“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things like too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.” -The Body, Stephen King.
Last night, while watching TV with Anne, my phone buzzed and buzzed and buzzed. I usually ignore it when we’re watching something, but when it blows up like that, it’s rarely good news. I picked it up and saw a message from Jerry to Corey and me. While I was reading it, news alerts popped up faster than I could swipe them away. More text messages arrived. Unknown Numbers began to call. I told Anne we needed to pause the show; something terrible has happened.
It hasn’t even been twelve hours, but all three of us have been overwhelmed with requests from media for comment and I’m mostly writing this now so they’ll leave me alone. I won’t speak for anyone else, but I am still processing and coming to grips with a tragic, senseless, devastating loss. I’m doing my best. I have all these words, and I am doing my best to put them into some kind of order, but the loss and sadness and anger at the senselessness of it all is getting in the way.
I don’t want to write this. I don’t want to talk about myself. I just want and need to process the shock and grieve the loss. But I don’t want anyone to speak for me, so I will do my best to tell you about the man I knew, and what he meant to me when I knew him. I reserve the right to edit or even delete this post.
Generation X grew up with Rob. We watched him on All in the Family when we were little, and as we came of age, he made movies about our lives as we were living them: movies about growing up, falling in and out of love, about seeing the goodness that exists inside every single person, if only they are open to it. He told us stories about the strength of the human spirit, and he made us laugh. Oh, how he made us laugh. The world knows Rob as a generational talent, a storyteller and humanitarian activist who made a difference with his art, his voice, and his influence. I knew that man, but I also knew a man who treated me with more kindness, care, and love than my own father ever did. And it is the loss of that man that is piercing my heart right now.
I only really knew Rob Reiner for one summer, in 1985, when we made Stand By Me. We only saw each other a handful of times in the last 40 years, and outside of those rare meetings, we only spoke a couple of times. Even though I haven’t spoken to him in years, I will miss him forever.
When I was turning 13, and realizing that my own father didn’t care about me, that my mother didn’t see me as a son, but as a thing she could put to work, Rob Reiner made me feel loved, valued, seen, and respected. He made sure I knew that I was important to him and his movie. He made sure I knew that he saw every actor he could for my role, and he chose me because he saw so much of Gordie in me. Back then, I didn’t know what that meant, only that he made me feel like I was enough.
When we shot the scene with Gordie and River at the body, he talked with me about how his own dad made him feel, created a safe place for me to feel all of Gordie’s (and my) emotions, and turn that into a performance that still resonates with audiences. In a way, in that movie, I was him and he was me and we were both Gordie LaChance. I was hoping that we would see each other next year, at something celebrating Stand By Me turning 40, so I could see him and properly thank him for everything he gave me — in my career, sure (it only exists because of Rob), but in my life, as well. If Rob hadn’t shown me unconditional affection and approval, I wouldn’t have known what I was missing at home. He was a big part of my coming of age in that way, too.
Ironically, tragically, I have felt closer to Rob in the last week or so than I have in a decade, because I essentially spent a weekend with the Rob I knew in 1985 when Jerry and Corey and I spent the weekend together, watching Stand By Me with a few thousand people who love this film the way we do. We spent entire days together in a tour bus, catching up on 40 years of life and work, and fondly remembering that one magical summer we spent together, that will tie us to each other for the rest of our lives. We talked extensively about how much we all loved Rob, and how much he loved us. We talked about how important it was to him that we got to be kids when we weren’t at work, how he organized screenings of Goonies and Explorers for all of us to watch together, how he made sure we all got to play.
Rob was a good person who put great art into the world, who made a positive difference in more lives than any of us can imagine. The world is a better place thanks to his activism and the way he chose to use all of his privilege and influence.
Rest in peace Rob and Michele. May their memories be a blessing.
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I thought of you when I heard this news.
I’m so sorry, Wil. Sending love to you and everyone who knew him. 💔
I am so very sorry. There simply aren’t any more words than that.
Thank you, that’s beautiful. It’s so sad, and I couldn’t express it myself. Condolences.
A horrible and senseless passing.
I truly hope they rest peacefully.
Thanks for all the memories
So sorry. Beautiful tribute.
((hugs and love))
He seemed like such a kind man. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I am so sorry for the loss of one of our great talented storytellers. I am so sorry for what his family will have to deal with. I am just so sorry and sad.
Wil, The Princess Bride and Harry Met Sally were such an important part of my life, that I’d forgotten Stand by me was his film. It’s doubly painful because the person I most want to share this with is also gone.
My heart broke a little when I opened your email, remembering how much this would hit you and they way you’ve written and spoken of Rob. So my deepest condolences on this loss for you, and if it’s any comfort know that your post made me cry in the best way possible. They cleansing healing cry that you need when grief hits.
The only cliche offered me when going through a major loss that helped, was “May his memory be a blessing” and this post feels like that blessing of Rob’s memory.
Beautifully said, Wil. Your love comes through loud and clear. I am so sorry for your loss, especially when you were looking forward to so much more.
Jonathan
Beautiful tribute to a wonderful man. As a gen-Xer myself, I am just devasted by the loss of someone who created work that is indelibly linked to my childhood and beyond. Thank you for your words.
Because of the Stand by Me showings, you and Jerry and Corey were the first people I thought of when I read the news. And then I thought of all the other actors who have talked about how wonderful it was to work with Rob. I thought of interviews with Rob where he talked enthusiastically about how personal his movies were. I thought about watching him on All in the Family. I thought about his social activism. In the past 12 hours or so, I’ve been reading more about the lives he touched and the lives Michele touched. My heart is so heavy and pained, even though I never once met him. Love and condolences to you, Jerry, Corey, and everyone else he helped feel seen and valued.
I am so grateful we got to spend all that time together and reforge our bonds when we did. We are all leaning heavily on each other right now.
This news was absolutely shocking. I actually thought of you first, wondering how you were going to process something like this. I’m so sorry for your loss. He made some of my favorite films, and we’re all going to miss him around here. Such a trajic loss.
There are no words to express my grief at the loss of such a sterling human being. I’m of an older generation but “grew up” watching Rob and his brilliance. I will never again be able to watch The Princess Bride without crying.
I’m so sad for our collective loss, and so sorry for the pain it’s bringing you and those who knew and loved them. How fortunate that your movie weekend happened before this tragedy so it could be purely joyful.
My first thought last night was, “My God, what a tragedy.” My second thought was, “Oh, Wil……”
I’m so sorry Wil. I knew that you thought the world of him and you were one of the people I thought of when we found out about the loss of him and his wife. I wish you strength for the next few days, I fear they will be trying
What a lovely tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss and the loss of everyone who knew and loved him and Michele.
Oh, Wil. I’ve thought about you and Corey and Jerry a lot over the last few hours. I’ve thought about all of Rob’s and Michele’s families and friends, and colleagues – and the amazing impact his work has had on so many lives. I am truly sorry for your loss of that anchor that was so important to you at such a tender spot in your life. His memory will be a blessing to those who knew him, and those who will come to love him for what he left of himself in his work. Be at peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but thank you so, so much for sharing this. My heart is breaking all over again – for you and and his family.
Never forget, Wil, that you are just as much a voice for our generation(X). I’m glad that Rob gave you a chance to use that voice. Stand By Me will always be one of my favorite movies. Thank you for sharing this. It resonates with and will touch many of us who grieve with you.
I am truly sorry for your loss. By all accounts, it sounds as if he was a great person and mentor as well as a pillar of the industry.
Thank you for sharing. Such a loss.
Rob Reiner in his role as “meathead” influenced a generation’s perception of our country’s values, shifting from Archie Bunker’s “old school” perceptions for a broader, accepting existence. Their loss is a tragedy.
Yes. All you said. When we three Xers heard about this last night we were devastated and we never knew him.
How much more this this must hurt to you.
I am so sorry for your loss and all of those that knew and loved him and his dear wife.
I’m so, so sorry, Wil. Please take care of yourself.
You were literally the first person I thought of when I saw this news. I am so sorry for your loss, but I truly believe the way you live your life and all the good things you put out into the world honor his legacy and surely made him proud when he was alive.
I have no personal connection, I only know some of his films, some of his work … but my heart aches: for me, for all who knew Rob and Michele, and for you.
I desperately hope you find peace, somehow. Sending all my very best for you and those who love you.
So much sadness around this, on so many levels, for his family and friends who are going through something unimaginably horrible, as you so well put here.
For all of the rest of us who grew up with him on All in the Family, Stand by me, When Harry Met Sally, The Princess Bride to name just a few, which are timeless, I’m sad for all the stories he and Michele had yet to tell, and will now not be heard.
May their memory be a blessing.
A true, heartfelt commentary, one which I am sure Rob would have appreciated. You and I are close in age so we have some shared social experiences from tv and movies. Losing Rob in such a horrific way breaks my heart. He will certainly be missed. The world is better for having him and feels emptier without.
I am just sick about this. When the full story started to fully be explained, I was so shocked beyond words. I grew up watching All in the Family. Just at a loss overall.
❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also truly sorry you are being berated for comment while trying to grapple with this terrible loss.
My heart felt condolences. I too have had replacement father figures in my life, as my blood father forgot about me as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce papers (he had his new wife and other kids to worry about after all). Sometimes I feel like the loss sustained through chosen family is all the more painful than that of blood relatives, of which we aren’t given a say in.
His loss is felt through our entire generation. Please take care of you and yours through this time, and do what you need to do for self care as you grieve and heal. There will always be time for media quotes later.
I’m so sorry, Wil. Thank you for your lovely tribute. May his memory continue to be a blessing for you.
I’ve been anxiously worrying about you and your friends and collegues that are going through such grief right now. I know you will probably be keeping a tight reign on your boundries with online stuff right now, but I just want to say that I am devistated for you and all those who knew him. Take all the time you need and give yourself grace to be however you need to be.
please take care.
When I heard about this, my first thought was “who the hell would want to kill Rob Reiner!!??”- everything I have ever heard or read about him was that he was really nice man who made good movies and treated the people he worked with on them with respect and kindness. My second thought was about you and the cast of Stand by Me doing those screenings and how hard it would be to do those events with something like this hanging over them. Then I found out about the details of the whole thing and I’m just so sad for everyone involved.
Take care of yourself.
Perfectly put. Thanks for sharing this tribute. You embody a key part of Rob’s legacy, for which we all benefit. Rather than focus on what’s been lost, let’s celebrate what we had and still have, which we shall always have.
Hi Wil. I figured that this would hit you pretty hard given the fact that he likely represented a father figure to you. It was a senseless and unnecessary way to end a life. But, it was a life well lived that he shared with all of us, and we’re all better for his being there.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute.
💚
I am deeply sorry for your loss. As a GenX kid myself, this loss hits as all those coming of age stories shaped my childhood. May your memories of him bring you peace and warmth as you grieve.
May his memory be a blessing to all who knew him. I will cherish the movies and characters he brought to life and shared with us all.
The moment I heard the news, I thought of you. I always loved Rob’s work, but I knew you got to work with him in Stand By Me and I wish I could give you a hug. You probably don’t remember me from the few times we met on the JoCo cruise, but I will always remember how nice you and Anne were to me. ❤️
So very sorry for your loss, Wil. 🥺
You were my first thought once I had confirmed the news. I am so sad as well, but I knew it would hit you very hard. Here’s a random internet user’s caring hug for you… wish I could do more.
I fully expected you not to comment on this for a while, if ever. Thank you for your Threads post because I expected this to hit you harder than most. Those of us who are para-socially supporting you through all the growth you’ve had these past few years know how you feel about that movie and why you were cast and what that represented in your life at the time. The truth he showed you about your family, even if you weren’t able to see it at 13.
And damn, that King quote is SPOT on. I’ve never really thought about why it is SO HARD to talk to someone about tough things and grief, but absolutely for me, it’s because I know I can’t get out in words what I’m feeling and if I try it seems diminished somehow. But you have to try because partially there is always better than completely missing.
As you always say, may his memory, and the weeks you had with your lifelong friends you gained from his influence, be a blessing. I am so happy you were able to have this time with them before such an awful tragedy. That is a blessing.
I’ve been thinking about you, Corey and Jerry since I read this heartbreaking news. I send my love to you all.
I was the same age as you when Stand By Me came out and identified so much with Gordie. It helped me identify my own trauma. I’ve often rewatched this beautiful film and am always grateful to Rob, you four and everyone who made it.
Please know that many people around the world are sending you, Corey and Jerry love.
Stephanie
Their memories will be a blessing, no doubt. But what a loss. From one Gen-Xer to another, you have my deepest most heartfelt sympathies, Wil.
Thanks for sharing that Will. I was thinking of you when I heard the news.