depression lies

When he was 23, my friend Steve killed himself, and though I don’t think of him every day, I do think of him often, and I wonder what kind of life he’d have now if he’d gotten help for his Depression. Being 40 and recalling being 23, I can’t imagine a person ending a life that is just beginning.

I thought about Steve today when I read Jenny Lawson’s post about suicide and depression.

Jenny says:

Talking about suicide makes me think suicidal thoughts, which is probably one of the stupidest triggers in the history of the world.

 

Nonetheless, it’s important that we do speak up and that we’re aware of the dangers inherent in the world we live in.  And it’s not just about those of us with mental illness.  About one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.  That means if you think about your 10 favorite people in the whole world two of them could be at risk of suicide.  That’s why it’s so important to recognize the warning signs and to know how to get help for yourself or others.  If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide call 800-273-TALK, or click here for resources.

 

But for today let’s talk about the positives.  Let’s talk about why we’re still here.  Let’s talk about the words that help us get through.  Let’s talk about the pictures and places and songs that saved us, because maybe they can save others.

 

I’m here because my daughter saves me every day.

 

The words that help me make it through are “Depression lies.”

 

I haven’t ever talked about this in public, but today’s a good day to start.

I haven’t ever felt suicidal, but I do have Depression and Anxiety. I suffered for no good reason for decades, until I couldn’t reconcile my awesome life with feeling terrible all the time. Talking therapy wasn’t ever enough for me, and I was very resistant to medication, because I believed (and continue to believe) that we are an over-medicated culture.

But, still, I wouldn’t just sit around and suffer if I had a treatable non-mental illness, so I went to a doctor, and I got better. Now, I take some medication every morning, and it has made all the difference in my life.

I remember the first week after I started meds, Anne and I were out for a walk. I felt her hand in mine, and realized that I didn’t have any lingering tension or unhappiness just buzzing around in my skull. I was just enjoying a walk with my wife, and holding her hand.

And I began to cry, because I was so happy.

“It’s like I was in a loud room for so long, I didn’t know how loud it was,” I said, “and all I have now is the ringing in my ears.”

She squeezed my hand and I said, “I’m going to remember that ringing in my ears, so I never go back into that room again.”

That was about four years ago, and I’m happy to say that I’ve stayed out of the room. I can actually enjoy my friends, my family, and my life. I have bad days from time to time, but I know they’ll pass, and — most important of all — I may have Depression, but Depression doesn’t have me. I know that’s sort of corny, but it’s pretty accurate, too.

So, please, if you or someone you know suffer from Depression — with or without thoughts of suicide — please talk to someone, and get help from a doctor. As Jenny says, Depression lies, and you don’t need to let it control your life.

324 thoughts on “depression lies”

  2. Wil – Thank you for this post. So many of us deal with daily depression, but aren’t suicidal, so we often get overlooked. Thank you for explaining something so complicated in such great terms.

  3. Thanks for sharing Wil, sometimes just the “You’re not alone” helps more than anything else. I’m struggling with Postpartum Depression at the moment and I know the biggest break through for me was to say “Yes, there is something wrong and I need to fix it”

  5. Holy Dude Batman, commenting on your blog just took an act of Congress.no wait that’s wrong. It actually worked. Molly Weasley got this DONE!

    No seriously though, as someone who has fought through this crap day in and day out, I wonder if there is any connection between today being the day it is, and the fact that so many people I know, this week are having awful times with depression at this moment? I know I am slowly climbing that ladder out, it’s painful and terrible. Thank you for writing this, it is ….well perhaps empowering to know that we aren’t alone. That those we look up to, that we admire, are those that have the same issues and faults that we do. Makes us see our warts as not that unbearable, but a little freezespray and they go are minimized. Thank you

  6. I decided last night to share the exact same thing to my many friends on Facebook. Have no idea why have hidden it for so long. I battled anxiety for years (when I too seemed to have the perfect life) and I lost years of my life to covering it up for the fear of stigma. I made a change like you four years ago. And as you life is better and more filled with laughter and joy. The last time I read your blog was when you went into exile. I had read it for years before fb, twitter and the rest. I think there is something so wonderful about reconnecting to your thoughts now on the exact same day you’ve returned home as it were, bolstered by truth and happiness, and sharing it to those who will be strengthened by hearing it. The fact that it was the same day for me too, just makes it really cool. Welcome home chief.

  7. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression on and off for a while, and like you say- talking doesn’t help. I’m not quite at the point where I’m comfortable pursuing medications, but it’s always comforting to hear another person’s story.
    I think often people think that happy-looking people couldn’t be depressed, that’s the real lie depression tells. Thanks for your story.

  14. Thanks for being your usual candid self with your readers. There is a non-zero chance that you just helped some unknown number of people with their lives and made things better, or set them on the road to making things better, for them.

  15. Thank you, dear sir, for posting this. As a sufferer of Depression and Anxiety myself it is good to read about people who aren’t letting it beat them. My wife and my two daughters (and some meds) are lifesavers and so are YOU. Thanks again.

  17. When i saw the picture of you with Walter Koenig last night it made me think of his son Andrew…who took his own life almost 2 years ago…I don’t always think of Andrew when i see a picture of Walter…or see him on TV or in movies…But sometimes i do.

    I’ve had several friends commit suicide…I know that in every case depression was behind it…I’ve had several bouts of depression myself…So i know what a dark place that is.

    The main thing is that when you’re feeling that way…you must seek help…most importantly (and the most difficult part)…You must accept help…Depression tells lies that the depressed person may be too worn down to refute…And that’s when they see suicide as an acceptable response…Maybe if they waited one more hour…One more day…They would have time for a change of heart…

    So if you are depressed…seek help…give yourself a chance…to choose life.

  18. Wil I know exactly what you’re talking about. I was, and still am in a very similar situation to yourself. I guess it’s one of those things that makes us all human…It was so nice to hear this come from someone as creative and positive as yourself. Thankyou.

  20. This post made me cry. It’s so true. This statement especially: ” I suffered for no good reason for decades, until I couldn’t reconcile my awesome life with feeling terrible all the time.” People can’t understand until they’ve suffered through it. My motivation was my son because I knew I couldn’t continue the way I had been for such a long time if I wanted him to have a good life. I too resisted medication, but my goodness, such a small dose for such worlds of difference. Beautifully articulated! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this!!!

  21. I teared up reading this. Thank you so much for posting this, WIl. Thanks to Jenny, for being the inspiration for writing it. And thanks to Anne, for being your rock and your support. Every time I see the two of you, either at a show or at Meltdown, your love and support for each other fills the room. The world is so much better and brighter because of you two.

  22. Thank you for sharing this, Wil. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for over a decade and have attempted suicide. There are a very rare, precious few people in my life that help me to go on and realize what I would be missing out on. It is difficult sometimes to speak of something that feels so intimate. Kudos for sharing. 🙂

  24. Thank you for sharing this Wil! I agree with ClayRobeson in saying you just became 10 times more awesome which I’m pretty sure I didn’t think was possible.

  26. Holy shit Wil. Thank you so much for posting this.

    I also suffer from depression/anxiety, and like you am resistant to taking medication, for exactly the same reasons as you. I go through a cycle of taking the meds and going well, then freaking out about the fact that I am taking meds, stop, then sink back into the blackness.

    Reading that one of my heroes suffers the same as me, has the same fears, yet still takes the pill everyday has reinforced that it’s ok to be how I am, and it’s ok to take the pill.

    Thank you again. As ClayRobeson said you have just became 10 times more awesome.

  28. Thank you for posting this. I really needed to read this today. Today has been one of my bad days. I can definitely relate to what Jenny wrote. My sons save me every day.

  29. Thank you for posting this. I dealt with social anxiety/depression all my life, but only recognized it for what it was in my thirties. I agree about the loud noise description. Well, I describe it as a constant buzzing that is now gone, and now I can think. I love my medication for making my life so much better.

  32. Several of my loved ones struggle with Depression, and it can be heartwrenching to watch, knowing that there is often so little I can do to help other than to be present for them, and to encourage them to seek (and avail themselves of) the help they need.

    I firmly believe that it takes a great deal of courage to share something so personal with the world. Thanks for taking that risk today, Wil.

  35. As a creative artist, writer, and actress who suffers from anxiety and depression but has never felt suicidal—you know, the kind of anxiety suffering where you can’t be suicidal because all your anxiety stems from not wanting to let your life slip away?—your post gave me a huge grin because I just went, “right. creative types. we’re weird and we think too much.” But it meant a lot to me to remember that I need to reach out more to those who probably don’t have that kind of self-awareness, who must feel so totally lost and hopeless when things seem really dark.

    You’re awesome, WW. 😀 Thanks for raising awareness again.

  36. It never ceases to amaze me how many of us suffer from depression &/or anxiety. I’m always so happy to hear another report of someone else who has identified their need for help and found a way to cope!
    I was “fortunate” to know anxiety runs in my maternal family line and what to watch for. It still snuck up on me. A mind is a terrible thing to mind – but at least I know it lies to get what it wants & what I need to do to keep it in check. Thank you for sharing your recognition and recovery. May it give hope to those who are still in “the room”.

  37. This is the most concise explanation of depression I have ever read. I avoided medication for way too long, too. Eventually, you just reach rock bottom. If a tiny, tiny dose helps me get through the day? Thank you for your honesty. I hope it helps someone. I’m *sure* it will help someone.

  38. My brother’s currently getting help with suicidal thoughts and depression (and he’s only 15 – talk about taking a life that’s just beginning) and this post nearly brought me to tears. Thank you times infinity, Wil.

  39. Thank for this, Wil. You describe it exactly – I never realized how loud the room was until I was no longer in it. I remember being so happy one day when, after finally giving in and taking meds, I realized that I was not unhappy anymore – I just “was.” No constant weight, no tension, no sadness. I was just… me. I think I was at work. It was a “whoa” moment. I’ve been having a great year since I got help.

    Thank you for talking about this. As someone who did have suicidal thoughts and a few attempts under her belt, getting help saved my life, but it took a LONG time for me to admit it. It gets easier to keep it up knowing that I’m not the only one who deals with it. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you Wil. I’ve been through a lot the past 3 years, a hella-lot. I’ve been on different antidepressants/antianxiety meds for about 18 years. You’ve made me stop and listen, and realize that maybe it is time for a med change, because the room is very loud lately, and it shouldn’t be. Thank you. I’m making the appointment this week with the doc now that I have insurance. Thank you for being honest. You have no idea how much you’ve helped.

  40. I have mixed-state bipolar disorder – which means that I am *always* depressed at some level, even when I’m happy, even when maybe I’m swinging toward manic. Reading something like this helps me on the hard days. You made me cry today, but it’s in a good, I’m not as alone as I tell myself sort of way. Thank you for posting this.

  41. It really is terrible that people attach such a stigma to taking medication for mental health. I always think of sepsis on and anxiety as an imbalance in hormones. Like diabetes or hyperthyroidism, your body either makes too much or not enough of something. That’s why the medications exist- to help you restore balance.

    I’m glad you found the right chemical to restore yor balance.

  44. It was always so much easier for me to try and ignore my own depression but when someone I love or care about was depressed I just wanted to do anything I could to help them. Some of them finally made me see that they felt that way about me and I have just started to get help. Thank you for helping those of us suffering see that we are not alone.

  48. I, on the other hand, do not have an awesome life. I was laid off a few years ago and the most recent job lasted 89 days. It is my wife and 2 kids that keep me going. Like you, I am extremely resistant to medication.

  49. Thank you so much for posting this. I’ve actually been kind of resistant to trying medication after some trouble in high school, but now that I know it actually can work without making me feel like I’m a zombie I might give it another shot.

  50. Hey Wil,

    I’ve been surrounded by people with depression my entire life, and I couldn’t be more thankful to hear about your triumphs over your own struggles. So many people just roll over and give up, and while I know some days feel like that’s the only thing you can do, it’s the days that you get up and kick life in the face that make everything amazing.
    All my best,
    Kitts

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