Grace Helbig is returning to YouTube. She made a video about it, and said something that resonated with me: we start out doing something because it is fun, and we keep doing it because we enjoy how fun it is. If we’re lucky, the thing we are doing for fun also helps us earn a living.
And then, when we aren’t paying attention, the thing that was fun is now work, and we are stressed as fuck about views and likes and reshares and oh my god this isn’t fun at all. Now, we are burned out.
Go watch Grace talk about this, if what I just told you seems interesting to you; she says a lot of insightful things that are worth hearing. I’m inspired, and want to make videos just like she does, if I can figure out some linux video editing software tools. But even if I can’t do video, I just want to get back to what it felt like when it was only fun, and I didn’t let all the other stuff get in the way.
I mention this because I only write in my blog for fun, and when I make it more important than just having fun, I really get in my own way. Yeah, I announce the cool things that I get to do, the cons I’m attending, I share my work and my podcast, and things that are work-adjacent, but if it isn’t fun to sit here and write about something, I just don’t do it. I won’t even go into how frustrating it is when I feel like I have to force it.
And I forget, every single time, how much I enjoy posting in my blog, how much I enjoy interacting with anyone who reads it in comments, how good it feels to make the human connections that, ironically, don’t seem to happen on social media, on account of all the bots and trolls and endless efforts to disrupt our peace.
So, hi. I’m glad you’re here. I hope we can interact in the comments and feel a sense of shared humanity and community.
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And now, a few things that have been on my mind, but not enough to fill up their own posts. I’m putting it behind a jump, because this got kind of long.
Since we are thinking about community …
LAist did a story about friendly local game shops. They talked to Donna Ricci, my friend who owns Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, which happens to be both my favorite and my local game shop, and Jeff Eyeser, from Revenge Of in Eagle Rock (or maybe it’s Glassell Park, or Atwater Village. I’m unsure how the neighborhood boundaries work over there, but I’m sure someone will correct me). They both talked about not just building community, but nurturing and protecting it.
“We honor everyone who walks through our doors — except mean people,” Ricci said. “They can f**k off.”
I love this energy. Everyone should have this energy. Imagine how great it would be if every business (if every human) adopted this policy.
If you follow me on Bluesky, you know that something happened to me yesterday or maybe overnight while I was asleep, that seems to have flipped a switch inside of me that I have wanted to flip for literal decades: Some part of my brain insisted that I listen to the original cast recording of Cabaret. This is really weird. All I know about Cabaret is that Joel Gray and Liza Minelli are in it, and it’s painfully relevant to current events. That’s it. I have heard the “Welcome to the Cabaret” song a few times, but nothing else from the show.
I’ve never seen Cabaret, but from the moment I woke up, my brain DEMANDED that I listen to the original cast recording. I don’t even like musicals; I’ve lamented that I don’t have the gene, but holy shit this is so wonderful and I think maybe I got a mutation somehow and I get musicals?— Wil Wheaton (@wilwheaton.net) October 13, 2025 at 11:34 AM
You need this context to understand why this is a Thing for me: my whole life, I’ve wanted to like musical theater. So many of my friends have done musicals, are doing musicals, love to sing songs from musicals. And I just don’t get it. It’s like I don’t have the gene, or something? Everyone I knew growing up loved Grease. I just can’t stand it. Same with Phantom of the Opera and Cats. Oh my god do I hate Cats.
There were notable exceptions: Chicago, Les Miserables, Moulin Rouge. Rocky Horror Picture Show (which I didn’t even think of as a musical until yesterday, having categorized it as a cultural touchstone that is so much more than the sum of its parts) and Hamilton, of course.
But the classics? The ones that my elders adore? They’ve always left me cold. South Pacific and Oklahoma make my teeth itch.
Until yesterday. Yesterday morning, I listened to Cabaret three times in a row. Then I listened to The Music Man (oh my god Robert Preston where have you been all my life?), then I had to turn it off and listen to Joy Division so I could work without being distracted.
I don’t know if it’s a phase, but something is different in me today than it has been for my whole life. I still don’t like the musicals I don’t like, but I’m extremely open to discovering everything I’ve missed. I got tons of recommendations in my Bluesky mentions yesterday, but I’d love to hear yours, if you have any.
Let’s stay with music for a moment. I am late to the party, having only recently discovered The Warning, but better late than never. Three sisters from Monterrey, Mexico, who fell in love with music when they were kids, playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band. They formed a band that rocks so fucking hard, they will melt your face off. Listening to their albums put some of their contemporaries into my suggestions, and I am loving all the Mexican metal, largely driven by women, that is currently rocking my world. Start with Keep Me Fed, and you’ll know before the end of the first song if they are your jam. What are you listening to right now? Any new punk, metal, or hard rock you care to share?
I found this in my unpublished drafts folder with a note that says “this is overwrought and you should delete it” … but I didn’t. I feel VERY vulnerable sharing it, because it’s not my usual style, but this is now the third or fourth time I’ve thought about posting it, so clearly part of me feels it’s worth sharing.
This was drafted about five years ago:
Felt sad.
Felt scared.
Walked my dogs.
Went for a run.
Felt despair.
Had dinner with my family.
Held off a panic attack.
Took a walk with my wife.
Felt cynical.
Watched a movie.
Got through a day.
Cleaned my kitchen.
Did some work.
Felt hopeless.
Did some more work.
Had some meetings.
Felt angry.
Felt depressed.
Felt angry again.
Tried to sleep.
Did not sleep.
Finally slept.
Cleaned my office.
Felt numb.
Read a book.
Read some comics.
Felt okay.
Played some video games.
Got knocked down.
Got the fuck back up again.
To be able to create and share your creations without fear must be really wonderful. I have recently noticed that I’m not struggling with that the way I once did. Or, at least, not as intensely.
For almost ten years — Jesus Christ that’s a long time — I struggled like hell to understand why I never booked auditions. I asked trusted friends who I have worked with to please tell me what was wrong with me. Surely they must know, and surely they would be honest with me about why I stink, how they are able to wash the stink off when I work for them. Why does everyone tell me that I’m not just a good actor, but one of the better ones, and still I never book auditions? If I get feedback at all (and before I hung it up, I hadn’t gotten feedback for so long I don’t remember when the last time casting made the effort) it’s always positive. “You were great, but blah blah was cast.”
As the adult version of a child who was constantly told he had to earn his father’s attention and affection, but never told how to do that (ps – no child should have to earn love and attention), every audition was triggering. That’s why I quit. As much as I love being in a cast, as much as I love how good it feels to nail a performance, the industry has been loud and clear: Hollywood is not interested in me, hasn’t been for a long time, and if I keep chasing, that’s on me. I thought, “It’s weird that I can do this thing, and do it well, when I’m on the set, but never in auditions. What’s that all about?” Well, it turns out to have a lot of parts, but the bottom line is that actors who book jobs roll into the room with this confidence and commitment to the character that silently and instantly communicates to the room “Listen, you can cast me or not, but this is the best take on the character you’re going to see.” Because I was forced into acting by my mother, and then kept in it through her manipulation and exploitation of my desperate need to feel accepted in my home and family, I rolled in there with an underlying desperation: “please choose me so I have a chance at being loved by my parents. This is everything to me and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy.” I mean, it doesn’t matter how solid the performance is, how technically brilliant I am, whatever you want to call it, when there is a desperation that I’m not even aware of, underneath it all.
I’m genuinely and sincerely envious of actors who love the art, who come alive when they are performing, who don’t care if casting likes them or not, who get to feel in their souls what it means to be part of the community of performing artists. I have been close to that, I have felt it on occasion, but until this year, I didn’t realize that there was so much trauma and pain in between all of it, and me. I have wondered if I could try to do … something, probably theater, to find out if all of my trauma recovery work, which has been so intensely helpful in so many ways, has created space for me to love it the way I wish I could.
Earlier this year, I was given a Lifetime Achievement Award by AMDA. I didn’t say anything about it in public because I felt a little embarrassed. I’m only 53, so lifetime anything feels premature, but also … like … how can you give an acting and performance award to someone who can’t book an audition? Who, when you really get down to it, was just lucky to be in a few really, really good and memorable pieces of art? Sure, sure, I showed up and did the work, but it wasn’t just me. It was everyone involved in production. Nobody gets anything done on their own; everyone needs help to do any of this, and singling out one of us always feels weird.
I wanted to decline the award, but a couple of people who are close to me encouraged me to accept it, if only because it would give me an opportunity to speak to some kids about making great art.
I can’t find a local copy of the remarks I wrote for the event, so here’s a video of the entire talk (if you have time and interest, and a love of the arts, you may get something out of it). If you want to skip to my prepared remarks, they start right around 51 minutes.
Before I go, I need to clarify that the title of this post comes from The Dead Boys, not Paramore, and not Guns and Roses. Okay, I think that’s all for today. I’m glad you’re here. Take care of yourselves, and take care of each other.
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I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I love it. It helps me take a break and a breath while I am at work and I need a minute to “unplug” even though I read it on a screen. I am doing that very thing right now. Just wanted to say “hi” and wave. I am one of them, the fans, and I am here and appreciate you. I wish on the every other year convention that pops up in San Francisco you’d make the short journey to good old Nor Cal. Not that I don’t love Brent, but it would be cool to see you too. Hopefully next time you are invited/can make it? Thanks. Keven
YEA! Robert Preston and YEA! Shirley Jones. Of course, you must (re)watch The Last Starfighter now. We think The Music Man is hilarious! Grecian Urn, Y’all!
I also enjoyed musical theatre – local only – and even that got tired since I couldn’t get cast correctly sometimes anyway. But I love South Pacific as you DO have to be carefully taught. And OAN/Faux News/et. al. ARE VERY Carefully teaching way too many people.
Maybe try The Greatest Showman. Let’s not get historically accurate though.
Read David Brin’s blog and look what he has to say about Cabaret. Non-musical but I often think about The Manchurian Candidate though but it’s rather passe? at this point.
Along with all the “try this!” recommendations you got yesterday I’ll add the it’s okay to really not enjoy what everyone else thinks is brilliant.
Musical theater kids (you never stop being a musical theater kid even when I you are closer to 60! than 16) get really insistent about certain shows being the greatest. And woe unto you if you don’t agree.
I cannot stand Phantom of the Opera. I dislike it to the point where I’m sure people are messing with me by saying how wonderful it is.
But for every “you HAVE to love this” there are a dozen shows I really do love.
You’ll find your groove (Hadestown) and learn to stomp along (Come From Afar) and just enjoy it all.
Thanks to someone on the Fediverse who mentioned it, I am currently listening to The Replacements “Androgynous” which is still an amazing song today but even more so for this old trans queer punk. Thank you for sharing the vulnerable stuff, it means a lot and is so relatable!
GodDAMN do I love that song.
Glad to be here too. =)
Robert Preston has been there forever, don’t forget he was Centauri too in The Last Starfighter. 🙂 I grew up with a VHS recording of The Music Man taped off PBS during their (what seemed like at the time, nearly monthly) subscriber drive. So the entire movie was broken up every 10-15 minutes for 5-10 minutes of subscriber-a-thon talk. They at least had the decency to make the breaks work with the scenes so you didn’t get cut off in the middle of Maid Marian.
Cabaret changed my life in 2022. As a life-long stagey person, it was never top of my list of favorites, but in March 2022, while i was going through a very dark time in my life (mainly due to my job) a friend post the clip of Amy Lennox singing the title song at the 2022 Olivier Awards, from the current revival. Something about the raw emotion of that video clicked with me and i could see an outlet to my own frustrations and anger. I would sit in my car and watch it over and over again before going into work. I swore that if i could find a job that wasn’t toxic and horrible, i would treat myself by booking a flight to see it in London. Needless to say, as of today i have seen in 4 times in London and will forever be grateful to it for helping me through that time.
Haha! The liking musicals switch still hasn’t flipped for me.
I think I do still struggle with feeling worthy after all these years. It’s so hard to unlearn those messages that told us we are never enough. It’s like we adopt the viewpoint of our abuser. I don’t want that point of view anymore!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, and I hope you continue to find joy in what you do. I showed the part from 5 years ago to my husband who quit his job today because it was ruining his mental health as I thought it might match some of his feelings, and he said it helped. The world is scary right now, but I try to keep hope for tomorrow.
I have always loved musicals, but I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing the first time I heard Rent (17 years old, standing in the kitchen doing dishes with my discman on the counter). It absolutely changed me, in the best way, and I could tell it was happening as I listened. I also highly recommend the 90s Cabaret cast recording! I’m so glad the switch flipped and you’ve found some shows you love!
Has anyone recommended Phantom of the Paradise to you? A rock opera twist on Phantom of the Opera.
Thanks for sharing Wil, and also for clarifying – was thinking Paramore.
I can’t believe I would post a comment. I have been reading for a long time. But, I just turned 50, and my counsellor took two years, during and following the death of my husband, to decide I am a “bad fit” for her skills, so, I’m too old, and too “resilient” to be worried. (although I am still worried that no one needs another weirdo in their comments)
I just wanted to thank you for all the being knocked down and getting back up again, and learning and growing and real life. I don’t know why, but it feels connective, and real, so it helps me feel the existence of other humans.
It also helps remind me to remind my children that they are always worth more than any school stress, or university stress, or upset or rejection, because, they have value because they are.
The Music Man SLAPS. The first time I ever heard “Shipoopi” I screamed and danced and lost my mind – and that’s just one of the fun songs in it!
If you are really attempting to break that “I Don’t Like Musicals” block and love Robert Preston, you need “Victor/Victoria” in your life. And you have to see it. The movie. James Garner and Julie Andrews get the top billing of course, but Robert Preston steals the whole movie. He steals scenes he isn’t even in. And the last few minutes of the movie are jaw-droppingly funny and it’s entirely his doing.
Writing is a powerful tool for clarity. Sharing is a powerful tool for community. Keep it up.
Recently I’ve been listening to Pacifica, a female duo from Buenos Aires who bonded over a shared love of The Strokes. Their first album Freak Scene is quite punky. They’re about to release their second album which sounds a little more mainstream, going by the songs they’ve uploaded so far (I was going to say “singles” and “released” but that’s not really a thing any more!)
Links: https://linktr.ee/pacificabanda
Dude thank you. I’m listening right now and they are great.
Yes, if it ain’t fun, don’t do it. I’ve been working online for over 16 years, and I recall my ‘boss’ saying – When it stops being fun, we’ll stop. There have been times, but it always comes back to that. It’s hard work sometimes, but it remains fun. She is now 79 and is still at it because she likes to, and it’s still fun.
Carousel – Soliloquy. Sung by John Raitt.
You should go do a video with Grace. The two of you having fun doing something. Just that.
I love musicals, but I understand they’re not everyone’s cup of tea. I had the opportunity to see a production of Cabaret on stage a few years ago and it blew me away. It is very relevant today, especially with our current political environment. The film version is really good too.
Try Paint Your Wagon. Anything with lyrics that go
Home is made for comin’ from
For dreams of goin’ to
Which with any luck will never come true
and…
They civilize left
They civilize right
Till nothing is left
Till nothing is right
They civilize freedom
Till no one is free
No one except
By coincidence, me
gotta be worth a quick look. Thoose are 2 of my favourite songs.
When it comes to fear, I’ve always found that the trick is not to stop trying to be afraid, but to let the need/love/connection/etc be bigger than the fear. I’m always afraid every time I put out something very personal or important to me… it never really away, it’s only that sooner or later, the need to connect, for it to (ahem) matter, becomes greater. But every time I’ve done it (and kept it up through the panic afterward), no matter how many others care or not, in the end I’ve never regretted it.
Dude, YES.
This dovetails with whoever said that courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s doing it anyway, in spite of the fear.
Your “overwrought” draft reads like a very relatable list, even if it was five years ago. Some days are like that, and I’ve always figured as long as they end with “got back up again” I come out on top, all things considered.
Hey, not sure if this is helpful, but my 14 year old says that if you have an Nvidia Graphics card, you can use DaVinci Resolve for videos. If you don’t have one of those graphics cards, he says you can try using kdenlive (video editor). He’s into editing videos and uses a mac, but he is in the process of building a linux computer. He just needs to earn some income so he can keep buying parts to build it.
Oh! Please tell him I said thank you! Downloading DaVinci Resolve right now.
When you have time and energy to listen to another musical, try Stephen Schwatrz’es “Pippin.” “If it ain’t fun, don’t do it” thing somewhat aligns with the song “No Time at All,” and the lyrics to the entire show are just amazing.
I, too, tend to loathe musicals. My few exceptions: Les Misérables, Hamilton, Grease (can’t help it!), and West Side Story, both versions. Enjoy!!
I was in the same boat of “not sure I dig musical theater” until Into the Woods. The original production’s on YouTube – such depth and reflection of the human condition.
Hi Wil! Here are my musical theater suggestions:
42 Balloons
Death Becomes Her
[title of show] <<yes, this is the title, lol
Ride the Cyclone
I think you’ll really love the song “Nine People’s Favorite Thing” from [title of show] and highly recommend you give it a listen before my other recommendations.
https://youtu.be/Tbuy9BR6WdQ?si=Hbc36IpEsYVOXZPb
I get your posts in an RSS feed, so no need to get them in my email 🙂
When I was in high school in the ’80s (I am just a little older than you) I listened to the concept album of Chess over and over. I think it’s a little dated now but you might give it a try.
Shoutout to RSS!
Hi Wil! Here are my musical theater suggestions:
42 Balloons
Death Becomes Her
[title of show] <<yes, this is the title, lol
Ride the Cyclone
I think you’ll really love the song “Nine People’s Favorite Thing” from [title of show] and highly recommend you give it a listen before my other recommendations.
(I apologize if this is a duplicate post. I’d included a link to “Nine People’s Favorite Thing” and I wasn’t sure if askimet would view it as spam).
I’ve thought a lot about what you said to my sister at Rose City Comic Con this year. I am so glad you are able to have those moments where you hear the birds more often. ❤️ Knowing you care means so much to her. Thank you for that beautiful moment.
Rocking out to ‘Keep Me Fed’ as I write this. Thanks, Wil!
I get this. I have 55 subscribers to my blog. I write what I want on my blog, knowing less than 60 people will ever see it. I do my podcast every week and I don’t even know if there’s more than 25 people listening. I do it because it’s fun. I doubt I’ll ever make any money off both, but I still feel like I’m contributing to society and helping others.
I’m currently working on two posts – one about Led Zeppelin and one about West Side Story. Like you, I didn’t like Grease and I don’t care for musicals at all. Someone almost ruined West Side Story for good for me.
Just remember to have fun. If no one else likes it, that’s on them.
Your comments on the casting process reminded me of a podcast I’ve belatedly discovered (Dead Eyes by Connor Ratliff) that talks about a lot of show biz topics, up to and including casting and not-casting people. Honestly it sounds as mystical as falling in love – there was an ep that talked about being responsible for casting and seeing someone where you just know, it’s the one, etc. It’s been an interesting listen (and hearing them enter and grapple with the pandemic has been pretty trippy).
I recently went on a bike ride along the rail-to-trail project that goes along the Stand by me route – along Dorena Lake specifically – and thought how happy you/the cast/the film team might be to tootle along that path. It’s so beautiful there.
Suggestions for other musicals, possibly non-traditional.
My favorite Robert Preston performance is Toddy, mentoring Julie Andrews in Victor / Victoria. The difference with this musical is that all of the songs take place in a performance venue.
If you liked Cabaret and Chicago, you might enjoy other songs or shows by John Kander and Fred Ebb like New York, New York, or Kiss Of The Spider Woman.
My personal all-time favorite is 1776. Every July 4. Because it edges toward a “warts and all” depiction of some of the Founding Fathers.
I haven’t seen the Bluesky thread (yet), so forgive me if this is repetition of what you’ve already heard. But even people who have loved musicals for a long time might gravitate towards some creators and away from others. I totally cherry-pick the Sondheim I like. It’s definitely not a binary thing.
I should listen to Cabaret. Or watch it. At least once (I know how it ends). Hoping you find more music you enjoy!
As a little kid, I played my Mom’s film cast record of The Music Man over and over and over. By the time I was five?six? I had it memorized. Welcome to the family
Hey, I’m glad you shared that thing you wrote. It’s not overwrought and it touched my heart.
Hedwig & The Angry Inch is one of my go-tos.
I don’t think you’re done with acting, because the way you talk about it makes me think there is something still there inside you that gets enthused about the process and building character. Maybe you could explore developing a TV show for Netflix where you do your own thing. I guarantee anything YOU did would be 50 Quatrillion times better than the dreck I’ve seen on there.
As far as musical theater, you may be watching/listening to things that aren’t inspiring for you, personally. I don’t perceive there was any, in all the stories I’ve read about your childhood, musical education or fun surrounding Opera, Broadway or Instrumental music, any immersion at all. Despite my years of abuse, I still had music, theater as well as literature. I tell you, those things kept me from dying inside. For you, you found your music tribe later (I’ve read Just a Geek)
I think Betty Buckley is our greatest singing actress. Her performances, concerts over decades, lift me to levels of emotional and spiritual bliss. I’ve learned a lot from listening to her. Sondheim, in so many of his works, uses language to soaring, cynical and emotional heights. Assassins is one of my favorites. There’s a lot to be gained in having even a grudging admiration for this art form.
Over these years, I’ve enjoyed being here, watching your progress.
Here is some Betty on YouTube (from Carrie):
I wonder if you would like “Epic: The Musical” since it draws inspiration from others that you’ve said you appreciate.