I’m terrible at mornings. As long as I can remember (and according to my mother, even when I was a baby) I was a nite owl who preferred to go to sleep at 2, and wake up at 10. For whatever reason, that’s the way I’m wired.
When my kids were little and the whole time they were in school, Anne and I took turns getting them to school, which mandated that I diverge from the sleep schedule I’d used successfully for almost my entire life (with brief breaks from routine when I was working on a production).
I realize how privileged I am to basically set my own schedule now, and I’m very grateful that, for the most part, I can sleep when my body wants to, without having The Man tell me when I have to set an alarm.
But last night, my son, Ryan, asked me if he could take me out for bad golf this morning, since it was father’s day. “You’re an incredible father, and I want to do something cool with you,” he said. “But I’m not going to play golf in the middle of the day, when it’s 100Β°.”
“So come over at 830, and we’ll leave then,” I said.
I went to sleep “early” last night, at about midnight. Then I got to have nightmares all night, so when I woke up 7 hours and 43 minutes after I finally fell asleep, I was feeling, as they say, like ass.
Still, I coffee’d myself up, put on my magnificently obnoxious golf trousers (which I actually use for curling), and Ryan and I headed to the golf course. We texted Nolan, but without response, decided that he was probably choosing to sleep in like a normal person, and would probably join us for lunch.
We got to the golf course — the Los Feliz Par 3 — just as it was really filling up. We rented two 9 irons and putters, and bought two sleeves of golf balls.
“You sure you’re going to need six golf balls for the two of you?” The starter asked us.
“We’re really bad at golf,” I said. “This may not be enough.”
“Suit yourself,” he said, which I think is a thing that only Boomers say when they’re working as the starter at a Par 3 golf course and a couple of dorks show up in obnoxious golf gear, declaring how bad they are at the game.
We headed to the first tee. The course was a little backed up, but neither of us was in a hurry, and the whole point of the thing was to spend the time together, so we enjoyed the view, the birds, the squirrels, and the fact that we had not yet lost any of our golf balls.
It was my turn to step up to the tee. I put my ball on the mat, and addressed it, which is golf-talk for preparing to swing the club.
I shuffled my feet, relaxed my shoulders, exhaled, and swung the club. There was the smack of the club against the mat, the crack of the club against the ball, and a few seconds later, the thunk of the ball against a tree. It landed behind that tree, in some thick grass.
“I’ve left myself in good position,” I said.
“Nice work,” Ryan agreed.
He sliced his first shot onto the 18th green. After he retrieved it, he put it back on the tee, whacked the hell out of it, and we both watched in amazement as it spun along the grass for about 85 of the 92 yards to the hole.
“I see the Scottish method is working out for you,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said. We walked to our balls, and took our second shots. Mine went over the green, rolled up a small embankment, then back down that same embankment back onto the green.
“That’s one green in regulation out of one,” I said.
“Truly a masterful stroke,” he said.
“Truly,” I replied. We were very fancy, as the situation clearly demanded it.
Ryan hit his second shot up onto the green. He four-putted, I three-putted, and we walked up to the second tee.
“We’re really bad at this,” I said.
“Spectacularly bad at this,” Ryan agreed.
On my next tee shot, I lost my ball into the LA River. Ryan’s hit a tree and bounced into the center of the fairway. My mulligan tried its best to go into the river, but got caught by some thick bushes. My third shot went mostly straight, ending short of the green.
“I can’t believe nobody sponsors us,” I said, as we walked down toward the green.
I scored a seven on the hole. Ryan scored a five. And so it went for the rest of the round. I eventually lost all my balls, and finished with a ball that I found in the rough, which none of the other golfers wanted to claim.
Ryan made par on one hole, which was the required condition we had decided upon for victory. On that same hole, I recorded my score as a frowny face. We will never speak of it again.
At the end of the round, we tallied our score. Ryan was the victor with 45 strokes. I was in second place with fifty sad faces.
Around this time, Nolan got in touch, and we met up at Golden Road for brunch. After our food arrived, I told them, “I don’t care about holidays, and I really don’t care about made-up holidays like Father’s Day … but it means a lot to me that you wanted to spend this time with me today. I understood why I didn’t get to when you were kids, and I respected that, but it makes me really, really happy that you both wanted to do this today.”
“I don’t care about holidays, either,” Ryan said, “but this is a great excuse to spend time together, and spending time together is really what’s important to me.”
“Yeah,” Nolan said, “and that’s why it’s bullshit that you didn’t wake me up to go with you this morning!”
“Awww, man,” I said, “we both thought you wanted to sleep in!”
“It’s okay,” he said. “This is still cool.”
“I love you guys,” I said.
Being a parent is never easy — if it’s easy, you’re doing it wrong — but it’s especially difficult to be a step-parent, especially when a bioparent is a jerk. But it’s so worth all the pain and hurt and frustration when the day comes that you realize that they may not carry your DNA, but you’ve raised them so well, they are your children in every way that actually matters.
Happy Father’s Day, dads, and a very special secret handshake to my fellow step-parents.
I’m glad that you guys had such a fun day!
My husband is a sort-of-dad to my youngest sister, who we are currently raising. It takes an amazing person to raise a child that isn’t your own and that’s something I admire about the both of you. You guys rock!
I got a drawing from my 8yo daughter featuring her and my wife. Best gift ever
I was sitting here feeling sad and missing my dad who died 11 years ago. This made me laugh out loud and feel better. He was my stepdad too and the best man I’ve ever known.
Happy Fathers Day, Wil!
And everyone is just waiting for the part where you blame your producer, your son, the guy who sold you the balls, hell pretty much everyone around you for the fact that you suck at golf.
Its something youd do isn’t it Wesley.
Really? That’s the reply that you want to leave here? That was mean and unwarranted.
Well said.
Perhaps you’re waiting for that. Fortunately, you don’t actually speak for everyone, only for those as bitter and petty as yourself.
Wow. Just wow. Not cool – especially involving his family. This is Wil’s site, don’t like the content then leave. Flinging around that kind vitriol is unwarranted and unnecessary.
Hmmm. Any chance that you recently worked on a web series where you did a poor job and made many, many mistakes?
He may have gone overboard a few days ago but you posting something like this today makes you the dick. I hope it made you feel better posting that the way it made me feel ok lowering myself to your standard to let you know your comment was totally unnecessary. DFTBA Avalon
Happy Father’s Day, Wil. Ryan and Nolan are very lucky, and you are, too. You know your relationship is strong when you can have a blast playing a game together, not caring how you look to others.
I spent time with my son Skeye today having a blast, too. Afterward, we went to Stumptown because i wanted delicious coffee. Skeye doesn’t drink coffee, but he curiously bought two butterscotch cookies, and a cup of ice water. On our way out, he gave one cookie, and the ice water to a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk, washing his feet. I was touched. That was an amazing Father’s Day gift for me, except for the card he gave me today in which he said “Happy Farter’s Day.” That was the best.
P.S. Happy Equinox π
LoL!
Two companies make a ton of money off of me whenever I play golf; Titleist and Anheiser-Busch; Titleist because I always lose all of my golf balls, and AB to kill the pain of my sucky game π
Happy Father’s Day, Wil. I am sending this essay to a dear friend of mine, who has been a fabulous stepparent and this year is not a bioparent, too.
“now” a bioparent. Argh.
My husband is not the bio-parent of my daughter, and her “blood dad” was never there for her growing up (total ass and loser). My husband has been in our lives since she was about 3 (she will be 20 in Oct), so he IS her father in every other sense. For him, she IS his daughter, and he has always loved and raised her as such. So, I completely understand where you are coming from Wil π π
Also, Happy Fathers Day to you!
The love in your writing already shows that you’re a great dad…the fact that your sons enjoy spending time with you just clinches it! <3 Hope the rest of the day is as wonderful as it began.
I have a theory about bad golf. From a monetary viewpoint, bad golfers get more “swings” for their money than good ones. Using this theory, I am a VERY economical golfer. (except for the money lost on missing balls)
I am a very lucky step-daughter who has called the man who started dating my mom when I was two months old my “Daddy” for the past 47 years, despite divorce and remarriage on both sides. I’ve ALWAYS said that a dad is WAY more important than a father. Thank you for this blog.
I also loved the fact that you can have fun at a sport you feel inept playing. I am a horrible bowler and even worse at pool, but I think having fun is the ultimate goal.
Again, thank you for this blog entry. You’ve obviously been a great DAD to those young men.
This was “our” daughters first Fathers Day with her Dad. She’s 21 and last year decided that since she was an adult and no one could tell her different that she wanted the man who had loved her, raised her and taken care of her most of her life to be “officially” her Father. We went and did an adult adoption, she laughed like she was 8 years old when the Judge let her hit the gavel at the end π
Father’s Day may be a “made up holiday” as far as you, Nolan, & Ryan are concerned, but the excuse to spend time with your kids–and they with their dad–is always a Good Thing.
Also, I know just how much it sucks when a biodad is being a jerk. May I never learn how to pilot a starship, or I’m sure I’d pilot one right up his ass!
Just wanted to send puppies and kittens and all things lovely.
That is all. π
That story had such a poignant message. My four older sons have had no contact with their dad for many years. They spend Father’s Day with my husband who is the only father they have ever known. The two youngest are their brothers, and are as close to them as any siblings could be. My husband has always been a father to all six, biology doesn’t make you a father, time and dedication do. Thanks to all the dads who pick up the pieces, take crap from hurt and angry kids, and carry on even when the ‘real’ dad makes things difficult.
I enjoyed reading this very much Wil! I am a stepson to a wonderful stepfather, and the importance of spending quality time with family cannot be emphasised enough!
Wil,
I learned many years ago that any jackass can become a father but few men are a Dad. You’re a great one. Keep up the good work and even though we disagree on everything political we can agree on the importance of being a Dad.
Happy Father’s Day Wil to you also!! I am the father in a blended family. Oldest 3 kids are from my first debacle and the youngest are from my wife’s. I get along well with his dad but my stepson has called me dad for the last 12 years. I very rarely remember that these 4 kids (one is almost 20) are part of a blend. They have been raised together and though it can be hard work it has been a great ride and I couldn’t be luckier as a dad and as a parent. All 4 of these kids are mine and my wife’s immortality for sure
+1 for this.
I can totally relate to your golf game. I tell people I know HOW to play golf, but mostly I just hit the ball. So glad to hear you had an awesome day.
Way to slip that reference to Golden Road in there. Great stop. Love that place.
While my dad was absent (living 15hrs away) I had my step-dad for our “Daily Dad”. Plus I worked for him for 20 yrs. He was the opposite of our 2 step-mothers – kind, quirky, funny, chronically late, available to pick us up at odd hours and there for us. He died last year and your post made me miss him all over again. Thank you for reminding me of all he did for us.
Sounds like a great day Wil. Being a step-dad as well for the past 20 years, and now having 2 awesome granddaughters, I know the pleasure of being there for them when the ‘bioparent’ can’t seem to do it.
It’s heartening to hear that Nolan & Ryan get to share your life with you and Anne. Good job Wil.
And everyone, just ignore the morons. That’s what they want.
This was a lovely little tale, Wil. Though the golf pedant in me has to point out that “on in regulation” means on the green with 2 shots left for par, so that would be your first shot, on a par 3 π
Wil – Thanks for this. Yesterday was my first father’s day. My wife and I are adopting a seven year old boy and girl from foster care. I love them dearly already. it warms my heart to hear that the two men you have raised want to spend time with you and you with them. It gives me hope to know the work my wife and I counts more than we probably realize.
I had a stepdad who was a giant dick, so good on you for working at doing it right, and for loving and looking after your guys even though they weren’t of your genes. I think it’s pretty hard for we not-so-ex-monkeys to achieve that.
ps. I enjoyed the golf story even though I’ve never played golf in my life.
Glad you had a great Father’s day .. π
I had a stepdad who was wonderful…he was my stepdad from the time I was 10 until I was 28, when he passed away after an illness…my dad was also in my life..sometimes in, sometimes out..he had his own issues…but when I speak about my parents, it’s my Mom and Bill, my stepdad….and my brother would not be the wonderful father he is today, if not for my stepdad..he was a great role model…
Being a parent is the best ultimate adventure.
Two co-workers and I started the crappy golf league when we found ourselves mysteriously left off of invite lists. We only play once a year because we want to uphold our status.