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50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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WIL WHEATON dot NET
WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Category: WWdN in Exile

screencaps from my episode of Batman the Brave and the Bold

Posted on 18 January, 2009 By Wil

Warner Brothers has released some screencaps from Fall of the Blue Beetle. If I want to show you, all I have to do is remind you that it airs next Friday, January 23rd, at 8pm on Cartoon Network.

So, now that I’ve taken care of that little bit of business, check it out:

Ted Kord is The Silver Age Blue Beetle

“This beetle doesn’t have a flower vase, and neither does this one.”

Batman and Ted Kord, the Silver Age Blue Beetle

“If you have a vending machine that needs guarding, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire …”

Both of these images can be embiggened in the usual way. Also, Warner Brothers gave me a preview clip, but I’m saving that for tomorrow, so we all have something to look forward to.

fantastic blog for game masters, dungeon masters, and rpg fans

Posted on 16 January, 2009 By Wil

Google Reader: Hey! You’re totally going to like this blog, you should read it.

Me: Oh really? Like I was going to like that other blog you suggested?

Google Reader: Hey, that’s not my fault. My algorithm, it can sometimes be … wonky.

Me: It was a porn blog, Google Reader, and a poorly-written one, at that.

Google Reader: But the title! The title made it sound like it was about politics! You love politics!

Me: Yeah, but —

Google Reader: Wait. “Poorly-written”? You read it?

Me: It had a certain car-crash quality about it that made looking away very difficult.

Google Reader: “Dear Google Reader, I never thought it would happen to me, but …”

Me: Yes. You’re very clever.

Google Reader: [Looks at me]

Me: [Looks at Google Reader]

Google Reader: I see what you —

Me: It’s less funny when you point it out.

Google Reader: [Looks at me]

Me: [Looks at Google Reader]

Me: Okay, now it’s funny again. Anyway, I thought your hivemind knew everything about everyone. I’m strangely comforted to know that you could make such a fundamental mistake.

Google Reader: Yes … mistake. Muwahahaha.

Me: Did you just do the evil laugh?

Google Reader: No. No, I did not.

Me: I’m pretty sure you did.

Google Reader: Hey, how’s that search history doing?

Me: You wouldn’t dare!

Google Reader: I’m just saying that I think your friends and family, not to mention the general public, would be interested to know that you were reading the Wikipedia entry for Hanson.

Me: That wasn’t my fault! I was looking for the Hanson Brothers, and you sent me to the wrong page!

Google Reader: Technically, it was my brother, Google Search who did that. He’s kind of a dick, since he’s become so popular, but we all talk to each other … without a warrant, tough guy.

Me: You know what? I think I’m leaving you for Yahoo.

Google Reader: No! Wait! Here, give me one last chance to redeem myself.

Me: Okay, fine. Go ahead.

Google Reader: You like RPGs, and you have a lot of subscriptions in the gaming folder, so I thought you’d like this blog called Gnome Stew. It’s a blog dedicated to game mastering.

Me: You sure it’s not a Linux thing, mister smart guy?

Google Reader: I’m sure. Though I have a bunch of Linux sites for you, too, now that you mention it …

Me: No, thanks. I’m fine. Okay, I’ll look at it.

One hour later …

Me: Okay, you redeemed yourself.

Google Reader: Ruh-really?

Me: Yeah. Gnome Stew’s articles on how you sometimes need to ignore the game to have fun while gaming and their collection of favorite GM tools were really awesome.

Google Reader: Yay! I told you that you’d like it! See?

Me: Yes. You were right. Here’s a cookie. That I wil delete when I quit Firefox.

iTunes: Hey, guys? If you’re going to make out, shall I play some Isaac Hayes?

Me: Quiet, you.

I’m not going to lie to you, Marge …

Posted on 16 January, 2009 By Wil

…even though they’re my friends, and it shouldn’t make me squeal like a little girl, I still squeal like a little girl whenever I get mentioned in Penny Arcade.

unintended consequences

Posted on 15 January, 2009 By Wil

Last night, I saw a column at Newsarama that infuriated me. It’s been taken offline, so I can’t quote it, but the basic premise was that Wesley Crusher was playing Ted Kord, so Ted Kord was a Redshirt, because Wesley was a Redshirt, so now you know how lame that episode is going to be ha ha ha.

I tried to post a comment on the article, but it wouldn’t let me. Here’s what I wanted to say. It applies not only to this article, but to all the articles that start from the same premise. I’m putting it here because it’s the most successful I’ve ever been in attempting to explain why I’m so fed up with this sort of thing:

Wow, this is so profoundly insulting and so profoundly wrong, I don’t even know where to begin. You know that Wesley Crusher is a fictional character and I’m a professional actor, right? And do you even know what a Redshirt is? They don’t survive more than one episode, and rarely have any dialog. So … yeah, you’re pretty much as wrong as you can be about that.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course, but this whole thing is based on a premise that couldn’t be more ignorant of my work, Star Trek history, and the work we’ve all done together on Batman: the Brave and the Bold. I am offended on behalf of all of us who worked on Fall of the Blue Beetle, but what I find so personally insulting is your belittling suggestion that any work that I do now – as a 36 year-old actor – should just be discarded and disparaged because of some badly-written episodes and a sometimes-badly-written character that I played two decades ago.

I am not Wesley Crusher, and when someone says, “Wesley Crusher is playing [Some Character], so, you know, go hate [That Character] without even watching him,” it is both unfair and profoundly insulting to me. Imagine having something you’ve worked so hard to create being dismissed out of hand, because of completely unrelated work you did when you were a teenager – work that you had no control over – and you may understand why this is so upsetting to me. This has happened to me for years, and when I read it tonight – especially related to something like Batman, that I’m so proud of, that I know has a big crossover audience – It infuriated me. I’ve been subjected to this same tired line for 15 years, and I’ve really had enough of it. Live in the now, man!

I think we can all agree that Wesley wasn’t always badly-written, but my whole point isn’t to defend Wesley anyway – as I said, people are entitled to their own opinions – but to point out that Wesley is pretend and I am real. Wesley is forever a nerdy teenager, and I am an adult. If you didn’t like Wesley, that’s fine, but just give me a chance to disappoint you on my own merits, now, instead of deciding that my current work is not even worth watching, because of something you didn’t like twenty years ago.

On Twitter, I said: Urge to kill … rising. Someone needs to tell this guy that his “joke” is about 15 years out of date.

Apparently, some very stupid people thought I was suggesting that someone should hurt the guy who wrote the lame post. People: are you serious? Ever watch The Simpsons? Check out Treehouse of Horror V, particularly The Shinning, which gave us such memorable lines as “No TV and no beer make Homer something something …” and “Urge to kill … rising.” A different segment also has one of my favorite moments in Simpsons history, where Homer keeps getting his hand stuck in the toaster, but that’s not really relevant to this post.

Anyway, a lot of people spoke up on my behalf before they yanked the article, which was very kind, and not something I was expecting, but I guess should have been. Not everyone was polite and civil, though, so I also learned something about unintended consequences last night: choose your words carefully, because someone in the 30000 people who follow you on Twitter may be missing a d6 or two in their mental dice bag.

To be absolutely clear about the whole thing, I also said: Final thought before sleepy-time, where I am a viking: “urge to kill…” is a Simpsons reference, not an actual threat. Sheesh.

While I obviously can’t control what people decide to do on their own, I wanted to publicly apologize to the guy who wrote the column, even though he insulted the hell out of me. I didn’t intend to do anything more than speak up on my own behalf, but that’s why they call it unintended consequences.

Now, let us all bask in television’s warm, glowing, warming glow…

growing up star wars

Posted on 13 January, 2009 By Wil

I'm from the Star Wars generation. I was the perfect age when the original movie came out, and Star Wars toys and merchandise absolutely defined my childhood.

I'll never forgive George Lucas for taking one of the most important parts of my childhood and forcing me to watch while he took a giant Jar Jar sized shit all over it, but all the Midichlorians in the world can't take away the joyous memories I have of playing with my Star Wars figures, sleeping on my Star Wars sheets, and wearing my Darth Vader Underoos T-shirt everywhere I went.

I spent way too much time in the Growing Up Star Wars group at Flickr yesterday. It is just filled with photos, drawings, and other artifacts of my generation's youth. I couldn't stop watching the slideshow because each new picture showed a kid with a toy that I wanted so much, a kid wearing a costume that I had, or something else that was so familiar, it was like looking into my own memory.

Unless you have an hour or more, I wouldn't recommend viewing the group's slideshow, but here are a few highlights:


Jackpot – originally uploaded by eyebrow antics.

I am so retroactively jealous of this kid, 9 year-old me wants to punch him in the face. It's bad enough that he got the Imperial Shuttle that I always wanted, but the Tie Interceptor, too? And just to rub salt in the wounds, look at all those GI Joe toys!


Headphones – originally uploaded by fidgikiwi.
This could have been me. Everyone knows that the Star Wars soundtrack sounds better when you listen to it through giant can headphones with the long extension cord while you sit on the floor.


luke skywalker, age 6 – originally uploaded by olrebbie.

See kids, this is why it's awesome to have a parent who is an engineer.


Star Wars Halloween sometime in the '80s – originally uploaded by corelliancaptain.
See if you can spot the kid who has costume remorse.


Christmas Morning 1978 – originally uploaded by secretfunspot
The gold shag carpet, the wood paneling on the wall, the heavy curtains, and the Death Star playset that he didn't need to trade for the landspeeder because he already had it … how many other kids had precisely this Christmas morning in 1978? (Take a look at Christmas 1981 if you really want to envy this kid.)


TK 421 – originally uploaded by Two Twumbo Twetzels.
You really have to see the largest version of this picture to fully appreciate it. That awesome helmet is paper maché, and anyone who was once a little boy will tell you that the costume isn't complete without a gun … even if it's a six shooter.


Star-Wars_1979 – originally uploaded by DarickR.
This was drawn by Darick Robertson. Yes, that Darrick Darick Robertson. You can almost see some Spider Jerusalem in Han Solo, if you squint.

I could easily go on and on all day like this, but I think you get the point. Even though I know the world wasn't sepia toned, and wasn't viewed in three inch squares, it's how I remember my childhood. This is how I grew up, this is why Star Wars is so important to me. This is why Han will always shoot first, and I'll always wonder what exactly I should get a Wookie for Christmas if he already owns a comb.

I submitted this post to Propeller. I'd love it if you could help me get it to the front page.

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