150 thoughts on “I am having the hardest time staying positive”

1. You don’t have to explain your feelings. You are entitled to every one of them whether you are better off than the next person or not. It is hard and many of us feel the same things. These are not normal times and we have no way of knowing when our normal will be back. It’s stressful to our very being to view everyone as a potential danger. I miss hugs most of all. I can’t hug my dad or stepmom and haven’t seen my mother since January. Hang in there.

2. Must be going around. I’ve had a hard week with this too. I’m not sure what to offer, really – just keep putting one foot in front of the other. This too shall pass. Virtual hugs.

3. I’m right there with you. I know the feeling of being totally absorbed by a project and the feeling of ease that comes from not being tuned into the world right now. Sadly, my work rarely allows for that level of concentration so I have to get it through my hobbies. Sometimes just planning a project is enough. What absorbs your attention? Just for a little while. Painting? Writing? Gardening? Baking?

   Take care. Let someone else worry about the world for today. There are lots of us doing it. Tag back in when you are ready. Sending virtual hugs.

4. Thank you. And I am with you.

5. Thank you for sharing, Wil. I think the hardest thing for me is to sit with the feelings. To not try to fix, solutionize, distract with food or busyness. Just to sit and trust it will feel better. I’m not so trusting so that’s really hard. Hugs and love to you😘😘

6. Hey stud muffin. It’s gonna be ok. This virus sucks but it too shall pass. Keep your guard up. Keep innovating to entertain and keep your mind that way if you can.

   Example of innovation form another. Wife and I just went to Dave Chappell who performed for 320 people all socially distanced in pairs out in a corn field in yellow springs oh. Everyone was happy to be out despite some rain and darn mask requirement.

   Thanks for being vulnerable and hope you keep your head up and innovate to entertain us again.

7. I’m in the same boat. It … appears to be a boat getting bigger and bigger to accommodate more and more of us. It feels like our country is going to hell, may actually already be there. Here. Whatever. When the bastards of this world get all the attention because they’re yelling the loudest (and firing the guns), it’s hard to remember there are many thousands of good people doing what they can to set it right, or at least stave off the worst until the rest of the country wakes up to what’s happening. When daily life is a struggle it’s hard to keep one’s eyes on the big picture. I personally believe that nothing can beat love. Really. Not a cliché, it’s really true. Those trying to destroy our country are the biggest losers in the world. We already beat them in WW II, and before that in the Civil War. It just takes what seems like a horrible length of time to do it. Hang in there, Wil, you are a force for good in this world.

   1. “Hang in there, Wil, you are a force for good in this world.”

      He certainly is! Wish I had made that clear in my post.

   2. Nicely said, Terry.

      1. Thanks, but it’s just the truth. 👍🏼

8. Doing something distracting is the only way I’m getting through anything. My theater-related activity for today got canceled and I am feeling the blah right along with you.

9. I’ll second, or third, or fourth everybody else. Same feelings here. The “Things I Can Do Absolutely Nothing About” are so important to us and we feel helpless though, rationally, the fact that they are “Things I Can Do Absolutely Nothing About” should somehow help. It’s a symptom of caring deeply about our times, our country, ourselves. Sounds trite but sometimes caring is the most we can do and that’s all that can be expected of oneself.

10. Thanks for being willing to share this. I’m going through my own struggles (divorce after 20 years) despite my privileges (still employed in high-paying job). Virtual hugs if you’d like them. And thank you for everything you’ve done in talking about masculinity and vulnerability and, yes, inspiration.

11. Hi Wil, I totally understand how tough these times are and how easy it is to feel helpless right now. The things we can’t affect can be so overwhelming right now. I would tell you that I’m here if you want to talk and that I can also just listen if that’s what you need. But then again, I don’t actually know you, even though it feels like I do because you’ve brought so much joy in my life, through your acting, your writing, both on this blog and in your books, and through hosting shows! So I feel like I got to know you pretty well, at least from what you share, but still, I’m a total stranger to you. That being said, for what it’s worth, my offer stands. Other than that, I can only tell you to hang in there and try to spend as much time with people who love and support you!

12. It’s a hard time, and has gotten harder in the past few days. Reaching out to others like this is one way to make it better. Love to you, Wil, and to everyone here.

13. I too feel overwhelmed with the situation we face, the world seems to be going to hell, and America is leading the way. It can seem hopeless. I love you Wil. All the fans reading your Blog do. We are here for you.

14. Remember- you are loved.

15. Things you are effecting for the better, us your family and everyone you meet. It’s rare to find someone like you that is open and honest. That makes you very important and worth helping in every way one can. we are the same age and saw the world change at the same time.I wish it was for the better as it should be but that is not the way it happened. Being an Actor has one thing that I have never heard an actor say as a benefit, to be remembered forever. As long as someone watches a film you are in, no one will ever forget you.

16. You’re right. You’re not alone. ♥️

17. I am sooooo with you in this….

18. Your post reflects my feelings, too. I’ve been on unpaid medical leave (self-quarantine) since the end of March, so I still have a job but I’m not getting paid. I’m three months behind on my rent. My state is protecting people who can’t pay their rent during COVID-19, but when the protection ends…? My landlord is offended that I haven’t paid the rent and has repeatedly threatened to evict us as soon as she legally can. It’s frustrating and terrifying. I’m crying for no reason and for too many reasons. I’m applying for assistance and asking for help and there’s nothing. I’m journaling a lot and screaming into pillows but mostly I’m just scared. How can we afford to move if we can’t afford to stay here? Can my family live in our old Honda with our three dogs? I’m 47 years old. Is this my future?

    Thank you, Wil, for sharing your battles with us. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. 🙂

19. I’ve been focusing on avoiding doomscrolling. It’s quite a challenge, but focusing on what I put into my brain has been very helpful. I am also working on finding the good that’s going on around us. It’s out there, just not what gets the eyeballs.

20. said anyone with a brain….. You just have to step away and protect your sanity. What happened to the calendar!? Did 2020 break it also – will November NEVER ARRIVE!?

21. Hugs. I’ve been feeling it, too. Be well, all.

22. Wil, you are right. Everything you are feeling is absolutely normal. You have every right to feel what you are and should not be ashamed of any of those feelings. I can’t help you to deal with it, only you can – and maybe your family and close circle you let into your life.

    You and I both have these times when we can’t see America emerging as a new nation full of love and compassion. But look to Germany, THEY rebuked Donald Trump for being too much like Hitler. And if the home of the original Nazis can do that, we will too.
    Here’s sending you peaceful vibes.

23. When I started having problems with these thoughts and feelings, it was when Scott Walker won the governorship in Wisconsin and we had been protesting and organizing for 2 months. I was a state employee at that time Scotty and his minions could take everything away from me and everyone I knew. He ended our unions and was destroying all the work we had done, all the positive changes. In the beginning we all felt powerful and we’d show this guy our collective ability to stand against him, but the weeks and months went by and we realized we were getting no where. We collected more than enough signatures needed to recall him, but the people of the state turned against us and he remained. I began seeing someone through my HMO and she taught me two small things that are still serving me (among other things). Maybe this isn’t news to you but I have to remember it all over again all the time and it does help. She would ask me what the immediate dangers were that I could name. Second she had me close my eyes, and do several deep breaths. She explained that this action signals to my (worked up) brain that there is no danger and the chemicals my fears had released in my brain, could stop. It doesn’t get rid of the things that send me into this tailspin, but I could use this to slow the process down and quiet them. I think it’s kind of a time-out for my system. Extremely simplistic, but maybe it will help. Jules

24. It’s a scary time. It’s hard not to worry and fret about those things you can’t control. But, if it helps, Wil, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of people feeling this way, and we have to lean on each other (metaphorically.)

    Here is my candle. Come share the light with me.

25. I’m glad you got to focus on something that made you feel happy and positive and I’m sorry you had such a crash when you finished. I also get the feeling of ‘I know people who are doing so much worse; I’m so lucky in many ways” but being unable to FEEL lucky in any tangible way. I wish I had a clever comment or a silly one that might make you smile. I got nothing. But out of that nothing, I send you a warm (if virtual) hug and a ton of love.

26. We are all feeling it, Wil. You don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your books and website for years, and I’m going to take the liberty and call you my friend. My friend: you can do this. You have an amazing wife( so you tell us), and a supportive community. A (long ago) high school girlfriend posted something recently on social media about cancer, and I told her I was sending whatever karma I had been able to accumulate her way. She said her post was about a friend of hers, and to put my karma to more productive use. Wil, I want you to have my good karma. I’ll hang on to the other stuff. I earned it. You get only the good stuff. I’m not sure how delivery happens, But I am psychically willing it as we speak. Yes. You are getting my good karma my long-ago girlfriend chose to reject. You are welcome.

27. Consider your situation:

    First, we’re living during a global pandemic. Isolation, financial stress, abusive environments etc. are causing rates of reported mental disorders to skyrocket, and this for people who don’t normally experience these issues. As a person who has long-term challenges with depression and anxiety, you are primed to fall into a deeper level of conflict (and I say this from personal experience).

    Second, you’re living in a nation that could be described as a state wherein the lunatics are running the asylum, so as media beings we confront a vast chasm of social cognitive dissonance—again adding to our emotional stress. (It also helps gun sales.)

    Let’s add that you’re a public figure who is not reticent to express your dissatisfaction (i.e. horror) of the current state of politics in America, on several social media venues. This of course opens you up to attack and bullying from the hardcore 35%. These people can use any tactic to destroy those who stand against them, and since you publish so much on your personal life they have a lot of ammunition. (And exploiting the sensitivities of others for control or advantage can be a profession, believe me.)

    All of that links to your personal family history and how it has negatively shaped you as an adult; as William Faulkner said, the past is present. (On a societal level just look at these culture wars over monuments.)

    Considering the above, it would be odd if you felt content; feeling bad in this situation is “normal.” Not that that helps, since this New Normal ain’t so great. The danger is that you can become so despairing you lose control, perhaps even of your life. And since you’re asking for my advice (yes you are, I heard you) here it is:

    There are MANY positive interventions for depression and anxiety; everyone is an individual so these are not off-the-rack solutions. If something has worked for you in the past, continue with it. I take an SSRI, and it works for me; talk therapy doesn’t. The opposite may be true for you but the point is you need to be open to any rational, proven methodology. (And no, that does not include ingesting any form of bleach…even scented.)

    On the negative side, we aren’t gluttons for punishment but we sometimes make ourselves an easy target. I would leave all social media where you may find yourself in a Comments section war—these battles are lose-lose. You can continue to share your life and feelings but do so intelligently, taking a “safety first” attitude. That puts YOU in control.

    So now I have shared with you my wisdom. Go, and be happy forever! [he writes, after his seventh cup of coffee]

28. Wil, I feel like that lately. Everything seems to be imploding. I rarely get depressed but am on the verge of tears often these days. My husband is bipolar so I have to stay positive. It is hard. Knowing that others feel similar helps me to focus outward and think of others. I hope this all clears up soon and you get to feeling what is normal for you.

29. Thank you for this post. Many people feel the same way, and you’re helping them by giving them permission to express it. I’m sorry things are so difficult, but you are much loved by so many, and you’re doing your best to take care of the things you can, and that isn’t nothing. And while there is much we can’t control, I believe that in 100 days or so millions of us who feel the same as you will vote, and while we can’t control much individually, together we will be a force for change.

30. You matter Wil. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else. My kids are much younger than yours, but something that has helped calm our nerves during this is reading aloud as a family. We all take turns choosing a book and then read it to our family. It helps center us and calms us as a shared experience.

31. Hang in there Will.

32. Paraphrased from a friend: Every day we get through brings us one day closer to the end of this mess.

33. I work in educator professional development-particularly for online learning. Since April, every day has brought new more challenging question and demands. I have worked harder, and been busier, that ever before in my life. Career-wise, this should be wildly fulfilling, but it’s terrifying. I’m completely exhausted, scared for our educators, sick to my stomach for our students, and petrified for my child. I struggle with overwhelming anxiety daily and the urge to just pull the covers over my head and hide. I’m currently on day 2 of a mandated 5 day vacation from work (I packed five 40 hour weeks into 3). During this time, I’m going to try to catch up on my doctoral work.

    I share this to say you are not alone. Even those of us who are busy working supposedly fulfilling jobs feel that they are helpless and cannot do enough. This is a terrifying time, and has the potential to be so much worse. Anxiety, and the depression it triggers, is a complete bitch.

    Stay strong. Volunteer to virtually tutor a student-or help a teacher. Together, we will get to the other side.

    VOTE.

34. At times like this is is good to remember what someone once said. “No feeling is final”

    I once knew a man who told me, he keeps going “for no other reason than to consternate his enemies”. Sounded very cynical and silly at first but the more I thought about it the more profound it became to me.

    Good luck Wil, and remember, Wesley Crusher saved the Enterprise from certain destruction on at least 3 occasions, not including the time he saved Captain Picard’s life in the desert cave. So stay positive!

35. I’m on a long drive today with my family and we listened to a Rob Lowe “Literally” podcast, one he did with Conan. Two things I heard come to mind – on the subject of counseling Lowe says an analyst once told him ‘ don’t let your inside be dictated by someone else’s outside ‘ (everyone’s kind of a mess) and an anecdote where Albert Brooks halts Conan’s fanboy gushing by shouting It’s All Nothing – another way of saying the AA mantra “Stay In Your Day.” I was kind of ok in my day when I heard this so it was somewhat affirming.

36. I’ve been stable for 4 years and continued to be so through the pandemic until recently. I have family in healthcare in other states and they’re not really scared, in fact, they volunteer for more hours sometimes. I also hold certain religious beliefs so I don’t fear death; to me there are worse things.

    However, I had my doctor appointment the other day and she was saying that her patient groups have flipped lately. The ones who were stable all this time are starting to have issues and the ones that had serious issues in the beginning of the pandemic are getting better. For me, I’m sad this is continuing this long because important things are happening with loved ones that I can’t get to. And important things are happening with loved ones near me but the rest of my family can’t get to us. My 96 yo grandma with copd had covid early on but she got better with treatment! I know she’s on borrowed time and I have a sick feeling I’m going to regret not seeing her. I could be brave and go there for her but they won’t let me in the nursing home anyway.

    I feel on the edge of crying sometimes so my doctor changed some medication. Honestly, the only thing that’s ever made a substantial impact on my mental health is medicine. I can formulate goals, work, concentrate on projects, take care of my granddaughter, volunteer, socialize, etc with reasonable happiness and energy when my medications are at the right levels!

37. You are not alone.

38. Add some lavender to milk. Leave town with an orange. Pretend you’re laughing at it…works for me

39. Why do frogs make bad drivers? They always get toad.

40. Soooooo am I, my dude. I’ve never commented here, but as a longtime reader I felt you should know that reading your honesty gave me some strength I’ll really need today. Thank you for sharing this; I know it must have been difficult, but it helped others. Hang in there and so will I. ♥️

41. Just thanks. For being honest and vulnerable as always. It helps to know I’m not the only one.

42. I, and everyone I know is struggling now. But in just 100 days we’ll know if this national nightmare will be coming to an end in January and we can begin to heal our wounds. As long as he doesn’t cause a civil war or take us to war in China in the mean time, we’ll get through this together…..

43. Please remember that in the Circle of Things You Can’t Effect, there are also people who love, cherish, value and respect you, and for whom you make the world a better place. And I put them in the Circle of Things You Can’t Effect because you have improved our lives, brightened our days, given us cherished memories, held out visions to us and that cannot be undone. The love and respect you have created returns to you manifold. It’s like sunlight: it shines on you whether you think you deserve it or not. It’s an effect of a natural process that warms and sustains you without needing anything in return except that you continue to exist and be warmed by it.

    I can’t tell you things will get better soon, for you or me or everyone. I can believe it, I can hope for it, I can work for it, and I can know the world will be a better place if you’re there to see it improve along with me and so many others who deserve better days than these.

    Just please know that there’s so much love and hope and happiness that you’ve added to the world, and that it’s all flowing back to you today and every day.

44. Oh thank goodness it’s not just me. I don’t know if it helps to know that you’re not the only one; I know it helps me feel a little less alone.

    But still with the crying…. yes. SO much. I find myself battling tears- or even letting a few loose here and there- multiple times a day. (Like right now.) I really just want for love to win- for people to care about their fellow humans. In all things.

    Now I have to go and pull myself together for an hour or so. Life (and work!) goes on…. Much love heading your way, Wil. (And to Anne!)

45. More than anything else, books and gardening have been my safe harbor in “these trying times.” I hope you find a good book to get lost in and return refreshed, and I hope you have lots of nice flowers and tomatoes in your garden.

46. This may or not be helpful, but the only real help I’ve found is simply focusing on the present moment. I’ve found that depression is basically me ruminating over the past… telling myself stories about what it all meant, and what could have gone better. Anxiety is me telling myself stories about the future, and what might go wrong there. I do it because I feel like somehow I will be more in control or on top of things if I can better understand my past or plan enough for the various crises I can imagine in the future.

    In reality, the past is gone, and who knows what the future holds? The present moment is the only one I can affect. Today, this moment, I can live my life. I can enjoy this day, and focus on doing the best I can in this present moment. As I practice doing that more and more, I realize that my past seems less impactful, most of the stuff I get anxious over never really comes to pass, and most of my “present moments” are actually pretty decent. Pet the dogs, wash the dishes, hug your family, and just be there in that moment.

47. As someone who has been very fortunate to have (more or less) average brain chemistry I felt it might be helpful to know that I’ve been struggling with the lockdown, news, negative political climate, police irresponsibility cycle as well. I have times where it feels overwhelming and I have had at least one instance of crying on my computer console without (individual) provocation. This may be one time it isn’t your atypical brain chemistry lying to you, it really is that bad, right now.

    Also this very fortunate possessor of average brain chemistry would like to thank you for telling us about your good days and bad days. It helps me balance all things in perspective from someone who is atypically sensitive and vulnerable to compare to. “If I feel bad, how much worse must Wil be feeling?” That practice of empathy when not being able to practice empathy face-to-face has been helpful …it really has. Thank you.

48. Hang in there will…I’ve been having a 24 hour-ish panic attack about every other week since the middle of March. One day is fine, and the next…I just fall apart. These are weird times, my friend. I wish there was something I could do to help…take care of yourself, and be gentle with yourself.

49. This’ll sound crazy, but I think City Slickers had it right. The secret of life is one thing, and we each have to figure out what it is for us.

    I’ve been doing this whole living thing for a while, and while I don’t suffer from regular depression I have to admit that I’m pretty tired of it all. Most most days I feel like I’d be happy to just be done. Then i think about my daughter.

    That’s all it takes to get me going again. Because she needs me, and I love her more than anything else.

    What keeps you going?

50. I’m with you. I have been doing OK up until this week and now I have been feeling overwhelmed. Every day I read one article on the goodnewsnerwork.com t remind myself that good people are out there doing good things. It usually eases things, but lately not as much. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing. I appreciate you and what you do. I ope you and your family stay safe and healthy.

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