Onion head hat

As a step-parent, I have this strange set of ever-changing boundries that I have to respect with my step-kids.
On the one hand, it sort of sucks, because I don’t think I’ll ever be as close to them as I want to, even though they live with Anne and me. On the other hand, I totally respect and understand their limits, and I am not about to force myself on them, or force them to have a relationship with me that they aren’t ready for. For example, I don’t ever want to be called “dad”. I’m really happy just being “Wil”, because they’ve alread got a dad. I’ve made a point of that, over the years, and I think that it has made things easier for the kids, because I’m not putting them in an uncomfortable position of having to choose who they love more, or who they want to be around.
The other side of that is that I sometimes feel like my influence on them is minimized, and that they aren’t “getting” the same things that they’d be “getting” if I was the only father-figure in their lives.
But sometimes, things happen, and I really see myself in them, and it’s just awesome.
Anne and I worked long days today, and we realized that there was no food in the house when it was time to fix dinner, so we decided to go out to eat.
Normally, I’m not a big fan of the dining out experience. Somehow, I’ve managed to avoid the being a waiter part of being an actor, and I think restaurants scare me, because I know I’m “The Curse, Part 4” away from asking if anyone would like to know what the “soup du jour” is, and then sighing sadly when my answer, “that’s the soup of the day”, doesn’t elicit the peals of laughter that I was hoping for.
But when there’s no food in the house, and I don’t want to order pizza, our options are limited.
So we put the kids in the car, and we headed out to a local eating establishment for some grub. While we were there, a couple of things happened, and I totally saw myself in both of the kids, and it nearly brought tears to my eyes.
But it didn’t, because I’m a bad ass, and I’m cool, and tough, okay? Okay?!
Okay.
So we’re eating underneath this picture of Jack Nicholson, the one where he’s holding a magnifying glass, and his teeth are huge, and his chin is pulling a Leno.
I point at it, and I say, “Hey, guys, do you know who that is?”
Ryan says, “Drew Carey?”
“No,” I reply, “it’s Jack Nicholson.”
“Oh,” says Nolan. “I thought he was dead.”
Then they look at each other for a second, and explode into laughter. Of course they know Jack Nicholson, they tell me. They were totally messing with me.
Which is something that I would do.
Later in our meal, Anne is telling the kids that the exterminator came to our house today, and he left some traps in the attic…she then tells the kids, “So, later tonight, you may hear: scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch…” And she SLAMS her hand on the table, and shouts, “BAM!” which she immediately follows with this screaching “EEIPPE!” noise.
Ryan looks at the table across from us, and he says, to the couple who is staring at my wife, “I don’t know this woman. I am so sorry.”
Which is something that I would do.
After dinner, when we’re back in the car, Nolan says, “Wil, can we listen to Jimmy Eat World?” I tell him no, because it’s in the CD player at home.
He follows that up with a request for Tool, and a request for Bad Religion.
I inform him that both of those CDs are also at home, and Ryan says, “How about Cake? Can we listen to Cake, Wil?” He begins to hum “Comfort Eagle” to himself.
J.E.W., Tool, Bad Religion, and Cake. Every last one of them bands that I listen to.
Oh, and a few days ago, Nolan was on the phone telling his friend, “You should never wait to tell your mom that you love her.” He waits, while his friend presumably asks him why, and tells him that you never know what’s going to happen to someone, so they should always know that you love them.
Which is totally something that I do.

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164 thoughts on “Onion head hat”

  2. Please tell us there is still Roughy and Rob!
    Oh please!! Surely ALL is not lost.
    (See this is when we need the SPUDNUTS ACTION
    FIGURE!!)

  5. My mom is getting remarried but I being 19 and all probably will never call him dad. And also I wouldn’t call him dad cause even though my dad left he aint dead. So my dad is dad and my mom’s bf is Steve. That’s that. 🙂

  6. Wil,
    That is so wonderful. As someone posted earlier, you are having more of an influence than you know on these kids. It sounds like they truly love you and look up to you.
    And to Roughy – Warrant rox. I’ve seen them live a few times. Down Boys was the coolest video – especially when they all get down on their knees and headbang in synch! *headbangin’ at her desk*
    Vickie
    p.s. Know what IOWA stands for (I’m from WI, so I can make fun of Iowans and one of my best friends lives in Duh Moines)?
    Idiots Out Wandering Around
    or
    I Owe the World an Apology
    HAHAHAHAHA – gee, I crack myself up!

  8. Events like that you won’t forget and it is what we are here for 🙂
    As for “asking if anyone would like to know what the “soup du jour” is, and then sighing sadly when my answer, “that’s the soup of the day”, doesn’t elicit the peals of laughter that I was hoping for”
    Worked on me! Rofflemayo 🙂
    Pete

  9. The cheese works today…making certain auto-owners lives easier. Or something.
    So sorry.
    But there’s a UE Sweatshirt contest going on…
    Look at the bottom of the VD post.. and place your guess!
    😉
    The cheese shares.

  10. My boyfriend is from England. Over there, all the slang is different.
    2 weeks ago on my birthday we were having a discussion when my 2 year old busted out with “OHH BUGGER” He almost pissed himeself laughing. But he felt the same way, that he finally has had some sort of affect on them.
    Amy

  11. You are making me get all sniffly inside Wil.
    Yes, you are.
    Elizabeth. Thinking Wil has great kids

  12. No Cheese today, Rob you are our last hope!
    Coming never to a theatre near you.
    Spudnuts, The Man, The Myth, The Legend
    Co-Starring Roughy as the Cheese
    Rob as the Voice of Spudnuts
    with a cameo by Wil Wheaton
    all stunts performed by the Posse.

  13. What these kids have are respect for you. Being a best friend to them is better than anything in the world.

  14. This post made me want to have children.
    Until I realized that they would SO be considered strange if they started saying things that my husband and I say. Like quoting Eddie Izzard, Monty Python, Farscape, and Buffy.
    Well, WE’d think it was cool. And so would our friends. But everyone else would look at the poor child like they were from another planet.
    I can’t do that to a poor, innocent child now, can I?
    Have a great break, Wil.

  15. OH Julia, I LOVE Eddie Izzard. Dressed to Kill is one of my all time favorites – especially the Englebert Humperdink and the “If Star Wars was done by the British” skits.
    ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
    Vickie

  16. It’s wonderful to get the stepdad’s point of view. I have both a dad and stepdad, and honestly, my stepdad has become my dad simply by being the one who’s always there when I need him. Now, 20 years later, he means as much to me as my mom.
    Wil, just keep doing what you’re doing. Although the boys may not realize how lucky they are right now, they will when they’re older.

  17. Hey Julia! Maybe your future kids and my future kids can hang out. I can just hear them in their little kid voices.
    “You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day without sunshine.”
    “So I’m wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, “Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity.” And you know, the monkey’s just, “I mock you with my monkey pants!” And then there’s a big coup in the zoo.”
    “Do you have a flag?”
    “Cake or death?”
    “And we have all these options before we go stampeding towards the clitoris!”
    “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
    AWWWWWWWWWWWWW, kids say the damnedest things.

  20. Engelbert Slaptyback
    Slut Bunwalla
    You “erb”, we say “herb”. Why? Because there’s a fuckin’ H there!
    MY GOD MAN!
    Oh, for fuck’s sake.
    Vickie (who’s now going to go wash her mouth out.)

  22. bluecat-redblanket said: “Please tell us there is still Roughy and Rob!”
    Well, there’s more than one Rob, now…but I shall ASSUME I’m the one you’re talking about! This helps my ego immeasurably.
    Je suis le travestie ex

  31. ANd the holy spirit goes
    “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that God and Jesus…”

  32. Does this mean you “dress up like a sultan”? Pictures, man, pictures! :^)
    I know nothing about fatherhood, but it sounds like you’re going through what every Dad does… though maybe with a twist(of lemon).

  33. It’s cool that you can see yourself in a little bit of your step kids. I have a stepdad and sometimes I feel a little sorry for him. I know that he wants us to have that perfect father daughter realtionship and all that but I don’t really know how to connect with him like that. Somestimes we do click like that and those are my favorite memories of him. So, mucj love to you Wil.

  34. Wil, I doubt you’ll ever see this cause frankly it is way to far down on the messages.. (I mean come on.. its #84, and if you are reading it, I think I need to send you some computer eye drops) but I wanted to say,
    Thank you for sharing.. that was not only a riot, but very touching..
    and on today, I appreciate it even more

  35. Wow. I always wanted to be close to my step-parents, and my parents too. I thought we were doing fine until I hit puberty. Then all of a sudden they were all after me to “act like a normal teenager.” I just couldn’t do it. It was actually my dads who got me into Star Trek. (Yeah, I had a huge crush on Wesley from episode one.)

  36. You’ve got great kids man. I hope that when I have a family I will have cool kids like that. You may be a step dad but your influence is very strong in their lives and thats an eternal thing for them. I’m sure they know it and are glad that you are a part of their lives.

  37. that sounds reallt cool will, I’ve never had a dad so i really envy people who know their fathers and spend time wiht them, but your two step kids have two father figures and thats made better but the fact theres no fighting between the adults for love, affection and attention.
    Way to go will
    Spike
    23.09 GMT
    I’ve stsrted putting up GMT time when I post cos it always looks like I stay up really late to post messages but I don’t honest it’s just cos I’m a brit!

  38. Wil,
    Nolan and Ryan sound like great kids. You and Anne are very lucky people and the boys are VERY lucky to have you two as role models and parents.
    God Bless.
    ~Jamie

  40. So sorry, I wasn’t goin for phonetics! 🙂
    Hilda?
    Yes Dr. Heimlich.
    I’m your husband, call me by my first name.
    Ok, what is it Gunther?
    I have invented a manoovah. (happy Jun?)
    The druids – long white robes, long white beards. Early transvesites.

  41. Hey, step-dad Wil.
    Congrats. Family-wise, you sound like you’re in The Zone.
    Joy and peace to Anne and Nolan and Ryan and yourself.

  43. Cool story, *warm fuzzies* 🙂
    Admit it Wil, you didn’t cry at the time, but you got all teary when you wrote about it! HA! You just won’t admit it cos you be a manly man.

  44. Hey Wil,
    Your story brought tears to my eyes (unfortunately I am not cool, I am a sap). My daughter was adopted by my husband when she was about 5 years old. It’s amazing to me how much alike they are. Today is her birthday, she’s 17. She recently purchased the new Pink Floyd cd, echoes. Pink Floyd is my husband’s all time favorite band. They have a wonderful and loving relationship. She does call him Dad (and considers him Dad because her biological father was never interested), and I consider myself very lucky to have a man who was willing to accept my daughter as his own, period. Your wife is lucky to have a husband with so much love in his heart. Those kids will enrich your life in ways you’ve never imagined. Enjoy.

  45. My seven year old son sometimes amazes me… and I fear he is going to have my weird sense of humor.
    We were in dowtown Toronto a couple of years ago and as we stopped for a traffic light I noticed a man with a real dorky floppy hat. I said out loud “nice hat” but Alex wasn’t happy with that. He rolled down the window and yelled “Hey Mister!..MISTER!….nice hat!” I couldn’t get away quicker. He also has no problem with spelling either. When he was in grade 1 he liked to have a new word to spell every day and we were in the car again and were driving past a well known establishment when he said “Hey dad…look..H-O-O-T-E-R-S! I had nightmares of him in class the next day spelling out his new word.

  46. Wil,
    Having had no interest in having kids myself (although I am only 22, so that could change!!! LOL), you have, in one small section of text, made me realise how wonderful it would be to have someone look to you for guidance and help….. or just love!
    So in the future (however, not the near future as I plan to spend the Summer in Greece! LOL) I would like to think that that will happen to me too…..
    You are a very cool guy for sharing things like that with us all.
    Love Donna
    P.S. What has happened to Spudnuts??? He left the country??

  47. I look to Wil for inspiration on how to be a good stepparent.
    I’m engaged to a wonderful man with custody of 2 children. We’ve all been living together for 4 years now. MAN, this is a tough job, I wasn’t expecting to have a family so soon, but here we are, and still surviving.
    Thanks for the inspirational stories, Wil.
    *sniff*
    I LOVE YOU, MAN!
    (Got a Budweiser?)

  48. Okay, I’m shivering, can’t spell, am quite out of it, so I’m going to be a gigly fangirl for perhaps the third time in my entire life (not counting my ezboard). Wil, you rock. Squeeeeeeeeee!
    Okay, I’m done now. Promise. No, really.
    Um, I guess I’ll write back later, when I have something more insightful to contribute than rabid fandom.
    Wait, how do you do this diary thing? Isn’t it hard? I mean, I’m a writer, and I love it, the WordHappy and everything, but I can’t just generate my thoughts without a plan or a, I don’t know, a distance between myself and my subject. And I need poetry in my writing, even in essays, or I get upset. Am I just a weirdo? I mean, actors are supposed to be able to keep a diary on set, and obviously writers should be able to write almost anything (even if they are only good at one genre).
    I guess my question really is: is this writing hard for you, or is it the easiest writing you do, or what? What kind of writing do you like best? And how do you do it, do you free associate or do you sit down and MAKE yourself write X amount of pages a day? Or something.
    Hey, look, I was semi-insightful. Give me time. Oh, and hello.

  50. Hey,Wil
    You are a really sweet guy. They are lucky to have you in their life. My friend lost his mother in a car crash and a few years later his father got married to another woman. He said they get along quite ok ..coz after all she’s not his new mom but she will become her dad’s best friend.
    They respect each other so it went well. there were some disagreements but not much. I think the key is communicating and respect. It seems to me that you ‘ve done a great job. How old are they?? your kids..I think they already look up to u. That’s cool huh!!
    Anyway, have a nice Valentine’s day with your family.
    Natacha

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