“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things like too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.” -The Body, Stephen King.
Last night, while watching TV with Anne, my phone buzzed and buzzed and buzzed. I usually ignore it when we’re watching something, but when it blows up like that, it’s rarely good news. I picked it up and saw a message from Jerry to Corey and me. While I was reading it, news alerts popped up faster than I could swipe them away. More text messages arrived. Unknown Numbers began to call. I told Anne we needed to pause the show; something terrible has happened.
It hasn’t even been twelve hours, but all three of us have been overwhelmed with requests from media for comment and I’m mostly writing this now so they’ll leave me alone. I won’t speak for anyone else, but I am still processing and coming to grips with a tragic, senseless, devastating loss. I’m doing my best. I have all these words, and I am doing my best to put them into some kind of order, but the loss and sadness and anger at the senselessness of it all is getting in the way.
I don’t want to write this. I don’t want to talk about myself. I just want and need to process the shock and grieve the loss. But I don’t want anyone to speak for me, so I will do my best to tell you about the man I knew, and what he meant to me when I knew him. I reserve the right to edit or even delete this post.
Generation X grew up with Rob. We watched him on All in the Family when we were little, and as we came of age, he made movies about our lives as we were living them: movies about growing up, falling in and out of love, about seeing the goodness that exists inside every single person, if only they are open to it. He told us stories about the strength of the human spirit, and he made us laugh. Oh, how he made us laugh. The world knows Rob as a generational talent, a storyteller and humanitarian activist who made a difference with his art, his voice, and his influence. I knew that man, but I also knew a man who treated me with more kindness, care, and love than my own father ever did. And it is the loss of that man that is piercing my heart right now.
I only really knew Rob Reiner for one summer, in 1985, when we made Stand By Me. We only saw each other a handful of times in the last 40 years, and outside of those rare meetings, we only spoke a couple of times. Even though I haven’t spoken to him in years, I will miss him forever.
When I was turning 13, and realizing that my own father didn’t care about me, that my mother didn’t see me as a son, but as a thing she could put to work, Rob Reiner made me feel loved, valued, seen, and respected. He made sure I knew that I was important to him and his movie. He made sure I knew that he saw every actor he could for my role, and he chose me because he saw so much of Gordie in me. Back then, I didn’t know what that meant, only that he made me feel like I was enough.
When we shot the scene with Gordie and River at the body, he talked with me about how his own dad made him feel, created a safe place for me to feel all of Gordie’s (and my) emotions, and turn that into a performance that still resonates with audiences. In a way, in that movie, I was him and he was me and we were both Gordie LaChance. I was hoping that we would see each other next year, at something celebrating Stand By Me turning 40, so I could see him and properly thank him for everything he gave me — in my career, sure (it only exists because of Rob), but in my life, as well. If Rob hadn’t shown me unconditional affection and approval, I wouldn’t have known what I was missing at home. He was a big part of my coming of age in that way, too.
Ironically, tragically, I have felt closer to Rob in the last week or so than I have in a decade, because I essentially spent a weekend with the Rob I knew in 1985 when Jerry and Corey and I spent the weekend together, watching Stand By Me with a few thousand people who love this film the way we do. We spent entire days together in a tour bus, catching up on 40 years of life and work, and fondly remembering that one magical summer we spent together, that will tie us to each other for the rest of our lives. We talked extensively about how much we all loved Rob, and how much he loved us. We talked about how important it was to him that we got to be kids when we weren’t at work, how he organized screenings of Goonies and Explorers for all of us to watch together, how he made sure we all got to play.
Rob was a good person who put great art into the world, who made a positive difference in more lives than any of us can imagine. The world is a better place thanks to his activism and the way he chose to use all of his privilege and influence.
Rest in peace Rob and Michele. May their memories be a blessing.
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Having just been to the Conxord screening and listening to you all talk about what an amazing person Rob was has made this an even deeper loss. I am so sorry you didn’t get the chance to connect as an adult. Sending you so much love.
Damn, dude. I’m so sorry (and does that phrase feel flimsy and insufficient or what, but there it is).
When I saw the news, you were one of the first people who came to mind who’d be so deeply personally affected. It’s made the loss feel even worse and more personal in a way, even though I only know through through this one-sided way. I care about you anyway, and I’m so very sorry your kind friend died, and his wife, and that they died in that horrible way.
I hope people find a way to be extra kind to each other to deal with this pain and loss, no matter what the usual main mouth pieces of insanity try to make of it.
For in the end, all we have is each other.
Much love to you, to Anne, your boys, and all your friends affected by those murders.
I came here to write something, but you said it all. 💔❤️
Oh Wil…
The horrible irony of how (it looks like right now) Rob and Michele died juxtaposed with how he loved all of you (especially you…), awakening in you the realization what a father can and should be, is like a punch to the gut. I remembered what you wrote about him in “Just a Geek” (why can’t I have italics? Why?!) and immediately thought of you when the news hit last night.
HIs memory is already a blessing, because it set the stage for the Wil you have become. I, myself, will be grateful for that.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Wil. You’re right. He was a big part of our GenX lives, but you had an even more special connection. Thank you for taking time out of your grief to share that connection with us.
I will never have a complete understanding of the life you lived. It’s singular and personal. Even if I could read your soul my own life would color the picture in ways so miniscule and vast to make complete understanding impossible.
However, I can understand your loss. From how you write he was a catalyst of imessurable, positive change. A corner stone in the foundations of whom you have become.
I am sorry for your loss. His physical may be gone, but he’ll live eternally in the people touched by his work. Not only in his movies and his charity, but in people like you. Every person you’ve helped light their way, even just a flickering of spark, in part, is birthed by how he affected your life.
I hope you find peace in knowing you carry a part of that legacy onwards.
I am so, so very sorry for this awful loss. I hope you know that thousands of people are thinking of you, your friends and family who are feeling this loss even deeper. May you find comfort in the quiet spaces.
Thank you for sharing your memories and your connection. As a fellow Gen Xer, this hit hard.
So sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for the pressure to say something when you should be allowed to grieve in peace. But I truly appreciate these words and getting to see him through your eyes. I was crushed by the news, and I didn’t even have that kind of personal connection. I can only imagine how very painful this is for you. Much love.
This is a beautiful message. I always enjoy reading your thoughts, and in this moment when the world is reeling from the loss of someone we only knew in a public setting, the expressions of sorrow and loss from those who knew him better is amazing. I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling. We echo it.
I am so sorry. I am so so sorry.
When absolutely nothing else makes sense, love still does. You honor Rob’s memory. Hold Anne tight and know you’re not grieving alone.
I am so sorry for your personal loss, Wil. It is hard to process. A good guy filled with talent and kindness.
May his memory be a blessing . 🙏🏻
The loss for the world is great. He made so many movies so many of us treasure, including Stand By Me, and that we always will. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so tragic, and people who knew him are understandably devastated. The world is diminished without him.
Like so many of your fans, you were the first person I thought of when I heard about the tragedy. Still Just a Geek portrayed so effectively the impact he had had on you, and I knew that with the recent tour, he would almost certainly be more of presence in your life. I just want to send my love to you and yours; I hope you can find some peace in the coming weeks. 💓💓💓
So sorry. I immediately thought of you Stand By Me guys when I heard this terrible news. Sending love ❤️
My heart is also broken. I did not know Rob personally. But “Meathead” provided me entertainment in times of darkness, and made me laugh when I thought all joy was gone from my life. And he permitted me to cry – to release the damage of tears I hold back for far too long.
So very sorry for your loss, Wil, as well as all the otbers mourning his loss. Sending compassion your way. I’m sorry you felt you had to share. Compassion for that too. Thank you nonetheless. I am gratwcul for the opportunity to see him through your eyes.
I cannot tell you what that movie means to me. The closing lines have come back to me at odd times, again and again over the years. I became a middle school and later a high school teacher in part because I wanted to honor the truth adolescence. Those words don’t sound right. I don’t know how to say what I mean. Kids would sometimes ask me why I became a teacher, and eventually the best answer I came up with was, why would I want to spend all day around adults? And I meant it. The kids you portrayed in that movie captured the world that I remember of being 12. With all its big truths and big delusions. With its big joys and hurts. I can’t imagine how you all feel. It gives me some solace to hear that Rob Reiner was, with the four of you (and I imagine with Kiefer and the others, who were young as well) just as I hoped and imagined he would be. To all of you, I am so so sorry. Thank you for the gift of your work. Take care of yourselves.
Oh, Wil. I am so very sorry. Every single day, I shake my head at the insanity and hate in the world, and do what I can to fight it. Then something like this happens. I’ve watched violence within my family try to tear us apart when my cousin was murdered by his son. I watched my aunt and uncle and other cousins go through the unimaginable. And it never gets easier. My thoughts are with Rob and Michelle’s family and friends, and all who loved him.
I am so, so sorry. This hit us all so hard for so many reasons. Love and peace to you.
Thank you for posting, Wil. This is beautiful and elegant. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.
When I heard the news I immediately thought of you and how hard this might hit you. Holding you in my heart.
Sending condolences </3. I’m so very sorry.
I’m sorry that you, Corey, and Jerry are already being asked to give statements, and not given any space or time to feel and grieve this tremendous loss. He was such a part of our Gen X lives who helped shape us.
That quote from The Body meant something to Younger Me, since that is something I’ve been searching for…for a very long time. The two people who gave me that have been gone for a long time, and my Younger Selves are still searching while trying to be content with Adult Me. My mother made me the family scapegoat and some of my extended relatives are content to keep up those appearances.
This is remarkably generous of you to share. None of it is surprising but it’s healing to read. Just last month I visited the tiny Brownsville, OR museum that has so much of the movie’s memorabilia from when you shot around there – and so much of the 40th anniversary coverage touched on his approach and role. You didn’t have to share this with us and I hope in some way it will give you a tiny bit of healing too.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Wil. I can only imagine the sorrow you feel, and the anger at those Inwill not mention at the callous response to Rob’s loss. If there is anything I can say that I hope brings you comfort, it is this: As a fan of his work, most especially “The Princess Bride,” so long as we remeber him and have his work to touch us, he’s only mostly dead.
My heart goes out to you and your family, and those that knew and loved the Reiners.
I am so sorry for your loss. The world loss a great pair of people. May we all try to live as they did.
I don’t even know how to begin to process this loss. It feels too big. It doesn’t make sense. I didn’t know him personally. I just loved his movies. I remember he was on a show I never watched. I don’t understand how he and his wife are just gone. It doesn’t make sense, in a year that hasn’t made sense, in a world that really doesn’t make sense. My heart aches for everyone that did know him and Michele. My heart aches for you, Jerry, and Corey. Sending out strength, courage, healing, and peace as everyone mourns this horrible tragedy.
Thank you for the wonderful tribute to a great man and his wife.
There truly are no adequate words for all of this… only that my heart goes out to your heart and to everyone who loved Rob and the goodness he gave to us in this world.
And while I absolutely agree that you never “owe” anyone anything in response to your loss, I will say that I appreciate the opportunity to reach out and give care to YOU, knowing how important he was to you. Sending so much love and support your way.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, pain, and grief.
Wow! It seems surreal I wrote about Stand By Me 10 years ago after losing a childhood friend. Like you, once we graduated 8th grade, I didn’t really see her often but I remembered a slumber party we had and watched Stand By Me and the line that still stands out to me is how we don’t have friends like when we were 12. 😢 I’m still processing the news about Reiner and I only knew him through TV and films.
I am heartbroken for you and Jerry and Corey. I’m heartbroken for me. I’m heartbroken for all of us. I loved Rob Reiner and I loved Carl Reiner. ❤️💔❤️
Wil, I am so sorry that you felt pressured to write this, as eloquent as it may be. I’m sending you warm wishes and hopes for the private time to grieve and heal.
I’m so very sorry, Wil, for the loss of your friend and that you’ve been bombarded so soon. Fellow GenX here; losing Rob Reiner hurts deeply. His movies have been some of my favourites, and always will be. He was a great person as well as a great artist, and I will miss him. May his memory, and his wife’s, be for a blessing.
My thoughts are with you and your costars. As hard as this is for us fans, I’m sure it pales compared to what you’re feeling. Lots of love to you and I hope your memories bring you joy through the pain. I am so very sorry.
I am so, so, sorry for your loss Wil. Thank you for your words. Peace to Rob and Michelle Reiner. <3
Bless you, Wil, for your strength of character in a moment when you should be allowed to cocoon with only yourself and your closest people and to tend to your own broken heart. To know that you have been sharing time, space, and memories with Jerry and Corey these last few weeks makes this feel even sharper. My heart is with each of you and I hope this recent connection gives you a soft place to grieve. I am so deeply sad, and so sorry for the pain of this loss. All the tenderness and light to you, and to everyone touched by this huge and devastating loss.
I’ve been crying since last night as the clumsy/confusing news was breaking. I thought “Surely not”, whispering no, no, no to myself at the random timing of it, because it is so obvious we were and have been, nestled into a cocoon of warmth, compassion and artistic excellence that felt like home, that Rob Reiner engendered…for decades. He understood the human condition and storytelling so well – it brought us together as a human family. To have to experience this sudden, hideous wound ripping us out of that cocoon of familiarity and love has hit us like a thousand gun shots is unfair, well, unfair is pathetically weak.
Rob Reiner was all our surrogate fathers, sons, brothers, boyfriends we wanted to have, because HE had an excellent father. As Jerry O’Connell said in an early morning interview today: “Rob Reiner gave me everything. I feel like a parent has passed.”
Bless you, Wil. You didn’t have to write this blog, you owe us nothing, but I’m glad you expressed yourself.
You were the first person I thought of when seeing the news. Thank you for writing and sharing. I am sorry for your loss and wish that I were a writer to give you something to comfort your heart
I’m so, so sorry for your loss, all our losses. He meant the world to many of us. I’m so sad for us all. May they rest in peace.
“ I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?”
I hope you can go away and process this. On your own time and in your own way.
I’m.so sorry for your loss Wil. This one hurt for so many, but most certainly more for everyone that loved him personally. He seemed like a genuinely good person, and Hollywood really needs people like that. What’s worse is the nature of the deaths, so so terrible. Thinking of you.
I hope you never feel the need to delete this post. Your words have meaning, as they express not only your loss but also ours as a community. Yours is greater by far, but you’re not alone in your shock and grief. My words are lacking compared to yours.
When I heard the news, I thought of you first, knowing how hard this could hit you. His work and life impacted so many of us, but not as much as you who were lucky enough to know him. I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish for you processing time and some form of peace. Hugs to you, Wil.
After getting to meet you all in Red Bank, You were the first person I thought of, and I hoped you’d have some time to grieve before having to make a statement like this. How does a person immortalize someone who was the first person to make them feel like they were cared about? It’s an impossible task and somehow you said it all, beautifully as always. May you be able to grieve however is best for you and surround yourself with family and friends. May their family find peace and healing. May his movies find us when we need comfort in a scary world. May both of their memories be a blessing, and who is remembered, lives.
I was one of Rob’s biggest fans when I first saw All In The Family at a very early age. Thankfully my parents knew that I could safely enjoy sitcoms that tackled real issues. I later applauded Rob’s directing career with films like Stand By Me, Misery and A Few Good Men. There are too many violent tragedies happening this Christmas season and this is one that has most deeply broken my heart. R.I.P., Rob, and thank you for all of the wonderful memories that you have given us.
After his family, you were my first thought after hearing the tragic news. I’m so sorry for your loss, and so grateful for what he added to your life specifically, and to all our lives through his work. Love and warmth to you turned up to 11. 💔
💔 thank you for sharing what your relationship was like with Rob. I’m sorry for your personal loss. Such a horrific, senseless tragedy.