I hate unsolicited e-mail, of any kind. Period. I don’t care about whatever alleged virus warning you heard about from your aunt’s neighbor’s secretary, or the kid who just wants to get ten thousand e-mails before he dies from cancer. And I’ve already collected my $5000 from Walt Disney, Jr. and Bill Gates, thank you.
I’m also not very impressed with the Mainstream Corporate Media, who are thoroughly obsessed with that fucking Runaway Bride, or the incredibly stupid Michael Jackson trial, but can’t seem to find space or time to cover the Downing Street Memo and ignore the whole Jeff Gannon / James Guckert story. Why do you think so many Americans are turning to the BBC or Guardian UK for news about our country? It’s not because we hope to catch the latest cricket scores between stories; it’s because the Mainstream Corporate Media in America is a miserable failure.
Sorry you had to endure that rant. It’s important for context, because these two things that I can’t stand intersected tonight, when I got spammed by the Wall Street Journal with a “Dear Blogger:” letter.

Dear Blogger:
Check out today’s free features from The Wall Street Journal:
A buyer’s guide to the next-generation of videogame consoles.
[link removed – no google ranking for you!]
More companies are monitoring their workers’ online activities. But not very many monitor the boss’s.
[link removed – no google ranking for you!]
Plus, WSJ.com now offers an RSS feed of our free content with a 30-day archive:
http://online.wsj.com/xml/rss/0,,3_7077,00.xml
[Okay, this is actually good. On the same day the NYT decided to move even more content behind the stupid wall of subscription, it’s nice to see that at least one member of the Mainstream Corporate Media understands that RSS is cool, and a 30 day archive isn’t the best thing, but it’s a step in the right direction.]
All of WSJ.com’s free content can be found at [link removed – no google ranking for you!]
And please feel free to email me if you’d rather not receive these emails; if you’d prefer to receive them at a different email address; if this particular email is off-topic; or if you have any comments or requests about WSJ.com’s free content.

Oh? Can I please? Okay. Let’s try this:

Dear Corporate Media Spammer:
Checkout how lame it is to send form letters to spam bloggers with your crap!
Checkout all the free content that’s already on the Internet — and let me clue you in on a big secret: if it’s newsworthy, we’ll find it. Spamming us with “Dear Blogger:” e-mails is not the best way to spread the word about your fabulous free content.
Did you know that there are already sources of tech news that respect our intelligence? Take a look at Wired Technology News or Arstechnica.com. They get read and linked because they don’t spam us.
Did you know there are news sources who actually report the news, rather than repeat whatever the popular media narrative or White House Talking Point is? Check out Knight Ridder or Consortium News!
And as long as I have your attention, (especially you talking heads on cable news) please realize that you’re not part of the problem, you are the problem. If you think I’m wrong, I have two words for you: Terri. Schiavo.
And please feel free to email me if you ever decide to get some spine when you report on Dear Leader; if you’d prefer to cover stories that actually make a difference in the world, like sending over 1500 Americans to die for a lie, instead of still more in-depth coverage of the aftermath of the Scott Peterson trial; if you care to explain why you think spamming bloggers is a really smart thing to do; or if you have any comments or requests about why we should pay attention to you at all.

See, if the Mainstream Corporate Media ever mentions blogs or bloggers, it’s to either 1) suck up to the douchebags idiots liars at Powerline, or 2) pointedly declare that blogs and bloggers are so irrelevant. So why does The Wall Street Journal think it’s a great idea to spam us?
This is an incredibly stupid move. I don’t know anyone, blogger or otherwise, who enjoys spam. I can’t think of a single person who is going to respond favorably to this ill-advised tactic.
I received two different e-mails like this from the Wall Street Journal, seconds apart. I immediately replied, and asked to be removed from the list. To their credit, while I was composing this entry, I was informed that I was removed, with brief apology.
So after they did the stupid thing, they did the right thing. Personally, I think the best thing to do would have been to not spam us at all. The smarter thing (that would have at least shown a little understanding of the medium they’re hoping to infiltrate) may have been to send an e-mail that said something like,

We’d like to reach out to bloggers, and make weblog readers aware of our free content. If you’d like to help us, reply to this e-mail, and we’ll tell you how to get set up. If you’re not interested, please accept our apologies. This will be the only e-mail you ever get from us.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who got a “Dear Blogger:” e-mail from the WSJ, and I’m interested to see how other bloggers react.

My friend and BBC Producer, Chris Vallance, has been in Los Angeles for a few months, working full-time on a podcast called Pocket Planet Radio. I did an interview with him when I was in Las Vegas for the WPT. (I just listened to my segment, and noticed the strangest thing . . . I sound exactly like my younger brother. That’s weird.)
Chris is a talented producer, and his wonderfully dry British humo(u)r comes through in everything he does. His podcast will always be entertaining, so check it out.

It seems like the majority of bloggers are divided into two camps on The Huffington Post:

1. Some have decided to dismiss it out of hand, and criticize the shit out of it. Though they won’t admit it, I think it comes down to petty, childish jealousy.
2. Others just don’t care one way or another, and it’s not even on their radar.

Until this morning, I was in the second camp. I took a look the day it launched, and though the newswire was pretty good, I was unimpressed, and didn’t think THP had anything relevant to offer me . . . then I read this fucking awesome post by Robert Evans:

The two walk into my bedroom. Me? My feet still in cement

When I was in Vegas for the WPT Championship, my iBook completely crashed, and made me very unhappy. If you’d like, you can refer to the Audioblog or moblog entries, and relive all the excitement for yourself.
When I got back from Vegas, I had a few e-mails from people who worked in various capacities at Apple. They all suggested I talk to different people in Customer care, and they were all optimistic that my problems with my iBook would be resolved. I was still pretty pissed about losing my laptop when I needed it most, so I was less inclined to expect the best, but I figured it would at least be worth a call to see if they’d be interested in helping me get the damn thing fixed.
So here’s the deal with Apple Customer Care: before I could even call one of the numerous people I’d been referred to, one of them called me!
He never told me how he knew, and I didn’t think to ask, but he said that he understood that I was having problems with my iBook. He listened patiently as I recounted my woeful tale, and he apologized that I’d had such rotten luck with my two iBooks. We talked for a few minutes, and though I’m legally bound to keep the details of our conversation confidential, I don’t think Apple will mind if I reveal that the Apple rep who helped me was patient, understanding, and completely helpful.
And late last week, my faulty iBook was replaced with a shiny new Powerbook. And I mean shiny. It’s all silver and tough.
So looking at the scouting report:

iBook: 0 for 2.
Powerbook: 0 for 0, but it looked great in Spring Training.
Apple Customer Care: 3 for 3.

Put another way . . . Will definitely do business with again!!!11 TOP RATING!!! A+++++++++!!!!!!!
Har. Har. Har. Gods, I slay me with my funny.
If you’ve ever had a problem with a huge company, you’d probably agree that (in most cases) customer service has all but ceased to exist. I can’t speak for all their customers, but it’s supermegaawesome that Apple cares about this particular customer.
. . . afterthought: In comments, Starkman says:“. . . you cannot even talk about the experience because you received free stuff in return.” I want to be clear: I can’t talk about the details because I signed the same NDA everyone who replaces a product signs, and I didn’t get anything for free. I don’t expect, nor would I ever accept, something for nothing.
Apple is a HUGE corporation, and I’m sure the problems of one user aren’t going to make a dent in their Big Picture, but they’ve always made me feel like they care about me as a customer. I appreciate that, and I wanted to share that appreciation in a public forum.
. . . one more thought: If you’re so invested in cynically believing that this wasn’t just good customer service, nothing I can say will change your mind, so don’t waste our time reading the rest of this.
Quite a few people think that I got some sort of special treatment because, they say, I’m some sort of big celebrity or something. Newsflash: I’m not.
I’m sure experiences at the genius bar vary from store to store (I’ve always had a fantastic experience in Pasadena), but my experience, at the corporate level, is the same as I’ve heard from countless other Apple owners: if a problem can’t be solved at the store-level, and it’s properly escalated, Apple takes care of it. That’s awesome customer service. I got called because I was already in the system from my previous problem, and that’s just Apple CS protocol.
So why did I write about this? I didn’t have to say anything, but I wrote about it when things went wrong, so I thought it was only right to write about it when things got fixed.

Even though I felt like total crap (that’s better than a pile of ass but not as bad as complete and utter crap), the Midi-clorians that make me an actor took over just before showtime, and I had a great show last night. I had as much fun and felt as relaxed during and after the show as I did last week, which means that the performance last week wasn’t a fluke — this show really is as good as I think it is.
In fact, that’s the whole point of this entry: I want to make sure that everyone who reads my blog knows how honored and proud I am to work with the amazing actors and writers who are in ACME: A Day In The Life. I didn’t think there would ever be a show as much fun as Love Machine, but it turns out I was wrong.
I wish we could extend for another ten performances, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen; with ten actors, many of whom have families, it’s just too hard to commit to that long of a run, especially through summer.
The run ends on June 18th. Please, please please come out and see ACME: A Day In The Life before it’s just another poster on the wall.