WIL WHEATON dot NET

I just had a thought, as I am sitting here watching the TV:
Jurassic Park 3…
Why?
I mean, other than the obvious “the studio needs more money” reason.
Let’s look at the suspension of disbelief problem for a sec. Jurassic Park: The Franchise, as compared to Friday the 13th: The Franchise.
In one, you have killer dinosaurs. In the other, you have a killer killer.
In one, you have this island where you just know bad things are going to happen.
In the other, you have this creepy camp where you just know bad things are going to happen.
So the problem I’m having is, why do they keep going back? Everyone knows there is going to be chaos and mayhem.
And how long is it before the dinosaurs take on Manhattan in 3-D?

I posted the following in the “Updates” page.
But the updates page will no longer hold things like this. The weblog will be the repository for ramblings like this. And when we get the new website, you’ll have a message board to discuss these little spurts of thought that occasionally errupt out of me, like cystic acne on a 15 year old boy who plays too much D&D. (Like me, for instance).
So the updates page will forever hold a nice, little list of, well, updates to the house of lame…Hey! Maybe I’ll change the title of the website to “Wil’s House of Lame”…what do you think?
Here is the message, from July 22nd:
Hey party people.
I’ve just come home from the San Diego Comic-Con, where it’s very possible I gave you a lame flyer for this very lame website.
So you actually came, eh? Suh-weet. I feel just slightly less lame than I did last night.
Want to know some cool stuff that’s happened in the recent past?
Tough. I’m telling you anyway.
Here we go:
See, TNN is re-branding themselves. Re-branding is when a network changes it’s image and programming, and goes after a new audience. Well, that’s what TNN is doing. I guess someone decided that there were more Gen-X-ers than rednecks out there (thank god), and they’ve changed The Nashville Network (home of NASCAR and Hee-Haw) into The National Network (home of Miami Vice, Starsky and Hutch, and Star Trek: The Next Generation).
So this is quite cool, if you ask me. I’ve been doing lots of stuff with the TNN folks in the last few days, and they are really some of the coolest people on earth. And I’m not just saying that because they gave me a free trip to New York. Okay, well, maybe a little.
But check this out: There is this big thing called “The Television Critic’s Association”. I think there are TV critics in it, or something. Anyway, they get together every year to run up huge tabs on their corporate credit accounts, and see what’s coming up on TV in the next quarter. That’s where I come in. TNN asked me to go to the “TCA” (when you’re a hip, edgy, media-savvy person, you use lots of acronyms, FYI) and be part of this TNG launch-thing. So I went, and it was sooo cool! I got to see some of the old TNG kids, who I don’t ever see anymore since they’re millionaires and I’m living in a refrigerator box, and, the coolest thing of all…I got to take a pee right next to BILLY FREAKIN IDOL!!!
Yes, you read that right. Here’s how it happened: I went into the bathroom, and I’m doing my business, and I notice the guy next to mee is rather dressed up, like in serious rocker clothes. So I try to just glance at him, without getting all gay and weird, and he looks right at me, sneer and all. That’s when I realize that it’s HIM! HOLY CRAP! So I say, “My wife and I just saw you on “Storytellers”. You really rocked, man!” (tap, tap). And he looks at me, and from behind his cool-guy sunglasses says, “Cheers, mate.” And he’s gone.
YES! How cool was that?
So after that, I’m off to New York to do a cool show called “Lifegame” which will be on TNN in a month or so. It’s an improv show where they asked me to tell stories about my life, and then they have improvisers act out scenes based on my so called life, in different styles. Like the time my parents cornered me in the bathroom and gave me “The Talk”—when I was 20, done as a reggae musical. Very funny. And I got to play the Devil in a scene. YES!
While I was there, I got a tour of MTV networks, met Carson Daly (!), and was given a CHIA MISTER T! That’s right. Let me tell you, everything after that was just Jibba Jabba.
So after NYC, I came home to LA, my wife picks me up at the airport, and I get on a train to San Diego for the Comic-Con, where I signed autographs and promoted TNG on TNN (I like that. It sounds like NBA on NBC), and this lame website. Honestly, it was mostly lame. I didn’t sell many pictures, so I barely even covered my costs for the trip, and there weren’t as many people there as last year. HOWEVER! There were a few cool thing, which I will relate now:
I met Oscar Gonzalez. He’s an artist for Bongo Comics, who make The Simpson’s comic. He drew, for me, a picture of me signing autographs for THE COMIC BOOK GUY! It’s totally cool. I’ll scan it at my brother’s house, and post it this week sometime. Two other cool guys, Jason Ho and Mike Rote, also Bongo artists, did cool Simpson’s caricatures of Ryan and Nolan (my step-kids). Thank you Bongo guys!
I also met Spike, of Spike and Mike’s Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation, (the first guys to recognize Mike Judge’s brilliance in the pre-Bevis days), and did a little soundbyte for their 25th anniversary special, so Spike gave me an autographed DVD of their greatest sick and twisted hits. Cool!
My buddies at TROMA, home of the Toxic Avenger and distributor of Fag Hag also gave me some DVDs, including Terror Firmer. Very cool.
Finally, I traded an autographed picture of yours truly for a copy of “College Girls Gone Wild.” You know the one you see on TV? Trading things is cool.
That’s it, kiddies. I’m back in LA now, and getting ready for my Big Birthday Bash next weekend. I’m turning 29 on the 29th! YES!
Your punching bag,
Littlest Giant

WIL WHEATON dot NET

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