CW: Child abuse, self-harm, suicide.
I did this interview for Access Hollywood that aired yesterday. In this interview, I told my whole truth, like I have before, about the things I have survived. When Access Hollywood told me they’d have to reach out to my parents to get a comment, I told them I understood and respected their journalistic integrity. I also told them that my parents would lie, that my mom would say “I’m shocked! I had no idea!” and that she’d claim we were such a close family it’s all just a huge surprise. Also she would say something about how angry I am.
That’s exactly what she did. They are nothing if not predictable.
I was thinking about this huge lie my mother tells herself and the world, last night. The big lie that she didn’t force me to become a child actor when I was seven, that it was all my idea. The last few weeks have been challenging for me, while I promote and talk about Still Just A Geek, surviving abuse and neglect, and constantly revisiting painful, traumatic parts of my life. It’s kind of like picking at a wound that’s doing its best to heal, right? You don’t rip the scab all the way off, but you’re still poking at it. So I was just kind of unwinding things in my head, like I do, and I remembered that when my mom took me to my first audition, it was actually her audition. She brought me along to be her scene partner. I CLEARLY recall feeling like I wasn’t supposed to be there, and that she was springing me on casting at the last minute. “This is my son and we can do it together” or something like that. I was a sweet kid, full of energy and enthusiasm. I wanted everyone to be proud of me, so I took direction extremely well. I don’t know if it’s true, but I recall being told over the years by the casting people that I crushed that audition, that day. Those same casting people loved this kid, who they were going to bring in all the time. My mom and I booked the commercial, together.
Relatively soon after we shot that commercial, she made me to go her commercial agency and tell the children’s agent, “I want to do what mommy does,” which she has lied to herself about for 40 years. I clearly remember sitting at the kitchen table at our house in Sunland, while she coached me on how the meeting was going to go. She played the agent and I was me. She gave me commercial copy to practice. She coached and prepped me and I went along with it because I WAS SEVEN. (I had lunch with my childhood agent about three years ago. I asked her specifically about that day, and she remembered that I was very good at reading the copy, I had clearly been coached and prepared, and she told my mom that she’d send me on a couple auditions to see how it went. After that, I rarely talked to the agent directly.)
I can’t remember specifically when I first said “I just want to be a kid,” but I can still see the late 70s smog, and smell the exhaust all around us as I begged her for what feels like years to stop making me do this, while we sat in traffic on the freeway after school, going to and from auditions, day after day after day. Once, in my teens, I was trying to talk with her about that, trying to understand why she didn’t hear me, and she said “I always let you book out when you wanted to take a break,” which is a weird choice of language if it was all my idea and something I really wanted to do so much. Also, I never once — never once — asked to go back and audition again. But after some period of time, she ALWAYS pressured me to go on auditions again until I gave in.
None of that supports her lie that it was all my idea. I mean, that’s unsurprising because it’s a lie, but she was so good at manipulating and gaslighting me, I spent some considerable time in my life trying to convince myself that it was true. I did EVERYTHING I could to make myself believe it was true, because I wanted to be seen and loved and accepted in my family and that was the only way I knew how.
The other big lie she tells herself is that we were this extremely close, tight-knit family. I know she desperately wants to believe that. I know she worked harder than anything else at presenting that image to the world. It just is not true. I know from relatives and people who were part of my childhood that other adults could not stand my parents. They saw exactly who and what they were, especially how manipulative my mother was. Our family was not close. We were cloistered. There’s a huge difference, but to a self-absorbed, controlling, narcissist, it’s the same thing.
The thing about this particular lie is that, if we were this tight-knit family, how could she be shocked and have no idea that her husband was relentlessly bullying me? How could it be a shock to her, after she made me apologize to him the few times I stood up for myself? How could she be shocked and have no idea that I didn’t want to be an actor, when I literally BEGGED HER FOR YEARS after she forced me to start, to just let me be a kid? She’s only shocked because she was so self-absorbed she chose to ignore the pain she was inflicting on her son. On her child. On me. When I was 7 years-old. She has no idea because she deliberately looked the other way whenever I was in pain or I needed her to show up for me as my mother. She’s shocked and had no idea because she chose to replace what was actually happening in my life and our family with a giant lie.
I know she needs these lies she tells herself to be true, because they are the foundation she built her entire life upon. If she has to accept that she traded her child away so she could be popular, or at least be close to popularity, if she has to accept that she heard her seven year-old child BEGGING, “Mommy, please let me be a kid. I just want to go home and play with my friends,” and dismissed that because it got in the way of what she wanted for herself, I don’t think she could handle it.
Here is the saddest part of all: I told all of my truth to Access Hollywood. I told the same truth I’ve been telling for years. The part my mom got upset about and pushed back on is her big lie that she didn’t force me to be an actor. Not the abuse I endured. Not their theft of the money I earned. Not the exploitation they allowed. Not the physical and psychological abuse she witnessed firsthand when she made me and my sister do The Curse. The thing she was REALLY upset about is having to answer for the fundamental choice she made when she forced me to become a child actor. Just that one thing. The lie she built her whole life on. That’s the thing she lost her shit about. Not that she was so unavailable, and my dad was so cruel to me, that I seriously contemplated killing myself more than once when I was in my teens. She didn’t care about that. And he had no comment. Because that’s about me and my pain, not something they can make about themselves where they are the victims or whatever.
It’s been clear for as long as I can remember that my mom and my dad don’t feel bad or anything about how much they hurt me, or how much their choices affected my life. My dad doesn’t care at all, and never did. My mom is just embarrassed that her lies are being exposed, and that the story she’s told people about herself is threatened. Well, if you don’t like the true story … maybe you could have written it differently.
In Still Just A Geek, I directly address my mom. I try, once more, to somehow get her to hear my truth, but “the woman I knew for 46 years is probably working hard on her victim narrative right now,” and that seems to be accurate. And ultimately, what choice does she have? If my mom admits to herself that she forced me to do all of this, even when I literally BEGGED her to stop, she would have to take an honest look at her entire life. When I told her “I want you to be my mom and not my manager,” she said, “I can’t believe you would take that away from me.” Again, not exactly the sort of thing you say when you’re supporting your son who really wants to do this because it’s his idea.
She stole my childhood from me, so she could feel popular. To be honest, I’m relieved she feels embarrassed and maybe even some shame, because at least it means that, somewhere in her alcoholic brain, she knows what she did to me. She knows that I put up with all of it, silently and alone, for my whole life. And when I couldn’t endure that any longer, when I tried as hard as I could to work through all of this with her and my dad, all they had were excuses, deflections, accusations, and absolutely no interest in actually participating in my recovery. So I made the choice to live the rest of my life without her and my dad and my brother in it. They can be who they are and live the lie they need to believe about me, without my presence inconveniently reminding them that none of it is true. (Sidebar: I’ve spoken with multiple professionals who have affirmed to me that children can grow up in the same house and have profoundly different experiences with their parents. This is particularly true when there is a Golden Child and a Scapegoat. Of course my brother is close to our parents. They poured nothing but love and affection and support into his life from the day he was born. They are kind and loving grandparents to my nephew. That doesn’t make the way they treated me untrue.
~
Real quick: there’s a lot in this post and I want to take a moment here to tell you that if you’re hurting, there are wonderful people who are waiting RIGHT NOW to help you. I didn’t know that when I was suffering the most. I also didn’t have instant (and private) access to resources and professionals online to counsel me via my phone or laptop or whatever. I can’t tell you how to approach your journey, but I can show you two places you can start: https://www.mentalhealth.gov/ or https://nami.org/Home
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I’ve bought Still Just A Geek but haven’t gotten to read it yet, apologies if this is covered in the book, but: I have a 7-year old son. Even if a kid that age says they want something, they don’t have the maturity to understand what a long-term commitment means. Every expert in child psychology will tell you the same. Our government doesn’t let a 7-year-old sign a contract, and neither should their parents.
Example: there’s a fencing school near our house, and when my son turned seven (the minimum age), we asked him if he wanted to enroll. He was super-enthusiastic, and took a few classes. After the first one, he told us he did not like it and did not want to do it again. But just like a 7-year-old shouldn’t be forced to start a long-term commitment on a whim, they shouldn’t be forced to drop one either. So we talked to the instructor, understood what he was having difficulty with, thought of some ways to address it, and told him that he should give it another shot. He took a few more lessons, some of which he enjoyed and some did not. After a month, he still was not enjoying himself, and even though we had spent several hundred dollars on equipment and lessons, we unenrolled him. Maybe he’ll take it up again some day, maybe he won’t. He gave it a shot, and it wasn’t for him. He’s now taking basketball classes with that time instead, and having a great time.
Even if acting had been your idea, even if you had been thrilled to do it the first few times, by the time your kid is consistently and repeatedly asking to stop doing this, I cannot imagine as a parent not listening to my child, and if it isn’t something absolutely required like food or school, I can’t imagine forcing him to continue.
This. Even if Wil thought acting was cool for five minutes, he was still seven. For her story to be true, Wil’s mother would also have to think that he had an adult’s ability to comprehend and accept all the long term ramifications, and then should also be held to it… at seven years old. I mean Hell, at seven I wanted to be Batman.
I. Believe. You.
Thank you.
These can be three of the most powerful words that someone can ever say.
After I first read that you didn’t choose to be an actor I started to wonder if any child actors really choose it. Even if they go on to really like it an adult probably brought it up first. I don’t think a child could really grasp all the weird ins and out of the whole thing for their consent to be properly informed.
But the more you talk about your mom and the more therapy I do the more it seems like our moms are cut from the same cloth. Mine never had aspirations like yours. Instead I was the built in babysitter while she gallivanted around the countryside on a drug bender and essentially blamed me for existing. So, I feel ya and I’m sure there are many more out there like us. There’s a certain comfort in knowing I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing.
So much of this resonates through me even through I didn’t personally experience it. I have friends who had narcissistic parents. One set of grandparents were abusive, cruel and thieves. My mom figured out that if her mother had done something as a parent, likely she should do the opposite, and most of the time it worked! I do have brain chemistry issues, but I was encouraged to find help, so I did. How are there so many of us born in the 1960s, lived thru the 70s & 80s, who survived with some modicum of sanity?
You are taking amazing care of that little boy who you carry inside you – he is seen, his story is heard. May you always be surrounded by the love and support you both should have had all along. The Open Mind program tonight was incredible. Thank you for sharing your story there.
The most important thing, Wil, is that you have a strong and competent support system that you can rely on, listen to, and retreat to when all of this gets to be too much.
Thanks for this, Wil. Your journey, and your honesty about it has helped me immensely.
You and I worked together briefly, years ago (no reason to remember me, it was a single day) and I saw in you a startling amount of pain. As time passed, I realized I saw myself reflected in that. You prompted me to look at my life in a way I never had, and it’s the hardest thing I think I’ll ever do. Each day brings something new, and I’m blessed by friends and a partner who are helping me recover from my childhood.
It’s been a very tough journey, and I don’t think it’s ever going to be ‘over’. I think of you when I hit a tough patch, and hope to find the kind of grace and bravery you’ve shown.
Thanks for this, Wil. Your journey, and your honesty about it has helped me immensely.
You and I worked together briefly, years ago (no reason to remember me, it was a single day) and I saw in you a startling amount of pain. As time passed, I realized I saw myself reflected in that. You prompted me to look at my life in a way I never had, and it’s the hardest thing I think I’ll ever do. Each day brings something new, and I’m blessed by friends and a partner who are helping me recover from my childhood.
It’s been a very tough journey, and I don’t think it’s ever going to be ‘over’. I think of you when I hit a tough patch, and hope to find the kind of grace and bravery you’ve shown.
I absolutely believe you.
I’ve read the original Just A Geek but not Still Just A Geek, so I don’t know if this has been address: I know you had plenty of valid reasons for quitting Star Trek, but with the revelations you’ve been making recently, I can’t help but wonder if maybe subconsciously you were also sticking it to your mom a bit by finally asserting yourself?
I’m currently reading still just a geek and I am heart-broken for you. It makes me (and my wife) reconfirm the way we are with our kids an their interests (dance) and how that affects them. We tell them ALL the time it’s OK to not do it anymore if that’s what you want. Mixed in with a little – if you promised something you need to deliver but if it’s no longer making you happy let’s explore other options. My eldest this week chose to NOT audition for the mid-year show (she was lead last year). And that is MORE than OK. I just hope more people read this and the book and understand there is a different between you and your child.
Thank you for posting this. I have a similar narrative in my childhood, different goals from the mother, but same tactics, results and lies. Your eloquence helps put words to the suffering I endured, even after cutting off my abusive family like a gangrenous limb. I wish you joy.
I believe everything that you have posted Wil, I lived through much of it myself. I had the added burden of living with what I know now is Aspergers. My Father was an abusive alcoholic, as well as a card carrying narcissist. If you listened to half the people in town, he was an Angel, the life of the party. we were the damn YMCA Family of the Year for Pete’s sake. Close the house door however, and the real life began. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything that you’ve written, it’s helping me day by day to tear down the wall that I built up around myself.
I’m sorry you went through all this and I’m relieved you are still with us.
I’m so glad that you’re still here
Thank you for sharing your story. I am reminded of an incredible book I recently read: “The Wild Truth” by Carine McCandless, sister of Christopher McCandless whose story was told in “Into The Wild”. I think you would be especially moved by it.
Hi Wil,
I just wanted to say, don’t forget how much joy and awesomeness your role as Wesley C brought to millions of fans. I was a huge TNG fan as a child and still am. The content you and your co stars and writers created changed the game of sci fi and remains to this day one of the best sci fi series out there. So thank you, and I’m sorry that you were forced into that role.
(((((Massive hugs)))))
I see you. I believe you. I’m glad you are still here with us sweetheart. All the love my friend 💗
I believe everything you say, and I’m so sorry for your experience. When all of us who grew up in enmeshed, dysfunctional families with Narc parents, start sharing stories? The same themes are scattered throughout. It’s textbook as they say. Thank you for speaking and sharing your truth for all of us. Truly.
I am so happy for you that you found strength in yourself to bring it up for the world to hear. I am so happy for you that you decided to express your hatred and betrayal you experienced. I am so happy that your feelings are resonating in hearts of other people. Does not matter how old you are now, does not matter how much time passed since you were abused by your very own mother. The only thing that matters is that you are fighting it. I hope that one day I, too, will find a way to express why exactly I hate my mother. I do, but I cannot find a reasonable reason why do I do. I know she did a lot of good things for me, I know she always had my future in my mind. My very own, not like in your case. But even though, I hate her and I so not know why. She’s always expecting so much from me. And I am indeed an amazing person, I achieved so much and earning so much for a person with age and life experience and opportunities I had (zero opportunities, I studied in a countryside school, never had any special classes, yet I am there), but she always expects me to be even more marvelous and spectacular person. That’s a lot of pressure on me. I know I will get there, I know I will be among the most amazing people living in the current generation, I have absolutely zero doubts about that, but the pace she is forcing is driving me nuts.
Wil, I’m glad you told your truth. It will help someone, somewhere.
In your kid pictures, you look so, so skinny. Too skinny. I hope that wasn’t something that was going on, too.
I’m so sorry that you went through this, and that I never knew this about you. I’m not sure if it would make you feel better, but your role in TNG was motivational for me to feel good about who I was and remain interested in technology… and now I’m giving back to society in (I hope) a large way.
That said, I’m so happy to see you in roles now that (I hope) are your choice and enjoyable. Any time my wife or I see you appear in anything nowadays, it brings a huge smile to both of our faces.
My heart hurt for you when I heard you discuss considering suicide on Access Hollywood. I believe you, and I am so glad you have been getting help & support to push through all this.
I believe you. And even if you had wanted it, consent can be withdrawn. Aand even if you’d run away and done it without her, the moment you asked for it to stop, it should have. Aaand ffs kids all want to be a ton of careers, that real desire doesn’t mean they then have to immediately start the job and then keep it. They did you wrong. My adoptive family experience is very much like you describe, they think they’re amazing and that I’m homeless and on disabled because I don’t pray enough “like them,” even though my caseworker made me cry accusing me of “grace.” I’m about your age, you on Star Trek TNG made me believe there was more to reality than the pain and weird work/neglect I was trapped within, sometimes instead of suicide the fantasies were about slipping realms like the traveler. I’m sorry that came at your expense. Thank you for modeling speaking ones truth, you’re doing the helping thing again, I hope it hurts less this time.
I cannot tell you how much your story resonates with me… Seeing you explain it, trying to get someone outside of yourself to truly understand what it felt like, what it feels like.. Fuck, man, society gaslights children of narcissistic parents to the point of retraumatizing.
I’m so sorry to hear what you went through. I’m so sorry that you’re still to a degree going through it. When you call out how your mom picks a single piece of what you say and denies it while completely ignoring the rest of what you say, I FEEL that. I’ve similarly sent my mother a thorough breakdown of what she did to cause such pain, and all she did was latch onto a single point I made and denied it – a denial that was also a lie.
It seems you’ve found a degree of peace, and I’m happy to see you’ve been able to make a happy family of your own. Thank you for sharing!
I believe you. Despite your pain you keep giving. Thank you for sharing your experience. The world is a better place for having you.
I’m glad that you’re standing strong in response to the trials you’ve had in your life. This is grit, and it’s laudable.
But… the perl hacker in me sees the hanging paren from your sidebar, and feel that you need more support and intervention. 🙂
I believe you, Wil. And I am so proud of you for flourishing despite the terrible start. I hope you look at the life you’ve built and your family (Anne and your kids) and feel pride and love every day. Best wishes to you, always.
What strikes me as bananas, not that my opinion is an important one here, of course, is that your mother insists that you chose to be an actor, as though that would absolve her of anything. Just because a child wants something, doesn’t mean you have to give it to them. She was your parent and she was responsible for making good choices for seven year old you, and she clearly didn’t do that. Even IF you had asked to be an actor, a good mother would probably come to the conclusion that seven years old is too young to have a job.
Thank you for sharing, Wil. Thank you for staying earth side. I’m glad you’re still here and doing good things. I hope all the good things Little Wil deserved are being meted out to Today Wil. I’m so sad and sorry you weren’t given the protection all children deserve.
I appreciate you seeing this. The lies she tells herself fall apart under even the slightest scrutiny, which says a lot about her and what’s important in her life (it isn’t me).
Heart wrenching. I believe you and cannot imagine having lived that experience. Thank you for sharing this.
It matters.
Thank you for your words and speaking out. My mother was a narcissist with a drug problem (for which she did eventually go to treatment and get help) and I was constantly trying to be good enough at everything growing up but never succeeding. Her love for me was conditional at best. I did have moments where at times I have felt like things would be better if I wasn’t around because I was such a failure but I was fortunate that my dad was supportive and gave me the unconditional love that every child deserves until he died unexpectedly in 2017. After my mom passed away in 2018, I’ve been trying to eliminate the echo of her voice that I still hear at times saying the hurtful things she would say to me as a child that are just soul crushing. It’s not as loud as it used to be but it’s a battle when it’s all you’ve ever known. I recently was talking to a friend and I also wonder how I made it to where I am now in my life. There are so many things I will never have answers to but I have to be ok with that. I’ll be 44 later this year and I know now that I am enough- just as I am, that I matter and that I am worth fighting for- and so are you! I just purchased your book this morning and I’m looking forward to reading it. Thank you again Will!!
I’m sorry this was your experience and I understand the pain. ❤️
I believe you, and I see you.
I also understand. My brother was the Golden Child, and I was the Scapegoat. No matter what he did, it wasn’t that bad and he was misunderstood (my brother has spent most of his adult life incarcerated, BTW) … and no matter what I did, it wasn’t quite good enough — any B grade should have been an A, and if I didn’t get the lead in the musical, it was because I sucked — not because the lead was a soprano and I was an alto, but because I wasn’t any good.
Your admission in the video made me cry. Thank you for continuing to speak out.
As someone that literally wrote a book and self-published it about his narc mom, I spent this whole thing nodding. I wasn’t a child actor or anything but this behavior? I recognize it. For what it’s worth, you’re not alone.
I am going to find you[1] and give you a hug, Wil.
[1] I am not actually going to track you down, it’s a metaphor.
Wil, I am so sorry you had to endure this. I want to hug that little boy and tell him how much he meant to me, even though he has no idea who I am. You see, I was mostly invisible as a child. My step-dad had six kids of his own, all boys, and all but one grown and out of the house by the time my two sisters and I went to live with him and my mother. He adored my sisters, because he had all boys up until then, so I was mostly invisible. We shared a love of sci-fi, though, and TNG brought us close together. Even at the end, when he was housebound and bedridden, and I’m not sure even completely aware that I was in the room, I sat down every single week and watched reruns of TNG and DS9 with him. So, even though you were suffering, you were forging a bond between father and son, and are part of the son’s most cherished memories of his father. For that, I owe you an amount of debt that can never be repaid. Thank you for not making that irrevocable decision. The world would have been much emptier without you in it, and I may have never developed that bond which makes me consider my step-dad my father and not just my mother’s second husband. Now I have to go wipe the dust out of my eyes 😉
Mr. Wheaton,
I just wanted to stop here to say you have my sincere sympathies for going through that.
Very similar experience with a narcissistic mother and golden child. Some people thought she was this great mom because she went to most of our activities — often the ones she was making us participate in for her own ego needs. She was wildly competitive with me as well (made no sense). She ignored it when I was molested and didn’t get any help for me afterward. She lied constantly about past events (even through I had documentation, which I did tell her). On the upside, I had a great example of the parent I did NOT want to be. Although I made mistakes parenting, I have raised two lovely women who are super close to each other, and we truly enjoy each other’s company. I am so sorry this happened to you. Grieve for that little kid who was you. It helped me. I got a picture of myself and thought, I would have done anything to support that little girl.
It’s very sadly unfortunate that there is no requirement for training to be a parent, as so many of us fail badly by parenting as we were parented, often without the capacity for self-reflection, without which sincere apologies cannot exist. One can spend one’s whole life longing for the parents that were needed and deserved, but a better therapy is to address that longing by parenting the child that we were, ourselves; to love and accept that child; to be profoundly considerate of the needs of that child; to keep it safely with us. (So many of us continue to reject that sad and lonely abandoned child.)
I remember seeing you in Stand By Me and being very moved by your tender sensitivity. That you can embrace the child you were with that sensitivity and compassion is tremendously healing.
Wishing you self-love, self-care, born of self-reflection.
Wil, we are around the same age, and I’ve been reading your blog since the very early days. I want to call you my friend, even though we don’t know each other (other than 1 or 2 very brief encounters at cons many many moons ago). I feel this way because of your honesty and your willingness to talk about your trauma. It’s been a very long haul following you over the years and it’s just amazing to essentially see first hand how much you’ve grown and matured as a person. I personally had a great childhood with a large and loving family. But in my adult years, and recently the past 10 years or so, life has been a genuine challenge. It gives me comfort to see how you’ve dealt with your pain and continue to do so in a positive way, and gives me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel Thank you.
Hey, Wil: I believe you. I believe you because I’ve walked a parallel path.
One thing I’ve learned: Neither parent deserves your forgiveness.
Do not give in to the B.S. attitude of but to heal you gotta…
NO. You heal on YOUR terms. You are strong & honest. And we love you exactly the way you are.
I have gifted “Just a Geek” to my kids, and to other friends. Where can we find what is new is this edition?
Yeah Buddy it totally stinks having a Mom who is only looking out for herself. Have one. She still does it today. A little crazy to boot.
After hearing the same excuse every time we wanted to visit: ‘I am just too tired, weak, busy, etc.today… The wife and I have just given up trying to see her as a valuable part of our lives or our kid’s. No play dates. No birthday celebrations (unless it is Mom’s birthday, then invitations are sent out to any family that might decide to come by). Messed with my head in the 80’s with the whole ‘aliens are probing us’ thing. Took years and some therapy for that nonsense… Married three times and miserable with ALL of them. Meh. Unfortunately we are both better off without that kind of poison in our lives.
Wil, thank you. I believe you.
I grew up with a narcissistc and abusive mother and father. I was also the scapegoat. I’ve read your stories over the years and have so much love and respect for you. Hope one day I get to meet you. Thanks for always being so open with us because it has honestly helped me feel less alone in this world, which I felt for so many years. You’re awesome.
My son was pushed into the movie business by my late mother. She had a friend in the Casting Business in Pittsburgh PA. Sharon Stone made a movie that was a remake of an old French film about a Murder at a Boarding School. My son looked like the Kid from Little Man Tate, who was in this movie. My son was his stand in. With his Movie Check he purchased a computer. Today he is a programmer in New York City. He recently turned down a 1 Million dollar deal to update the Turner Classic Movie Data Base. He is making a lot of money and very happy.
‘I know she needs these lies she tells herself to be true, because they are the foundation she built her entire life upon.’
If they fight the cognitive dissonance, they have to actually start to tear down the reality of their identity. There’s a really good podcast about the neuroscience behind how our brains convince us of realities. It’s on the Hidden Brain Podcast and it’s called “When You Need it To be True”.
She may never change, or she may, but she’s clearly unwilling to do the work to hear you. I’m sorry she repeats the same lies. These stories are so close to my own, especially being bullied by my mom’s husband that my heart breaks hearing that other people are/were treated like this as well.