JCCC2: in which I “sing” Karaoke on a boat.

Posted on By Wil

So this is a thing that happened.

It has everything Karaoke should traditionally have: not-very-good singing, not-very-good dancing, fucking up of lyrics, and the obligatory small glass of magic juice* responsible for the entire thing.

Enjoy… if you dare:

On our performer mailing list, John Hodgman kept saying that he was going to turn this into a Murder Cruise… none of us believed him, but I can see that he was successful, because I just murdered that poor song. Well played, Hodgman. Well played indeed, sir.

Very special thinks to KatyHaile for sharing my shame with the world, and preserving it for future generations.

*A type of "sauce" if you will.

The boat is still moving, even though I am not on it. But there was music when I was on the boat.

Posted on By Wil

I've gotten much worse at writing relevant titles since an hour ago. Oh well, circle of life.*

Previously, on Battlestar Galactica my blog: 

Holland America goes to this private island in the Bahamas that is everything you'd expect from a private beach in the Caribbean, if you were expecting a beautiful white crescent beach with a giant pirate ship on it, and inside the pirate ship is a bar.

We spent the day playing Frisbee and Ball on the beach, with occasional breaks to visit the pirate ship.

"This is the best in the world," I said to Ryan while we were swimming in the ocean. In February.

"Yeah, it totally doesn't suck," he said.

And now, the exciting conclusion to that day…

We swam back to shore and traded the Frisbee for Ball. Ball is what we call this sort of smooshy ball Anne and I bought when we were in Hawaii last year. It's slightly bigger than the palm of your hand, waterproof, and skips off the water when you throw it. I don't know why it's as much fun to play with it as it is, but holy crap Ball is probably the best thing you can do on the beach that doesn't risk getting sand into your neither regions.

After hours of Frisbee and Ball (where we were joined by, at one point, seven or so Seamonkeys), it was time to get back on the boat and set sail for Aruba. We bid the beautiful beach a fond farewell, and rode a tender back to the ship. Which I prefer to call a boat, because it really annoys people who fancy themselves nauticalists, which is a word I just made up to annoy them further.

When we got back on the boat, we cleaned ourselves up and headed into the main theater, to enjoy the Paul and Storm musical programme, featuring the musical music of popular musicians Paul and Storm.

They performed their newest songs, which as it turns out are pleas to creators of popular culture named George.

BEHOLD THIS VIDEO THAT IS NOT FROM THE CRUISE BECAUSE NOBODY HAS UPLOADED ANY YET, BUT FEATURES A SONG CALLED THANKSGIVING THAT YOU WILL ENJOY!

(Fun fact: the Han Solo ice cube tray Storm talked about was bought for me, and given to me as a gift. It's currently filled with frozen water in my freezer.)

AND ALSO ENJOY THIS ONE BECAUSE I COMMAND IT!

Ahhh. Wasn't that nice? Some of the great works from canon were performed. Panties were thrown. Then, it was time for a song about pirates! Featuring the additional vocals of me! And a lot of cover band jokes! ARRRR!

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO SEE IT HERE? SORRY IT CAN'T HAPPEN COME ON NERDS GET ON THIS SHIT ALREADY IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS MY GOD AHHH.

Okay, after Paul and Storm and a little bit of me, there was a brief intermission, and then we had our first actual rock performance by an authentic rock and roll musician: Chris Collingwood, who some of you may know as the guy from Fountains of Wayne, performed a set for all of us. He was super nervous about not being relevant to our interests (I know, right? I don't know why he thought that, but there you go) but he was amazing. And then Paul and Storm got to sing Stacy's Mom with him, which was pretty freaking awesome.

BEHOLD THE VIDEO FOR THAT SONG!

Neat!

All kidding and excessive use of all caps aside, Chris was just amazing. He was kind to me and my family, his set was beautiful and fun to listen to, and if I hadn't already been a huge fan of his band (because I was introduced to Fountains of Wayne by John Kovalic, by the way, which is interesting and name-droppy) I would have become a fan for life.

He closed his set with Hey Julie, which is my favourite** Fountains of Wayne song. 

"Anyone who wants to sing backup with me can come up on stage right now," he said.

This wave of increduility washed over the audience. "Really?" A girl near us said.

A few people — about a dozen, I guess — found their courage and made their way to the stage, where they sang with him.

The wonderful thing about this, that made me smile so much my face was in danger of splitting apart like I was in some kind of Japanese horror movie, was seeing the girl who'd said "Really?" who was probably around my sons' age, singing and dancing and being the physical embodiment of pure joy. It was obvious that she loved this song, knew all the words, and loved getting to sing it on stage with the guy who wrote it. Maybe I'm just a little too sentimental, but seeing how joyful she was made me #FuriouslyHappy, and even more grateful to be part of the cruise than I already was.

I mean, think about this for a moment: where else could you see a real rock and roll musician perform music you love and then invite you onstage to sing with him?

It turns out that this was just the beginning of the awesome things that were going to happen in this theater, and on this boat, for the next seven days and six romantic nights.

More later…

*If you're looking for footnotes to make sense, you've come to the wrong place, Chachi.

**That's for you, Canadians. I love you.

I am no longer on a boat. This is a thing that happened when I was on a boat.

Posted on By Wil

I'm getting better at writing titles that have something to do with the content of the post, I think, and for that I am going to celebrate with a quick spin in my chair.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's something that happened when I was on a boat. Well, not when I was actually on the boat, but I could see the boat when this happened so…

Okay, fine. I haven't gotten as good at titles as I thought. THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!

Day One: Half Moon Cay

Holland America goes to this private island in the Bahamas that is everything you'd expect from a private beach in the Caribbean, if you were expecting a beautiful white crescent beach with a giant pirate ship on it, and inside the pirate ship is a bar.

We spent the day playing Frisbee and Ball on the beach, with occasional breaks to visit the pirate ship.

"This is the best in the world," I said to Ryan while we were swimming in the ocean. In February.

"Yeah, it totally doesn't suck," he said.

I reached up to catch the Frisbee that Nolan had thrown to us. It skipped off my fingertips and floated on the surface a few feet away. While I swam over to pick it up I said, "In fact, I believe that this has been scientifically proved to not suck." 

"Are you sure?" 

I threw the Frisbee back to Nolan, who caught it behind his back.

"Yes. My control for this test was sitting inside at home last week because it was too cold to go outside and do anything."

"Have you published this report?" He asked.

I hollered to a Seamonkey* who was nearby, "This totally doesn't suck!"

"You got that right!" He hollered back.

"See? Published and peer-reviewed."

"Seems legit," Ryan said.

More later…

*Passengers on JoCoCruseCrazy are called Seamonkeys. For science. You monster.

I’m on a boat: Stupid Cell Phone Videos

Posted on By Wil

I’m on JoCoCruiseCrazy 2, and I’m taking an Internet vacation until I get home. So every day while I’m gone, something from my archives will post here automatically, for your entertainment. I had a lot of fun picking these different things out, and I hope you enjoy them again, or for the first time.

Today, I'm linking to the first stupid cellphone videos I did. If you're as easily amused as I am, you can watch them all on my YouTube channel.

We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far

Originally published September 2010.

I'm home for a few days before I go back to Vancouver to finish out the season on Eureka. It's nice to sleep in my own bed, actually see my family, and work in my actual office, instead of sitting at a desk in a hotel.

Doctor Parrish was very heavy in the last episode I shot, so I worked 5 of 6 days, an average of 14 hours each day. It was exhausting work, but I loved every second of it. I wish I could get into the details of it, but that is right in the middle of Spoilertown, so I'll just say that it was a lot of fun, and I got to do a lot of origami.

There's this saying, possibly apocryphal, that actors work for free and get paid to wait. One of my days last week, I was called to the studio early, and then ended up not working for about seven hours. This sometimes happens when the scene before me takes longer than anyone expected, or it turns out that they're not going to see me in the background of a shot like they thought. Rookie actors tend to bitch about this sort of thing, but salty veterans like me have learned to be grateful for the job, appreciate that I'm getting paid to wait, and pack a Bag of holding that's filled with books and games and diversions. (Back in the old days, I'd bring tons of stuff, but now I just bring my iPad and a book.)

On this particular day, I played the hell out of Plants Vs. Zombies HD, re-read Metatropolis, spent some time looking for the end of the Internet, and actually started to get bored.

Once I started to get bored, my brain spit out an idea, that went something like this: "Hey, your cell phone has a video camera on it. You should make stupid videos with it, and upload them to YouTube!"

This sounded like a brilliantly stupid idea, so I did as my brain commanded, producing this:

I told Twitter about it, and there was much rejoicing. A few hours later, I did this:

Then I was finally called to set, where I was no longer bored, and my cretive energy was directed into the very useful and productive task of bringing Doctor Parrish to life.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that my stupid videos had been viewed about 7,000 times. "See, we're entertaining more people than just ourselves," my brain said, "let's make more stupid cell phone videos!"

"Yes, sir, Mister Brain," I said. I enlisted the help of some friends, and made this:

I don't know how long this will last, but it's easy, it's amusing to me, and it's a lot of stupid fun, so I'll keep doing it until I lose interest or get distracted and chase a red balloon down the street. If you want to see these stupid things as they become available, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel.

 

I’m on a boat: Romper Stomper

Posted on By Wil

I’m on JoCoCruiseCrazy 2, and I’m taking an Internet vacation until I get home. So every day while I’m gone, something from my archives will post here automatically, for your entertainment. I had a lot of fun picking these different things out, and I hope you enjoy them again, or for the first time.

Previews

Originally published February 2003.

I used to be a big fan of South Park. I watched it every week, and anxiously awaited new episodes.

When I heard that they were making a movie, I was thrilled, and counted down the days until it opened. Of course, while the creators poured all their creative energy into the movie, the weekly content of the TV show suffered dramatically. It felt like filler with no creative soul, and I stopped watching.

So it is with WWDN as of late.

All of my creative energy and focus has gone into rewriting "Just A Geek," and racing to get it done in time for a late March release.

I love WWDN, and really enjoy writing for it, but I have limited resources in my head, and when I have to pick, the website takes a back seat to the book. I hope readers understand.

Having said all that, I'd like to offer a small excerpt from the book, so you can all see what I've been working on.

This is from Chapter three:

Writing about the satisfaction and love I felt when I was with my family came very easily. I didn't have to put on a brave face, or risk revealing how frustrated and tormented I was in my career. When I focused on my family, I felt liberated, and found humor and happiness at every turn.

 

28 August, 2001
Romper Stomper

From an e-mail I got this morning:
Wil:

I'm writing a book about Romper Room and came across a TV appearance of you on a California show with Miss Nancy. You told the hosts you used to watch Romper Room ?religiously."

I'm writing to people who were on the show, or who watched the show, to get their impressions of Romper Room. I'm hoping you can answer some questions. What made you watch it? What's your strongest memory of the program? Were you ever on Romper Room?

My response:

I was never on "Romper Room", but here is my clearest memory from watching it as a kid:

I would sit on the floor of our house (which was really a chicken coop behind my grandparents farmhouse. Yes, we were that poor), my fingers dug deeply into the golden shag carpeting, my tiny fists balled with anticipation, as Miss Nancy would hold up her magic mirror and ask it to tell her, "did our friends have fun at play?" I would sit up straight, stare into the glorious black-and-white 13-inch Zenith TV and wait patiently as she saw Steven and Jody and Tina and Todd and Michael and every-fucking-body except WIL! Hey! Miss Nancy! I'm sitting right here! I've had LOTS of fun at play! I did the DooBee dance! I ran around pretending I was a fireman! I HAD FUN AT PLAY! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME?! AM I INVISIBLE?! *pant* *pant*

I never watched TV shows like the ones I did when I was four. Jesus, does anyone?

 

Writing that made me laugh out loud. I hadn't planned on it turning into a rant, but I was doing lots of improv at the time, and I just wrote what came out of my head. I thought it was really funny, so I called my mom as soon as I was done to read it to her. When she picked up the phone, I could hear wind chimes and a waterfall. She was gardening in her backyard.

"Hey, it's your son," I told her.

"Hi Willow! How are you? Are you feeling better?" My mom always sounds happy to hear from me, and her voice is comforting — like a warm blanket, fresh from the dryer.

I was able to answer truthfully. "Yes, much. I wrote something funny for my website and I wanted to read it to you."

"Oh, honey! That's great! Let me turn off the hose." I heard her set the phone down, and I closed my eyes, picturing their backyard: the beautiful redwood deck my dad and brother built, covered with potted flowers and tomato plants, the railing draped with white twinkle lights. I heard the jingle of their dog Kona's collar, as she chased a butterfly, or the water falling from the hose. I saw water cascading into their swimming pool, and recalled the long summer afternoons spent floating in that pool, and the warm summer nights I spent as a teenager sitting in their spa, looking up at the stars. I breathed in, and I could smell the star jasmine which still grows under my old bedroom window.

"Wil? Did you hang up?"

"No, sorry. I was . . . lost in thought. Can I read you what I wrote?"

"Yes!"

I told her about the e-mail I'd gotten, and read her my response. I paused dramatically, and lowered my voice for the final sentence. I eagerly awaited her response.

"Oh, Wil," she said, "why do you need to have such a potty mouth?"

I resisted the urge to tell her that I had no fucking idea.

"It's comedy mom, and it's not always pretty."

"Well, it's very funny. I just wish you didn't have to cuss so much."

I beamed, knowing that I'd made my mom laugh, and — more importantly — made her feel proud of me.

"I gotta go answer emails, mom. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. Bye-bye."