- I guess I’m on summer vacation. Or maybe it’s a longer break from public life, so I can work on creative things that need my attention. I haven’t been on Twitter much, and when I am, it reminds me why I decided to do other things with my time. I’ve been working on finishing the first draft of this novel I accidentally ended up writing, spending about two full weeks doing very little writing and a lot of stuff that looks like I’m not writing, while I’m figuring out how to get out of the box I inadvertently wrote myself into. I solved the problem with the help of index cards and a cork board, which is a reminder that I should have done cards and a board in the first place. In my lame defense, I never intended for this story to get as long and involved as it has, so … there.
- One of the things I’ve been doing when it looks like I’m not working is painting Warhammer 40K figures. I read all the advice I got when I posted about finding my way back into the hobby, and ended up buying Dark Imperium. I love the lore in the rulebook, and the models are gorgeous. I am as bad at painting as I ever was, but I’m old enough now to not let it bother me like it once did. Like, my sense of self worth isn’t tied up in how good or bad I am at every single thing I attempt, like it was when I was younger.
- Friday night, Chris took me to Vegas to see Steve Martin and Martin Short. They were amazing and hilarious, and I highly recommend seeing the show when it comes to a town near you. The band that plays with them, The Steep Canyon Rangers, is so amazing, I think I may actually like bluegrass music.
After the show, we got to go backstage and meet them, because Chris is a big deal. When Steve Martin shook Chris’ hand, he told Chris, “I am a huge fan of your work. It’s so nice to see you.”
I felt like I was going to cry. I’m so proud of Chris and everything he has created, and so grateful that he’s been my friend for almost 30 years. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to meet someone who inspired you to do the work you do, someone who played a part in shaping who you became as a human, and finding out that they not only know about your work, they enjoy it and identify as a fan.
Some really funny things happened when we were there, but I’m putting them into my next live show, so you’ll have to come see me perform if you want to know about them.
- I also played poker for the first time in years. It was a 1/2 NLHE game, and I played for about four hours. I lost some big pots, I won a bunch of small and medium pots (and one huge pot where I proudly outplayed a guy who I read perfectly) and when I left, I had more than when I sat down. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a lot of fun and a nice way to spend Friday afternoon. I felt good about the way I played, and left feeling like I didn’t totally suck at cards.
- I’ve talked on RFB about how I want to do a horror movie in the style of the 1970s Grindhouse releases. In the last week or os, I broke a story in my head. I know all the major plot points, and have notes in my book! When I finish the first draft of the novel, I’m going to start doing cards for the movie, and figure out the details, so I can write the screenplay. I have no idea how I’ll get it made, but it’s a thing I’m doing because, like Lin-Manuel Miranda said, “Don’t wait on anyone to make your favorite thing. Make your own favorite thing. Go.”
What do you want me to know?
I am glad you are having a nice summer. I read content and happy in your words. I look forward to reading your novel.
I want you to know that I also had a nice summer. I put work into it, as in getting outdoors despite the depression. Strange as it is, my depression is the lowest it has been all year; and, I had only one intense anxiety must go home or disintegrate episode.
And best of all, you are an inspiration to press forward, achieve, be, and go for the happy.
Yada, yada, yada…poker content! 😉
I want you to know that if you think you may actually like bluegrass, check out Punch Brothers, especially if you like your bluegrass with pronounced jazz, classical, and modern influences. You can thank me later!
Hardwick “podcasted” Punch Brothers some time ago. That’s when I first heard them. Absolutely brilliant!
Given that I’m late to the post, but a soon as I read the bit about bluegrass, I immediately jumped into here to recommend Punch Brothers as well. Great minds, and all that. I suppose mentioning to you that they sometimes cover Radiohead, The Strokes, and the White Stripes might help? (Technically “Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground” was the Chris Thile with the How to Grow a Band, but you will find that most of that band comprises the Punch Brothers.)
I think you will easily see the brilliance in Chris Thile and the wonderful musicians he has surrounded himself with, including banjo artist Noam Pikelny, who has been given an award from Steve Martin himself, to bring it full circle, for being one of the world’s best banjo musicians. (Even more full circle is that the Martin/Edie Brickell album featured both Sara and Sean Watkins, who played with Chris in Nickel Creek… the bluegrass world is nothing if not incestuous.) And I know Sara has also performed on Nerdist too, with her brother on accompaniment as he usually does.
I’m also slowly disengaging from Twitter. I went from following over 600 accounts to just over a hundred and most of those are work related. It’s mostly an effort to not check my phone for no reason and be more engaged in life. Instagram is more fun (or at least less stressful) but even then I’m trying to add more to it but not follow so many or check it so much.
Thanks for being awesome.
Steep Canyon Rangers are fantastic. Their rendition of Orange Blossom Special left me with my Jaw dragging on the floor. It’s great to see Martin play banjo with them and get to flex some different creative muscles.
I want you to know that your public misses you. I also want you to know that I joined a Gaming Group thanks to Table Top! Thank you! Keep up with the writing. I need to do more writing
Would you please ask your friend Lin-Manuel Miranda to un-ban me on Twitter?
Love that you’re getting (back) into Warhammer 40K! One of my favorite celebrities practicing one of my favorite hobbies 🙂
Sounds like you’r pretty busy, but I really hope you’ll find time for some more episodes of TV Crimes with Mikey…
I want you to know that I’m happy that you are happy and productive and enjoying your life distanced from so much social media!
There’s a band called Sargent Pepper’s Lonely Bluegrass Band that covers Beatles songs in a bluegrass style, and they’re a lot of fun. They have some videos up on YouTube you might like.
Thanks for being open with some aspects of your life.
I’ve got a new thing I want you to know!
I just saw one of my co-workers with a DVD of Stand By Me. I walked over specifically to talk about how cool and weird it is that the four principal actors ended up having similar adult lives as the characters they played, but before I could say anything…
Co-worker: “I’ve never actually seen that.”
Me: “You haven’t?!”
Co-worker: “Well, if I have, it was a long time ago and I don’t remember it at all.”
Me: “Oh…then I won’t tell you what I was about to tell you because it’s about the ending and it’s total spoiler.”
Co-worker: “Oh! Well, I’ll watch it and then we can talk about it.”
Me: “Okay”…fidgits…”Ack! I really want to talk about it now! Hurry up and watch it!” bites lip to keep from saying anything
Hah! I was that way when I listented to Ready Player One right after it was released on audio, I was squirming in my seat to talk about it with someone AND NO ONE I KNEW HAD READ IT YET! It was worse than waiting for Christmas when I was a kid. 😛
high five
Just happy to see you’re happy & using your time well. That’s what I’m working towards myself. Turning the big 4-0 next summer so I’m spending the time til then clearing out the mental, emotional, & physical clutter. I want to hit the ground running on my birthday & never look back. Hope your Wednesday is going wonderfully. Enjoy the rest of your day! 😊
Since you’re bad at painting, maybe you could do a guest appearance on The Painters Guild?
I’m happy that you’re happy! Thank you for openly discussing mental illness – your example helps tear down a stigma that hurts millions.
New-to-me – Star Trek Ascendancy is an awesome 3 player asymmetric board game. One faction emphasizes conquest, another covert ops, and the final victory path/philosophy is to fly around exploring and not being a dick. You might enjoy it.
As someone who just had emergency surgery, I’ll tell you what everyone has been telling me: take the time to heal.
When you’re physically well, people don’t think to say it. Still, it seems like you’re having some much-needed time to yourself, and that is just fine.
Keep the tats. Lose the beard.
Wil,
I love how #3 completely flies in the face of the phrase “Never meet your heroes”. Can you please at some point share your favorite story of a time you met one of your heroes and they totally blew your expectations of them out of the water? You’ve already shared some stories in the past of when they missed the mark by quite a bit.
I showed the video of the speech you made about why it’s awesome to be a nerd to my high school English classes today, then had then write about whatever they are a fan of. Had a few who teared up at the end of the video in relief and joy that someone validated their love. Thank you so much for that, and for being awesome.
1) That you and Mikey Newman are very naughty boys, intent on sabotaging both my reboot and hobby progress, been loading up my ipod with RFB to have something to listen to whilst out walking or painting Mini’s, but much like some gateway drug RFB lead to TV crimes, which then leads to Movies with Mikey and the attendant requirement to re-watch said Movies, the whole couch to 10k start has been put off to ‘next week’ and my Seven Sins figs are stuck at the undercoat stage
2) Roads, and other surfaces are far more hurty than in my distant childhood, I’ve mixed in some cycling to the reboot but due to being a tad clumsy I’ve come off a fair few times, and yeeps does it sting, kind of glad I’m too unfit to amass a lick of speed
3) Ironfist and Cage are ok shows, just not up to Daredevil or Jessica Jones levels, Defenders was a tad patchy but fun
Glad to see that you are enjoying your “summer”
One thing I want you to know is that I just finished listening to you read “Ready Player One” and you rocked it. Amazing performance.
What was you favorite book to narrate? Cause I am looking for a new book to listen to.
This summer I was named the producer of a small podcast called FC3 Monkey Business which is associated with the Flower City Comic Con, a newer multi-genre convention in Rochester, NY. (We are deep in the planning stages of our 3rd year -June 2018) As part of my job as producer, I have been tasked with finding interesting topics and guest speakers. We would be thrilled if you would be willing to come on our podcast and talk about your writing and acting careers. We are all huge fans of yours! Please let me know if you would be interested and we can find a show taping date and time that would work for you.
I’m glad you are ok and working on you. I have to say though – after all these years of visiting you here and in exile and in the original wwdn – you are like an old treasured friend and I certainly miss you when you are not around.
I noticed that the comment I posted a couple of days ago has been removed. If it because it was inappropriate, I am very sorry!
I don’t know if you read these or if it’s the appropriate place but I don’t have Tumblr for your ‘ask me’s.
I just stumbled across your blog and was struck by how honest and straight forward you are. I’m fiercely private myself (to my own peril sometimes) and as such have no one to ask about this stuff. I’ve been having a rather crummy time with my anxiety lately and one of the things playing on my mind like it’s a public Ms. Pac-Man is the doubt that I’m not just fueling it myself somehow. Even making it up. I know that sounds stupid considering I’m here because of it, but I just wondered how you shake that feeling of self-doubt, that maybe you’re just indulging yourself and it’s actually coming from your own choosing rather than a real anxiety problem itself. This is especially hard when I catch myself worrying whether the anxiety is an important part of me that I wouldn’t know how to be without. I don’t know if this is even making much sense, whether you’ve ever felt anything akin to this nonsense or even have any advice to give, not being, as you say, a professional. I just have a real appreciation for the advice you’ve given before alongside your honesty and it seems you know how to articulate your worries and problems in a way I clearly can’t. Sorry to bother you with this rambling if not!
It’s never easy, but I do my best to remember that Depression Lies, and Depression does its best to take a tiny, entirely reasonable concern or uncertainty, and explode it into The Biggest Goddamn Thing In The History Of Life. Anxiety is a big part of this, too, because it fuels itself.
I have to remember these things, and make a deliberate and focused effort to identify what’s going on. Once I’ve done that, I then have to make another deliberate and concerted effort to take those thoughts, which are Depression telling me lies, and squish them into goo.
Thanks for reading my blog and for your comment. I hope your anxiety settles down, because I know how much it sucks when it won’t give you a break.
Thank you so much for your reply. Honestly, it’s more than just the advice; to check back here and know you heard me, that I was seriously listened to in a world where real communication can get buried in a noisy, fibre-broadband avalanche… it lifted that fog of futility, even if it’s temporary. I’m sure you appreciate how important and rare that can be. I’m definitely going to try to keep reminding myself of what you’ve said here, thank you. I think that’s an important point that often gets drowned out by the silver-tongued persuasiveness of self-doubt, depression and anxiety. In my 20s now and still not learned to believe that apparently!
I’m so pleased I found your blog, both for its honesty and accessibility, and for the much-needed humour/diversion. I’m in love with TableTop – I used to be part of something similar -though, with strangers, anxiety didn’t allow much relaxed enjoyment at the time- and I just wish I could be a part of your awesome group!
In short, please accept my long-distance outreach of friendship, love and thanks.
Maria
Depression is killing me and my husband
Despite number 1 I am still here
You have been in my dreams lately
My friend and I hope you have found the portal soon that will help us escape from our job
Being away from social media is prob one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves.
Thank you.
You know I have never been a big fan, at least not of your stand by me, or star trek film careers. I started to really enjoy you as Sheldons nemesis on Big Bang Theory. My oldest daughter has always been smitten by you, she realizes you are way past her age range, but I digress. I was looking up your bio, when I found your blog. I thought I would read a couple, and discovered you are a bright, intelligent somewhat unadjusted person. I really have enjoyed reading some of your stories and have even pondered them for a week or two
Your story on depression really struck home. When I think back, I guess I have really struggled with being depressed, just never have called it that. I started out as a husky kid, ( at least that is what they called it) . I have always been big, and so it has been hard for me to fit in. One example from my youth, I went to a church halloween dance at the age of twelve. The Incredible Hulk was very popular at that time, and I decided to go to the dance dressed up as the Hulk. All of the other kids at the dance called me The Incredible Bulk. To be honest even though it hurt, you weren’t supposed to let things like that bother you, but it did.
I was always the outcast, the last one to be picked for any sports activity, so I never liked playing sports. I grew up trying to fit into any group that would accept me. There were several that did,and it was nice to belong. But because of my size, romance and love always seemed to be an unreachable goal. I am a Mormon, and trying to live up to their expectations is sometimes a little difficult. Can’t date until the age of 16, not a problem, nobody wanted to date me, serve a mission, no problem, get married as soon as you return home from your mission, Big Problem. When nobody wants to be around you, because you dwarf them, it is hard to find a wife.
So I returned home from my mission, I attempted to date without much luck. I worked in various kitchens until I suffered congestive heart failure. That brought a new perspective to my life. No longer able to cook, ( I was wearing oxygen), I decided to return to school and try to get a degree. I started at Mesalands Community College in Tucumcari New Mexico. A funny thing happened, I excelled in everything I tried, well almost everything. I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa, and on one of our state leadership meetings, met the most wonderful woman.
We dated for over two years, but she finally agreed to marry me. I was on top of the world, she had two young daughters from a previous marriage. We were married on July 7, 2007. I was able to adopt her daughter’s on January 11, 2011. When we got married, I was still disabled, but was working on completing a bachelor’s degree in education. After I graduated I applied for a teaching position in New Mexico and the surrounding states, I only was interviewed five times for a teaching position. My health had improved significantly and we decided it was time for me to get off disability. It the time that I stopped receiving disability, I was working for Pizza Hut part time as a shift supervisor. I was off of oxygen and with the help of my little family I was improving my life.
Earlier this year, I suffered an epididimus, and shortly thereafter a groin muscle strain. The a few months after that I was terminated. This was a huge blow, not only to me professionally, but also physically and with my family relations. Since that time, I am completely disabled again. I have to use a walker to get around, I have cataracts in both eyes, I have a left knee that is bone on bone and I a m morbidly obese. I am stuck in a catch 22, I need to lose weight, but cannot exercise, and I need a knee replacement but cannot do so because I am too heavy.
Since I am now unemployable, my wife had to return to the workplace. This is we’re my new set of depression comes in. You and I both grew up in a time when the man is supposed to be the breadwinner. It was bad enough when she had to work for a couple of years after our marriage, but now she had to return to support the family. My youngest daughter is a senior in high school, so my wife now let’s me know that it is my fault that she doesn’t get to see her daughter play her sports,it is my fault that she won’t be able to participate in her senior year. It is my fault that she is tired all the time, it is my fault that she can’t rest on her day off, it is my fault that she has to work four to eight hours a day.
When I was able to work, I was a general manager, worked five days a week, anywhere from eight to thirteen hours a day. I didn’t complain because it was my responsibility to do so. I don’t expect her to act the same way I did, I just wish she could see that I am not doing everything to make her life worse. I don’t weigh 535 pounds to spite her, I don’t take the electronic e Ben medications to spite her, I am not happy she has to work, and never have made snide remarks like, I can’t sit around all day watching tv and playing on the kindle, I have to work. I can’t sleep in, I have to work.
I don’t know if this is making any sense, and maybe I just needed someone to vent to, but Thank You for your time. I really do enjoy your blog, and would love to meet you sometime if to do nothing more than just hang out.