From the moment Star Trek Picard was announced, people asked me if Wesley Crusher would make an appearance. Until August of last year, I told the truth when I said that I would love to do that, but had no idea if it would actually happen. I’m pretty psyched that we were able to keep this secret as long as we did.
I want to take a minute and share why Wesley’s return to Star Trek is so deeply meaningful for me, why this is so much more than merely playing a fun cameo for two pages. I want to tell you what Wesley Crusher means to me, as an almost 50 year-old husband, father, and survivor.
I love Wesley Crusher. I cherish Wesley Crusher. I am fiercely proud of Wesley Crusher. It is an honor and a privilege to be the actor who played him. But that wasn’t always true. For far too long, I allowed my opinion of Wesley, and my opinion of myself, to be defined by others. And it hurt so much, I almost walked away from Star Trek entirely, just to get away from it.
Wesley’s fictional journey and my real life journey are remarkably similar. We were both incredibly smart kids who struggled to fit in with our peer group. Neither one of us had a relationship with our father (Wesley, because his father died when he was a baby, me because my father chose to be my bully instead of my dad). Both of us spent our entire lives on paths we did not choose, struggling every single minute of every single day to make the people who put us on that path proud of us. We both felt uncomfortable in our own skin, and ended up spending as much time in our intellect as we could, because that was a place that felt safe.
Our stories and paths diverge widely in our teens: he’s awkward and angsty, but genuinely loved and supported by the adults in his life, who encourage him to explore his interests. I’m awkward and angsty, but I’m invisible to my dad on a good day, and my mother does not see me. Instead, she only sees the kid from Teen Beat, and all the trappings that come with proximity to him that she can scrape up for herself. In my headcanon, Wesley felt alone because he didn’t get to regularly interact with kids his own age, and if his life mirrored my own at that time, a lot of kids he would have wanted to be friends with judged him before they knew him, because he was kind of famous. Let me tell you, when every room you walk into is filled with people who have already made up their mind about you before you even introduce yourself, you just stop walking into rooms. Or, at least, I did.
When Wesley saw his opportunity to forge his own path with the Travelers, his entire family supported him, they celebrated the end of one journey and the beginning of another. I did not get that support. When I was about 20 and left the series, followed quickly by leaving the entire entertainment industry, neither of my parents were there for me, at all. By this time in my life, my father had stopped trying to hide his contempt and disinterest for me, and my mother had essentially abandoned me to focus her energy on a friend of my sister’s, who was climbing the teen fame success ladder. My mom was always there when I was chasing her dream of acting fame, but when I needed a mom to help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life, she just did not show up at all. I was left entirely alone to try and figure out how to be an adult. It was terrifying. Luckily for me, when I was 23 I met the woman who would become my wife, and my journey toward discovering and realizing my dream began.
But let us go back to the moment when we each realized we were not on our paths, but someone else’s. Wesley and I both walked away from everything we knew, every expectation that was ever put on us, every person we ever cared about, because we both knew that something was not right in our lives, and if we were going to fix it, we had to figure out what it was. And to figure out what it was, we had to get off the paths we had been on since we were too young to know what a path even was.
Wesley was expected to be a Starfleet captain, or maybe a chief engineer. I was expected to be a famous film actor, or at least famous. We both accepted these expectations right until we didn’t. He got there before I did, but there was a moment when we both knew that we were pursuing dreams that were not ours, that they were more important to other people than they were to us. We needed time and space to find out who we were, and what our dream was.
When we had that time and space (or all of time and space, for Wesley), we could discover what was important to us, what we wanted to do with our lives and the time we had in this universe, who we were when we weren’t defining ourselves according to someone else’s expectations. During that time, I met more people than I can count who have told me how much Wesley means to them. They told me he inspired them, that they saw themselves in him at a time when they felt unseen by the people in their lives. They told me he helped them figure out what kind of person they wanted to choose for a partner in love and life.
For two decades I listened, while people told me the ways he was there for them. I never would have expected that he would also be there for me.
And yet.
Ron Moore wrote Wesley’s final episode, Journey’s End. Ron knew Wesley needed to do something different with his life. He knew that Starfleet wasn’t right for Wesley. He knew that Wesley couldn’t keep defining himself through someone else’s expectations. I don’t know if he knew that I also needed that (I didn’t even know it at the time), but like so many other people who watched Wesley’s story, I was inspired by Wesley’s courage and conviction. And I followed him out into the Great Unknown.
I was surprised to discover that as I got to know myself all over again for the first time, I also got to know Wesley. If Wesley could matter so much, to so many people, why couldn’t he matter that much to me, the actor who played him? It took a long time and a lot of work to find the answer to that question. I wrote a whole book about it, in fact. But what’s important is that much in the same way I had allowed myself to be defined by how I was measuring up to someone else’s expectations, I had allowed my relationship with Wesley Crusher to be defined the same way. And the end result of that was a lot of self-inflicted pain and sadness for me. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that around the same time I finally felt seen in the world, I was able to see Wesley the way so many others did. It was a lot of hard work, but it was worth it. I was, and am, worth it. Getting to know Wesley Crusher, to see him the way he was seen by the people who loved him, to love him the way he always deserved to be loved … you can see the parallels, right? Believe me, it was all worth it.
Wesley and Kore may blink out of existence and never come back on camera again. Or they might go literally anywhere through all of space and time, from Strange New Worlds to Discovery to Lower Decks (but not to season three of Picard. Sorry, nerds.). I honestly don’t know what comes next for them in canon, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t spent some time thinking about it.
I may get to tell more of Wesley’s story at some point – his journey over the last 25 or so years is something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about – as a writer or as an actor. Maybe both. But even if that never happens, if I never get to be Wesley Crusher on camera again, I will have the privilege of hosting The Ready Room, where I get to be a Starfleet veteran, a member of the exclusive “Legacy Star Trek” club, and an unashamed superfan who gets to take other nerds into the Room Where It Happens. I get to celebrate everything we all love about Star Trek in all its incarnations, for my job.
I love the life I’ve built for myself. I love and am intensely grateful for the place in Star Trek that belongs to me, as the actor who played Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher, who now plays The Traveler Formerly Known as Wesley Crusher, who is the host of The Ready Room.
I and Wesley will always be part of The Next Generation for the rest of our lives, and that would absolutely have been enough. The fact that we both get to be part of not just The Next Generation, but also part of the larger Star Trek universe, is a privilege and a gift that I will never take for granted.
We talk about how Star Trek is so inspiring when it shows us what’s possible, what we can achieve for ourselves when we work hard and work together with compassion and empathy for each other. For me it goes deeper than that, because finding love and compassion for Wesley Crusher allowed me to find love and compassion for myself.
Welcome home, Wesley. I missed you so much. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you.
Wonderful read Wil. Wesley was always special to me. You and I are pretty much the same ago so Wesley and I pretty much grew up together. It’s great that you have found him again as well. Im not one to show my emotions and sometimes tear up a little at a show. But today I full on cried when he appeared. I had to pause the show and eventually rewind it to even know what happened. It was beyond fantastic.
That was fantastic to see, literally brought tears to my old eyes.
What I saw in Wesley was a sincere, empathetic, super intelligent young man who saw things that others did not see. Who saw the world in a way that others did not, and I (now also 49) indentified with that young man. The people that don’t like Wesley are narcissists who believe empathy is fraudulent. Always remember that.
This is very reminiscent of Nimoy’s “I am not Spock” and “I am Spock” journey. However, this time we all got to go along for the ride a bit as well.
Thank you for sharing your journey. We know it hasn’t been a happy journey, but it’s so good to see you happy about where you ended up, Wesley looked so happy and so at peace, and I hope that is a mirror of you now,
This is beautifully written. Thank you for writing it.
I cant tell you how excited I was when Wesley came on screen. I am so, so happy for you Wil.
DUDE. I am just reading the chapter in STILL where you’re talking about Nemesis. Great timing!
Me too!!!
Awwwwwww! ::::hugs:::::
WIl: I am around your age and everything you’ve done from your childhood on has been inspiring, even knowing the pain you’ve gone through. Thank you for being there for us all these years. LLAP
Hey, I’m really glad that you seem to be working this stuff out for yourself, and I’m really grateful that you write about it. It’s brave, and I know it helps people with their own “stuff.” It’d certainly helped me. Thank you.
Just know you’re great and, some loud, angry people aside, we like you.
Congratulations, Wesley. Congratulations, Wil.
I’m sure there are a lot of people out there around my age that lived a Trek dream through Wesley. We were the smart kids, awkward in social interaction, maybe a little more mature than our peer group, more comfortable with adults than we were with our classmates. We liked nerdy stuff before it was acceptable to like nerdy stuff. I remember needing to hide my Trek fandom for fear of the ridicule I’d experienced when letting my geek flag fly. Man, don’t kids today have it easy? (Yeah, right!)
I started following you on social media, however, not because the character you played and the person you appeared to be were so dear to me, but because you helped me explore and understand abuse. Wil, I am forever grateful to you for helping me understand that children do not choose their parents. Children do not choose to be abused. I was well into my thirties before a childhood that was “normal” for me (what else did I know?) became so clearly not the norm. As the only child of a narcissistic mother, I did not understand what it is that I went through, bending me to be a fearful, insecure, and self-loathing individual. I married early, and it never even occurred to me that the incredible relationship my wife has with her family and siblings were the representation of love that they were, that THEY were the “normal” ones, and I was in the “other” group. Who wants to admit they were (are?) damaged. Piece after piece clicked into place and, even through the lens of my child self’s eyes and worldview, I started to understand.
I am not healed. Maybe I won’t be. I am healing, however. I have experience love every day with a woman (human) I absolutely adore. I have two wonderful children. My family and children are, in a small way, an extension of the power your words and character have had over the years. This doesn’t exist without Wesley, who doesn’t exist without Wil.
It was a dream to see you back on Star Trek, even if it’s one last time.
So, again, congratulations Wesley, congratulations, Wil. And thank you both. Sincerely.
Congratulations, Wesley. Congratulations, Wil.
I’m sure there are a lot of people out there around my age that lived a Trek dream through Wesley. We were the smart kids, awkward in social interaction, maybe a little more mature than our peer group, more comfortable with adults than we were with our classmates. We liked nerdy stuff before it was acceptable to like nerdy stuff. I remember needing to hide my Trek fandom for fear of the ridicule I’d experienced when letting my geek flag fly. Man, don’t kids today have it easy? (Yeah, right!)
I started following you on social media, however, not because the character you played and the person you appeared to be were so dear to me, but because you helped me explore and understand abuse. Wil, I am forever grateful to you for helping me understand that children do not choose their parents. Children do not choose to be abused. I was well into my thirties before a childhood that was “normal” for me (what else did I know?) became so clearly not the norm. As the only child of a narcissistic mother, I did not understand what it is that I went through, bending me to be a fearful, insecure, and self-loathing individual. I married early, and it never even occurred to me that the incredible relationship my wife has with her family and siblings were the representation of love that they were, that THEY were the “normal” ones, and I was in the “other” group. Who wants to admit they were (are?) damaged. Piece after piece clicked into place and, even through the lens of my child self’s eyes and worldview, I started to understand.
I am not healed. Maybe I won’t be. I am healing, however. I have experience love every day with a woman (human) I absolutely adore. I have two wonderful children. My family and children are, in a small way, an extension of the power your words and character have had over the years. This doesn’t exist without Wesley, who doesn’t exist without Wil.
It was a dream to see you back on Star Trek, even if it’s one last time.
So, again, congratulations Wesley, congratulations, Wil. And thank you both. Sincerely.
I can’t wait for Picard season two to air its last episode so I can binge watch every single one and see you on screen again as WESLEY CRUSHER!
That’s such great news. I’m super happy for you, and for us! 🙂
I really, really want the spin off Star Trek Travelers now!
Also, I’m one of the many people to whom Wesley meant a lot – I screamed in joy when you showed up in the finale.
Will,
I’m a 74 year old artist living in a tiny Wisconsin village. I didn’t watch ST, TNG until after my kids were out of school and I was beginning retirement (teaching). From the first Wesley Crusher endeared himself to me and I thought that’s the kind of smart exceptional kid it’s always been a pleasure for me to know. The half dozen or so I met in 27 years of teaching have always been a great gift. I could see that Will Wheaton was the force behind the character. The earlier performance in Stand By Me was the premise proven by your Star Trek work. Thank you for both your screen work and the sharing of your life. Well done my good man.
Where in Wisconsin?
Wow! Beautifully written. I know that I still go through that today – and I am 63!! Our journey never really seems complete. Yet there are moments when I do seem to be able to define it, to connect what I am doing with who I actually have become. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for Wesley. Thanks for The Ready Room. Thanks for being the person you are!
Depression robs us of our perspective. Thanks once again for illustrating–in graphic form–how The Unexpected Can Also Be The Incredibly Cool Thing I Didn’t See Coming.
I still remember having beers with you after you presented Dancing Barefoot at SGVLUG, and talking about your complicated relationship with the Wesley Crusher character, discussing the horrible writing for that scene in The Neutral Zone (there was also much discussion of the properties of Guinness ;-). I remember feeling sad that the positive experiences with the character had been so tainted by the negatives. It’s heartwarming to hear that you’re now able to enjoy them fully. Props to you man. You deserve it.
I broke my face smiling so much when Wesley appeared on screen today. I was so so happy for the character and for you, Wil. I’m still happy. Live long, and proser.
Wesley meant so much to me at the time, as a new Star Trek fan. I remember my father watching original Star Trek reruns, though it didn’t interest me at the time. Then Next Generation came along, and with it you as Wesley. I saw myself in him – the only kid surrounded by adults in my family, my father had just passed away, smart, and socially awkward with kids my own age. I grew up with him, and you. I related to him so much, trying to find out who he was, and the (sometimes exasperated) crew of the Enterprise supporting him along the way.
I didn’t know your own story until many years later, after seeing you on Leverage and The Big Bang Theory. I’m still trying to find my way, and my own narrative – not my mother’s controlled narrative to family/friends of who I was. I’m working on undoing decades of abuse. Through you, I found out about NAMI, and reached out to my local affiliate. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Wesley’s story, and both of your continuing journeys.
I always wanted to see Wesley on screen again. I knew their was potential beyond imagination for that character. I hops we’ll see you on screen again as a Traveler.
I picked Wesley/Wil out when he was out of focus in the background and was super excited!
My new head canon on this is that it’s actually Traveler Wesley Crusher who is hosting The Ready Room.
When Wesley showed up behind Kore, I did a coffee-filled spit take and went SQUEEEEEEEEEE! Congrats, Will!
Well written, hopefully inspirational to many. I am about a decade older then you, actually saw a few original Star Trek episodes when released, and lived on reruns, along with Kung fu, six million dollar man, the wild Wild West, and all that “Wonder” type programming along with Star Wars and the good sci-fi that followed. I enjoyed you in your role, although thought they should have shown more the studying it takes to truly learn things – yes boring – but reality as we see so many high achieving individuals in media, but rarely what it really took for them to get there – I find that very irresponsible. Seeing your role and dynamics in TBBT as well as much of their dynamics in general – too bad the USA seems to want to go the way of Idiocracy then Star Trek…. So much wasted potential. I wish I was there to bitch slap your parents to your importance as a person. I was a bit alone growing up and can somewhat sympathize – I ended up going in the military to escape. Sorry, rambling, but enjoy your posts, insight, and wish the best for you and the family.
I love this so much, Wil. My best to you – and the Traveler formerly known as Wesley.
I was excited until you wrote you won’t be in season 3. That hurts. I kinda thought that’s what it was setting up. I would’ve loved to see you reunite with the others. But it was so great seeing Wesley again on screen!
You are fantastic and inspirational. Thank you for your words which always delight and inform. I can’t tell you how thrilled I was with your appearance on Picard. I’m hoping for a Travelers spin-off.
Thank you Wil for blogging about your cameo; I was literally in tears when I saw your cameo today on Picard Season 2 Episode 10. Wesley deserved it and so do you. I don’t know what’s going to happen next but I wish all great things for you and your family.
Thank you so much for writing this. It’s beautiful. I’m woefully behind in watching this season of Picard, but am happy to read this news (as if there weren’t already enough reasons to finally catch up) and can’t wait to watch.
As wonderful as S02E10 of Picard was, my favorite moment, the one that brought a tear to my eye, was the moment I saw your face on screen. I was so overcome with joy to see you, having kept this a secret for so long, that I had to pause the stream for a moment before even watching your scene. I hope this is not the last we’ve seen of the Traveler formerly known as Welsey Crusher, but if it is, this moment was absolutely perfect. As an aside, my step father and I didn’t have a great relationship. Mostly, I was ignored as a child/teen/young adult and left to my own devices. But the one thing we bonded over was Star Trek. I think he would have enjoyed this appearance very much.
I’m a generation older than you but your experiences resonate so much with me. I was a teenager in the 70s in London and although I had loving family members I felt they never quite got me. I was always on the fringes of friendship groups at school, and felt isolated and depressed. Acting was an outlet for me, but I never had the confidence to pursue it. I loved Next Gen, when it finally hit our screens in the 90s! Looking forward to the next episode of Picard tomorrow!
Hi Mr. Wheaton
Just watched episode 10 of Picard. Just got to say WOW super WOW 🤩 You look so stoked to be an active part of your Star Trek family. I think that huge smile you had on your face was genuine for the actor as well as the character. Not only happy to be back as the Traveler but also to be active as an actor in Star Trek. Here is hoping for a Traveler series with you and Isa Briones.
Congrats and welcome back.
I was a smart nerdy bullied kid of 11 when the show debuted. While my parents were never like yours, I know what it’s like to be an outcast. Now here I am at 46, with a good life and have embraced my Trekkieness in all its glory.
I cried when Wesley showed up. He looked so happy and content. His life is good, yours is, and mine is too. We’ve been through it. And we’re here.
He’d have recruited me if he gave me that speech!
You caught me with this post about 20 minutes before I watched, but I still loved every second of you on screen.
Thank you for being there with and for us all these years. It means a lot.
So often the actors who portray characters on popular shows either remain unknown as human beings, or project images that are as imaginary as the roles they play in front of the camera. And too often when they do reveal themselves they turn out to be shallow, unreflective people or even jerks. I was never a fanatical devotee of Next Generation, but I have become a big fan of you, Wil Wheaton, the human being, just by reading your FB posts. Such an admirable combination of courage, vulnerability, humility and growing self-appreciation. If more men were like you, the world would be in better shape.
Hey Wil what an awesome tale of your experience. Your honesty is hard and rare. Thank you for sharing with us your fans. Parents can sure make life a mess for children. I share a similar dysfunctional parental story with a less than perfect ending. I am honored to be able to talk to you and Wesley my gift from the Traveler. Love following Anne also you are truly blessed remember that.
Wesley’s appearance was a nice surprise. It certainly keeps a door open for future stories and/or appearances, probably more so than any other TNG character at this point.
My only complaint: he looked a little too much like he had just walked out of—what—a Starbucks? I wanted some Gary Mitchell eyes, or an ethereal glow, or a different costume, or something. He looked a little too hip and carbon-based.
But alas, perhaps this is the style. Maybe “Zen and the Art of Time Dimensional Maintenance” is where it’s at in the 25th century. 😉
Here’s a question: you ever make it past Level 4? Those tanks on the one round, combined with that rotating column of colored “klunk-klunk-klunk” bricks on the other round, makes things almost impossible. POINTS if you KNOW… 😉
Wesley chooses to appear in a form that makes whoever or whatever he is interacting with feel most comfortable.
That makes sense.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod, YES! Thank you for this!
Beautiful essay, and such a wonderfully acted scene. Kudos to you for having walked a path of healing and self-reflection to arrive where you are now, and to the Traveler Formerly Known As Wesley, well done, sir. I’m so very happy for you both. <3
While I wasn’t in any tv shows I can relate to having a character you played. While yours was an actual character, mine was what I refer to as “Before” The person I used to be, the person I didn’t want to be but was expected to be. The person who had so much bottled hurt and pain and trauma held inside. I love and appreciate “Before”. She taught me a lot of things and she helped me find out who I didn’t want to be and who I didn’t want to spend my life with or around. She made me a happier person. Wesley was a crush of mine as a teenager, and I related to his angst and not fitting in and celebrated when he set off on his own path. Wil has become someone to look up to and I find myself nodding and understanding as I read your words. Your teenage self, Wesley and “Before” are proud of us.
I just finished Still Just A Geek on audiobook less than 48 hours before seeing today’s episode of Picard. Talk about a surprise treat and coda to your story. I am so happy your life has turned out so well!
As Sheldon would exclaim “Wheaton!!”
Wesley’s scene was a perfect moment.
Welcome home Traveler, it’s been far too long.
Wesley was always very special to me. As someone who never quite “fit”, no matter how much I tried to do so in order to please others I somehow found in Wesley a little bit of myself. And just like you, whereas Wesley had the support of his mother and the Emterprise family, my childhood and youth was very different. Just like you, my troubles ranged from abuse to rejection. As a result I set out on my own to build whatever life I could at the age of 15. There has been times in those 40+ years where I have tried again to become what others wanted me to be, where I once again found myselt caught in the spindly nets of situations or relationships that were anything but healthy, but in the end I did find the courage to break free. Ultimately you cannot be anything but yourself and you have to fight for your truth. Having followed your journey and yes, found inspiration in your courage, I find myself starting out on my own again having lost my the love of my life with whom I was lucky enough to share 8 wonderful years to covid in November. It has taken time to get here and once again I find myself standing before a blank canvas and it is up to me to begin painting…it is up to me to once again find a path and to walk it… As I set out all I can hope is that I am strong enough to make the journey and that somewhere along the way I will once again find the peace that both you and Wesley found.
Wesley Crusher certainly played a very important role in my development as I was a young boy looking up to him when I first watched Star Trek at age 7 to age 14. So, yes, I was always irritated with the flack the character took and you as an actor got splash damage from. I do hope you do eventually show up on Lower Decks or another Star Trek series if they can make time for you. The appearance on Picard filled my heart with glee and made me very happy as a fan. It was my happiest moment in trek since Cold Equations where the character made his return (okay, not quite but close–I’m also a Klingon fan).
Thanks, Will, for returning even if it was for a one off but hopefully it won’t be.
Wil. I was so happy to see you on Picard today. We’re about the same age. And our life journey is simular. Basically ignored by my parents. I had a lot of mental health issues. I don’t know how your life went after star trek. Mine was a continuation of my downward spiral that I didn’t climb out of until my late forties. But there were lights that kept me from going to far over the edge. Star Trek. And a fellow nerd that no one liked named Wesley was one. I heard the comments people made about Wesley and it hit home for me. You and I did a lot of day dreaming together. You, me, and the likes of Rick Hunter. Flying spaceships in the safety of my imagination. So seeing you today was really cathartic. I was so happy. Only thing missing was Picard knocking on your space moms door at the end of the episode. Hopefully in season 3. Anyway we’re both in a good place now. Best cure for having a bad family is to create the good family you deserved. Everything else is icing on the cake.
I haven’t watched Picard (though I love Patrick Stewart) but now that I know I get to see Wesley, I have to start from season 1, episode 1!!! Yay!!
I was 8 when TNG debuted. I was a nerd… thick, oversized glasses to match. I was too skinny, too brained, read too much, sucked at sports… Wesley was a bit of a hero for me. Still a bit of a need. Had LASIK so got rid of the glasses for a bit, but they’re back, fortunately not as thick, although my waistline is now too thick. Still a nerd, but I’m good with that. Thank you though for being someone who 8 year old me could look up to and know things were going to be fine. They are. I’m happy with how my life is going. Wesley Crusher and Wil Wheaton were a big part of that.
THANK FOR THE SPOILER! ..smh.
It was so good to see you on the screen again as Wesley.