BREAKING NEWS!!
Today on Twitter, noted Science Fiction Author and Cat-Bacon-Taper John Scalzi declared:
AAAAH EVERY YOUTUBE VIDEO HAS A POLITICAL AD IN FRONT OF IT THAT’S IT NO MORE YOUTUBE UNTIL NOVEMBER 7
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) September 23, 2012
A group of concerned cats immediately replied with this political action message:
Then, in a desperate attempt to deflect attention from his cat bacon taping, Scalzi accused beloved science fiction, television, film, stage, theater, internet, radio, and teenage-fever-dream star Wil Wheaton of being behind the whole thing. Wheaton, who everyone loves for reasons, denied the scandalous allegation. Scalzi then produced an obviously fake “receipt”:
@wilw Nothing to do with it? Then perhaps you can EXPLAIN THIS RECEIPT, Wil #OhSnapYall twitter.com/scalzi/status/…
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) September 24, 2012
But Mister Scalzi can not produce the LONG FORM RECEIPT! He continues to dodge the tough questions, and instead of responding to a simple and reasonable request, he produced this:
And now, as the real questions begin to swirl around Mister Scalzi, his allies in the Bacon Taping Media have produced this vicious attack ad:
Some say that John Scalzi is wrong on bacon, wrong on tape, and wrong on cats.
Some people say that John Scalzi is WRONG FOR THE INTERNET.
DIS MESSUG WAZ PAY FER BY DA KATZ.
we like tuna
Ermahgerd berkin nerrs!
oh dear gods! someone is wrong on the internet! somebody do something!
Quick, to xkcd! They’ll know what to do with this!
To be fair, that jumper has never been adequately explained. There is no adequate explanation.
Insomniac Brits against crappy jumpers.
Bzzt. Failure to use BLINK tag. Message ignored.
This is like rapper call-outs for white guys…
Oh Wil. We love you guys.
Please stop tearing our nation apart!
America has a place for Bacon Cat Tapers and Bad Sweater Wearers.
All I am saying is give peace a chance!
I love living in the 21st century.
As someone with dubious fashion sense, I defend Wheton’s right to his crappy sweaters. It is taping Bacon to cats that is unnatural! Really, put Christmas sweaters to that. Christmas sweaters are for GOD, taping bacon to cats is just torture! Whoever this Wheaton is, I am voting for him next poll!
In the interest of bipartisanship and leaning across the aisle, I propose that the Honorable Mister Wheaton allow the Honorable Mister Scalzi to tape bacon to Mister Wheaton’s sweater, photograph said bacon, and post the resulting photograph. All in favor of this resolution?
I laughed, I cried, I peed…
Is this what awesome and famous people who aren’t uber-millionaires do with their free time? …I’m jealous.
Since evolution didn’t see fit to give cats opposable thumbs, how else are they going to carry their bacon if not by having their humans tape it to them? #CatsBeingPractical
This is the only good thing (in the history of all things) to come out of an election cycle!
“beloved science fiction, television, film, stage, theater, internet, radio, and teenage-fever-dream star Wil Wheaton”
You left out “noted author.”
Sure, you tried a crappy sweater once, but you certainly didn’t inhale. And, really, it doesn’t count if you didn’t inhale.
You can’t inhale a sweater.
As I sit here in my hospital bed this is EXACTLY the medicine I needed thank you guys!
I love the post, but dude the flashing light is killer on my home page from the rss feed.
I’m working a twelve hour work day and come home on my break to find this.
Thank you Mr. Wheaton!
And this? This is why the interwebz was invented.
There are commercials in front of YouTube videos? Who knew?
That’s it. I’m voting the Chewbacca/Solo ticket this November. At least THEY will focus on the rebuilding of the ideals we hold so dear…
… that every man woman and child are entitled to Pasta Arrabiata in the cafeteria of the Death Star WITHOUT fear of needing a tray.
“This one is wet! This one is wet! This one is wet! This one is wet! This one is wet!”
I’m with ya! Coz those wet trays? *shudders* Won’t someone think of the children?!?
I heard that Wil Wheaton cut John Scalzi off, giving him only one minute to retort and, in a an unbridled nerd-rage, (laced with four letter words like ‘poop’ and ‘dang’), busted Wil’s game table in half before storming off to be admitted to a bacon/tape abuse treatment center…
Insider reports allege that at the Annual Bacon on Toastmaster Fundraiser at Chicon 7 noted dignitaries were heard to say that “47% of Americans don’t even own adhesive porcine derivatives”, deeming them irrelevant regardless of the number of cats owned or sweaters disowned. Truth. We need you NOW.
Bacon taping is irresponsible and wasteful, especially in these dark days of bacon shortages – we must all learn to curb our bacon-attaching urges and conserve our precious resources
(http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-202_162-57519703/global-bacon-shortage-unavoidable-group-says/)