Here’s another one from my Tumblr ask thingy:
ditrysia asked:
Hey Wil. Do you have any advice/tips for people with anxiety to calm down when they feel they are starting to freak out and might have a panic attack? I don’t know if that particularly happens to you but you seem to know a lot about dealing with mental health. Thanks.
I’m not a doctor, and this is not a good substitution for medical advice. I’m not saying that to cover my ass, I’m saying that because it’s true. If this is a problem for you, please talk to a professional. If you can’t find one, or can’t afford one, go to Nami.org or call the NAMI Helpline at 800-950-6264 and you’ll be able to talk with someone right away to help get you out of crisis. NAMI also has a lot of great resources on the various flavors of anxiety that I encourage you to look at.
Okay, so for me: I do a couple of different things. If it’s really, really, really bad, I’ll take some medication that helps calm me down. But that’s a last resort for me. The first step for me is to recognize that anxiety is rising up, and then work to identify what’s causing it. (I realize that, for some people, doing just that can cause the anxiety to increase into a feedback loop, so maybe meds are a better first step until the anxiety gets under control). If I’m able to identify the cause (maybe it’s upcoming travel, or a deadline, or I have to deal with a personal thing that I’d rather not deal with) I work to separate RATIONAL thoughts from IRRATIONAL thoughts. This is a real challenge, because the brain is responsible for that job, and when the brain is being controlled by anxiety or other mental health issues, it can be less than helpful. But, with practice and experience, I can separate rational from irrational thoughts. In the beginning, it helped me to write things down. For example: Rational: I may miss my flight and have to take another. That’ll be inconvenient. Irrational: I may miss my flight and not be able to get on another flight but if I do get on another flight it’s going to crash. Rational: This meeting is important, and I’m worried about doing my best. Irrational: This meeting is important and if I’m not perfect I’m going to fail at everything in life and lose my house and family.
You may think I’m joking or being deliberately hyperbolic, but these are real thoughts I’ve had in my life.
When I separate the IRRATIONAL from the RATIONAL, I put irrational thoughts into a space that’s like a mental trash can. They aren’t helpful, and I don’t need them. I focus on what I can do about the rational thoughts. The rational thoughts can be helpful, by making it clear to me that I need to work hard for something, or make sure that I’m ready to leave for an appointment, or whatever. Sometimes, the rational thoughts can feel irrational. For example: What if it rains and we can’t do the big thing outside that we’ve been planning for months? If we can’t do the thing outside, we’re doomed! So part of that is rational: I’m worried about not being able to do the thing outside. But if I can’t, it’s usually not the end of the world. We move inside, or we deal with some rain. But it is not the end of the world. The end of the world is when we do the thing outside on the same day that an asteroid crashes into the park. In this (and all of these circumstances,) the trick for me is to recognize when IRRATIONAL thoughts are beginning to overtake RATIONAL thoughts, before they can spiral out of control.
One more thing: sometimes anxiety isn’t about worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Sometimes, anxiety is about being totally overwhelmed by what’s happening RIGHT NOW. For example: I’m having a great time at this convention or concert or party but HOLY CRAP I CAN’T DEAL WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. That’s totally normal, by the way, and when that happens, I accept that I may need to take some time to myself to just get into a quiet, solitary space, and recharge. BUT THEN I’M MISSING OUT ON THE FUN! Really? Is it really fun to be spending all my energy and focus trying to maintain and not go into a panic attack?
Finally, I keep a pill in my pocket (usually in my wallet) at all times, so if I start to feel a panic attack coming on, I know that I have an escape hatch of sorts.
Oh, also: none of us have to do this alone. Our friends, family, partners all need to know that we have mental health issues. They need to be our support network, so when we are somewhere and are feeling the rising bile of anxiety, we can turn to whoever is with us and tell them that we need some help.
I hope this is helpful to you, or anyone reading this who struggles with the sort of thing people like us struggle with. It’s really important to know that we are not alone, there is nothing wrong with how we feel, and we can get through this, and have a good life.
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Thank you for sharing this! People deal with anxiety in different ways and everyone’s experience is helpful if it’s shared. Mel at clearpanicaway
When I’m in high anxiety/panic mode, I often can’t speak or form rational thoughts. So I have a checklist printed up in the kitchen reminding me what to do, and all I have to do is touch my husband’s elbow and point to it. He then gives me my medication, doesn’t leave me alone, and makes me do something (like watering the garden) until the meds work and my mind is focused on something else. For me, there is a release, like a chokehold that gives way, and then suddenly the sun comes out and I am myself again, and I can’t even imagine that I felt the way I did literally moments before. The brain is an awesome and mighty thing. And so are your support people; let them help you.
Also: If the first meds/doctors aren’t working for you, be a bulldog (or have your support people be your bulldog) until you do find the meds/doctors that can help you! It often takes many frustrating and lengthy tries to find something that will work for you. Don’t give up. (Also, read The Bloggess. She has saved me many times).
Awesome advice Kristin! And uber-kudos to your husband. + I’d like to share it on my blog. And YES! about being a bulldog. Your medical professionals work for you; you have hired them to do a job. You must be assertive and candid with them and feel free to consult with other doctors or even change doctors if the one you’re using isn’t right for you.
Feel free to share, Kathy. The more we talk about these things, the better.
I am suffering from a severe nervous breakdown with a bi-polarity syndrome, plus with a lot of “joyful optional parts”. To read these few lines, on a funny blog is great because it reminds me to not being ashamed to be a disabled person (yup, I am an officially declared disabled person since 4 years…). What is the most important in my life? The support of my family. I have explained what are my fears, how my anxiety is fueled in my brain and how I express it. But it was hard because I still am ashamed of being such an useless person now. I can no more work or being in an office, I can barely use a computer despite being a total nerd-geed-tek since my 12 (my mental illness is a “bye-bye gift” from my “cheered” co-workers in my long hours-days-nights of coding and other computer jobs), since months I can’t read a single book or a comic book (I have more than 2 years of unread weekly 2000AD, more than 150 books which are waiting). It’s hard for me to walk outside with my new dog – I only go out when it’s dark (my bro is here to do the daily walks), I fear being with “strangers” even at home, etc. I have strong medication, but unfortunately I also have dumb doctors and specialists. I tried various hobbies in hope to find THE key to have a maybe “correct” day life. No one had worked. Until really recently when I have discovered web channels about tabletop RPGs and boardames. And, wow, that was terrific – in the good definition!! I have made my first mistakes in buying games in which I was hooked but when I have received them, err… But I still am here, reading (YEAAAAH!!) and viewing episodes on boardgames/RPG and it’s great. I have found today a local club for boardgames, wargames and RPG, so, if I am enough self confident AND not terrorized, I think that I can go to the weekly Friday night session and play. Thanks to Wil and to his gang of geeks, I am feeling “right in my shoes”, I am laughing again, I am feeling happy to be a “normal” geek despite these mental issues. I know that I will have these “brain brawls”, pills will only help me to not being over terrorized but, and that’s the first time I am feeling this right now, it’s okay. I feel being “freed” from something, a ring of a mental chain is missing, and it’s very good!!! So, boardgames/RPG a day, boardgames/RPG forever!!!! Thanks to have read this looooong blahblahblahblah. Meeple you!!! ^^
Thank you for this, both Wil and ditrysia. I wanted to ask something very similar but didn’t know how to word it.
Happy Birthday Wil, Relax, put your cell phone away, lay on the sand and give yourself permission to live one day without any worries. Your friend and fan, Juddy