I want to write a thing

But I don’t have the motivation to write a thing. So here’s a screencap of a thing that got past my spam filter:

scam emailYou gotta embiggen this one to see the text, because it’s pretty amazing.

And then, when you’re done giggling, consider: at least one person, somewhere in the world, got this e-mail and thought, “JACKPOT!”

I’ve been answering a lot of things in my Tumblr ask thingy. Is it worth the effort to figure out how I could get those responses to post over here, like in a digest or something once a day?

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60 thoughts on “I want to write a thing”

      1. don’t you have to send one more check to get her to come with all her papers, I know that last one seemed like enough but there were suddenly more fees…

  4. There’s a widget for wordpress that you can use to show your tumblr posts on your sidebar. It’s acutally called Tumblr Widget.

  6. Wait, what? Does that mean my race is New York? Cause that would be really uncool!

  7. You get way better spam than we do. For some reason I keep getting emails inviting me to watch a Russian wife screw up making breakfasts.

  9. It has to be working on someone, else they would change their tactics. It’s just like marketing – if it doesn’t work, they try something else. How long have they been sending these broken english messages? 10 years?
    Maybe you could make it a contest – have people submit their stories, and the funniest gets a prize? Let me know if you get any takers. I’m down for another giggle.

    1. There is a snag in your reasoning. Being in a superpower country you might take for granted that everyone thinks as we do. But most likely these people are unable to understand that this does not work. Haven’t you seen Idiocracy with the scene where they are trying to order super big ass fries? It’s kinda like that. Or another good one… stupid is, as stupid does.

  10. You already have the Tumblr feed on your sidebar, so you probably don’t need to reproduce the content here.

    Eric Meyer refers to the proliferation of slightly-different personal niche sites (Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc) as an “Identity Archipelago.” I love that image; it suggests that each island has its own identity, and serves its own role, even while each is a necessary part of the whole.

    So I say, let Tumblr do what Tumblr does, let the blog do what it does (even if you’re not sure these days what that is).

    1. Yeah what a dummy, its Coloradian everyone knows that.

      Did you know a group of people from Colorado is referred to as a gaggle of Coloradi’s?

      See you learn something new on the internet every day… even when it is made up.

      🙂

  13. They write them like that quite intentionally. They don’t want to start someone on the hook who might wise up after several emails, but before they start wiring money. They only want to hear back from people that are dumb enough to read that gobbledygook, think it’s legit, and wire some cash or cough up their Visa number.

    1. Dude, you just very logically answered a question that has been PLAGUING me for years!!!!

  16. I got an email from a guy who said “Hello, I am man of British.” – you don’t say!

  17. Best one I’ve ever got.

    Hi honey,

    I am attractive woman . I m twenty two years recent. i’d

    wish to urge some bed satisfaction.Because I even have no one

    coalition agency will manufacture coniferous tree State happy

    .That’s why i m inflicting you this message .I hope it’s getting to

    be nice honor to coniferous tree State if you return to satisfy .

    please let coniferous tree Stat apprehend here
    http://ow.ly/LbocV If you want to satisfy . I promise you simply|

    that you just} merely

    can pass your best time with American state
    take my forty thousand kiss
    Lucy

    1. “I wish to urge some bed satisfaction” is a line I’m going to use on Anne at my first opportunity.

      1. I wouldn’t recommend it, I told my other half I wanted to “do sex on her” it didn’t lead to adult fun, just her laughing at me.

  18. Her name is Janessa Brazil and she’s a pornstar. That picture is part of a full-body shot of her, fully nude. She has a nice back. I wish that mail was real, though. Janessa is hot! 🙂 And unlike you, I’m single… 🙂

  21. My mother got a spam email. It was one of those insert name had died and left you a fortune in a bank in England. The name they used was mine. So my mine calls me and bitches me out wondering how the hell did i make 10 million dollars and not tell her. Thankfully she already knew it was a scam email. But it dawn on me while we were talking. She was more upset that i didnt tell her i had made millions then the fact her son died. Gotta love growing up in a family full of smart asses

  23. I’m thinking that they actually did catch you. The bait was so deceptive that you just thought it was what it seemed to be. In reality, they spent months, an astronomical budget, and countless brainstorming sessions to nab not only you, Mr. Wheaton, but all of us as well in their insidious, diabolical meme. Who are “they”, you ask? They’re who they always are.

  24. Some people like to keep things like blogs separate from things like Tumbler – because they do different things with them.

  25. Dunno what you’re religion is but if it includes nubile nude chicks; I subscribe!!

  26. Thanks for the grin… Stay far away, as I can hear $$$ being vacuumed away into her bank account right now.

  29. Well, I want to write a few responses. First to your lead: I’m with you. I want to write, but have been unable to for nearly a year now. I’ve been stuck. I know you will snap out of it, you’re a talented, engaged, and interesting person and writer. Keep on being you.

    Secondly, on the material in your post: Hilarious! It’s as if the person who wrote that really believes the receiver(s) is a gullible idiot (oops! My bad.) Anyway, as much as I shake my head, I know there are people who will a) believe and b) respond.

    Lastly (yeah, yeah, thirdly), your use of a word I did not know, although I surmised its meaning correctly: embiggen. Hmmmm… Don’t like the word, but it did its job, so I have to accept your choice in using it. Love that you teach me, Wil.

    Take care. Write when/what you can. I love your writing.
    CD

      1. It’s odd the number of people who don’t know embiggen. And yet it’s a perfectly cromulent word…

  30. Okay. So, I have a migraine and I responded seriously. Dang. Just read all the comments. Still…. thanks for the laughter Wil and commenters!

  34. I’m really feeling the whole “I want to write a thing but I don’t have the motivation to write”. Got an idea for a sort of response story to Vin Diesel’s “The Last Witch Hunter”, which has got me kinda incensed over the idea of retreading the concept of “witches are evil”…but although I’ve managed to get some words down, a concept doesn’t go anywhere without a plot and characters and so far I’m coming up pretty shy on both.

  35. There’s a wonderful webpage (http://www.419eater.com/ ) and forum where they respond to these things – knowing it’s a scam, you’re practically doing a community service by having the scammers talk to you rather than someone more gullible.

    The all time prize goes to an anti-scammer who managed to GET money from a scammer (and then faked his own death…!)

    I intend to take this up semi-professionally when I retire. 🙂

  36. You know that rich prince from Nigeria who kneeds 2000$ to get his 3M$ inheritance?
    I want to tell him so bad: “Send me 100$ so I can pay the payment on my Credit card, then I could free those 2000$ for you.”

  37. You could prolly do it with IFTTT and evernote. Have ifttt add each one to an evernote note and have it publish the note and start a new one every day.

  39. Why is it that spammers only focus on hot females? Where are all the hot males for us girls? At least it would brighten up the otherwise tedious trawl through the spam bin. We girls demand equal spam!

    I think publishing your Tumblr asks would be cool. It would keep the blog content semi-fresh for those times when you can’t (or don’t feel like) writing a whole blog post and displaying Tumblr asks would offer far more to your readers than all of those out-of-context tweets that people insist on displaying on their blogs.

    https://wordpress.org/plugins/tumblr-widget-for-wordpress/ looks like it might be useful as it allows Tumblr-to-WP publishing on a per-tag basis. So, all you’d need to do is create an exclusive “ask tag”… and remember to use it on Tumblr. 🙂

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