Skip to content
WIL WHEATON dot NET WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

  • About
  • Books
  • It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton
  • My Instagram Feed
  • Tumblr
  • Radio Free Burrito
WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

blog

please don’t fuck this up.

Posted on 5 November, 2026 By Wil

After one of the worst weeks of my life, I woke up yesterday morning in a world I genuinely believed was gone. I woke up to discover that gravity is, in fact, real. I woke up to a country that didn’t fuck up the open book test again, and for the first time in a decade, I think that maybe I see a warm and comforting glow behind a distant horizon. There’s still a whole lot of darkness to cross before we get there, but at least I can see it.

Which is why I want new leadership in Congress, if the speeches the current leadership has given are any indication of how they intend to use the majority we just gave them. With all due respect to Hakeem Jefferies, I’m going to quote Ashley The Baroness on Instagram, explaining why she believes we need a different Speaker: “What was all that fighting for, if when you get into that room, your courage ends?”

And as Amanda Nelson has so eloquently laid out, Chuck Schumer has shown us how he leads, and his leadership is wildly out of step with the base of the party, the mainstream of the party, and (as it turns out this week) the majority of voters in America. We’ve been fed up with his sternly-worded letters and his threats that whatever unconstitutional depravity coming out of the white house will sure make them look bad, and nothing else, for a decade, at least. America does not need, and can not survive, Democratic leaders who don’t have the stomach for the bare-knuckled brawling it will take to deliver consequences to Trump, his cabinet, his family, and the criminal Republicans who have enabled and protected them.

It was very telling that in his first speech after the GOP’s extinction-level event, Jefferies framed our need for accountability as a desire for revenge. He just doesn’t get it, if he truly believes that. He isn’t stupid, and he knows that if we do not hold all of them to account — which includes prison time — all those new Democratic voters who clearly said FUCK THEM UP SO THEY NEVER TRY THIS AGAIN will never come back, and we will be right back where we were last week.

It is astonishingly tone deaf, and not just a little insulting, to suggest that our demand and very real need for accountability and consequences is simply wanting to get even, to exact a petty revenge. I doubt he believes that, and is speaking in dogwhistles to the corporate donors and AIPAC, which would make his position even more craven than it already is.

Schumer is already surrendering in advance, probably locked in a room with The Baileys while he tries to figure out

Think of it like this: voters gave Democrats a loaded canon and said “aim this at the heart of Republican corruption”. We even set it up for them, so all they have to do is light the fuse. And Jefferies and Schumer swung the barrel around and aimed it at their feet.

Yeah. No. We aren’t going to stand for this. We gave you a mandate. Voters who have never and will never vote for a Democrat again gave you a mandate. The mandate is clear: HOLD. THEM. ACCOUNTABLE. FOR. THEIR. CRIMES.

In other words:

There is still time to get these guys on record and force them to commit to the most intense oversight in history. Call your reps and your senators, congratulate them on their historic wave election, and tell them that we expect them to use their majorities to punish these criminals so severely, nobody will even think about trying this again for at least a generation.


Hi, I’m Wil. I write this blog (duh), I host It’s Storytime With Wil Wheaton, which drops new episodes every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts, and in our Patreon. Occasionally I show up on your TV. You can follow me on Instagram and Threads where I am @itswilwheaton. You can get your own adorable Wil Wheaton Bedhead plushie for another 17 or so days, and if you want my posts delivered to your inbox, here is the thingy:

blog

I wish I really were a Traveler of all of space and time.

Posted on 29 October, 2026 By Wil

It’s only been like ten minutes since I found out, just before it hit the press, so I’m staggered and doing my best to process everything, while my phone is blowing up. There will be wonderful obituaries and reflections from so many people who knew him. I’m going to do my best to write my own, but that’s going to take a little bit.

This was taken when we filmed Journey’s End.

For now, I want the world to know that Patrick wasn’t just my captain or my castmate; he was my friend and mentor. He made me a better actor, just by being in scenes with me. He never treated me like I was a kid; he always treated me like I was an equal, a fellow artist, at a time when I wasn’t mature enough to understand how precious that was.

I haven’t seen Patrick in a long time, our lives and schedules being what they are, but I thought about him almost every day. He rarely posted in our group chat, but when he did, it always made me smile. He always texted me back when I reached out to him directly, no matter what it was about, and he always — always — made me feel special.

I wish I really were a Traveler of all of space and time, so I could go to him, one final time, and tell him how much he means to me. I think he knew, but still.

There is so much more to say, and it’s going to take me some time to say it. Until then, I loved him, the same way I love the rest of the space family we shared. May his memory be a blessing.

blog

in which i am turned into a little plushie thing

Posted on 27 October, 202627 October, 2026 By Wil

I love this webcomic called Poorly Drawn Lines, particularly a character called Mouse. I identify heavily with Mouse.

So about two years ago, when Reza (who writes and draws the comic) partnered with YouTooz to make a Mouse plushie, I smashed that pre-order button so hard it left a dent on the screen.

About a year ago, someone from YouTooz reached out and asked if I wanted to make a little plushie of my own with them. Of course I said yes, and immediately got to work spitballing what it would look like. I eventually settled on Bedhead, a coffee mug, my octopus tattoo, and a black t-shirt with a design that celebrates my allyship, my love of tabletop gaming, and being punk as fuck.

Here’s what he looks like:

Isn’t he adorable? His little coffee mug is attached with velcro, so you can take it off and replace it with whatever you like, limited only by your imagination and the laws of physics.

I’m from the Star Wars figure generation. Getting an action figure of myself when I was a teenager was a really big deal for me. When Funko did a Wesley Crusher, I just about lost my mind. So getting a little plushie dude who is such a fantastic representation of me is also exciting and a whole lot of fun. My sample has been hanging out with Mouse in the bookcase, and they are very happy together.

YouTooz is taking orders for the next 26 days, and it’ll ship early next year.


Hi, I’m Wil and this is my blog. I actually write meaningful things here more often than I promote things here. If you want to get my posts delivered to your inbox, here is the thingy:

blog

i had so much fun telling a story to a live audience, i think i’m going to do it again

Posted on 26 October, 2026 By Wil

So I did my live reading of The Body Snatcher at Geeky Teas yesterday, and I felt great about it.

At the beginning of the show, I asked the audience how many of them were subscribed to my podcast, and only four or five people raised their hands, out of about 60 people in the room. As a podcaster, I would love for that number to be, like, ten times that, but as a guy who wondered if anyone would show up to watch him read a Victorian horror story, I was thrilled.

I know that it’s a big ask to come see me read a story that’s over 150 years old, especially if you don’t know me as a reader and storyteller, so the fact that all these people showed up for me, well … that’s really cool.

I told them at the top of the show that I genuinely did not know how it was going to go, that they could be at the very beginning of something I do for a long time, or they could be at the opening night and closing performance of a very bad idea. Either way, I promised, it would be a memorable experience.

Friends, can I tell you how wonderfully surprising it was to feel the entire house connected to me and the story for the entire time? This is a dense story, the writing is challenging, and I knew I had a lot of work to do, to bring it to a contemporary audience in a way that was accessible while remaining true to the material. I was just overjoyed to feel the audience was with me the entire way, a lot of them connected enough to laugh at the very subtle, very dry humor that shows up briefly in the third act.

As a proof of concept, as an answer to the question, “Will an audience show up for me, and can I entertain that audience with a story?” This was an unmitigated success. I am definitely going to do this again, with a modern story from a contemporary writer.

While everything inside the house went well, I did have a complete technical failure on my stream to Patreon, and I still don’t know why. With about 20 minutes left in the reading, my laptop just went to sleep for no obvious reason, and it took the livestream down with it. I couldn’t exactly stop in the middle of the show to troubleshoot it, so if you were watching, I am so sorry it shit the bed. As a fun bonus for me, the local recording failed right alongside the remote recording, too.

So that sucked, and the next time I attempt to livestream something like this, I’m going to get someone else to handle all of it for me, so this doesn’t happen again.

Finally, on a very personal note, this entire experience was deeply meaningful to me. From the moment I had the idea to do a live show like this, all the way through doing the entire show, I never once doubted myself, felt like an imposter, heard Carrie’s mom screaming “they’re all gonna laugh at you!” or anything like that. I felt excited to get up in front of an audience, and entertain them for about an hour. I felt excited to do this thing that I sincerely and genuinely feel good about, this thing that I absolutely own as an artist, this thing that I have worked hard to master, that I believe I am pretty good at doing.

It’s always been a challenge for me to embrace the joy and or have any sense of deep satisfaction in my creative work, but all the work I’ve done to overcome and heal so much trauma seems to be working, and I have time and space to feel confident and secure in my creative self.

For maybe the first time, ever, I don’t feel like I need to make myself small, or beg for permission to make the art I care about, and if that feeling persists … well, I am so excited to let it fill my cup until it overflows with creative ideas. Maybe I’ll even find my own story to write in there, somewhere.


Hi, I’m Wil. I’m so happy that you’re here. This is my blog. I host It’s Storytime With Wil Wheaton. If you’d like to have my posts delivered directly to your inbox, here is the thingy:

blog

i’m … proud? … of me? okay, that’s new.

Posted on 20 October, 2026 By Wil

For years I have slept like absolute garbage. I struggle to fall asleep every night, and it’s not uncommon for me to wake up five or more times, for no obvious reason. I’ve done all the things, and nothing seems to really help that much. The most effective thing, surprisingly, is listening to a sleep story from Calm, so I’ve been doing that. Every night, LeVar reads me to sleep, which is pretty great.

I’ve been sleeping in the guest room for a week or so, so Anne doesn’t have to deal with me tossing and turning and all the rest, so instead of rolling over and saying good morning, I stagger into the living room and say good morning.

Over the weekend, I walked out, saw Anne, and before I could say anything she said, “Did you see it?”

Friends, there is only one “it” I want to see when I wake up, and it’s the same thing we all want.

“What? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“No, no, not that,” she said. “Sorry. It’s not that.”

“Dude, you can’t do that to me. My heart can’t take it.” I weighed out my coffee beans. While I poured them into the grinder, she said, “Stephen King posted on Threads that he and Simon and Schuster are putting your narration of The Body up for Grammy consideration!”

That just about knocked me off my feet. “What?”

She repeated herself. “Open up Threads and look.”

“I can’t! I’m not looking at the Internet for 30 minutes after I wake up.” I reached into the cabinet and pulled out a coffee mug.

She tapped on her phone a few times and hurried over to me while I dumped the ground coffee into my Aeropress, and poured some water over it to start a bloom.

“Look!”

For your GRAMMYยฎ consideration: @itswilwheatonโ€™s narration of The Body. Submitted in the Best Audio Book, Narration, and Storytelling Recording category.
recordingacademy simonaudio ๐Ÿ† #GRAMMYs #FYC #WilWheaton #TheBody #RecordingAcademy SimonAudio AudiobooksOfInstagram

“Okay, that is pretty awesome,” I said. I stirred the damp grounds, then saturated them and let bloom finish. I filled the tube the rest of the way and put the plunger in with a satisfying hiss.

“I’m so proud of you!” Anne said. I pushed the plunger down, silently cursed that I always get some out of the sides and onto the counter, and was quiet until I was done. I set it aside and sipped my coffee.

I thought for a moment. I never cared about awards, and the few times I won, I always felt like a fraud, like someone felt sorry for me, or it was just about publicity, or a dumb popularity contest. It wasn’t about acknowledging and honoring art that I made1. “I want the work to speak for itself,” I always said, and I meant it. But I never let anyone know that there was a very small part of me, tucked safely away from everyone (including me, sometimes) who held out some hope that, maybe, if it were an Oscar … but that voice was always drowned out by another that said since that is never going to happen, just fucking forget it, man.

So I did. What initially started out as caring so much I had to insist I didn’t care, actually became sincerely not caring. Just do the work and don’t expect any external validation for it. It’s the work, itself, that matters2.

“Is everything okay?”

I realized that I had been quiet, staring at my reflection in the black liquid.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. I was just thinking … all those times I was nominated for stuff when I was younger, none of that work was mine, right? I wasn’t being recognized for art I created because that art was important to me; I was desperately trying to earn a place in my family by doing what I was told I had to do. I guess I felt like any attention or accolade was negative reinforcement for my mom, you know?

“All that time, whenever I worked really hard and earned literally anything, my mother jumped in to claim as much of it as she could for herself. When something cool happened because I worked really hard to make it happen, my dad never cared. I always felt stupid for caring, so I stopped caring. You can’t be disappointed that you didn’t win, or that your parents are still dogshit when you did win, if you don’t care.” I did that tapping the head meme thing.

“Yeah, I get that. I’m still really proud of you, though.”

I sipped more coffee.

“Thank you.” I closed my eyes, furrowed my brow, and rubbed my free hand across my forehead, into my bedhead. I noticed something unexpected.

“I think … I think that I am proud of me, too,” I ventured.

“Good! You should be!”

I rubbed sleep out of the corner of my left eye. “I think that this feels different because –” I held up a hand, “wait. First of all, I’m not going to win this. And I’m probably not even going to be nominated,”

“Dude, why ar–” she looked disappointed.

“Hang on. I hear you. I’m getting there, but that’s just part of why I think I feel this way.

“This time is different, and I feel genuinely happy and proud of myself, because I know that I did good work when I narrated The Body. Gabrielle and I both knew it when we were recording. It’s like the way I knew Stand By Me was going to be special when we were making it.” I blew across the top of my mug.

“The narration feels like that work, that art, is mine in a way that most of my other work is not. I feel like my performance in this narration is special, that it’s something only I could do, and I absolutely own that. That’s really enough.”

Anne smiled and I took a deep breath.

“It’s so unlikely I receive a nomination, just because of math and all the tremendously talented narrators who have probably been nominated before, who will also be considered. But I’m not minimizing this very cool thing that Stephen King posted, at all. That post means that the publisher, and Stephen King himself, feel the same way about my narration as I do. They at least feel like nobody is going to laugh at us because I’m clearly not qualified to be White House Press Secretary, like and such as.”

We giggled together.

“Five days!” She sad.

“It’s the funniest thing, ever,” I agreed. “These fucking dorks, I swear.”

More giggles.

“Anyway,” I continued, “I’ve known about this for all of five minutes, so I’m going to take the day to process it. No matter what, I’m going to allow myself to feel good about this, because it is a genuinely cool thing on its own. I am sincerely proud of myself.”

She hugged me. “You totally deserve this. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you. I am proud of me too. I just need some time to get used to that, and not feel weird about it.”

A few hours later, I was out for a walk, thinking about all of this, and I had a moment that was similar to the first time I heard the birds singing. I noticed that I felt genuinely and safely proud of myself, excited to do more work like this, confident and secure in myself as an artist.

There is this thing happening in me that has been slowly going on for a few months. I feel like I’m getting to really know myself, especially my artistic self, in a way I never tried to before. All my therapy and CPTSD recovery work has helped me set aside and walk away from all these ways I made myself small so my parents and brother could feel big, all the choices I made to deny who I truly was, not only as an artist but as a person, in a futile effort to earn the kind of affection, support, stability, and love that all kids should get from our parents because we exist3.

As I’ve gotten to know myself, as I have recovered from so much pain and complex trauma, just working so hard to get from always feeling angry to just feeling sad, I have embraced the weird theater kid, who loves to tell stories, I have always been. I found the courage to retire from on-camera acting, which I never wanted to do in the first place, without throwing out the skills I developed when I was doing it. I’m a good narrator because I understand story, I understand character arcs, I know how to break down a whole story, how to break down a scene, how to create and maintain unique and interesting characters for 24 hours of narration. I did that. I put in the hours and the energy and worked as hard as I could to do the best performances possible, to get to this place where I can actually feel proud of myself. It’s a new thing to feel confident, to feel like I can hold my own with the people who earn nominations and get awards, because this is what I want to do with my creative life, this is my art, this is something I made for myself that makes my heart sing4.

When I got home, I found Anne and wrapped my arms around her. We hugged tightly and I told her what I’d thought about during my walk.

“I get all of that,” she said, “and I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks, I’m happy for me, too!”

It was so weird to say that, and know that it was the truth.


Hi, I’m Wil. I narrate audiobooks (you probably figured that out) and I write this blog. I’m on Threads and Instagram as @itswilwheaton. I host a podcast, It’s Storytime With Wil Wheaton, where I narrate short, speculative fiction. New episodes drop Wednesdays. If you’d like to get my posts to your inbox, here is the thingy:

One last thing before I go:

This is a teaser.
  1. I think, after decades of space between then and now, that I can allow myself to accept that, maybe, I did deserve whatever accolades I got, because it was given to me for my work. I wish I’d been able to feel that, back then. โ†ฉ๏ธŽ
  2. Some of that work was good, none of it was great. I spend twenty years trying to figure out why, and recently came to understand, like, almost everything. That’s its own post in the future. โ†ฉ๏ธŽ
  3. It is so fucked up that both of my parents, and my father’s entire family, made us feel like we had to earn love and support, like we were constantly being graded. I was in my 30s before I found out how incredibly not normal that is. My sister and I talk all the time about how we unconditionally love our children, and how aware we both are of the ways our parents withheld their very conditional affection. God, it’s so gross. โ†ฉ๏ธŽ
  4. Man, it’s taking everything I have to not go back and delete that, conditioned as I have always been to downplay my accomplishments and abilities, lest I be accused of being “too big for your britches” by my dad. Well, fuck you, dude. I feel really good about myself, and super proud of the work I did. And I guess Stephen King agrees with me, and he knows a hell of a lot more about art and storytelling than you do. โ†ฉ๏ธŽ
  • 1
  • 2
  • …
  • 782
  • Next

Search the archives

Creative Commons License

ย 

  • Instagram
Creative Commons License

Search the archives

©2026 WIL WHEATON dot NET | WordPress Theme by SuperbThemes