About once a year or so, I look back through my blog archives just to see what I’ve written about, and to see where I am now, relative to where I was then. Years ago, I was writing lots of stuff here almost every day, so I got a pretty granular view. For the last couple years, I’ve been working on this book so much, in addition to all my other jobs, I just haven’t made it a priority to post here. When I have a quick thought, and a quick minute to spit it out, Facebook is where it goes.
I hate Facebook. Facebook is evil and bad for humanity, and it should be regulated like tobacco or alcohol. Zuckerberg ought to be shipped off to some island for sociopaths where he can live a life of luxury and whatever, and let someone with actual human emotions and some semblance of a conscience make the apparently difficult decisions about promoting Fascism and genocide that Zuckerberg seems to really struggle with.
But I’m an entertainer (so what do I know) and it just makes sense to go where the audience is. You can write the most interesting stuff, make the most beautiful music, perform the most incredible entertainment, but if there’s no audience to receive it, it starts to feel a little pointless. Facebook is where the people are, and something I post there is seen by hundreds of thousands of people, while something I post here is seen by a few thousand at best. Facebook is also where the conversation seems to have moved, and I genuinely enjoy the conversation that used to happen in blog comments, way back in the before times.
“And yet you use Facebook. Interesting.”
Yeah. We’re not doing that.
I’ve taken to cross posting here most of the things I consider important enough to have in my own space, instead of a space controlled by a company that can lock me out for telling a Nazi to go fuck themselves, where I’ll always be able to find them when I do my semi-annual mental clip show. The last few days have been fairly consequential, and I’ve been posting pretty regularly about all this stuff on my Facebook thing. I’m adapting those posts into one big post here, with all my glasses, and my shoes, so I can have them.
22 October, 3:22pm. Feeling Anxious.
I should be working, but…
Huge deadline tomorrow. Just under two years of work coming up to the absolute drop dead date. If I miss it, the whole project dies. The last three or so days has just been this epic, high stakes sprint of rewrites and changes that has been at times exhilarating, exhausting, frustrating … essentially everything that the larger process was for two years, just crammed and concentrated into 72 hours. I don’t really need to do it this way ever again, and will absolutely do again because that’s how I’m wired.
I am so close to being finished! I have two significant things remaining to write. Probably about 2500 or 3000 words, total, before I turn this thing in and don’t get to mess with it any more. I feel like I should be excitedly cranking out those words instead of writing this, so I can get it out the door and get it that much closer to your hands. But I’m holding it more tightly than I have at any other point in the process, because I am so afraid to drop this baby off for its first day of preschool. I know that I have to trust my editors, my publisher, my beta readers, when they tell me they enjoyed it, when I used the valuable notes they gave me to make it better. I know I really have to focus on their supportive voices, even though this loud, insistent voice in my head that’s way too familiar, just will not stop screaming at me THEY’RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU.
I have been writing professionally for about twenty years, but I was today years old when I fully understood what it means when an author says that a book isn’t ever really finished, that it can only be let go. I’m so scared to let this go, y’all. I have this white-hot terror that, if the big, fancy reviewers at the NYT or Publisher’s Weekly or whatever even pay attention to me and this work, that they’re going to be like, “Here’s an extensive examination of all the ways you suck. Zero stars.”
I know a lot of this (okay, all of it) is exclusively in my head and is probably not really supported by an objective reading of the material. I keep reminding myself that all these professionals wouldn’t be supporting this work if my fears and insecurities reflected the material I delivered, instead of just being existential worries inside my skull.
I am doing what I can to get from trembling-with-apprehension to trembling-with-antici-
SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT
…pation. This is a big deal. This is one of those things you work hard for and hope to achieve, and you pour EVERYTHING into it. You work on it so much, it starts to define your days, and on one of those days you look up, realize it’s been two years, and it’s like, “Okay, the work is done and it’s time to put it into the world!”
Oh, here comes that voice in my head, only this time it’s showing me a meme. Gob Bush: I’ve made a horrible mistake.
Thanks, brain. You’re the best. I love you, buddy. Let me know when you’re ready to get back on team Me.
I gotta get back to work. I’m so close. A lot of people are counting on me to turn this in on time.
Gulp.
I think I get to drop the full announcement later this week. Or maybe it’s early next week. That decision is being made by professionals who know what timing is best, and I’m staying in my lane. I do hope you’ll all pretend to be super surprised whenever it hits your feed.
5:25pm
You are all so kind and supportive. I just did about 1000 extremely important words that had to be just right. I read them, and the whole section they go in, to Anne, and she said, “Oh, that’s so much better. I love that.”
I trust her. She loves me enough to be honest with me, and she knows how much I care about this. So I’m letting that whole section go, and heading into the next one.
7:39pm
Okay, maybe this is a little silly? Like it’s liveblogging the last mile of this epic marathon?
But I just finished a very emotional 1000 words, and I’m down to my final thing.
8:28pm
9:51pm
Okay. So.
I finished the writing I had to do. Earlier today, I thought that I needed to do between 2500 and 3000 words, I think I said?
My super great math skills tell me I did just about 2800. My super great estimation skills are just giving me that ‘sup look. Like, they see me. They never doubted me. (My math skills are the kid from Parenthood, running into a wall with a bucket over his head.)
Anyway. I did all those words, put them where they go, annnnnd … I’m done. I’ve been working on this for a couple of years, and tonight, like just a little bit ago, I finished it. This will be one of the most high profile things I will ever do as a writer, maybe the only high profile thing I ever do as a writer, and … now it is … done.
Honestly, I don’t really feel … anything? It’s a little unsatisfying. It feels like something should happen. Like a confetti cannon should go off or something.
What did happen was I leaned forward in the chair I’d been in for ten hours, took a deep breath, and clicked the save icon (which I hear high school kids don’t know is based on the floppy disk? Or what a floppy disk even is?). Then, I let that breath out, as I fell back and then sank into my chair.
I looked over my shoulder at Anne, who I had asked to come look over the last bit to make sure I didn’t leave anyone out, and I said, “Holy shit, I’m finished,” and we did the best fist bump two suburban middle-aged white people have ever done. And then I went and played Mr. Do! to unwind, because I am a 49 year-old teenager.
But I really did expect to feel … something. Maybe not a huge celebration, but at least maybe relief? Or satisfaction? I don’t exactly feel anything as much as I am aware that there had been this thing in front of me that said FINISH THIS, and now that thing isn’t there any more.
I know it was unrealistic to expect the confetti cannon. That’s on me. I would have had to plan that. I don’t know why I thought it would just show up.
I told Anne that I just hope it all holds together, you know? There are parts that I just love, that I’m so proud of, that I loved writing, rewriting, and polishing. There are parts where I feel like I got it as good as I could get it, and I have to trust that somehow nobody will notice because I’m probably the only one who knows exactly what I was going for. Then there are all the parts in between.
And that’s how a bill becomes a law!
Inside my head, that is the funniest goddamn thing I have written in a long time. Maybe in my whole life.
And that is how I know it’s probably time to go lie down forever for a few hours. I get to do a cool thing tomorrow, and I need to be rested, and way more coherent than I am now.
So all of that happened on Monday. On Tuesday, I worked on Ready Room.
26 October 2:14pm
I did an interview for Ready Room today, in our fancy new set that was built specifically for us!
Without getting into spoilers or breaking my NDA, I can safely share that Ian Alexander and Blu del Barrio (who I got to interview today) are two of the most remarkable humans I have have the pleasure of sharing some space and time with. I had to keep reminding myself that they are decades younger than me, because they are so wise and insightful. I know for a fact I was nowhere close to them, intellectually or otherwise, when I was their age. They are just amazing. And Ian is the most stylish person I think I’ve ever been around. I spent WAY more time picking out my clothes for today than I normally would, because I knew he’d be there, and when he (and Blu) noticed, I had a little moment. It was pretty great.
We are members of a very small club, made up of people who were young actors on Star Trek. What are there, like … six? Nine? Of us? It won’t mean to them what it means to me for another decade or so. I hope I still have the privilege of sharing time and space with them when that happens.
I can’t say anything about the episode we shot. That would get me into all sorts of trouble. But I loved every second of it, and I am so grateful.
Sometime between when I posted that, and when we ate dinner, I had a long conversation with my manager about an acting offer I was considering. I’d spent a lot of time talking myself into it and then out of it and then back into it and I just needed some objective counsel from someone who I knew I could trust to have my best interests at heart. I knew he’d help me make the best decision for myself, and for where we hope to steer my professional career in the coming years.
27 October 1:04pm
Okay so I can’t say anything specific about it, but … I just accepted an offer to work a couple days on a network series, even though I’m pretty much retired from on-camera acting.
If you’re familiar with my journey, I think you’ll understand what a big deal it was for me to tell my manager, “I’m really not interested in acting on camera, but I’ll read the script, and if I like it, maybe I’ll do it because I want to, not because I feel like I have to.”
So I did, and I did, and I said yes. On my terms. On my terms, y’all!
What a crazy week this is turning out to be, and it’s only Wednesday.
And because all of this isn’t cool enough already, if everything goes the way we think it will, I’ll get to do a whole book reveal thing tomorrow. It will happen on my Facebook and my Instagram, and eventually find its way here. And then I get to do Ready Room again on Friday. What a crazy week this is turning out to be, and it’s only Wednesday.
This gives me a big case of HAPPY! 💥
Wil, consider this.
You are part of a very exclusive club. You are a published author. Many of your critics are not.
What they say is kinda irrelevant because of the above fact.
Just tell them that when they’re published, they’ll have the standing to criticize you. Until then, it’s just apes pounding on logs for your attention. Don’t give it to them.
Well said!
YAY YOU!! Maybe you were too exhausted mentally to feel the elation of finishing that 2-year project?? I hope the reality you finished it honorably and beautifully kicks in soon. Congrats, Wil!
As a published author, I feel your lack of enthusiasm or pride when a book is done. For me, it’s usually just “Oh God, I hope I didn’t overlook some huge embarrassing error that some reader is going to pick apart.” Congratulations on finishing. I’d send a confetti cannon if I could. You’re an amazing man, one I’ve followed for at least a decade and a half. You’re such an inspiration. Can’t wait to see the next thing!!!
“And that’s how a bill becomes a law!” is really, really funny, but for me “everything’s coming up wilhouse” is the funniest thing I’ve seen you write to date. Both made me laugh out loud, but the blog post title made me guffaw. (“Guffaw” seems really old timey, now that I look at the word.)
When my anxiety is at its spiraling worst, the answer to “What’s the worst thing they could say?” isn’t “They could say no”, it’s “They could say yes, I’ll try it, I’ll bungle it all up and fail spectacularly, the person who said yes will have ALL THE REGRETS, they’ll tell everyone what a failure I am, and everyone will laugh at me and hate me. Anxiety is such a jerk.
I’m really happy for you finishing this, like FINISHING finishing it, and I’m super excited for the big announcement!
Fist bump from another middle-aged suburban white guy. This is an epic post, and it was fun to read. 👍🏼
Well, speaking selfishly, I’d like it if you write a post here, and then link it on Facebook, because that way I’ll get to see it. Stuff you write on Facebook belongs to Facebook. That’s not speaking legally, I don’t know the legality. But it’s sitting on their servers and their TOS allows them to block or show it to whomever they want, whenever they want.
Congrats on the book! Sounds really exciting!
As someone who’s essentially quit Facebook for the same reasons you outline above, I appreciate when you bring things back to us using The Old Ways… Thank you for sharing all this. When we were all younger, your characters were my heroes that I aspired to be… Now that we’re all … less younger… The real you is the hero I get inspired by.
So many happy things!
Congratulations on finishing the book! That’s awesome!!!
I can understand why you don’t really feel like it’s over. It’s not like Christmas where we box things up and move on. Finishing the writing is only the first phase that I imagine will morph into publicity tours etc. All exciting and fun I hope!
I imagine it’s also scary to put your heart out there in the form of your writing, and knowing you will be judged by it. I think you are wonderfully brave and I have confidence that you will be happy with most of the reviews. I admire you for your courage.
I’m excited to read what you’ve written!!
Congratulations on taking a job on your own terms! Do you find that it helps heal something when you get to choose something like that for yourself?
I loved the times on this post. I could feel my excitement growing as I read it. And if you could elicit that from a short blog post, I can only imagine how the writing in the book will reach people.
Hooray!
Good stuff, but I am exhausted from reading the process. My energy ain’t what it use to be.
{{{Flinging pixie dust and glitter – ecologically safe, of course – in your direction.}}} This post gave me all the happys!
Congratulations on The Getting-the-book-done!!! Love the Frodo image. Excellent choice. As an aspiring writer, I’m in the “sending the MS which I’m calling done but probably isn’t” out to agents and thanking God I have a steady job or I really would be depressed by every rejection I’m getting, which I’m not which I guess is because I’m older than the last time I tried to get published (we’re about the same age actually), and because my livelihood doesn’t depend on this, and I’m reasonably happy with what I did even if the agents don’t think it will sell. And I mention all this mostly so you know I really do have some sense of what you’re going through (and a teensy-weensy-bit of glimmer of hope for a crazy moment that “maybe he’ll ask to read my MS?” but like, you have time for that? I know you don’t. Why did I bring it up?) Really awesome news – looking forward to the reveal and going shopping for your new book real soon!
PS thank you for posting this in your blog and not Facebook or I never would have known about it. I haven’t been on Facebook for ages because of “what he said”
I hear you about Facebook, but the truth is, there are other places where your audience resides and they would love to be able to interact with you without being on Facebook or Instagram. The only reason FB is so big is because people think it is the only place to be. Sort of like how we got stuck with Microsoft Office when WordPerfect, Lotus 1-2-3 and other software that was so much better but got pushed out of the top spot due to marketing. Interesting thing I’ve noticed lately is that many of the folks I follow, who have had a HUGE following on FB have pretty much exited the platform. They have moved on to places that provide better service, better interaction with their communities and a better overall experience. It comes down to choice – are you a leader or a follower?
Ah, so thrilling to hear about your projects! Your joy and excitement is contagious, and I’m doing the Kermit flail gif for you!
It gives some comfort to know that someone as talented and accomplished as you suffers from Imposter Syndrome just like me.
I am looking forward to all those projects bursting out into the world.
Am I weird because I never used Facebook?
Well, that makes at least two of us! At first it was because my kids were starting college when it first came out and by the time it opened up to non-students, I felt like my kids could feel like I was trying to snoop. Then as time passed it began to look like there was more danger (like info hacked) than advantage. Then all the other negatives appeared and snowballed and I became proud of never having been on it. (My kids dropped out of it about 8 years ago.) However, it pisses me off that so many companies and local governments rely on Facebook entirely for online communication. On holiday weeks I have to find out what day my trash is going to be picked up by asking a “conservative” neighbor who I know is frequently on Facebook!
Well, there are at least three of us because Stephen Colbert just said that he has never had a Facebook account.
Wil this is the first time I’ve read your blog that I found via FB. I agree with your sentiments about FB so much crap floating around. However, it’s the easiest way for me to keep track of grandkids. I just wanted to say I love you blog and writing style here. I will also be watching for your book. Have a fantabulous day.
This is brilliant Wil! I can’t wait to read and see what you have been doing!
I totally agree about Facebook but have only stayed on there for Amanda Palmer, a Terry Pratchett book club and YOU!
I’m willing to hang around on that platform to be privvy to your world – thanks for sharing.
I love all of this for you! Anne being an awesome sounding board, agent helping you decide if the part is worth going on camera because you like the script, knocking the writing out under the wire, all the things!
Can’t wait to pre-order what you’ve written!
Congratulations 🎉 on finishing the project and guarding your boundaries well.
I’ve seen all these posts individually, but seeing them all together just brings me such joy. I like when good things happen to good people, and you, Wil, are one of the best. So very happy for you.
Wil, congrats on the gig! Kudos on doing what YOU like to do, not what you HAVE to do. Re Facebook-I get it. FB could have so much good about it – it is good about keeping families and friends in touch with posts, pictures, videos and chats. It is so bad in that its worse then pulling teeth to get bullies and instigators off the platform and their hate banned! If there was an alternative that everyone was comfortable using, I’d go for it! (Twitter is where I post my opinion pieces and it’s easier to get trolls and their hate off). Until then..sigh. But thanks for the blog!
Writing and putting things into the world is like letting go of a piece of yourself. Sometimes you notice, sometimes you don’t in the moment but it hits you later. You’ve had an emotional week. Have a cup of tea and a bit of chocolate.
Now I can’t wait! Listen Wil; I had a friend many years ago, who told me a very profound thing and it usually works for me. He said, “When you’re really worried about a bad thing happening, just sit down and imagine the worst has happened and now you have to deal with it. Imagine what you would do, what you would say, the people who’d be on your side, those who’d criticize; just live the whole thing in your mind.” When you do that, it sort of takes away much of the fear because, in your mind, you’ve already dealt with the worst that could happen. Anything after that can only be better; and if the outcome IS the worst, (which it never is), you’ve had a rehearsal and you’re not caught off-guard. It helps.
PS. If you’d told Anne about the party poppers, she would have had them ready! I just know it.
Wil, I’ve been reading this blog since about the time you started it. I love to see how you’ve changed through the years, with all your trials and tribulations and the times you shared you were really happy. So this is great to see. I don’t do Facebook, so don’t get to see what you do there, but I totally get why you need to be on it.
About trusting others help on your book. I was working on a short film, had it all wrapped and edited and then I decided to change the sound track at the last minute. Thank god someone looked at it before I shipped it off and said, “WTF did you do!” I had to roll things back and it’s a good thing I did. You really do have to trust other people to be real with you.
Thanks for cross-posting this or I would never have seen it.
I am ridiculously excited for you! ‘I wonder what’s up with Wil’s book these days?’ popped into my head out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago because my brain squirrels are like that — and evidently they were also a little psychic this time?? Thank you for sharing your writing journey with us. I’ve been cheering and urging and encouraging my screen along the way and am proud of you for reaching this point! (Yeah, I know, ‘proud of you’ from Random Internet Person is worth about half a handful of used confetti. But I am proud of you! 🙂 )
I’m so excited to read this, Wil!!! Honestly cannot wait. Sometimes I think I’d read a shopping list you wrote. That’s my highest compliment to a writer. I’ve only said it about Charles de Lint and Ben Aaronavitch, so there you go.
I adore you, sir. That is all.
I so relate to your feeling of knowing that something is as ready for release into the world as it’s going to be, but still wanting to hang on to it with both hands. Also the feeling after release that it’s business as usual, when the angels should be breaking into an alleluia chorus. But most of all I relate to the tremendous satisfaction of feeling that you’re doing something on your own terms – maybe for the first time in a long time. Congratulations!
You did it! 🥳🎊👏
Love it!
Thanks for posting this, Wil! Like others have said, I wouldn’t have seen it if you hadn’t posted it here, but I totally understand that you need to go where the audience is.
This is the “All We Ever Wanted Was Everything” novel, right? If so, I’m amazingly excitedly excited. (If it isn’t, I’m still excited, but I would want to know what it is!)
OMG, what to say, Wil?! Not that I want anyone to suffer from the “Thunder Dome Mind Fuck Ping Pong” but it does my heart good to read that other people DO suffer from it like I do. And that you can have these feelings and not die. And that you can have these feelings and still get shit done. And that you can have these feelings, know that they aren’t the boss of you, and still get your truth out. I adore reading about your process and feelings. Thanks for making it available to those of us who love to read what you write!
This is very exciting news! Congratulations on both your new book and on choosing this acting gig! I can’t wait to read and see both.
Thank you for the update! Exciting times!
toasts you To the book, to the interviews, to the new acting gig and to it being on your terms only! Everything really is comin’ up Wilhouse!
as always, pours one out for the chickens and firemen in the tech booth
This is so awesome! After relistening to your audio books I asked you a question on your tumblr account that sort of addressed this kind of thing. It’s ok. No need to respond to me on tumblr now. I’ll be fine. <sad_tenth_doctor_in_the_rain.giv>
Congratulations on all of the things you have been working on coming together so well for you. That’s such a great feeling.
Thanks to Wil for doing this. I quit Facebook a couple years ago, a luxury I have enjoyed since I kinda-sorta retired from the entertainment industry. So, I’m glad to be able to read these things I might otherwise have missed. Appreciate it, jerky. You want me to bring my fuckin’ tools?
It is nice you have the freedom to chose when and how you do take an on-camera role. You don’t have the pressure to be on-camera because you are a starving artist and need ever role that comes along. The freedom you have as an actor – voice-overs, cameos, on-camera, being a host and commentator (which if you think of it, you do here.) you now have is a good thing – you don’t HAVE to do you, you WANT to do it because you now enjoy the work. (I tell you, that “Criminal Minds” episode you did a few years ago was great because it was a meaty role as an unsub and might have been the first time you played a really bad guy!)
and congratulations on finishing the book.