Yesterday, in r/losangeles, someone asked folks to share their weirdest celebrity encounter. This comes up about every three months, and regular posters in that subreddit know that it’s only a matter of time before the entire thread is horrifying, shocking, come-on-that-never-happened tales starring Andy Dick. Like, every single time. And the stories are always different, though basically the same.
So I went into that thread to see how long it took for the Andy Dick stories to get to the top (4 hours) and saw someone relate how they saw Gary Busey at LAX, and he was just sort of badgering everyone who was near him. I commented that I have seen him at LAX two different times, separated by at least a decade, and he was doing exactly that both times. You know that Far Side “How Nature Says Do Not Touch”? This is where I gesture toward Gary Busey and his teeth.
In response to that, someone asked me to flip the thread and share my weirdest fan encounter. I don’t know that I have one that’s weird (the space between weird and terrifying in this instance is measured in microns), but I do have two that are especially memorable, so I shared those.
I’ve had people behave in appalling ways, treating me like a thing, like a Pokemon to be caught and displayed. One guy followed me into a bathroom at an airport, literally trying to shove a pile of 8x10s into my face while I was at the urinal. I’m a generally laid back person, and I lost my shit at that guy. In retrospect, I should have just peed all over him. His version of the story must be … interesting.
But that’s a real outlier. I’m so lucky that I seem to draw the attention of kind and gentle people more than anything else, so those are the people who tend to approach and interact with me.
My favorite (well, most memorable) experience in recent memory was about … maybe six or seven years ago. My wife and I were in San Francisco for work, and we were waiting at a light to cross the street. This guy comes up from our left, jogging, and as he passes us, this sixth sense I have developed to keep me safe tells me that this guy just made me, and I need to be aware of that. Luckily for me, there are endless escape routes in this moment, but something in this guy’s body language tells me I won’t need them. (Hypervigilance, which is part of my body’s response to trauma, takes all of that stuff in, processes it, and blares it all back at like an air raid siren in the span of about a second and a half. WE ARE AT DEFCON 2 PEOPLE.)
He stops jogging and does that jogging backwards thing. He says, “Are you on The Big Bang Theory?”
He’s jogging in place which always looks funny to me, even though I’m a runner and do it myself.
I tell him that I am. His face lights up. “I knew it! Oh man! I love you on that show!”
WE ARE BACK AT DEFCON 5.
“Thank you!”
Then he takes a second while he’s thinking of something and says, “this is embarrassing. I know that your character is Wil Wheaton, but I don’t know what your name is.”
That’s when I got to tell him that I am Wil Wheaton Prime, and that the Wil Wheaton he sees is a character.
“I had no idea you were a real person!” He said. Then, he kind of caught himself, like maybe he’d insulted me or been unkind.
Oh buddy. You have no idea.
“Oh, I assure you, I am a fully functional human being with a backstory and everything,” I laughed.
He laughed with me. The light changed. We did a terrorist fist jab, and went on our separate ways.
I related this to Anne last night. She remembered all these things, because she was there for them.
“Weird shit happens around us a lot,” I said, “because of this weird job I have. But I read that whole thing, and I gotta tell you how grateful I am to know that I’m never showing up in one of those threads as the bad guy in someone’s story.”
“Except the bathroom guy,” she said.
I laughed. “I would love to hear that guy justify how he was the aggrieved party in that story.”
Of course, I know what that guy told himself. He told himself that he waited at the airport for hours and I owed him. That’s a thing that happens all the time, and it’s why I have this blanket policy of never engaging in photos and autographs at airports, ever, for any reason. And I don’t feel guilty about it. I used to, sure, thanks to all my mom’s conditioning, but I gotta tell you, the day I said to a belligerent guy at PDX, calmly and simply, “No, I’m not signing anything for you and I don’t care how long you waited here. You chose to do that, and I don’t owe you anything. Respect my boundaries.” And walked away while he sputtered in self righteous anger? Yeah, that felt great.
I am a fully functional human being with a backstory and everything. 99% of people I encounter know and honor that, and I am so grateful.
Good for you. Boundaries are good to have but sometimes hard to keep. Thanks for sharing.
2 questions for you. Have you read “The Gift of Fear”? If not, you probably don’t need to since you described doing everything right, but I think it is something every celebrity (really any person, particularly now that our society has lost any semblance of self regulation) should read.
2) If I ever meet you in an airport or other public place where you are not explicitly contracted to be, will you stand for 2 seconds for a selfie, or is that off limits too? (I would never take a picture without permission outside of a public event where that is allowed, and if you say no selfies, I will just say Hi, nod, and move on.
After these encounters, I’m so glad I didn’t make the list! I met you at a photo op. I was cosplaying as Star Trek Lucy, and you got it the moment I walked in. I was so thrilled! Though I’d been a fan for years, it was the mental health side that changed how I looked at you – but in a positive way! Because I was going through the same stuff. I really wanted to thank you for being open, and I just hugged you! You were thrown off, I was thrown off. I was really taken by the moment. And I want to apologize for that moment. I don’t know what came over me. I needed to ask first, and I didn’t. But I learned from that moment. And I still appreciate all you bring. You get to have your boundaries. We all get to. And we should all be diligent about appropriately following them.
People that don’t respect anyone’s boundaries (but especially a celebrity) should be ashamed. We were once at the movies and spotted a Denver Broncos player who had just been injured in a game. We just grinned at him, cause my then teenage son thought it was immensely cool that we were at the same theater. He smiled back and we all went our separate ways. It was so cool! The only time we actually talked to a celebrity was Majel Barrett, who was sitting by herself in the hotel bar at StarCon. We thanked her, because without Gene and Star Trek, we wouldn’t be married. (29 years this year)!
I mean, you should have told him that your name is Becky 😉
I can’t even imagine approaching you to say hello in an airport, let alone stalk you and harass you for something. I met you at a convention once and that was different because you were there to meet with people and sign photos and chat with us for a moment, but when you’re out and about in the world that’s your personal time for you or to spend with your family as far as I’m concerned. I remember once after a convention in New York I saw Peter David in Penn Station with a child I assumed was his. I would love to have said hello but what right did I have to intrude on that moment? I made eye contact with him and I smiled and I moved on. I would do the same to you and unless you spoke to me first that’s as much as I would do.
The story with the runner guy is gold. It’s so pleasantly strange. I’m kind of GenX about famous people. The few times I’ve seen famous people outside of scenarios where they’d agreed to BE FAMOUS, I tried my best to just leave them alone. Performing is one thing, but being constantly ON all the time seems like it would be exhausting.
Truly wish people held the same sort of reverence towards teachers and educators.
I read through the subredit. The guy who got flipped off by William Shatner was pretty amusing.
I avoid bestowing upon ugly bags of mostly water excessive adoration for this kind of thing. Most people don’t realize that the person that you see on the screen (pick a production show or movie) is a product of careful directing, editing, writing, etc. and likely to be nothing close to the ordinary schlub that they are in real life—just like the rest of us. Just a slob like one of us. On the bus trying to make his way home.
That being said, I wound up with a person of celebrity tendencies in a very confined space at a certain convention in a certain city where I live (desert lights). I didn’t care who he was—I’ve been in front of cameras and on sets enough to not see this all as anything more than a profession. I don’t get star-struck. Long story short, we were casually talking and at one point he very curiously said to me something like, “you know who I am?” I said, “Hey. I do human psychology. I know more about you than you know about yourself.”
Ha. Gets ‘em every time.
I then asked him if he knew who Sandy Meisner or Viola Spolin were. He didn’t. Credibility meter fell dramatically.
ADDENDUM: Good to see you posting, WW. I like your style. Insert “thumbs up” emoji here.
(Just to clarify, and straight from the OCD and “I’m not a d*ck” Depts., I was at this convention. I was doing the cosplay thing. My head was wrapped up. A historical, fictional character. If you saw it, it would make sense. I told this guy—in character with a garbly voice—that I was friends with Meisner and Spolin. He said he had no idea who they were. Seriously—??)
I can tell you my favorite celebrity story is of Wil Wheaton. It was more of that one way story to Wil. My wife and I had the pleasure of meeting Wil in Kansas City years ago at Planet Comicon. We waited in line and we were the last ones to get a photo op and signature. Will was great, you can tell he’s had a long day… and then we told him our quick story…
My wife and I were original ‘boxers. Monkey Boxers for those who don’t know, because 50,000 monkeys at 50,000 typewriters can’t be wrong. We met because of Wil’s site. We’ve now been together 20 years, at the time we had been together around 10.
When I told Wil that it was because of his site that my wife and I met, he got a genuine smile on his face and thought it was cool. It made our day.
So thank you, Wil…thank you for the ‘boxers site and being who you are.
If I ever saw you at an airport I wouldn’t ask for an autograph or photo but I would ask if I could tell you something and if you said yes it would be that your public journey with mental health helped me to get help and saved me and my marriage and my family. And I would thank you for that because it is so much more important than the jobs you’ve had even though I enjoy the creative work you do.
I guess I have just thanked you here so I suppose I should just leave you alone if I ever see you at an airport! 😉
I’ve replied twice today to some of your posts but don’t see them come up. Am I doing it wrong?
Never mind. It just worked. Sometimes I hate computer things…
Gary,
Sometimes sites can have a soft auto-moderation policy, that if you haven’t ever posted anything there (that is, if you’re basically unknown) then your comments will be held until a human can glance at them and say “Yep, that seems like a reasonable thing to say” and approve it. It causes a delay, but it vastly cuts down on abusive and crappy comments.
So it might just be the configuration. I can see both of your comments, so it’s clearly working (maybe with a delay).
I haven’t been able to post comments here before– supportive, positive posts– either, and I wonder if that’s the reason. Let’s see if it works this time….
Yay! It did!
My settings are extremely restrictive, and I have to manually approve more than half of the comments. Sometimes it happens right away, other times it can take up to a few days.
Thanks for commenting!
As an introvert, approaching a stranger in public feels weird to me, even in social settings, so I tend to not approach celebrities when I see them. I also try not to stare, even as I’m trying to decide if the person is indeed who I think they are, but am not always 100% successful. Hopefully if our paths ever cross, I hope I recognize you right away so it doesn’t become uncomfortable for you, but no worries about having your boundaries crossed.
A few years ago I saw you playing games with some friends wearing your “The Crushers” custom jersey, which I thought was amazing. You didn’t want anyone taking your photo that week, but I waited for you to finish your game and asked you if it would be ok to take a picture of just your jersey. You were kind enough to allow me to, checking my phone to make sure I didn’t sneak all of you (which would be an incredibly shitty thing to do!).
I grew up with you on TNG, but didn’t know your other work yet. My friend told you she appreciated your writing about mental health. The two of you talked about that for a few minutes, but I wasn’t familiar with the pieces.
Over the next year I got caught up on lots of work you’ve done and your writing. I understood why the pieces about mental health were so important. I’m so glad that I’ve been able to learn about you as a fully functional human being with a backstory and everything (although it pains me that your backstory exists as it does). I thank you for sharing that with your fans.
And I thank you for being kind to me when I did have kind of an unreasonable ask.
Roger Clemens, the baseball player. I’d gone to a game early when I was in high school (so, okay, not a little kid, but still). I was watching BP, as one does when one loves baseball and goes to a game early. He was shagging balls in the outfield (what a weird phrase that is), as pitchers who aren’t starting that day often do. This was in his heyday and I was a fan. My best friend and I yelled out to him to throw us a ball. He nodded at us, acted like he was going to throw us the ball, then spun on his foot and threw it to the infield. So, yeah, not the meanest or anything, but, like…why? Just ignore us?
But anyway…I’ve met you a handful of times. Con table type stuff twice (I think?), at a Paul and Storm show (right after my first triathlon, which you remembered and asked me about, and then I had a conversation with Anne about your dogs – as a professional, given my job as a fully functional veterinarian with a backstory and everything), and once on the floor of a con, where we had a brief conversation that started with “you didn’t tell me you were wabbit89” coming from behind me. (Thanks – still a favorite con memory.) So, if you were ever wondering (because of course you…weren’t?), you’re solid here.
(And ha! I’ve just realized my WordPress avatar pic thing is the picture you took at that same con in Austin many years ago. Duct tape Sparks McGee! I got a course you can plot! lol)
I met Kevin Nealon at a bar in 2009 or 2010 maybe. He was out after a comedy show and his companions went to the bathroom. I was at the next table and chatted him up. We ended up talking about Twitter and I said I didn’t know how they were going to make money. He said, “I think they are going to make money by making something called ‘Twitter’.”
If I ever met you in real life, the encounter will start with me asking if you have a minute. If you do, I’ll tell you how Westley Crusher defined at least half my childhood, that I didn’t recognise you in Stand By Me until much later, that I love your more niche, and sometimes evil roles, that you’re one of my favorite audiobook narrators, but mostly it’s your story of handling depression, anxiety, and destructive parental units that helps me get out of ruts and push myself forward, not being a dick. And thank you for your time.
I have come across a few famous people in the wild. Mostly at a distance, mostly just people I was aware of and not people I was really a fan of or cared about. In general, I have a strict “Don’t meet my heroes” policy. I know too many people (Wil included) who have bad stories about meeting people they admired or were fans of.
Though if I saw you on the street or in an airport, I would hope that I could work up the nerve to tell you in person how much I appreciate the work you have done, and leave it at that.
This is somewhat related.. The kindness or cruelty of others can be significant. I always saw my dad being mean to people who didn’t deserve it. I didn’t understand as a kid and I do now.
It’s random kindness that I’d rather remember. From the doctor at planned parenthood who would always leave my pockets stuffed full of free birth control pills when I was a broke college student and the $20 monthly cost meant I’d have enough money for gas and food.
The kind girl at the mall who offered to hold one of my twins. It was one of my first times out alone. I was feeding one baby and the other was in a stroller just crying. While breastfeeding there was nothing I could do and she offered to comfort my little nugget and I accepted.
A kind lady in a parking lot putting my cart away for me in the rain. My hands full of screaming kids. A long distance friend offering the kind understanding words I really needed when my terrible grandmother died. I’m sure these fleeting moments are unremarkable to them, but shape who I want to be. Thank you.
To Jeff Daniels, I’m sorry I interrupted your meal, I would not do that now. But you were my brothers boss and I wanted to say hi!
I’m grateful to Planned Parenthood every day. Truly life-changing and life-saving for so many, including me.
And to the stranger who sat with me as a crying child when I lost my dog and introduced me to the notion that some people would comfort you if you cried instead of ridiculing you. That was a totally new concept. You changed my life, too.
And to the stockboy who offered to get me another gallon of milk when I dropped one and it split open and spilled all over the floor causing me to cry because I couldn’t afford another one (yes, I was literally crying over spilled milk). You helped keep me fed that week.
Yeah, kindness is pretty great.
Thanks, kind people – we are all unkind sometimes, but even a moment of kindness can make a big difference, and be remembered for a whole life. Let’s all try to be kind, okay? It’s worth it.
PS: he helped me find the dog, too. I did get her back. I think about that man not super infrequently, even now (nearly forty years later). A man saw a child sitting on the ground and came out of his house to help. A man sat with a child and listened when that child told him their struggles. A man let that child cry. And then he helped solve the issue. I’d truly never encountered that in my twelve years on the planet. So I think of his kindness, and I think of how “shut up or I’ll give you something to cry about” is so, so cruel – but it doesn’t have to be that way. So, thanks again, stranger, for teaching me we can be better.
Back in the late 1990’s I worked various “escort the important people” gigs at a bunch of GenCons and similar events. I never met young Wil Wheaton, but I can tell you all the Star Trek folk I did meet were very friendly and down-to-earth. (Never met Shatner, so YMMV.) I spent considerable time talking to Marina Sirtis, Jimmy Doohan, and Walter Koenig particularly. I met at least one actor from that other Star franchise who was quite rude and bitter, but the Star Trek people were always class acts.
I don’t have any weird or seriously awful celebrity stories, but can’t help but share my experiences with a few. Living in NY state, I have actually seen quite a few famous people: RFK, Julian Bond, Gloria Steinem, and more. When I was young, I lived in an orphanage supported (funded) by wealthy people. Occasionally, a famous person would visit us. I remember Gene Autry and Victor Borge because they talked to us like we were good kids, something we all needed. When I was in my twenties, I visited NYC many times, visiting a girlfriend studying at Pratt, but also taking acting classes. A few times while we were out and about we would run into someone famous. She always told me not to speak or in any way acknowledge them! I’ve often wished I had at least said “Hi” or waved, but now wonder if maybe she wasn’t right given what you’ve shared. Thanks for sharing your stories.