depression (still) lies

One of the super fun things about living with depression and anxiety is how my idiot brain can go from “CAN DO!” to “EXISTENCE IS SUFFERING” faster than you can wish to take two strokes off your golf game. So today started out normal, and very quickly became a rough day. One of the ways I help myself through days like today, is to acknowledge that I’m sick not weak, and then take one step after another to get out from under the lead apron that Depression likes to drape over my life.

I just answered an ask on my Tumblr thingy that has helped me feel better, and I wanted to put it here, so it’s easy for me to find again the next time I need it:

==

Q: what can I do to bring myself out of depression?

A: It isn’t easy, and accepting and understanding that is the first and very important step to getting through it.

So I’m having a tough day today, and I know that it’s my mental illness taking small things that most people can probably roll past, and blowing them up into one giant lead apron of I CAN’T EVEN.

Knowing that and accepting it doesn’t make it go away, but it does give me a little bit of light in this darkness, to help me eventually find the exit.

We have to remind ourselves that Depression Lies, and one of the things it does, to keep itself strong and in charge, is tell us lies, like: I am the worst at everything. Nobody really likes me. I don’t deserve to be happy. This will never end. And so on and so on. We can know, in our rational minds, that this is a giant bunch of bullshit (and we can look at all these times in our lives when were WERE good at a thing, when we genuinely felt happy, when we felt awful but got through it, etc.) but in the moment, it can be a serious challenge to wait for Depression to lift the roadblock that’s keeping us from moving those facts from our rational mind to our emotional selves.

And that’s the thing about Depression: we can’t force it to go away. As I’ve said, if I could just “stop feeling sad” I WOULD. (And, also, Depression isn’t just feeling sad, right? It’s a lot of things together than can manifest themselves into something that is most easily simplified into “I feel sad.”)

So another step in our self care is to be gentle with ourselves. Depression is beating up on us already, and we don’t need to help it out. Give yourself permission to acknowledge that you’re feeling terrible (or bad, or whatever it is you are feeling), and then do a little thing, just one single thing, that you probably don’t feel like doing, but I PROMISE you will help. Some of those things are:

  • Take a shower.
  • Eat a nutritious meal.
  • Take a walk outside (even if it’s literally to the corner and back).
  • Do something – throw a ball, play tug of war, give belly rubs – with a dog. Just about any activity with my dogs, even if it’s just a snuggle on the couch for a few minutes, helps me.
  • Do five minutes of yoga stretching.
  • Listen to a guided meditation and follow along as best as you can.

Finally, please trust me and know that this shitty, awful, overwhelming, terrible way you feel IS NOT FOREVER. It will get better. It always gets better. You are not alone in this fight, and you are OK.

You can ALWAYS talk to a mental health professional, too, if you have any thoughts of self-harm or feel hopeless. Some free and anonymous resources are:

Check in with me in a few days and let me know how you’re doing, okay?

==

For myself, today: I am getting off Twitter for at least the rest of today, and maybe until the end of the weekend. I am walking myself and my dogs. I am meditating. I am making sure I eat a nutritious lunch AND dinner (go me!). And I’m going to accept that, at this moment, my creative well is dry. It will refill in its own time, and I have to accept that I can’t force it.

144 thoughts on “depression (still) lies”

  1. I don’t know is why I am writing this but I just wanted to say something somewhere … This post has described my inner most thoughts so accurately that while it sucks other people feel this way, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in this horrendous black hole of a situation. Lately I’ve been trying to keep my head above water depression wise and not let it pull me under and beat me. I’ve started isolating myself again and not leaving my house, although this is probably more due to the constant pain I am in thanks to a spinal disc degeneration that has now forced me to rely on a wheelchair whenever I have to go out (which also means I have to have someone help me as I cannot push it along myself and am therefore becoming a burden to one of only two people I have in my life). I have no friends to talk to and my family have nothing to do with me because of their own pathetic reasons so I do sometimes find it hard believing there is any decent life beyond this depression. Anyway …. again, I don’t know what the point of this post is … Other than thank you for sharing your own experience and reminding me that while I may not speak to any other people, I am really not alone in this battle against the darkness within.

  2. Oh, sweetie! I’m sorry that asshole depression is on your case again! Hang in there. This too shall pass. xoxoxo

    1. Thank you for sharing on such an important subject. Depression is such a deliberating disease that’s hard to libe with even with help. I’ll be on meds for it forever snd it’s hard even getting out of bed sometimes. Your description of it and things you do to help get out of it are exactly things i do. I find giving my dog a big bear hug does wonders for me. He is a big boy (100lbs) and likes to rough house . He knows how to cheer me up by acting goofy (he earned his nick name “Goober” because of it!). I have many medical issues that drag me down but I knoe theres always light at enf of the depression tunnel and im not alone in this. None of us are and your sharing this pain helps a lot of people. Speaking(writing) about it is theraputic and i find helps lift thr fog.
      Take care
      Vince

  4. To everyone here let me say this: I’ve worked in the mental health field for 30 years (and taught college-level psychology for 13). I have walked with people to the deepest fathoms where nightmares relentlessly haunt in the form of torturous hallucinations, whirling thoughts and moods that weigh like concrete or elevate to the point of delerious chaos. Where fear of unknown unknowns is a daily affair and getting out of bed as opposed to closing your eyes and rolling over is an absolute Herculean struggle. The best advice I can give–other than to find a good support system and physician–is that recovery is real.

    Understand deeper. Learn the difference between Seratonin and Dopamine. Why SAD is important (especially if you live in the northern states). Find a good therapist (an increasing rarity, btw) who knows a thing or two about CBT, setting goals and behavior modification. And who can help synthesize what’s happening in your mind with what’s happening in the world around you. Be wary of NAMI–scrutinize who makes up your local chapter (there are an alarming number if pseudo-competent, self-aggrandizing mail-order therapists in the field). Know that this is not a linear journey. You will have good days and bad days. Have tactics for the bad ones.

    And best of all, recognize that the best predictor of efficacy in outcome of therapy is the relationship between you and your therapist. Or whoever fills that role. Your wife/husband. Your bartender. Your neighbor. Your minister. Use that to your advantage.

  5. Wil, I think you are an amazing person who has the courage to confront depression head on. I know we have never met but I can relate to what you are going though. It’s a bitch. I really want you to hang in there. I’m a pretty strong person and if I can do it day to day, I believe in my heart you can too. I have faith in you. It’s gonna be tough but look at your pups, they love you and that should put a smile on your face!

  6. All good suggestions.

    Here’s my personal faves… biking and basketball. Things like sports or other physical exertion have the benefit of immediate amelioration and long term improvement of health, appearance, and all that goes with that.

    Another one… laughter. The harder the better. Whatever movie or film makes you wet yourself. My go-to shows are Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, or Eastbound and Down. I can’t watch those shows and stay sad.

    Finally, I agree with an earlier commenter about nature. I think we are hard-wired for certain triggers and water, sunshine, green things have a very immediate and profound impact. When I go for a hike in trees or near a river, lake, or ocean, it’s like a coil in my chest becomes released.

    In fact, I like to combine some of these things… like biking or balling near the ocean. LA was great for that. I had many spots within eye, ear, and nose shot of the ocean for lazy evenings shooting hoops, or riding, or skating (poorly). Now watching some funny videos while balling or biking near the ocean? Haven’t tried that. But I often will listen to funny podcasts (Maron, Ron and Fez, Harmontown, 10 Minutes About Your Favorite Movie (Bobby!), or TV Crimes).

    1. A FEW other things that immediately un-sad Spudnuts… wasabi, picking berries, Wes Anderson, frisbees, building a sand castle, destroying a sand castle, alpacas, bubble tea, Memphis Mafia fritter from Voodoo Doughnuts, mahjong, poker, Harry Dean Stanton, Val de Vargas, Ennio Morricone, real whipped cream, all flat breads with stuff on/in them, Bavarian pretzel with cheese, egging a cop car, any game from Amanita Design, Svankmajer, Hundertwasser, Jim Starlin’s Warlock, Internet commenting, animated GIFs, Channel 101/102, Red Letter Media, Smigel, ice cream sandwiches, a shower after hiking, ocean, clams, clam chowder, clam cakes, flirting with a hot lady, archery, bowling, automats, reverse lay-ups, dark porter on draft, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, CCR on an Arizona highway, that Swiss Army knife that has like 68 things and is thick as a paperback, REI, Raymond Chandler, Bosconian.

  7. Existence may be suffering, but at least we only exist for a really, really short time.
    #LokingOnTheBrightSide?

  8. Right there with ya, good sir.
    Going home to the two pups & gonna snuggle the heck out of em.
    I know it’s lying but it’s really, really convincing of late.
    Taking all I have to not just be overwhelmed completely…

  9. Hi Wil,

    «Depression lies» was the most important advice I’ve ever heard (or read). You wrote about it in older blog entry and somebody forwarded it to me. At that time I didn’t know it lied.. but I didn’t know what to believe either, I didn’t know anymore what feeling was real and what was tainted by depression. In that blurr these two words struck me. I was okay, but I was being lied to. It literally got me out of bed and has helped me ever since.

    Those two words helped me transform my powerlessness and understand depression better.

    <3

    Thank you for your kindness.

  11. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this Wil.
    This week has been a really bad week for my mental health. I don’t recall it ever being this bad, your words have helped a little and made me cry a little too. Whilst watching kids shows with my toddler bit it is good tears.
    X

  12. Just wanted to say that you are not alone. Our journeys may all be a little different but there are a lot of us fighting this horrible disease and we share the battle.

    From someone who has survived some difficult skirmishes but is doing ok right now…it will get better…whatever your brain is telling you right now. Look after yourself and the most important ad I’vever been given…by my dad ‘be kind to yourself’

  13. They say don’t read the comments, but here I read all the comments because they say, “Not alone. Not alone. You’re not alone.”

    You’re not alone.

    I’m not alone.

    Love you guys.

  14. Wow this random article really hit home for me. I really don’t understand a lot of what I feel. Thanks for putting some light on it for me.

  15. I’ve had a really bad week but today I went for a walk. Passed bby a massage place and while they didn’t have time right then I made a reservation for tomorrow. So now I have something to look forward too.

  16. Wil, thank you for this – as a person who suffers with (and I do mean suffer!) bipolar disorder and in particular, bipolar depression, it’s important to include this kind of advice. For me it is finding any motivation to change my attitude and it’s a real fight sometimes to change it. And simple things such as those you point out in this blog can do a great deal to help. Thanks for being an advocate.

  17. Thank you so much. I’ve always seen you as a role model. From your on screen roles, to your personal rantings and wisdom here on social media, you always seem to brighten my day. Ironically enough… I was saying my goodbyes in my head this morning ( work overnights, so.. my evening) and ran across this post. After reading this, as well as all the inspiring comments, I am second guessing myself. I guess what it all boils down to is…. Thank you.

  18. Depression is a “seductress” that sometimes lures me in; and sometimes I’m just not interested.
    I’m not sure if it has spread more in the last few decades or if we’ve just become more aware; or both. Because of my experiences, I lean toward thinking it has spread, that it affects more of us in this age of not having a concrete sense of what or who we are because of this life being dominated buy technology–which I’m proving to some degree by commenting on a blog post. 🙂 Half our lives ago, give or take a couple of years, none of us had any idea that we’d be “interacting” the way we do through computers, internet, phones, etc., rather than in real face to face communications.
    Talking to someone is incredibly beneficial. As you point out, Mr. Wheaton, there are places to call. I have a therapist myself, and I have friends and relatives who have been asked ahead of time to just listen to my irrational anxiety and let me work it out rather than put their two cents into the conversation. And, the other thing is finding the time–as hard as it can be some days–to a) talk with a loved one about anything at all, just to enjoy face-to-face human contact, and b) get outside, disconnect from screens and phones. For me, the latter comes in the form of pedaling. The great thing about it is that while I carry my phone–in case I ever need help–I don’t answer it for a couple of hours, I am on my own, and even dealing with cars is a pleasure when it means being outside, breathing, and just going with the rhythm of my pedaling cadence; it’s a form of meditation at the same time.

  20. Every suggestion for easing the pain of depression you make is great. I have used each one at different times to help myself. I’m also in that spot right now where I cannot think of anything to paint or even sketch, so I just do what I can and try not to kick my ass over it.

    You’re right. Depression is painful and does enough damage without me adding to it by getting down on myself.

  22. Thank you, I needed this today. Depression lies is still the best advice I’ve ever come across, and between you and Jenny Lawson I’m starting to believe I’m going to be okay.

  24. Thank you Wil. You hit it on the head and with humor too (which seems to be sorely lacking when I plunge into the depths). You are a good egg 🙂

  28. As a fellow person who struggles with depression, I absolutely love your response to the question. I like to equate it with being a beast or monster. I would like to offer my own little tidbit of advice that has helped me greatly in dealing with my depression. Earlier this year, as I was explaining how it feels to a support group I am fairly active in, I started to give depression an analogy relating to Star Wars. Here is a brief snippet from my blog post on the realization:

    “It’s like there is this battle in my mind between the negative voice and the positive voice. Every once in awhile, the positive voice starts to believe it can win the war, but the negative side of me is vastly more powerful, has way more soldiers, weapons, etc., and tends to smack that positive side down.

    Somehow equating the duality of my mind into a war has given me a little bit of perspective on the situation. If I can translate it further into a pop cultural reference to help me even further, it’s like the Rebels versus The Empire in Star Wars. The good guys, a.k.a. the Rebel Alliance, is my positive voice; The Empire represents my negative voice. It’s always in power. Every once in awhile, the Rebels win a battle, but sadly the war continues and most of the time the Empire strikes back.

    This analogy is actually helping me quite a bit. If I can find a way to be more supportive of the Rebels in their battle against The Empire, perhaps I can finally win the war.

    I definitely know where the Empire comes from. It comes from every bully I had as a kid who told me I’m ugly, I’m a loser, I’m not worth anything. That was definitely what I was feeling on Saturday. I felt so utterly defeated that I even considered suicide, wondering if anyone would even care if I died. That negative side of me, that Dark Side of the Force, is very good at manipulating my mind into believing those things as being true. I have to start seeing it as an “old Jedi mind trick”, and begin fighting back. Hell, if Luke Skywalker could do it, so can I, right?”

    Believe it or not, this has helped me in dealing with the depression. Whenever I start to hear that negative voice, I treat it like it’s a battle. I want to support the Rebels, and I want to the the evil Emperor fall into a bottomless pit and die. It even creates a distance in my mind from those thoughts.

    I am sharing this in case others might be interested. Whatever works for you is worth it.

    In case anyone is interested in reading my blog, which I tend to deal with my emotions a lot, as well as my struggles with weight, you can read it here: http://melldclute.wixsite.com/mells-dell/blog1

  29. Thank you for sharing this. I actually really needed this today. I have been under the ‘lead blanket’ since this morning.

  30. Wil (and everyone),
    I have been there, and you’re right – It gets better. It always gets better. Always. I remember reading once, “The darkest hour only lasts 60 minutes.” Sending everyone love and prayers.

  31. I am lucky that I have the easy ingredients for a fairly healthy dinner in the fridge. Thank you for getting me excited about doing this one thing for myself today! For the curious, it’s store-bought pesto (mine’s better, but I am still waiting for my replacement food processor blade), store-bought gnocchi, and grape tomatoes (also store-bought). Yesterday I had too many tacos and beer and felt icky about it.

  32. I have alway like your frank post on mental health issues. Having just lost my 18 year old son to depression and anxiety, I love you upping the bandwidth issues. My wife and me, when on line, have been grief posting, and fly lgbtq and trans flags. Also being honest, when people ask, “so how you doing?”

  34. Thank you so much for writing and sharing your experiences. They really do make me feel like I am not alone and that maybe, someday, things will be better.

    For now, today is a bad day… a very bad day… but I will fight the thoughts warring in my brain and I will just keep breathing. And maybe tomorrow I will reread this post and get more out of it… today, it just gave me a much needed reminder that if I just keep breathing, eventually, today will pass.

  35. I’d add to the list “make a simple thing” and “finish a small task.”

    Today, I was at the curl-up-in-the-fetal-position-and-cry-about-how-nobody-really-loves-me-and-life-is-empty stage. I forced myself out of bed because I have kids and didn’t want any of them walking in and seeing me like that. Then I remembered that I wanted to make pies today.

    Nothing in me was excited at the idea of making pie. But I knew it was A Thing I Can Do. I know how to make pie. And even if the entire day sucked, at least at the end of it I’d have pie.

    So I made the pie. And by the time I got through the sifting and kneading and chopping and mixing and got something ready to put in the oven, I felt…better. The tight knot inside loosened a bit.

  36. hi wil! your post reminds me to be gentle to those who are struggling. i hope you’re feeling better.

  37. Listened to my first RFB (#50). Wil, do not let Randos take your love of board games or anything away. One of the things I just thought must be a truism is that Wil W must have balls of steal. With the crap the “fans” put him through in the 90s what the hell could ever bother him? If I could send you my energy I would. Do yourself a favor. Stick to DOS 3.0 Instagram and get off FB and Twitter for awhile. You’ll live.

  38. I can certainly sympathize with what you’re going through (have a very close friend who goes through bouts of depression and also works in the mental health field) and I agree it’s important to surround yourself with opportunities, no matter how small, to help you cope/battle with your depression. what’s more important is to have friends that are willing to help you deal with/battle it. Always know that ultimately you’re never alone when it comes to battling depression.

  39. Will, I simply must respond to this. First, I am so sorry you are suffering. My heart goes out to you.

    Second, please understand that what I am about to say may have been said before, and may not be welcome, but I have not followed your work extensively, I just like you and follow you on social media but I don’t “know” you like your long time fans or friends, so please forgive me if I am touching a sore spot.

    I know you love to cook, and I have seen that you bake bread. I have to ask: Have you made a serious “test” of removing grains and gluten from your diet (and maybe dairy too) for at least a few weeks, preferably a month, to see if you feel better?

    I know it seems absurd that gluten could cause depression, migraines and a host of other problems, even for non-celiac people, but this has been my experience and the experience of many others. I beg you to research and test for yourself. Read “The Grain Brain” by David Perlmutter. Look at the web site called Mark’s Daily Apple, by Mark Sisson.

    Again, I speak from personal experience (severe depression, crying episodes, anxiety, low self esteem, etc. although never suicidal thoughts thank goodness. Just misery for no fucking reason.) I am not even off gluten entirely, but it is a sliding scale for me and the more I eat the worse I feel, so I think the best course is to avoid it entirely and test very very carefully your own symptoms when some wheat or gluten is ingested.

    I know it isn’t politically correct to butt in and suggest potential solutions to someone who has been in the battle and perhaps already tried everything, but I can’t not offer this and know you are suffering without saying something. I have “almost” written this to you many times and now is the time.

    I want only healing and happiness for you, Will.
    Andrea Winchester

    1. I appreciate your concern and your kindness. My sister has celiac, and I’ve done all the tests, diet changes, and everything else, to find out if I have it also, or if I have any sensitivity. All my tests have consistently come back negative.

      1. Thank you for your reply! And your kindness and patience in responding. I know this has got to be emotionally exhausting.

        It is a relief for me to know that you have seriously explored food sensitivities (especially gluten). Again, this may be old news, but: Some people now are wondering if health problems are caused by the Glycophosphate that is routinely sprayed on 98% of the wheat that is produced here in the USA. Glycophosphate is a “dessicant” that dries the wheat and makes it easier to harvest. It is basically Round-up, which is toxic. I

        Interestingly people who have found that they are sensitive to wheat and then travel in Europe, where this toxin is banned, they find that they CAN eat that wheat with no issues. (These are wheat-sensitive people, not celiacs.) My personal next step is to shop online for “heritage” wheats that are both lower in gluten and free of pesticides and dessicants like glycophosphate and to bake with that and see if I can tolerate it better. Because: Pizza. 🙂 So it may not be the gluten per se for individuals. The key phrase is “heritage” wheat, not the modern strains that are super high in gluten.

        Also, and I’m sure you have heard this, “sensitivity” may not show up on some kind of blood or even gene DNA test, but by “testing” I mean time periods where the suspected food is withdrawn for a while, then reintroduced to see how you feel.

        To make these issues even more distressing, it may very well be not one specific food a person reacts to, but a combination of foods or a LACK of specific nutrients that become an issue. This is what I am currently dealing with. My symptoms are: extreme itchiness and “hives” like symptoms that come and go “for no reason”, accompanied by inability to concentrate, weirdly and intensely chapped lips with red skin all around my mouth, my old friends anxiety and dark thoughts, (after a long period of happiness) and some gastro intestinal effects I won’t elaborate. So WTF? Turns out this is called Histimine Intolerance, and is a generalized response to…. EVERYTHING I eat routinely. So now I am looking at lists of “low histamine foods” and saying to myself No Way…! This can’t be right! I have been eating “healthy!” And this definitely has mental and emotional health repercussions for me. Gah!

        My research indicates that a damaged gut will not produce enough of an enzyme called DAO, (Diamine Oxidase or something like that) which is the enzyme that breaks down and helps our body clear out the histimine that is created when we digest food. So this histimine builds up in the body and when it becomes “too much”, symptoms appear. My own symptoms do come and go, although have been more persistent lately. Oh yeah and hormones are involved. More joy.

        The solution for me is to learn what NUTRIENTS my body is lacking, so my body can go back to producing enough DAO and get happy again. (There are other potential histimine related processes, but this is most likely). So I will begin supplementing with things like zinc and magnesium, Vitamin C and Quercetin, a pro-biotic… and possibly some other things…. seeing how that goes, and as time passes I will reintroduce some of my favorite “high histimine” foods and see if the symptoms stay away.

        This whole process has been very humbling. In fact I am weirdly grateful to have this issue insofar as it “warns” me to improve my gut health and nutrition before something more serious like an actual auto-immune disease shows up. Obviously reducing or eliminating grains and sugar will help but ironically that will not “fix” this issue. I wish it were that easy.

        Food is medicine. Our thoughts are medicine too. The people in our world are medicine. I truly believe the Universe is kindly toward us, and Universal Intelligence will bring us the information we need if we ask, be patient, be humble, stay open… I simply refuse to believe that in our “natural” state we are created broken. Yes some people are born with actual “defects” and shit happens, but I have to believe that for the most part, Nature provides all the nutrition we need to thrive and be happy, we just have to learn what to do in our modern food culture that takes shortcuts and tries to fool Mother nature. We have to learn to live in harmony with nature. Our food supply is compromised in ways we cannot imagine but which becomes our actual bodies because we consume it. No one is “deficient” in a pharmacy drug. We are deficient in natural substances that come in real food, if anything. Or too high in toxins. Or both.

        I love you, Wil. Thanks again for listening and responding, it means a lot to me.

  40. Just a precaution: the term “depression” clinically means something specific. Its criteria is explained in detail in the DSM (the APA’s “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual”). Readers who are willing to tackle a fair amount of jargon are encouraged to explore this but with great caution (leave the actual sifting out of the term based on the symptom profile and affective/behavioral presentation to the experts). And please be careful of online resources (the more unrelated banner ads, the less credibility).

    Also, please be wary of the difference between “dysthymia” and “Major Depressive Episodes/Disorder”. And of the commonly used “Bi-polar Disorder”, which is so abused in the popular, common lexicon these days (e.g. mood swings that occur daily do not qualify as diagnostic to Bi-polar Disorder). Also, be careful that what may present as erratic up and down moods may be instead indicative of what we used to call the “Axis II” disorders. Personality Disorders such as “Borderline”, “Histrionic”, “Narcissistic”, etc.

    The boundaries on these have become so murky over the years that it takes a real skill to nail these down effectively, as opposed to simply and quickly slapping on a jiffy label and throwing a vial full of probably quasi-effective medications. Changes to insurance reimbursement rates have created a nightmare situation on this, but that’s a whole different story. As I said above, acurate diagnosing and treatment comes from a careful unpacking of heuristics, memories, worries, object relations, desires, traumas and basic cognitive algorithms as well as attempting to brute-force change through neurochemical modification (i.o. anti-depressant therapy).

    Why am I saying all of this? I worry that, after reading some of these comments, that definitions become casual and solutions can be misconstrued as “play more tennis” or “enjoy a sunny day”. In true Affective Disorder states these are possibly good coping devices, but not mechanisms that result in long-term recovery (if so, then the diagnosis needs to be reconsidered).

    Here’s your free tip of the day. Carry it with you: If you do need to see a psychiatrist (an actual MD; not a psychologist, who can’t prescribe medications) find one that’s been practicing for at least 20 years. The tectonic shifts in the profession in the past two decades combined with limits placed by insurance companies have resulted in neo-gen docs who see treatment as a singular process of prioritizing prescribing medications. I know new residents who can’t compare Watson to Freud to save their life (these are huge philosophical distinctions, btw). I always hang my head when I see another inpatient discharge send a person back into the complex hell of their lives holding a 14 day supply of Zoloft (maybe Ativan, too, because…anxiety! Why not?) and a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks.

    1. I’m just going to go ahead and highlight this, because it’s so important:

      Here’s your free tip of the day. Carry it with you: If you do need to see a psychiatrist (an actual MD; not a psychologist, who can’t prescribe medications) find one that’s been practicing for at least 20 years. The tectonic shifts in the profession in the past two decades combined with limits placed by insurance companies have resulted in neo-gen docs who see treatment as a singular process of prioritizing prescribing medications. I know new residents who can’t compare Watson to Freud to save their life (these are huge philosophical distinctions, btw). I always hang my head when I see another inpatient discharge send a person back into the complex hell of their lives holding a 14 day supply of Zoloft (maybe Ativan, too, because…anxiety! Why not?) and a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks.

      2. I did go this route anyway. I hesitated to use meds to solve my sudden-out-of nowhere anxiety. Therapy was offered, but the idea of trying to find regular daytime care for my 3 young kids made me panic even more. I was spending hours of my days feeling as if someone had just jumped out at me for on a dark corner. I was short tempered and unfocused. It slowly progressed over a few weeks and I decided doing something, anything, was better than how I was feeling at the time.
        The manic panic has stopped. I’m more patient with my kids. For now this is working.

  41. Thank you so much for posting this, Wil. I’ve shared it with all my friends, for it’s so important that people have a good understanding of what a depression (and anxiety) is. It always felt to me as what is: an illness, not a weakness. Yes it lies and it cheats! Years ago you wrote that you had listened to Interplanetary Materials at Comfort Stand and you were enthusiastic. I was so proud that one of the actors that inspired me to create my contribution had actually heard and liked it. I was in the middle of a depression, but your post brightened my day. You matter, Wil. Boy, do you matter! Hang in there!

  42. I know my voice is one of many but, since I know that every voice helps me, I just wanted to add mine anyway. You are an amazing creative and talented person that I admire and respect very much. The operative word there being person. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well and I understand the drain they can be, Know that you are loved for being YOU and not just what you make for the world. I hope you do take care of yourself and allow your well to fill up at its own pace. Thank you for helping all of us, who suffer too, see that we are not alone. I hope that our comments help you see that you are not alone either,

  43. Hey Wil – I’m sorry to hear things are tough right now – and for the other people on this thread, too. Keep going and arguing back as much as you can. Through hypnotherapy, I am better able to identify and separate out that insidious “voice” that keeps telling me how awful I am, how stupid, and useless and hopeless, etc. These days, I am very curt with that little snake, and it pleases me to think I can hurt him by fighting back and telling him where to go – but of course s/he/it keeps coming. I also remind myself I’ve been through this before and made it – it eventually lifted, like this one surely will (no pun intended*.)

    Thank you for your insightful, honest, and helpful post which has inspired such a community thread. Reading your description – as another poster has also said – was like looking into my own mind, my own condition and seeing it much more clearly – it’s symptoms and effects, it’s tricks and deceptions. And being able to admit to it, and not feel alone. I realise now how it so perniciously isolates us (me) – makes me feel like the only one in the world like this, and everyone else is OK, or better than OK. If only I could just “snap out of it” and not be such a sook, saddo, moody, gloomy, etc. You’ve helped me see that it is part of me – that Evil Empire another poster talked of – that I’m not completely crazy or just self-absorbed or whatever. Which is to say, you and the other people here made a real difference. Thank you.

    BTW – I know you primarily as a writer and agent of Twitter. (I continue to admire your opposition to bad government and your forthright and bold calls to action.) I think you are a great writer and look forward to your content – and, as you are a crazy animal lover, you are obviously also a great person.

    Hang tough, bro – and everyone. You are not alone. We are a cluster! (HT Sense8)

    Best, Simon

    *But this one is. I can’t take credit – I saw it on Twitter.
    Q: Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on the side?
    A: So they can Scandinavian! Haaaaa! 🙂

  45. Wil,

    The best thing you can be doing is trying. The fact that you are trying is everything. Bravo to you, Sir. Kick that Asshat depression in the balls.

  46. Could you include the following details on your post?

    Samaritans, Tel. 116 123 UK and ROI. Web. http://www.samaritans.org/

    You have quite a number of followers over here in the United Kingdom and Republic of Ireland.

  47. I won’t spend time on the topic of suicide and its association to depression–everyone here knows this. But I will recommend Livingworks’ ASIST (“Applied Suicide Intervention Training”) program. Designed for laypeople, it provides solid boots-on-the-ground skill training for recognizing and providing intervention during a crisis. Find someone in your area who offers this. Take the class. Learn the skills (btw, it’s much more than just providing encouragement or “play more tennis” tropes).

    https://www.livingworks.net/programs/asist/

    And of course, if anyone you know crosses the line from being really, really sad to making efforts to legitimately hurt themselves call #911. Don’t wait for things to get better. Don’t hope things will resolve on their own. Don’t think you’ll get in trouble with the police for over-reacting. We live in a world where police officers are the new social workers. They will understand; they will help.

  49. I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, I haven’t even gone as far as to talk to my Doctor about what I am feeling, but I know I will have to. I’ve read things about it and I know that’s the problem but I keep it all to myself, and I know that doesn’t help either. Making yourself do something is important. I needed groceries so yesterday I made myself get dressed and go to the store. From there I was able to do laundry and make my lunch for work the next day. I didn’t get anything else done but all things considered that was a lot.

  50. Just know that we are with you, on your team as it were.

    I did see something interesting in today’s science news roundup, about depression’s link to poor sleep quality. You might consider getting a sleep test done. That and maybe trying to get an extra hour a night. Might not work, but, if it helps, it’s cheap and easy medicine.

    https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170717120048.htm
    “More than a third of Americans don’t get enough sleep, and growing evidence suggests it’s not only taking a toll on their physical health through heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and/or other conditions, but hurting their mental health as well.”

Comments are closed.

Related Posts

Recent Posts