fender, graft-in longer wires on the door harness, and resolder everything. It’s I giant job. I could normally do this in my sleep. It’s hard to get my mind out of the depressive state I am in. I know I can’t get out of it completely, nor will I ever. Just trying to get the littlest thing done is hard. I try baby-steps, and it works for awhile.
I always look forward to reading whatever you have to say. You are important. To your family, your friends, to me. Whatever you can do that helps you deal with your problems is wonderful! Post when you feel like it; don’t post if you don’t want to. Just know that we, your followers, are always ready when you have something to say!
Laurie
I just want to say that I understand the struggle you are going through. I have suffered with depression too. I do find you posts interesting and, though I don’t read them all, the one’s I do read I enjoy. I can see the dilemma of being out of the public eye by not posting and it affecting your career. However, I suppose you need to figure out if your career goals are still the same …. do you still crave the stage? I did a big career move and once I left realized that my old career was not as full filling as I thought it was. I will say I have enjoyed your performances on Star Trek, Eureka, and Tabletop (which I would love to see more episodes of). I wish you the best.
I am always cheered when I see your posts on Tumblr or in my inbox. It was your initial goals post 3+ years ago that brought me into your sphere and has helped me to reach out for help myself.
One discussion my therapist and I have had repeatedly is about my measure of self-worth by doing/helping. She’s trying to get me to just BE-to ‘exist’ -and to find worth in just existing.
Random meme quote I’ve been using as a reminder: “You are a human BEing, not a human doing.”
Also, “And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things, including yourself.” Granny Weatherwax in “Carpe Jugulum” by Sir Terry Pratchett.
You don’t have to be productive to have value.
Now if I can just get myself to truly grok that…
Oh Mr. Wil Wheaton,
We (being all my friends I play games with) have always thought you were awesome and a bit quirky. I still remember the day we found you on “Tabletop”. I mean we all knew you from your TNG, stand by me, ect…. but then to find you like a regular Joe doing games. And you were so damn funny. We loved it! We loved your friends, We laughed so hard. I even tried to do one of your books but I couldn’t make the mobi go. its broke. I bought many games that crossed your table and looked for a table like yours. Even if you were to decide to move to a remote island where distance and lack of internet made you invisible to the rest of the world you will always be a part of my life, and my kids life (TNG was must see tv growing up). So you will not be forgotten in the next 100 years. Dr. Blueray signing out!
Hey Wil,
I tried exist.io and while it gave me some interesting insights, It ultimately felt not worth the money they ask for. No offense meant, I love their service, it’s just that atm the money is tight and I don’t want to spend in on that.
Nice to see how it helped you, though, I could totally see that happening!
I always like reading your posts!
Kind regards
Michel from Germany
Hey, good to hear from you, I’m always pleased to see you’ve posted.
I can’t make this more plain then this: It is a joy to see your postings in my RSS feed and it makes me sad when I don’t hear from you. You are missed, and loved, by many of us.
I think you are the only writer I am a fan of that I actively search for if I haven’t seen you recently in any media: social, ebook or blog. And I’m a fan of John Scalzi, too, so that says you must be pretty awesome!
I check this site at least 1-2 times every week for probably the last 10 years. I do care about what you have to say, and I really enjoy reading your material. Whether it’s short and silly or long, serious and personal. There is so much more I would love to know about you and hear from you. Please don’t stop writing here.
You’ve been missed here, good sir.
Thinking I might need to use the app, most days have felt a 3 at best of late, the couple of 5s have been the days I’ve gamed with friends.
I know I’m far worse when I don’t have that time to relax, connect and get my brain thinking without pressure.
Sugar I know fits in the place of alcohol for me, it’s that constant I’m trying to cut back on. Guess I got lucky on the booze front, only drink a few times a month and rarely have even 3 standards. Purely for the taste for me.
I know I’ve withdrawn more lately too, lost my cousin the other week and it’s brought up all the other loved ones I’ve lost, both recent and further back.
Therapy has helped with that, or helping, I am a work in progress.
The other big gap in me is knowing I won’t see all my USA friends this year. Being able to visit GenCon & LA/Seattle the last 4 years has been magic & I’m sad I can’t afford to this year. If you see Steph/Bonnie/Jason/Wyndie/Laser please give em a big hug for me? Actually the list of friends is so long, I can’t list em all.
Last I think it’s the looming 4-0 at the end of the year. I’m never the biggest fan of my own birthday but it looms larger this year…
Probably enough of my soulbearing for one day. Time to unwind and try and convince myself some more that I’m worth fighting for in myself,
Take care, good sir.
Much love to you and yours,
Owlbear
So sorry to hear about your cousin, my friend. Gen Con is going to be a lot emptier for me without you guys there to hug.
Thank you for giving me a moment of reflection. Your thoughts always provide grist for the mill. You have a wonderful way of sharing daily struggles and making them universal. It is a gift you share freely, and is much appreciated.
Absolutely spot on about being productive and feeling good about ourselves! Happy Independence Day, and Beating Dependence Day, too!
I wonder if this approach will work with food. I mean, it’s your approach, but I need to try something new.
Also, don’t let life events get you off track, because it is so hard to get back if you’re not in the right head space.
A few years ago I lost 125 pounds through a combination of bariatric surgery and being absolutely manic about my habits. Get in those steps, eat snacks at the right times, no empty calories, weigh myself every day for motivation. I allowed leeway for holidays and celebrations but otherwise I stuck to it.
About two months after I reached my goal weight I had a hernia requiring surgery and then an abscess and infection, all of which laid me up for a few months and broke my routine.
It has been hard since then to get back on track. I’ve gained back about 40 pounds. I feel unmotivated and new issues like foot pain (maybe arthritis, seeing specialists) don’t help with the walking. Part of it is the knowledge that I succeeded. I did it before and I can do it again. Just not today, because today I really want that cookie.
I noticed! I missed your posts and hoped you were just really, really busy. Very happy to see this in my feed this am!!!!
I’m pretty much right exactly where you are, only slightly older, so thank you for giving me words for what I’m experiencing. One of my recurring themes lately is trying to observe my anxiety and sadness more like I observe my sinuses and joints, and not get sucked in so much. Having metrics might help that.