“a full day of hollywood, from the other side of the camera”

Posted on 20 September, 2016 By Wil

I took the weekend off from writing, and though I wanted to write yesterday, I had too much stuff to do out of the house to get anything done. I woke up this morning before my alarm, and I got to work as fast as I could, because I wanted to know what happened next in my story.

I think I have identified the complete three act structure, more or less, and I’ve also figured out how this story can loosely follow a Hero’s Journey. That’s not to say that I’m following a formula, just that understanding how those structures apply to this story will help me know where I am in the narrative when I get there, instead of having to look back a few thousand words and compare.

Last week, I thought I’d finish this up around 30,000 words, but I know it’s going to go longer than that. On the one hand, that’s cool because it means I’m putting together a much bigger story than I thought possible when I started. On the other hand, if it doesn’t all hold together, that’s a lot of words that aren’t necessarily going to see publication.

But I’m not worrying about that now. Right now, I’m enjoying every step of this process, and having a really good time as I level up my ability as a writer and storyteller. Even if this whole thing ends up being cut down by half or something, it will have been worth the time I spent writing it, and I’m pretty sure that, once it’s finished and I get some fresh eyes and perspectives on it, I can polish it up and ensure it holds together in the rewriting process.

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do something kind for future you

Posted on 16 September, 201616 September, 2016 By Wil

this-is-the-moment — This was waiting for me on a music stand, about a year ago, when I was doing a voice over job.

I’m part of a very small, private, online group of runners who share training tips, race experiences, encouragement and advice. We’re a diverse group of men and women of all ages (I think I’m one of, if not the oldest), but we all have a common goal: stay fit, and run more.

One of the women in the group, who I will call E, introduced me to this incredible concept about a month ago that fundamentally changed my life not just as a runner, but as a human. It’s an incredibly simple concept that anyone can apply to their lives.

Ready? Here it is: Whenever you can, do something kind for Future You.

Future You is someone you love and care about. Future You is someone who you want to be happy, and you have endless opportunities to make that happen.

This concept came into my life when she said, “I really didn’t want to run this morning, but I knew that Future E would be glad that I did, so I ran for her.”

I’ve often given joking apologies to Future Wil for eating too much spicy food, or staying up too late, but I never really thought of Future Wil as someone who existed, who was a person, who was depending on Present Wil to make his life a little easier. After E put it into context the way that she did, I could see and feel Future Wil come into existence. I could remember all the times I made myself do something I didn’t want to do, or decided not to have more ice cream, or not to stay awake too late to watch just one more episode of a show, so that I was rested, or didn’t feel nauseous, and regretful.

One of the ways my mental illness expresses itself is to make me feel like nothing matters and nothing is worth doing because everything sucks and I suck and everything is awful. One of the ways I’ve learned to live with that and push back against it is to recognize that it’s not rational, and to just get through it. But now I have this new skill to use that really helps me when Depression starts doing its best to wrap a lead blanket around me: Present Wil feels like garbage, but Future Wil doesn’t have to suffer because Present Wil is suffering. Future Wil is probably going to be grateful that Past Wil did his best to make Future Wil feel better.

I guess it’s a rhetorical trick, a way of fooling myself into taking the best care of myself that I can, but it doesn’t really matter if it’s a trick, because it works for me. I have a really hard time doing things that are just for myself, because I feel like I don’t deserve it for one reason or another … but that me from the future? That guy hasn’t done anything to me, and I should do my best to do something kind for him, like eating good food, or getting enough sleep, or getting out and exercising even though I really don’t want to do it.

Of course, the tricky part is committing to this, but I’ve been having a lot of fun doing it, and I enjoy the surreal silliness that comes along with the whole thing.

Some things you can do for Future You, to get you started:

Make your bed. Future You is going to love going to sleep in a clean, orderly bedroom.
Oh, you should probably straighten up the rest of your bedroom, too. But it’s okay if you can’t! Maybe Future You will help, after Future You sees how nice it is to have the bed made, and Future Future You will love it!
Wash your dishes. Future You will be so glad that the sink isn’t full of dirty crap.
Take the stairs. Future You will feel awesome because you did something that wasn’t easy, when you didn’t have to.
Get that toxic person out of your life. Future You will be so grateful that she doesn’t have to deal with that jerk any more.
Turn off Twitter. Future You is going to be so happy that you didn’t waste time arguing with that person you don’t even know.
Make plans to do something fun with someone you care about. Future you will get to hang out with someone you like, and present you has something to look forward to!
Buy Future You a present, like a massage, or a spa day, or tickets to a movie or a concert.

You get the idea, right? It’s so simple and obvious to me now, and it feels like something that I’m sure doesn’t come as much of a revelation to the smart people out there, but my whole life I have missed totally obvious things that were right in front of my face. Maybe some of you missed it too, and now you may feel like doing something kind for Future You.

Food and Drink

Recipe: Vegan Applesauce Bran Muffins with Blueberries

Posted on 13 September, 201613 September, 2016 By Wil

Vegan Applesauce Bran Muffins with Blueberries

Because I posted this picture on Twitter and all these people were like HEY I WANT TO MAKE THOSE HOW DID YOU DO IT?

Okay, a few things before we start: this is just a basic muffin recipe I cobbled together from the Internet, with a couple of vegan substitutions. I didn’t make the substitutions because I’m vegan, but because I was out of eggs and I didn’t want to go to the store. Once I decided to do one vegan substitute, doing one more wasn’t that big a deal.

Ingredients:

1 C all-purpose flour
1C bran cereal (I use Bob’s Red Mill Hot Bran Cereal For Cool People)
1/3 C applesauce
2/3 cup brown sugar
1t vanilla extract
1C almond milk (unsweetened)
1t apple cider vinegar
½ C blueberries
1T flax seed meal + 3T water

Before we even start you’re going to pre-heat your oven to 375. If you have a convection oven, set it to 350. If you have a nuclear reactor, it’s going to be too hot, so find a regular oven.

First, make your egg substitute by mixing one the flax meal and three tablespoons of water together. Set aside for at least five minutes.

Second, make some fake buttermilk by mixing a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar (or lemon juice) into the almond milk. Let that sit until the egg substitute is done doing its thing. Put them next to each other, so they feel like they have to compete to be the best.

Third, combine the fake buttermilk you just made with the bran cereal, in a large bowl. Stir it all together so it’s mixed really well, and let it sit for ten minutes. Tell the egg thing and the buttermilk thing that they had it easy.

While it’s sitting there, you combine the brown sugar, the fake egg stuff, and the vanilla extract. Mix them up really well, too.

When ten minutes are up, mix the sugar stuff into the bran cereal and stir like crazy until it’s all combined. Use a spatula thing (available from Spatula City) to make sure you get all the sugar stuff out of the bowl you mixed it into. If any of the sugar stuff is left behind, it will attract C.H.U.D.s. I am totally serious and this is really important.

Now take the flour, and mix it into the bowl of cereal, milk, and sugar stuff. Mix the hell out of it because you want the moisture to be evenly distributed. Double check when you’re done. Is there any hell left in your mix? Keep mixing until all the hell is out.

Now take half a cup of blueberries and dump it in. Guess what you’re going to do? That’s right, mix it all together.

You have a bowl of almost muffins! Good for you. But don’t go high fiving yourself just yet, tough guy. Now you gotta put some paper muffin things into a muffin pan, and use a big spoon (I used a tablespoon from the silverware drawer) to put about 2 spoonfuls of batter into each muffin thing. I got about 10 muffins this way, but your total number of muffins will probably vary due to variations in weather, air pressure, time of day, the stock market in Asia, and how intensely your neighbors have recently had sex on the other side of your apartment wall while you were trying to sleep.

Your oven should be ready now, so go ahead and put the muffin pan into it and close the door. Say a prayer to whatever god of baking you think will pay the most attention to your plea.

It takes about 15 minutes at 375 in a regular oven, or about 12 minutes at 350 in a convection oven for your muffins to be all baked and ready to go. I recommend stabbing them with a toothpick, so they know who’s boss, and also so you can find out if they’re ready (they’re ready when batter doesn’t stick to them).

Put them on a wire rack to cool. Be really careful when you take them out of the muffin pan, because I don’t want to have burned the everlovingfuck out of my fingers for nothing.

You can eat them right away, while they’re hot, but they’ll be a little chewy. If you prefer them to be slightly less chewy, let them cool for about 20 minutes or whatever.

These have like up to 70000000 calories in them but they also give you superpowers if you make them right, so it’s a tradeoff.

EDITED TO ADD: I’m not a particularly skilled baker, so maybe this recipe could benefit from leavening, like a teaspoon of baking powder, or maybe some baking soda (because it would theoretically react with the vinegar) but I don’t know for sure. If that sort of thing matters to you, the Internet has answers and suggestions for you. Oh, and this isn’t gluten free, but if you use your commas correctly, you could give it away and be like, “It’s gluten, free!”

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slips into the sea, eventually

Posted on 12 September, 201613 September, 2016 By Wil

This thing I started writing a few weeks ago, which was supposed to be part of a short story collection, has completely taken on its own life, and instead of being a quick 3500 word thing about a single event, it’s become (as of today) a little over 21,000 words about the fragility of friendship, and what that means when we’re at that weird time in our lives between elementary and middle school.

I’m pretty sure that I’m in the middle of the second act, so maybe this will finish up in another 10,000 words or so. Once that happens, I’ll set it aside for a couple of days to let my brain get some perspective, and then I’ll go over the whole thing to see if it even holds together.

I started writing this because I loved Stranger Things so much, and it made me remember a bunch of stuff about the summer of 1983, when I was 11 years-old. It was the first time I had a real crush on anyone, the first time I learned that adults can be horrible even though they’re adults and they aren’t supposed to be horrible (especially to kids), and what it’s like to lose friends who are important to us.

Some of it is true, most of it isn’t, but all of it has been incredibly rewarding and fun to write. Today, I’m finishing up a thing is on one level about making a sandcastle, but is also about something else entirely. I thought I’d share some of it:

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The August Reboot Check-In

Posted on 31 August, 201631 August, 2016 By Wil

Wil and Wil Near the beginning of June, someone asked me if I was planning to do any travel during the summer.

“No, I’m staying home to write a book,” I said.

“Oh? What’s it about?”

“It’s a collection of short stories that I’ve been wanting to tell for a long time, but haven’t had time to tell, because I’ve been doing other people’s work for the last couple of years.”

“That sounds like a cool project. And the year is only halfway done!”

“There’s another way of saying that,” I said. “The year is already halfway done.”

And so here we are, past the halfway point of the year. A long way past it, actually. Today is the 244th day of the year. There are 122 days left in 2016. Better start your holiday shopping.

I never thought I would have a midlife crisis, because the way they are depicted in media and pop culture are anathema to me: the sports car, the clothes that look ridiculous on someone my age, fucking someone young enough to be my kid. These are all things I would never do (things that are pretty gross to me, actually) so I just figured that it wouldn’t happen to me.

But I read Henry Rollins’ column in the current issue of LA Weekly, and he mentioned something about having more days behind him than in front of him, and I realized that, yes, I’m having a midlife crisis. It’s not that I want or need to do any of those gross things I just listed; it’s the feeling that there are more days behind me than ahead of me. It’s the feeling that I’m running out of time to do the things I want to do, and the fear that comes with that. It’s feeling the world around me change and leave me behind. It’s seeing young people who have no idea just how fast they’re going to be me. I guess it’s the feeling that motivated me to do this reboot in the first place. I may have fewer days behind me than in front of me (or maybe not; my generation is probably going to live for a really long time, maybe even to a point when we can upload ourselves into computers … unless we’ve already uploaded ourselves into computers and all of this is an illusion) but I’m going to make the most of them, to the best of my ability.

So let’s check in and see how things are going.

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