Still Cool

Imagine if you can that it’s the summer of 1988. Not too hard, what with the terrible economy, deficit spending and incompetent president.
Still with me?
So it’s 1988, and a little show called Star Trek: The Next Generation is in it’s second season. It’s struggling a little bit, experiencing the typical sophomore slump of any new series, and a writer’s strike is not helping very much.
In the summer of 1988, I turned 16 years old, and, just like the Corey’s, I got a License to Drive!
It’s well documented within the Star Trek community that Patrick Stewart and I bought almost the same car, a 1989 Honda Prelude…the, uh, only problem is, I bought a model that was just slightly cooler than his. (He got the si, and I got the si4WS, baby.) Patrick has really had fun over the years, teasing me about how, since then, he’s always had cooler cars than I do, to which I reply something about his driver.
What’s not well documented, however, is this thing that happened, in the summer of 1988, in the parking garage at Paramount, where we all parked our cars.
We were all working late one night, probably shooting blue screen on the bridge, so we were all wrapped at the same time (a rarity). I excitedly walked to the parking garage with Jonathan Frakes, who I was already looking up to.
So we’re walking back to our cars, and we’re talking about something, I can’t quite remember what, and I really feel like Jonathan is treating me like an equal. He’s not treating me like I’m a kid. It really makes me feel good, and I say to him, “You know, Jonathan, I can tell, just from talking to you, that when you were younger? You used to be cool.”
He laughs, and I think to myself that I’ve cemented my position with him as cool contemporary, rather than lame ass kid.
Then he says, “What do you mean, used to be?!”
I realized what I’d said, and how it didn’t match up with what was in my head, which was, “Gee, man. You are so cool now, as an adult, I bet that you were a really cool guy, who I’d like to hang out with, when you were my age.”
He knew what I meant, I could tell, and he really tortured me about that, for years. Every time I see him nowadays, he turns to a person nearby, and he says, “You know, Wheaton here told me that I used to be cool.” We laugh about it, and I make the appropriate apologies, and explanations, while Jonathan makes faces and gestures indicating that I am full of shit.
Now, when I was working on Trek, I always wanted to be:

  • As good an actor as Patrick,
  • As funny as Brent,
  • And as cool as Jonathan.

I’m still working on those things, and Jonathan just recently showed me how cool he still is.
Jonathan directed this new movie, called “Clockstoppers“. It’s a movie geared towards kids, but it seems smart enough for their parents to sit through it without dreaming up ways of eviscerating the writer responsible for robbing them of 90 minutes of their weekend, which sets it well apart from most “family” films.
Ryan and Nolan have been talking about how they can’t wait to see this movie, and I mentioned to them last week that I was friends with the director, and I had heard that it was going to be really cool, and I was pretty sure that I could get us into a screening.
So I called up Jonathan’s office, and asked if I could get some tickets to a screening, so I could take the kids, and be a hero to them. Jonathan’s assistant said that it would be no problem, and I’d hear from someone at Nickelodeon about the screening.
The next day, the phone rings, and it’s totally Jonathan himself, calling me back, telling me how happy he is that I want to take my step-kids to see his movie, and that he’s really happy to get me into the screening on Saturday.
See, the thing is, Jonathan is what we in Hollywood call A Big Deal(tm), and usually people who become A Big Deal(tm) don’t usually talk to people who aren’t also A Big Deal(tm).
But Jonathan is not only A Big Deal(tm), he’s also A Really Great Guy(tm), and he didn’t need to call me back, personally. Actually, I really didn’t expect him to.
But he did, and that proves that he is now, and always has been, cool. Despite my fumbled proclamations as a 16 year old dorkus.

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167 thoughts on “Still Cool”

  1. Oh my Buddha!! Another Roswell fan at WWDN???!!! Actually I am a fan of the Roswell that was, and the Roswell could have been, it has seriously gone down the crapper.
    But anyway, one of the very reasons I started watching it was because of Frakes. And I loved the episodes he was in.
    Don’t feel bad, you are expected to say less than articulate things when you are 16.
    P.S. when is Anne coming back? 😉

  2. completely agree Susie. I kind of like to look at it the other way tho’. All the people in the U.S. are missing out on the important things in MY life while they’re asleep. heh. I like that.
    Now, if oyu’ll excuse me I’ll go and tame my ego….

  3. Good going Hero Wil, I guess some people in hollywood will return your phone calls. hehe. Just kidding. Good luck, have fun at the movie, looks interesting, but didnt now Jonathan Frakes was directing it.. cool. I was joking with someone that it looked like Matrix Jr. but I retract all negative comments now.

  4. Wil,
    Thank you very much for the trip down memory lane. I remember 1988 very well. See, that summer I was in a film with Weird Al called “UHF”. Remember that piece of crap? It had Cramer in it before he was famous, and it also had the Nanny in it before she was famous.
    Anyway, there I am, an 18 year old (2 years older than Wil, whoo hooo!!!) rubbing elbows with all of these great stars. Just hanging out, having a great time, (I had a 1986 Buick Somerset, btw) thinking life could get no better…..
    Ah….
    Thanks for the time warp.

  5. Ok, I guess I get to be the lamer today. The first thing I thought of (as opposed to Roswell) in terms of post-TNG Frakes was the animated Gargoyles series he did with Marina Sirtis and Ed Asner… Reasonably cool for a Disney cartoon series.. Gargoyles, WoooOooh (ala Ducktales)… Nevermind! Oh, and Wil, are you implying that you USED TO BE a dorkus? 😛
    Jesus, wasn’t everyone?

  6. McNuggets, Brady, are the same part of a chicken that Rocky Mountain Oysters are on a steer and Hors D’oeuvres are on Arabians.
    And don’t ask me to explain what KFC’s Popcorn Chicken is.

  7. the economy’s not that bad right now… i can remember back in the late 70’s and early 80’s when there was 20% inflation, interest rates up to 19%, unemployment as high as 18% in some cities, energy crises, etc.
    those were crap times. we’ve got it pretty easy now. 1988 wasn’t that bad, either… of course, i’m not passively-agressively pushing a politically liberal viewpoint, either….

  8. Ah, Mike, you should be proud to associated with such a “cult classic.” (; UHF is quality viewing that actually seems to make sense when you see it at 2:30 in the morning.

  9. Wil, tell Frakes that you played a blank tape all night at full blast and the mime next door went crazy.
    Just as an aside, as you’re walking into the theatre to take your seat.
    Then, for telling such a neat funny, you’ll be “even cooler.”

  10. You know, I always thought the people with the best smiles on TNG were you and Jonathan. Oh, and LeVar’s. The kinda smiles that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like ya’ll are just nice people. Glad to know that I wasn’t wrong. *grin*

  12. Yeah, well…
    It’s funny, but not “ha ha” funny.
    And nice people?
    Bullshit.
    Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones is not nice.
    He’s just a softee.

  14. Wil,
    While you may have been only 16 years old on that bridge you shared a bond with all that actors being part of a series that has lasted to this day and made all its actors household names. Why shouldn’t Jonathan call back someone who was such a big part of his life and related to the very success he calls today?

  15. Funny Frakes story — remember way back when half the cast of ST:TNG was traveling around the country doing the Stoppard play “Every Good Boy Deserves Favor?” I got tickets for the Chicago show, and had a great time — afterwards, I was one of the first people to go around to the stage door, so I was fairly close when the limos pulled up to collect the cast.
    Colm Meany came out, saw the crowd that had gathered, *blanched*, and dove into his limo. Gates, Patrick and Brent came out, smiled at people and got into their limo. Jonathan came out, *beamed* at the crowd, and got into his limo. Then he opened the moon roof, stood up in it and proceeded to wave and give the “V for Victory” sign, grinning like a demented Nixon as he drove off.
    Now *that* was cool.

  16. I remember 1988. It was a summer of mud pies, biting anyone that touched me, and trying vehemently to convince my parents that I wasn’t too old for a bottle.
    I was three.
    Love the story! I had, as a seven year old, the biggest crush on Will Riker. Wesley was a close third behind Riker and Data.

  18. I’ve got this sort of “clinical interest” for the way actors do their jobs. It actually wasn’t an interest of mine until I started writing and interviewing people for stories as a science writer. Then I had to sort of “get into” their heads to understand what motivated their actions, thoughts, words, etc.
    Then, after I left the newspaper, I started writing scripts for science documentaries. I wanted to make sure that what I wrote worked in the spoken word, so I took to reading about how actors prepare for parts, etc. It was really quite invaluable and certainly a big change from the usual science journals I read!
    The next step was to focus on an actor or three or six to see how their preparation worked out and how much their work derived from the written script and how much “inner work” they had to do to bring it to life. So, in a given show I’ll sit there and wonder how the actor got ready for a given scene. Recently I’ve been following work by Dennis Franz, Patrick Stewart, Juliana Margulies, and Julia Roberts. Hell I even do it as I watch old TNG re-runs and the new Enterprise show.
    Even though what I write is documentary-style and only shows up in science centers and the like, it is still storytelling and those words I write have to “sound right” to the ear, coming from the actor’s mouth.
    Ultimately what comes out of the actor’s mouth has to somehow resonate withe audience — and so I want the actor/voiceover to have fun with it, and not be intimidated by the fact that it might be difficult science concepts he or she is talking about. Hence, watching Trek actors go through their paces with sometimes-difficult language is a learning experience for me, too. It’s the same with E.R. and the Law and Order “franchise” of shows — somehow they have to convey sometimes complex information to the audience in a believable context — and I’ll be they have a whale of a time doing it on the set!
    Where am I going with this? Oh, yeah, Wil’s comments on how cool he thought Frakes was and is, and the fun they had on the set reminded me of an experience I had.
    I have a colleague who writes occasionally for Trek (books, scripts, etc.) and he offered to take us (SO and me) on a tour of some of the DS9 and Voyager sets when we were out in LA a few years ago. We managed to slip away from the business conference we were attending in Pasadena and met our friend at Paramount one lovely fall afternoon. After some badging and a few quick hints about being quiet, etc., we slipped into the DS9 bar set and watched as the actors blocked out a scene. Having been in high school acting club, we were familiar with most of the mechanics and so it was a fun thing to watch. After the scene had been blocked, one of the actors — Armin Shimerman — came over in full makeup, etc. and talked with us for a while. I asked him if it was fun, even the makeup and dental
    “appliance” he had to wear — and he regaled us with a few whispered tales of how much fun it was. And, it showed on the set — even though the lights were hot and the atmosphere got a bit tense a couple of times, it was clear that the actors and crew were having a ball.
    So I can see in my mind’s eye what Wil talks about it, the camaraderie, etc. that he experienced on the Trek set. I can’t imagine it NOT being fun with Frakes or the others around. It reminded me of my days at the paper — when we’d be hot on deadline but still manage to have fun in the newsroom. We knew we had to get the news out to the readers, make it understandable, readable, etc., but we had fun doing it.
    Sorry for the ramble — the dangedest things bubble to the top of my consciousness sometimes…

  19. Does anyone remember the Dukes of Hazard episode where Jonathan Frakes starred as Boss Hogg’s nephew who falls in love with Daisy Duke? It pretty much followed the same plotline as every other Dukes of Hazard episode, but this time it was Jonathan Frakes (I think his character’s name was Jaime Hogg, or something) as Daisy’s love interest for the week.

  20. I suddenly remember why I like TNG the best. 🙂 Great actors including you Wil. Hey you want to come sign my First Contact and Insurrection movie posters? LOL!

  22. What a great look into the life of STNG. Wil, you are a lucky man to have those experiences under your belt. The price of a few folks sending evil words seems small in comparison to being able to tell Patrick Stewart your car engages better. OK, lame joke. Love the site. Keep up the GREAT work.
    -N8
    P.S. we are about the same age and I was one of those kids who (out of pure hormone-amplified jealousy) always said negative things about your character. Now, I am older and realize I was just a punk.

  23. Wil, I must say that I really enjoy your stories from the 80s and the TNG times. I grew up in the 80s too, so I can relate to the majority of your pop culture references. And “Licence to Drive” was a cult movie in my circles at that time.
    P.S. As some of you probably know, the TNG’s first season is coming out on DVDs in March (in Canada, anyway). My hubby and I just can’t wait! It’s our favourite Star Trek series of all time – Wes Crusher included! The Original ST was pretty cool too and we have all 40 (is it 40?) DVDs of that! But nothing beats the sophisticated cool of Captain Picard.

  25. I know, it makes me sound like a dorky fan, but I love TNG and really enjoy hearing stories about stuff that happened on – and off – the set. V. cool stuff. Just wanted to mention, saw my v. fun doctor today, and his favourite show is also TNG – he thinks Wesley is a great character, and I quote, “that guy is a really good actor – it was interesting watching him grow up on the series.” See, yet more evidence of the many of us out here who did not belong to an I hate Wesley club! And great to hear that Jonathan Frakes is as nice a guy off screen as he seems he would be. I trust you will let all of us know here about Clockstoppers?

  28. Wil,
    Actually, I was in graduate school studying astronomy and astrophysics when TNG was in its heydey and believe it or not, more than a few of us identified with Wesley Crusher. I have no idea why (she said ironically).
    But, we also identified with Lt. Com. Worf — imagine a bunch of us going into a final exam, giving each other the “Qa Plah!” high five.
    What was even funnier was our graduate office ski “group.” We were into downhill madness and we invented Klingon ski jump rules like “A warrior never lands on his ass!”
    Oh gawd we sound like we were lamers. But, we had to do something to let off steam between classes and we had fun!

  29. You are freekin me out Weasley crusher! I am 3/10 on the trekkie scale. You blew my mind on the weakest link, hittin on the klingon, and mouthin off too Ann. She was lookin at your ass by the way. But anyway what I do respect, is the way you are being your self. I try too do the same. Don’t let all of that hollywood hot air blow you down. And tell Riker too loose the lid like Ted Danson did.
    Jack

  30. When I said we identified with W.C. on TNG, it wasn’t sarcastic about Wesley, it was sarcasm about our motivations, etc. I remember these long conversations with one of my officemates about how difficult it was for us in high school physics, etc., and how we wished it would have come easier for us, like it seemed to for W.C.
    Yeah, we knew it was only a show and that in real life, things that come easy for a person always come at the cost of something else being really hard… but, still…
    Grad school was a bear, esp. the first year — and I think we sort of thought of it like first year at the StarFleet Academy, if that makes any sense. And we tried to work through all the tough spots with humor and a little TNG magic. If that makes any sense.
    Okay, I’ll shut up now and get back to work. Wil, you’ve created a monster…

  34. Jonathan Frakes is a Big Deal? I guess that’s why they paid him the Big Bucks to do Alien Autopsy. C’mon, does this guy really have cachet in Tinsletown? Well, he’s got more than me…

  35. Hey, any movie directed by “One Take” Frakes that also has Michael “Kyle Reese” Biehn in it is all good with me. Can’t wait to take a gander at it.

  36. Just so you know, my favorite line to say out loud was: “Revenge is a dish best served with baby potatoes, fresh leeks, mint jelly (apple chutney or mango salsa work just as well), and plenty of napkins.”

  37. Jonathan Frakes won’t return MY calls.
    But that’s because Hollywood’s longstanding bias against boneless workers is well-documented.
    On my recent vacation to Southern California, I went into a very upscale (not very upscale) Chinese restaurant which was in Chinatown but Chinatown is near Hollywood.
    So.
    I tried to get a table, but the surly Mandarin maitre d’hotel just pointed to a sign written in Chinese characters.
    I don’t read (much) Chinese, but I’m fairly certain the sign read: “We Chinese HOLLYWOOD (my emphasis) restauranteurs reserve the right to refuse service to disgusting, boneless reprobate pervert-fucks who finger themselves in back alleys and don’t wash their hands afterward, so get out!”

  38. Jonathan Frakes went to high school with my high school physics teacher (yeah, keeping it real east-coast style in Montrose), who related a story about him (Frakes) running around the track during gym class one day with his shorts around his ankles.
    Or some such.
    m.

  39. Also, the “calls” I “placed” to Mr. Frakes were actually made on an imaginary cellphone which consists of my thumb and pinkie held up to my face while riding my mountain bike FAST.
    Still.
    I deserve SOMETHING.
    …
    …
    …
    …
    …
    A fruit basket.

  40. oh, 1988? I remember that.
    If I watch TNG on TNN it feels just like 1988 all over again. Especially when I jump over to the news.

  41. So, did the car turn you into an instant babe magnet? Did you get that “chicks turning their heads to check out the wheels” look as you cruised by? Or did they just walk away disappointed when it turned out you weren’t Patrick Stewart.

  42. Lermontov-the man what has no bones—what has no bones—come on now—come on —
    you russians need to learn english good—-
    …and yet you stil have the funniest post

  43. *Sigh*-all I’m going to end up doing, here at comment number ninety-something, is repeat anything that’s already said. So refer to any previous post that says something about how cool these stories about TNG cast are and you’ll get what I want to say.
    I need to find some creativity…
    (walks off dejectedly…)

  45. Ok, you didnt even invite me.
    I know Robert Skotak.
    Does that count?
    lol…no..dang it.
    You’re awesome wil to take time with the kids. There are tons of stepdads who don’t.

  48. i wish i could drive… damn those frequent black-outs…
    hey, now i got a new reason to see clockstoppers, frakes is an awesome director.
    hmmm…
    wesley crusher- borg queen…
    that boy will do anything to get laid…
    just kidding wil, I love ya 😛

  49. I actually got a call back for Clockstoppers, and auditioned for Jonathan. You’re right. He’s the coolest, nicest guy I’ve ever auditioned for…and really tall. The only way he could have been cooler and nicer would be if I’d have gotten the part…but that’s okay. They ended up going with another ethnicity for the part anyway, I heard.

  50. On my recent vacation to Southern California, I took my wife and kid to Disneyland (duh).
    While perusing fine plastic-ware manufactured by slave labor in the Hunan province of the PRC on display at a concession booth near Small World just a scant few yards from the gaping hellmouth of Toontown, Winnie the Pooh comes screaming (well, screaming in that he is traveling as fast as one can wordlessly race in a foam-augmented bear costume) from Fantasyland.
    He is pursued by a pack of julep-addled Chinese schoolgirls.
    This story is true.
    Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
    Except Winnie the Pooh’s name.
    Which is a licensed trademark of the Disney Corporation, all rights reserved.
    So.
    I am standing there with some sort of glowing Tinkerbell pencil/flashlight/water-pik type apparatus when these HOWLING girls tackle Pooh at my feet.
    I am not making this up.
    Half of my mouth is frowning because this looks serious.
    And half of my mouth is smiling because IT’S DISNEYLAND and for all I know this is merely a live action promo for the new “Tigger’s Tiananmen Troubles” direct-to-video talkie which is currently receiving final polish in a South Korean sweatshop.
    My mouth does not know if it wants to be happy or sad.
    It just does BOTH.
    So.
    Pooh is down.
    Pooh is clearly injured and in pain.
    Pooh is writhing at my feet.
    Our eyes lock, his gaze a silent plea of “please, please, for the love of God, DO me. Please!” like that infested colonist in Aliens.
    But I can’t do Pooh.
    I just can’t.
    Not in front of my kid.
    Plus, they don’t allow firearms in Disneyland… not that I have ever used one anyway.
    And sadly, I don’t think one can euthanize a cartoon bear with JUST a Tinkerbell pencil or Aristocats refrigerator magnet.
    Well…
    Not with a SINGLE blow anyway.
    Sure.
    Pinocchio?
    Easy.
    Just one quick twist…
    But Pooh?
    No.
    That was beyond even my impressive skills.
    But still I stand transfixed.
    The Chinese schoolgirls, however, sense their prey is weakening and close in… looking to sink their slavering canines into the soft, fleshy folds of Pooh’s throat, when…
    The concession lady suddenly, heroically steps into the melee, swinging a massive Goofy-branded rainbow-pop, to ward off the girls.
    They momentarily recoil and hiss in dismay.
    Pooh rises to his feet, the majestic beast straining against the overwhelming impulse to just lie down and sleep, s-l-e-e-p…
    He lurches toward his hidden safety hatch. The girls jump on him, hit him on the head. Repeatedly.
    With a final, desperate lunge, Pooh hurls his orange girth into the hatch and rolls out of sight as the door closes behind him.
    Pooh has ended his tour and made it out of the shit… and Charlie, momentarily dazed at the sudden loss of its quarry, turns and races hooting and screaming toward Toontown.
    It didn’t occur to me then.
    But it occurs to me now.
    That Pooh could have been Television’s Wil Wheaton.
    And I didn’t do a damned thing to help him.
    I’m going to take that shame and guilt to my grave.

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