It feels simultaneously like a lifetime and like a blink since I woke up to the sound of my wife writhing in pain, setting off the worst three days of the nearly fifteen thousand I’ve experienced so far. Seven days ago, at this exact moment, I was sitting in the ER with Anne, wondering what the hell was going on with her. Little did we know that she was about to get a misdiagnosis that would cost her an organ.
I keep catching myself holding my breath, worrying about her, even though I don’t need to worry like I did. Anne is recovering. She’s able to walk — albeit very slowly — with me when I take one of our dogs around the block. She’s still tired a lot of the time, and we’re going to see if the OB/GYN who did her surgery can help us get to the bottom of that. Maybe it’s just post-surgical fatigue (which is my Thompson Twins cover band) or maybe it’s something more, but it’s one of the things that makes me worry a little bit.
But we’re getting back to something like boring and normal, and I’ve never been as content to be bored as I am right now.
I’ve been recording an audiobook during the days this week, so I also feel fatigued, but it’s the kind of fatigue that feels earned, rather than imposed. It’s a lot of different characters, and it’s a lot of words, but it’s really fun, escapist fiction. I’m enjoying the process more than I thought I’d be able to, and I am on a pace to finish Monday. I can’t say anything else about it, but you’re welcome to speculate, if that’s amusing for you.
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I’m glad she’s doing better.
Imagines you playing “Lay Your Hands On Me” and chortling
Enjoy your newfound boredom. It won’t last long, to be replaced wonderful, happy, exciting things! So rest now, while you still can! <3
Know the feels. About 8 years ago I was trying to sleep in a hospital room where my wife was receiving a blood transfusion that would determine whether she would live or die that evening. Twenty-four hours of pure hell that came out of nowhere. Her body just mysteriously stopped making blood for several days, then just as mysteriously started back up again after the transfusion.
Wish you and Anne all the best, and a her a swift recovery. Hold her tight.
Please, send my best wishes to Anne for a full recovery. Also, I’m looking forward to your book. I know you’re putting a lot of work into it, and your work deserves to be lauded, as the contribution is absolutely is. You’re a gift, and your mind, is a place I’d like to visit, as soon as possible. So, hurry.
So glad to hear she’s doing well! Medical issues are the great equalizer – nobody is immune to them and those of us who have gone through them have an understanding that some don’t. Any surgery takes time to get over, anesthesia can be very difficult to shake off and everyone handles it differently.
I have a special needs son who wasn’t properly diagnosed for 9 years. Trust your doctors to a point, but if your gut tells you something else is going on listen to it. Doctors are not gods, and the good ones wouldn’t want to be. Hope all is well for you and your wife going forward!
Tried to write something clever, but all I could hear in my head was a beautiful chorus singing ‘All You Need is Love’ That sums it up far better than anything I could say…
Sometimes bored is a good place to be for awhile. Enjoy the time, it will not last. So glad Anne is doing well. I look forward to hearing more about the book.
FWIW, I was very tired and sleepy for a few weeks after my laparoscopic hysterectomy. The incisions are small, but it was still surgery and an organ came out. On top of that, her body is recovering from the trauma of the pain before diagnosis and surgery. Of course, ask the surgeon (I’m not a doctor!), but I think Anne’s exhaustion is to be expected. I’m glad she’s up & moving around. And I look forward to hearing more about the audiobook you’re recording!
Glad the process is moving along. We’ve been on a few scary ER trips with both the wife and the little one. Hope she is better soon, and thank you for writing.
Give my best to Anne, hopefully your fur babies will help speed up her recovery!
So glad Anne is on the mend.
On the audibook thing, I’d be fascinated to hear about the process of doing that, if that’s something you’d be interested in writing. How much prep work is involved before you ever go to the studio? Do you ever consult with the author on pronunciation of names or things about a character that you can’t get from the text but would inform your rendition? Is it different to record something written by an author you are friends with compared to a stranger?
If it makes you feel any better, your writing was superb, vivid and raw – I’ve never met you or Anne, but I felt personally invested in this. So glad Anne is recovering, and I’m wishing lots of boring your way.
Same for me!
I had a relatively minor surgery three weeks ago, and for the first two weeks I was incredibly wiped out. Also, my depression, which is normally well controlled, suddenly took over my brain. (Google “post-surgery blues.”) Anesthesia really affects you, being in a hospital is exhausting, and there was a huge amount of emotional turmoil too. My guess is that it’s not abnormal for her to still be fatigued. But by all means, get it checked out. And I’d recommend keeping an eye out for any depression, even if it doesn’t normally affect her.
I’m so, so very glad that Anne is on the mend, these posts have made me cry as I remembered what it was like 20 years ago when I lost my first husband at a young age. Please love each other, every moment of every day. 🌹🌹🌹
I learned from a nurse during my mother’s illnesses that for every 1hour you’re under, it takes a week to get back to normal. Anne also did just have an organ removed, and the body needs time to adjust. A trip to the doctor is well worth it as there might be things she can do to help.
I’m glad Anne is mending and I’m glad you’re back to work–a good way to start mending.
Love you both.
Her body went through a MAJOR trauma. I’m sure her Adrenals are wiped the hell out, meaning MAJOR fatigue which can last weeks/months. Make her take care of herself, and she’ll get better. ❤
Very good to hear that your partner in this crime we call life is doing better. Here’s hoping she’s soon at 100%. All the best to you and your fams, fella.
I was going to second what another reply mentioned. General anesthesia is hard on the body, and can take several days, up to a week, to totally shake off the effects. I recently had surgery, as well, and although the incisions are sore, the general fogginess and the feeling of being totally wiped out after lifting a fork to eat my jello is frustrating. Best wishes to Anne, and my sincere hope that those first couple of physicians have it brought to their attentions just how slipshod their methods were, and that they can learn something from it.
When I had laparoscopic gall bladder surgery they made me stay off even desk work for two weeks. I slept most of the first 5 days. Just because the outside marks are small doesn’t change the fact that removing an organ, any organ is major surgery. It takes time. Walking around the block already, even slowly is a testament to what good shape she was in before surgery and how quickly she’s healing. Wishing her a continued speedy recovery!
Between the days of intense pain and then the surgery she is probably pretty worn out; hoping she continues to improve.
I am so glad Ann is getting better. She has suffered a terrible insult to her body. I know you will take very good care of her. And that means taking very good care of yourself.
If she is walking with you for even short distances, Anne is doing great. Pain, surgery take a lot out of you but the stress due to the unknowns that floated around you and Anne also take their toll. Netflix, puppies and family will all help. Be sure to drop hints on the book when you can 😉
Hurray for normal and boring!
Your blog is always a gift.
Road the roller coaster with you. In our family, my father’s fulltime caregiver just had emergency gallbladder surgery they first diagnosed as an ulcer. 3 visits to the emergency room before they wheeled him into surgery….quickly.
That was two weeks ago. Last week my father’s 81 year old girlfriend goes in with terrible pain. They tell her its her gallbladder. Turns out its not. The next morning they are wheeling her into surgery….quickly. They took out her appendix.
Maybe its just being close to my father is dangerous work. Not sure, but at this rate he might outlive us all. Doctors are human, and fallible. Took me awhile before I realized they often don’t have all the answers. Can’t wait til our diagnosis skills get better. Until then, my heart breaks for what you just went through. Thank you for sharing your fear and stress. Most of all, thank god she’s going to be ok. What I learned recently is that there is a pineapple enzyme that is really good for wound healing. Even when its laproscopic, when you get an organ removed its still major surgery. I think it’s called Bromelain and it supposed to reduce healing time after surgery. Here’s a link from the University of Maryland:
http://www.umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/supplement/bromelain
Hope it’s helpful. Sending as much positive healing mojo from our house to yours as humanly possible.
Is it Charlie Brown fan fic? Where Linus goes on a rampage and… wait thats what I am writing… where that damn delete key oh wait here it is.
Terry Pratchett — whether downloaded in text form or audio form on my iPad via my public library saved my sanity while doctors saved my carcas last year — along with coloring books (kid version). Highly recommended.
Glad the both of you are recovering.
There’s something delightful about being able to answer “How are things?” with “Things are pleasantly uneventful”
Wishing Anne a continued and quick recovery. Thank you for taking such good care of her. I have an autoimmune disease and I’m thankful every day for my husband and the care and patience he has given me when I’ve been in the hospital over the last few years. I’m grateful for him for so many reasons but that’s just one more. Best wishes to you both.
Just went through something similar with my intelligent half as well. The feeling of “I can’t fix her pain no matter how hard I try” is no good. All is well now though and on the road to recovery. Anywho, the doc says that a day in the hospital is worth two days of recovery at home but a day in the ICU is a week recovery. Just do the followup visits, keep an eye on her, and wait on her hand and foot. That’s what I’ve been doing although why she makes me wear the nurse’s uniform seems a bit much. “But it helps me recover!”. Yes, dear. Right, dear.
Hoping (and praying) for Anne’s fatigue to be nothing to add to your stress and worry. If it just takes time, I think you have a heart to journey with her through this. And thank you for sharing that with us. It is personal and between you and her. But thank you for allowing us to be on the fringe.
But I would also say that in the midst of caring for Anne, please care for yourself also. She needs you at the best you can be to help her return to her best.
I definitely think that you should get to the bottom of what’s going on, but I know that when I had my gallbladder out last year, it took me much longer than I expected to recover. I wish her a speedy and uneventful recovery, and I hope you both find peace soon. I know it’s hard.
Wil, thanks for bein’ a great and guy. Also: Anne, you’re the rockstar here, glad you’re nearly boring again as it means we have more in common. ::imposes selfishness::
Yikes! I’m one of the folks who filled out “no news feed” on that survey you did about how we get here, because I get here by typing the URL when I’m looking for something to read.. and it seems I missed a lot by not checking in this past week. So sorry about what Anne went through; that sounds unspeakably horrible. Glad she’s on the mend! And suddenly wondering if she’s ever Vandaleyes’d any of the photos she kept of her innards..
I recall being more easily fatigued after my kidney surgery (stone blocked the exit, back-pressure ruptured the kidney, and they had to remove the blood, repair the hull breach, and put in a bypass from the kidney to the bladder). It was my body’s way of saying “You let someone cut me open and root around, so you can just generally suck it, bozo.” Things seemed to get back on track after a couple of weeks, though.
Just remember, even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, your love and concern are part of what keeps the people you love strong enough to face the challenges that get thrown at them. I wrote something for the two of you a few years back, related to a post you wrote about feeling small looking up at the stars, but I think it applies to feeling small in the face of pain and troubles, too:
You know that feeling,
when Anne rested her head against your chest?
That moment, that meaning is timeless and infinite,
more rare than meteors or even planets.
Like the constellations,
it exists because we join things that are separate,
and create meaning out of dreams.
We are not small,
because we have in us such things
as even the stars might envy.
This poetry made me tear up. Thank you.
I had a hysterectomy recently, and it was at least 2-3 weeks before I wasn’t exhausted just from being awake. My BFF had the exact same thing happen to her as happened to Anne…. her ovary decided to take a twisty jump off a bridge and she had the exact same surgery. She was fatigued for weeks… WAY longer than I was.
Definitely get it checked out but it is not abnormal.
All I could think about during the FIRST post was that article in The Atlantic a couple years ago about someone going to the ER with writhing awful gut pain and being misdiagnosed with kidney stones that turned out to be –ta dah! — an ovarian torsion. And then you posted again, and okay COME ON, medicine. Just because there are organs in there that a long history of medical science gave zero shits about doesn’t mean that was RIGHT. Gah. I’m glad you and she were able to persist and get it handled, but sorry this turns out to be a scenario that has happened to more than one (or, okay, more than zero!) people.
Yay for healing, and yes, post-surgical (and post 3 days of traumatic pain, which is entirely relevant here) healing is a lot of work — and IDK if you’ve ever had a pain event where nothing helped and rocking/wailing was involuntary, but it’s freaking exhausting even independent of the surgical part, so.
(google will find you the Atlantic article right quick if you look (which is maybe somewhat terrifying and might not be good for you to read? your call.), but: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/emergency-room-wait-times-sexism/410515/ )
Agreeing with previous comments that fatigue after surgery is perfectly normal. Basically, her body puts all its resources into healing the wound and recovering from the trauma of having an organ removed.
When I broke my leg last year, I was off my feet for three months because it’s was a complicated fracture. In the first four weeks after coming home, I thought, oh, I can’t move, I can’t get anywhere, I will finally be able to get through my to read pile. I usually managed maybe five pages before being too tired to continue.
Keep doing the little trips around the block, it’ll help retain at least some strength. Best wishes to Anne and a speedy recovery;
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had almost precisely the same surgery that Anne had almost five years ago now, with the same presentation, same exploratory surgery, just a slightly different problem once they got in there. I sent your account of it to my husband, who had a really hard time during the process, and he really appreciated your voice. It also helped me understand what he was feeling while I was going through it.
I also want to say now on this that it took me a solid week to be able to stay awake more than a few hours at a stretch, and two weeks before I could get back to work. I’m an active, always moving and thinking, fidgety kind of person and I literally could not keep my eyes open. It was baffling to me. It wasn’t pain; I was just absolutely flattened by the surgery.
Obviously she should check in with her doctor, because it’s HER body and she knows it, but I did want to comment with my experience that massive fatigue was my norm.
I’m sending lots of good wishes for you and Anne to recover fully and have lots of time being bored! Take care and keep well!
Appreciation of mediocrity is the shiniest and potentially longest enduring of the silver linings when it comes to hellish experiences. We cherish the glorious boring times in my house.
I’m sorry that your wife and family had to go through all this. But in the midst of it, you did some of the best writing you have done in awhile. Thank you for sharing.
My experience after sugeries (and planned ones at that!) was that I would start feeling better, like my energy level was up close to normal, but it would run out sooner than usual and VERY suddenly. From 100 to 0 in no time. It sounds like Anne is doing fine. Healing after all of that is going to take a lot of her work on her body’s part!
That was my experience too. First it took several days to recover from the anesthesia, then it was like I had no reserves to keep going once my first wind was used up. Even as my active periods became longer, once I was done, that was it. There was no more energy to draw on.
I read your whole story. I so enjoy your writing. I kind of just went through a similar situation and had my appendix out but only after they thought it was my gallbladder. So I totally understand. I was with your story every step of the way, and I’m in recovery now. So…..tell me about this audiobook. You’ve sparked my interest.
So glad your wife is feeling better.
So glad to hear that Anne is doing better! And that you are, too… Taking care of someone you love who is suffering is hard, as you’ve described so relatably over the last week. (Thanks, by the way, for reminding me from time to time that, in at least some way, everything worth doing is hard… Some things, of course, are harder than others, with seeing a beloved’s pain being among the hardest.)
Please take care of yourself as you take care of her… Keep processing things, keep in touch with friends and accepting any help you need, keep taking care of your brain and body. And give Anne our best, from all of us she’s touched over the years.
A lot of us are pulling for you both… We’re glad you’re both here and doing better!
Mr. Wheaton, I’m very glad Anne is doing better, and I hope for her continued recovery. You are a talented writer, and I thank you for sharing that ordeal.
Speculate about the book you’re reading? Oh… man, you really don’t want me to speculate. Lol. OK, here goes:
Um… Hmm… I’m gussing it’s a Zombie boddice ripper space-opera-cum-time-travel with two nearly identical plot lines occurring simultaneously in alternate universes — one in the old-west and the other in fluidic space.
Was I even close? 😉
Congrats on getting back to “quasi-normal”. Normal can be wonderful at times. Best thoughts out to you folks.